naomidotcom

[naomidotcom]

hate when someone asks how are you and you say good how are you and they say "oh not so great" or something. it's always like ohh okay i see we're being honest i thought we were playing pretend. can i have a do-over

[naomidotcom]

american beauty is like a 3/5

[naomidotcom]

should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

[naomidotcom]

small painless migraine or malignant brain tumor haha i love playing this game every waking moment

[naomidotcom]

i think its cute that my girlfriend can have crushes on other people. its amazing to me that monogamous people dont get to enjoy that experience

[naomidotcom]

me: *whispers something to my trusty knight*

my loyal knight: the princess humbly requests that you take your top off and bounce your tits around for her. if you refuse then its 2 hours dungeon time for you

the bustiest maid in the castle, sighing: can u literally give me like seven minutes. im dusting

me: *whispers something to my knight again*

my knight: no

[naomidotcom]

if i’m ever brutally murdered and everyone feels like they need to do something productive in my memory, all i want is for you to pass legislation banning LED headlights in my name. regardless of how irrelevant it is to my murder. it’s relevant to my heart.

[naomidotcom]

hey unfortunately no one person or coalition of voices controls an identity and linguistic, cultural, or ontological gatekeeping of any particular identity is not actually possible.

[naomidotcom]

hey girl awesome pussy. it looks like it was expensive

[naomidotcom]

sorry but i dont rly fuck with chastity like bitch UNHAND me

[naomidotcom]

walk into the local in a skirt and a guy calls me a “fucking faggot”, and i explain to him that im actually a femboy not a trans woman and he says “oh sorry lad, so you still relate to masculinity in some sort of way” and im like yeah and hes like “sorry mate” and im like ur fine honestly happens all the time and hes like “buy you a drink?” and one turns into two turns into three and he’s hilting in me in the mens and im panting and my mascara’s running and my tits are bouncing and my skirt’s up over my little estrogenated ass and he says “good girl” and i moan and he says “i fucking knew it” and clatters my head off the wall and i go down and he doesnt even have the good grace to finish on my unconscious body hes so mad. anyway can you pick me up i have a concussion

[naomidotcom]

Not having a traditional job or plans to get an education will have people asking you things like so what is the purpose of you staying alive?

[naomidotcom]

im sure ozempic is Fine but i gotta say i have seen some of the worst fatphobia ive ever looked at to by skinny people in discussions about it. theres a certain type of person that sees this very new and trendy and not completely understood drug and thinks "woah! finally the scourge of fatness is over! everyone can look like me (perfect) now, and if they dont they now have no excuse so im allowed to spit vitriolic hatred at them :)"

like a whole group of people were fatphobes but just playing nice until they got hooked into the idea that every person on earth should be injecting themselves with Brand New Miracle Drug at which point they dropped the pretense and just started screaming at fat people. it is fucking disgusting the way ive seen people, some with decent followings, talk about it. nobody talks about the rise of the ozempic bros who will drop everything to preach about how important it is to be cruel to fat people.

[naomidotcom]

23

[naomidotcom]

He got bit by a rat

[naomidotcom]

The fact that there's an actually functional website for the library of Babel is one of those things that fucks me up more and more the more I think about the implications.

[naomidotcom]

also. where the rappers at