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Me: Hello Dr. Professor Sir, I understand you are currently out of the country on a Very Important Research Trip but I have reached a stumbling block in my Big Official Paper for a Completely Legitimate Reason. I was hoping if you would maybe please possibly give me an Extension of Mercy on said Paper due to my Extenuating Circumstance, Academic Record, and Established Collegiate Relationship with you. Ever Your Obedient Servant, Firstname Lastname.

Professor: no prob. deuces, Brendan.

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person: omg your skin is so clear 

me: *has a face full of makeup on* thank you :)

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saddest tv deaths

1. lil sebastian

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april fools day is the perfect day to confess your undying love for someone if they dont feel the same you can just yell “trolled u” and run away whooping and hollering so no one can see the gentle tears on your face 

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I want your Monday morning sleep soaked eyes dream drenched voice, lazy bones ‘five more minutes please babe.’ I want your Tuesday afternoon coffee break, glasses off, laughter on ‘just hold me for a while it’s been a hard day.’ I want your Wednesday evening fingers through hair teeth nibbling nails neck craning, eye glazing ‘this paperwork never ends’ I want your Thursday night drinks for two bones unbind muscles let loose flats, slacks, ‘just me and you’ I want your finally Friday stretch soul smile, sun sipping light from the glaciers in your eyes fingers unfurl, hand extends ‘c’mon babe, lets go wild’ I want your weekend. your movie marathon Saturday reading by the fireplace kissing in the blankets want your Sunday morning orange juice and pancakes white sheets, tender skin hair like the Fourth of July ‘let’s not get out of bed today.’ I want your ordinary and your stress, rest, release I want your bad day and that terrible night I want you drunk in my arms forgetting the place but never my name I want your lazy and your lonely and your fist full of fight I want you everyday in every way for the rest of my life.

On Both Knees | alfaazkibarsaaa. (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

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*sees moon* *remembers outer space* nice

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i’m so tired of hearing men interrupt women shut up

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*takes a free sample twice* i love robbery and fraud

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me @ my son: wolfgang, you were named not after one wolf but a whole gang of wolves,

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Have you ever really thought about how when you look at the moon, it’s the same moon Shakespeare and Marie Antoinette and Van Gogh and Cleopatra looked at.

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@dogsupport

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Women: I’d like to enjoy my day outside without being treated like my body is up for public scrutiny and having men scream disgusting things at me. Men: YOU WANT IT TO BE ILLEGAL FOR MEN TALK? WHAT THE FUCK? YOU WANT TO ELIMINATE FREEDOM OF SPEECH! YOU WANT TO DUCT TAPE ALL MEN’S MOUTHS SHUT SO THEY CAN NEVER TALK AGAIN!

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i’ll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say “aw i’m so sorry for you” and i’ll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didn’t have to hire a sitter