narwhalwarnhal

[narwhalwarnhal]

No one talk to me

Original post

[narwhalwarnhal]

The ability to evacuate is a privilege and I’m sick of people applying Florida logic to the Appalachians right now. Yes it is horrible for those who couldn’t in Florida but the people in the Appalachian’s had no warning. People still have “dial up” there, 55.9% of the population is under the poverty line. “I’ve been seeing warnings for a week” no you haven’t the warnings were for Florida and Georgia, even then it wasn’t supposed to hit the apps like this at most flooding but they would recover. When hurricane helene took that turn it was too late to even warn others before dams broke. The infrastructure is not meant to take this beating especially given the storm they had the week before causing all of the waterways to be full already. Towns are wiped out, towns that relied on tourism and coal mining to bring in revenue are gone. My great aunt and uncle lived in a trailer off a plot of land and were so happy they finally got a clean running water system hooked up two years ago. They have one tiny little old android that they have to travel about an hour in town to use so they can call us up. They lived off a fixed income because any sort of job was two hours away at least and they’re getting older they can’t just travel that much anymore. My great uncle can’t walk without his cane and my great aunt is getting there too. They always joked about taking me home with them and I would always say when I got older they would come live with me because I knew how rough it was for them but they couldn’t just leave. I haven’t been able to contact them in over 48 hours and the highways leading out after the one hour evacuation notice was given was shut down. Most places are air rescues only because there is no other way for them to be rescued. To add on as well that they deployed FEMA in many of the places affected but yet there is barely any coverage and radio silence from our government. No national guards are here to rescue them they are left to fend for themselves. People are drowning, being electrocuted, some didn’t even stand a chance. These are human beings who have been prayed on for generations the least you can do is show some fucking sympathy. I don’t care what you have to say family’s are being devastated. I wouldn’t wish anything like this to happen to anyone so if you find yourself in your bed at night I hope you know that out there, there are families who are grieving all they have lost and you are cozy at home with running water, electricity and a warm bed and you feel an ounce of guilt for even thinking that.

A link to ways that you can help. Keep Appalachia in your minds do not look away.

[narwhalwarnhal]

Launching my first art blogs with a small comic based on the amazing words of Ursula K. Le Guin!

[narwhalwarnhal]

Snack Buddy

Bucky A/U - Single Dad Bucky

Summary: You hang out in the local park close to your home. You always have a good snack spread laid out in front of you that a certain little brown hair-blue eyed boy happens to come across. You meet his dad, an exact replica of him and hit it off.

Content Warnings: Mild language (if any?), FFLLLLUUUFFFFFF

You had gotten to the park in the early afternoon, sun high in the sky without a cloud to be seen. You loved your afternoons of visiting the park by your new house. You unfolded your blanket and lied down resting your head on your bag as you thumbed through your favourite book. You chose a spot in the shade near the play structure but not too close since you didn't have any children; you didn't want to look like a creep being too close to a kids park without a kid, but still far enough away the noise from the children playing wouldn't distract you.

You were a few chapters in when you decided to put your bookmark in and open some of the snack containers you brought. You always brought tons of food with you everywhere you went. You were the one friend in your friend group who was always counted on to have a granola bar or banana in their purse in case of an emergency and you outdid yourself with the snacks you brought with you today.

You opened a container of cut up apples, one that contained some almonds, another that had dried cranberries, grabbed a banana, and another container of cheese cubes and spread everything out in front of you like a snack buffet. You thought about bringing out the cookies you had but decided to save those for a little later.

You were happily munching on some almonds and a piece of apple when you noticed a young boy, of around four or five come by and sit on your blanket. You were a little stunned because of his friendliness and you instantly looked around to find the boy's parents or someone he knew but couldn't see anyone.

He happily helped himself to a piece of apple and started talking to you about the planets, so you listened to him with a smile. He told you his name was Steven, and he was at the park with his dad in-between stories of the sun and moon.

The boy had dark brown hair that was a little unruly, bright blue eye, and a little smirk would appear when he thought about things. He was in jeans and a red t-shirt and had brown shoes, making him look absolutely adorable. You listened to him intently when he told you facts about the planet Mars when out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a frantic looking man searching the playground.

Without startling the boy, you gave him a piece of cheese for a distraction and waved to the man with a questioning look on your face. The man instantly ran over with a relieved look on his face. 

"Stevie! Buddy, you can't keep wandering off like that. You had Daddy worried." Said the man who kneeled on your blanket and gave his son a hug. 

"I'm ok Daddy" he said and went back to snacking some more. 

You smiled at the boy and looked up at the man.

When you took in the man who kneeled in front of you, you had to force yourself not to stare like a weirdo. He was tall, his dark chestnut hair was trimmed neatly, had a bit of stubble on his chiseled cheeks, and his eyes were clear blue. Steven was an exact mini replica of the man in front of you. 

"Um, hi, I'm James" he said and offered you a kind smile. 

"Y/n" you smiled back. 

Be cool. It's a very attractive man with a kid who happens to be talking to you. Nothing you can't handle.

"I hope you don't mind that he was snacking a little" you smiled at Steven who was now sitting with his back to you, eating your last piece of apple and happily singing a song to himself. 

"No, not at all" James chuckled. 

"This guy always has a hearty appetite, isn't that right Stevie?" James ruffled his hair. 

The boy giggled and they got up from your blanket.

"Well, thanks for helping with him, I really appreciate it".

"Of course, anytime" you cringed at what you just said. 

Anytime? Really? He's going to think you're an idiot. 

"Her snacks are the best dad" Steven gushed then James easily lifted him up into his large arms. 

"I'm sure they are buddy. Thanks again Y/n!" James smiled at you then walked with Steven back down the path and chuckled lightly to yourself. 

"Cute kid" you said out loud. 

"Even cuter Dad" you answered yourself and smiled.

The following day, you did the same thing. You packed your bag with some snacks and headed to the park by your house. Because you worked from home as a freelance writer, you could make your own hours and work when you needed to. When you got to the park, you decided to sit not far from where you were the previous day, but still a little further than where you were before. You didn't see James or Steven, not that you were looking for them or anything, so you unpacked your things and proceeded to read your book.

About an hour later, you brought your snacks out from your bag and placed them in front of you in a circle. You were just about to start a new chapter of your book when you heard rustling on the grass behind you as Steven ran up and sat down on your blanket. 

"Hi Y/n" he reached into a container and helped himself to a carrot stick. 

"Hi Steven" you smiled. 

This time you could see James in the distance smiling so you knew he was aware of where Steven was. 

"So, no stories today about the planets?" you asked as you took a carrot stick and munched on it.

"I like dinosaurs". Then he started telling you why the t-rex was his favourite dinosaur. 

You told him your liked velociraptors the best and Steven giggled. 

"Raptors are cool" he helped himself to a cookie. 

You were chatting about dinosaurs when James came up. 

"Hi Y/n" he smiled. 

"Hi James. Steven and I were discussing our favourite dinosaurs" making Steven giggle. 

"Dad, she likes raptors too, just like you do!"

"Oh really?" James knelt on the blanket. 

You offered him some cut up veggies and he took a piece of red pepper and ate it. 

"Good snacks" James pointed to your containers. 

"Thanks" you blushed hard.

"Told you dad, she has the best" Steven said. 

"There's Marcus, I'm gonna play with him" he announced and ran to the slide. 

James was still kneeling on your blanket.

"I'm really sorry he keeps doing this to you" he said in a serious tone. 

"Oh, it's ok, really. I have more than enough snacks and I really don't mind the break, honestly”.. 

"Well, I appreciate it. Not too many people would be too thrilled at having to entertain a kid”.

He began to get up from his spot. 

"I don't mind, really, it's completely fine." you said and smiled. 

"Nice seeing you again Y/n", then James left from your blanket. 

You lightly waved and watched him walk back to an empty park bench, but he still glanced over at you, every so often making you blush slightly. 

Why didn't you offer him to stay with you? Such an idiot!

You missed going to the park the following day as you had a few meetings in the afternoon you had to participate in, but the day after that, you made it to the park, and set up your blanket in the same area as you usually do. Again, not seeing your favourite snacking buddy and his dad around, so you began to read. You were almost done your chapter when you heard footsteps approach, but they seemed a little heavier than a kids, so you sat up from your spot and noticed it was James. 

"Hi Y/n" he smiled.

"Hi James".

"Steven around?" you looked behind him. 

"Yeah, he's on the swings with a friend" he motioned to the swing set. 

"Ah, good."

James nodded and stood there awkwardly. 

"You can sit if you'd like, I don't mind sharing".

You moved over slightly to accommodate him. 

"Thanks" he sat down. 

Yes! 

"I missed you yesterday, well, I mean... Steven...he missed your snacks" James smiled lightly at you and had light pink cheeks. 

"Oh, yeah. I was in a few meetings, so I missed my park time. Should be good for the rest of the week though" you offered up a container of crackers and cheese to snack on which he took. 

You both sat there for a bit in silence as James watched Steven play. 

"So do you live around here?" he asked, keeping an eye on Steven. 

"Yeah, just a few blocks away. Moved here a few months ago and I love the area".

James nodded. 

"I'm guessing you do as well?" 

"Yeah, we live a few blocks away. The schools in the area are all good so that's why we moved here".

You nodded wondering if there was a Mrs. James of any kind around but were too scared to ask.

James helped himself to a handful of trail mix when Steven ran up to him and smiled brightly at you. 

"Hi Y/n" he sat himself on James' lap and helped himself to your snacks. 

"Hi Steven".

He began telling you and his dad about the slide he went down.

You happily listened to Steven tell you his story when you felt James' eyes watching you intently, making you blush a little. As James watched you listen closely to Steven's drawn-out slide story, he couldn't help but feel butterflies in his stomach. He liked the fact that you were so kind and patient with Steven, asking him questions and making jokes causing Steven to giggle hard. He missed that with his ex as she never really bonded with him, leaving shortly after he was born.

"Wow Steven - sounds fun" you said matching his enthusiasm for the slide. 

You reached into your bag and pulled out a container of your famous chewy chocolate chip cookies with Steven watching intently. 

"Are those cookies?" he asked with a giggle. 

"Of course, made 'em myself but I have to check with your dad to see if you can have one".

You looked at James and he nodded his head and smiled. The weather was starting to turn a little gloomy.

"Here". You gave him a cookie which he bit into right away. 

"Tank woo" he said with a mouthful of cookie. 

"You're welcome".

James reached into the container and took one for himself with a smirk. Steven got up and ran towards the slide, making sure to stay in eye contact of his dad. 

"You're spoiling him" James chuckled. You were packing up some of your snacks. 

"He just happens to like snacking like I do" you innocently said.

"Well, it's getting a little dark out here; don't want to be stuck in the rain if I don't have to". You finished packing things up, giving James the container of cookies. 

"Here, take these home with you and you can have a treat after supper with Steven".

"Really?"

"Really! I have lots at home. Next time you see me, just give me back the container when it's empty, I don't mind" you smiled. 

"Thanks".

James took the container and put it in his backpack. The weather started turning when James got up from his spot and called Steven over who came running. 

"Well, have a good night you two!"

"You, too!"

James watched you walk away, mentally kicking himself for not asking you out, something he's been itching to do since he first saw you. 

"Bye Y/n!" Steven called, and you waved to them and smiled.

Over the next few weeks, you met with Steven and James at the park. You moved closer to the play structure for Steven and James to see him easily while he played. You of course brought your snacks like always and they sat and ate them with you, keeping you company. 

You learned Steven was starting school in the fall and James was a history teacher at the local high school in the area. You still never asked about Steven's mother, if she was in the picture, or of there was someone Steven had who was like a mother to him as you always saw James with him but no one else.

It was a Thursday when you had packed your bag and made it to the park before James and Steven were there. You unfolded your blanket and set up as always. You saw James and Steven walking towards you, but they had a larger backpack with them this time. 

"Hey guys!"

Steven came up to you and hugged you tightly. 

He's been doing this for the last few days and the first time he did this, you were surprised. Now used to it, it makes you happy he likes you. 

"Hi Buddy" you hugged him back.

"What do you have here?" you asked as James kneeled and started opening the bag. 

"Well, Y/n, you always have snacks for us, so we wanted to do something for you. Here, we put together some snacks so we can all share" he said, and Steven giggled. 

"Wow, thanks!" You examined the containers. 

"Like a picnic Y/n!" Steven excitedly said as he grabbed a cracker and piece of cheese. 

He ate them but ran off to see one of his friends to play, leaving you and James alone. 

"This is really nice, thank you".

You munched on some carrots. 

"No problem, it was the least I could do. It will help towards your snack budget for the week" he chucked then winked at you making your heart flutter. 

You laughed and the two of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

Steven came by and sat himself down, digging into a container of goldfish crackers while you laid down to read your book and James helped himself to some carrots. 

"Dad?" asked Steven. 

"Yeah buddy?" 

"Is this a date?" he asked, making you drop your book on your face and lose your place. 

"Steven..." James said a little firm and looked at you with fear in his eyes. 

You sat up and smiled down at the blanket. 

"What dad? I overheard you and Grandma talking last night".

"Stevie, go and play on the swings, now!" James said firmly. 

Steven shrugged his shoulders and ran off to the swings.

"So sorry about that".

James was looking at you with a red face. 

"It's ok really". You thumbed through your book trying to find where you left off. 

Truth was, he talked about you lots to his mom. She said you seemed like a nice person, and she had encouraged him to follow his heart and find out if there's something there. He was asking her about date ideas as he hasn't dated in a long time and Steven must have overheard.

You found your place in your book and began reading when James moved a little closer to you. 

"You know, Stevie's mother isn't in the picture. Really, no one else is in the picture, just Steven and me" he casually mentioned but kept his eyes on you to gauge your reaction. 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah, Steven's mother left shortly after Steve was born. Said she didn't want anything to do with us" James put his head down. 

There was a little hurt in his voice, so you looked over at James. 

How can anyone do that?

"For what it's worth, I think you're doing a really good job with him" you patted him on the knee. 

He looked at you and smiled.

"I don't know myself, but I understand it's hard raising a child on your own".

"Yeah, it's been crazy, but my mom has helped me out a lot".

"I'm glad you have help".

You both sat in silence, watching the kids play in the distance.

"Y/n?"

"Yeah?" 

"Would you want this to be a date?" James asked, sounding unsure.

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed to it" you smiled. 

James smiled back and nodded with relief. He shifted a little closer to you, so you were right next to him, able to feel his warmth. 

"Well, how about for our second date, I'll take you out for dinner" he quietly said as he put his arm around your shoulder. 

"I'd like that" you smiled up at him.

[narwhalwarnhal]

Big oof

｡°✩ ♊︎ The Gemini ♊︎ ✩ °｡

Chapter four

Pink Peonies

Series masterlist

Previous part: expendable next part: Rearview

Word count: 7,972

Warnings: My blog is 18+ only. All minors or blogs without an age in bio will be blocked. Minors DNI. Mentions and descriptions of sexual acts, anxiety, and sever depression.

The week leading up to your final evaluation was nothing short of absolutely miserable.

Between losing Steve and Bucky, the only two people that made the compound a bearable place for you, fully processing your breakup with Harvey, and the stress that came along with such an important test made you feel like you were completely lost.

You showed up to work and private training like a good little agent regardless of how much internal pain you felt looking at Steve's face. You endured the two hours of uncomfortable silence with him after enduring working alongside Harvey for 5 hours, then went to the gym and worked out to make sure you stayed prepared and in tip top shape for evaluation.

But once your day was done and you were left to your own devices, it felt like you were shattering and crumbling between the walls of reality.

You could barely eat with the constant stomach ache you've had since Friday night, you could barely sleep through the sheer amount of racing thoughts in your head or the pain of your heart that felt physically broken, and in the morning you barely got yourself out of bed.

Showering and brushing you teeth felt like fighting a war, drinking water might as well have been an Olympic sport, your hair stayed up in a bun or a ponytail because doing anything more than brushing it wasn't in the cards for you.

The highlight of your day recently had been a phone call from Jane and Luca around 6:30pm, it was simple but still enough to keep you going. Your sister fed you just enough encouragement to get to your evaluation, and your nephew was just adorable enough to put a smile on your face even if it was short lived. They encouraged you to keep going, and promised they would be there for you on evaluation day.

It was a graduation of some sorts. Agents got to have close friends and family come watch and support them on the test day, and you we're looking forward to them finally getting to be in the compound with you.

However, all the happiness of Luca getting to live his dreams of seeing the Avengers compound was clouded with anxiety about Steve. You knew he would see his favorite superhero, and you knew there was absolutely nothing you could do to keep that from happening. But you were unwilling to not have your favorite little human not at such a monumental achievement in your life.

Luca watching you become an official, fully operable agent was important to him, almost more than it was to you. So you just hoped and prayed that Steve would react kindly to him, and your sister would react kindly towards Steve after knowing everything that happened between you two. For your sake and the five year old's, you needed everyone to just momentarily pretend like everything is alright.

The night before the big day had you in shambles. Your hands had been shaking with anxiety all day long, and as every minute passed and got closer to evaluation day, the anticipation killed you a little less slowly and a lot more aggressively.

You tried everything you could to calm your nerves. The animated movie illuminating your living room was going by unwatched, the comforting bowl of pho you got yourself was getting colder and less enjoyable with every individual noodle you convinced yourself you had to eat, and the quick shower you needed to take turned from a 10 minute task to a 45 minute one. You couldn't convince yourself to get in, then once the hot water rushed against your body with a comforting pressure, you couldn't convince yourself to get out.

Eventually the walls of your apartment felt like they were swallowing you whole, and no nook or cranny could provide you enough peace to calm your mind. So you threw on a big hoodie and grabbed a blanket before walking the halls until making it outside of the high tech building and onto the lawn.

You found a perfect spot tucked away by the building, it was clear enough out to see all of the stars twinkling in the night sky, and the moon was big and bright. So you laid out your blanket, and laid out on the underneath the night sky.

Rather than letting all of your thoughts and all of the new changes in your life scare you, you tried to slow them down and think through them logically. You thought about everything Steve said to you, what his feelings for you meant and how they affected what you thought you once knew about him and what they meant for you in the future.

You thought about how Harvey was probably going to fail his evaluation tomorrow, and how he would proceed after the fact. Would he give up working for Shield, or would he try again come next evaluation day?

You tried your hardest to avoid thinking about Bucky, because the situation with him was a new kind of pain. The platonic love you had for him was immeasurable, and day by day you found it harder to not forgive him. Because when it came down to it, you understood why he told Steve about your one time escapade. But for as long as Steve was upset, you knew it wasn't worth trying to mend your friendship with Bucky.

Rather than trying to run away from all of the hurt in your heart, the stars and the moon encouraged to you sit in those feelings for awhile. You got about 20 minutes into accepting them for what they were and working through them without pushing them away.

A few tears rolled down your cheeks, but you accepted those too. Instead of wiping them off your face, you just let them drip off the bottom of your jaw with the understanding that they would dry when they were ready.

Footsteps and booming laughter approaching from a distance made you sit up instead of laying flat on your back, not wanting to worry the people about to walk though the area. You tucked your knees to your chest and hugged your legs while continuing to watch an occasional lonesome cloud slowly pass by in the dark sky.

All of the grounding work you did to try and calm your mind and ease your broken heart was reversed as the laughter and footsteps came closer, and you started to recognize the people that the voices belong to. And sure enough, they came into eyesight faster than the universe allowed you to walk away.

Steve and Bucky turned the corner, and they were obviously very happy. Their laughter over what you assumed was an inside joke you were never included in didn't falter. Their happiness and humor felt insensitive at the moment, there was a split moment where you couldn't fathom that they were so jovial at time where you haven't genuinely smiled in almost a week.

You curled yourself up smaller and held your breath, hoping they wouldn't notice you or your slow falling tears. Though you were quiet, made yourself small, and sat in the dark on the grass furthest from the concrete path, they were trained to sense other people around them.

As if you had greeted them first they both stopped at the same time, their laughter fading just to give a friendly greeting to whoever was sitting out there. Only when they looked at you did you try to subtly wipe your tears and unblock your nose. With the hood of your jacket over your head, you could tell it took them a moment to recognize it was you.

You could see the very second your identity dawned on them, both of their shoulders fell and Bucky's face looked apologetic. Steve looked at his watch before looking at you.

As if you knew it was going to happen, your eyes met the grass before you let them look into his. You hadn't made eye contact with him since the initial argument, and you knew that killed him slowly and painfully.

They could both tell you were hurt, but especially Steve. Every single day he's seen you at work you looked just a little worse. It was as if you were slowly deteriorating from the person he once knew. Your big bright eyes where now dull and your eyelids were heavy, your pink cheeks were pale, your energy had sunken in.

"The sprinklers go off in two minutes." Steve told you.

Not expecting either of them to actually say anything to you, your brain couldn't process his words.

"What?" You questioned, looking up at Bucky in confusion, still refusing to look at Steve.

"The lawn gets watered every night at 10pm. It's 9:58." Bucky explained, his tone of voice was apologetic with a hint of empathy. "The sprinklers turn on in 2 minutes."

"Oh..." You understood, feeling disappointed that you had to move. "Thanks."

Expecting them to walk away, you stood up and grabbed your blanket off the grass. But when you turned around, they were both still standing there. Both still staring at you.

You moved onto the path, and they still stood there and stared. Not understanding their intentions, you cocked your head to the side and raised a challenging eyebrow.

"Excuse me?" You questioned, requesting them to stop blocking the path so you could get home and far away from them.

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked.

"Just peachy" You responded simply, pushing past their two bodies to walk along the path.

They started walking behind you, all three of you needing to get to the same elevator. Your body and mind filled with dread, hoping and praying they weren't going to follow you in and get in the same elevator as you. But just in case they were, you tried your hardest to stop crying. You were far too stubborn to let them get a rise out of you.

"You don't seem very Peachy." Bucky said. You could hear the pout and genuine concern in his voice. "We still care about you, Bug. We're worried about you."

"Don't call me that." You sadly shook your head. "And maybe speak for yourself."

Steve sighed at your comment, and you missed the way he tossed his head back trying his hardest to remain composed. He felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. Of course he cared about you, of course he was worried, but he was also mad and didn't want his words to be misconstrued as him trying to make advances towards you.

Bucky backhandedly smacked Steve's chest, trying to get him to say something. You heard the impact, and tried not to smile at Bucky trying his hardest to make it better.

As suddenly Bucky found out that Steve had feelings for you, he started recognizing that you also had very deeply suppressed feelings for him too. The difference was that you pushed them down because your heart was so disconnected from your soul from the amount of torment you went through on a daily basis. Your confidence had never been lower, you genuinely believed you weren't worthy of love, and no part of your heart was open enough to let in or accept that anyone could ever care for you the same way you did for other people.

The compound wasn't good for you, and he knew they made it worse. He wanted to fix it, he wanted both of his best friends to be happy.

"I care about you too, 306." Steve mumbled, hoping it wouldn't back fire.

You just kept walking, trying to blink back the new rush of tears in your eyes and noting that the sprinklers did really turn on at 10 o'clock.

"Why are you out here so late? You have a big day tomorrow." Bucky noted. "I know you're upset and rightfully mad at us, but I'll be there cheering you on tomorrow. No matter what happens I'm always rooting for you."

"Are you sure that's not going to make things weird?" You sassed, but your comment wasn't directed towards him. It was meant for Steve, and he felt the bitterness in every word.

Once again, you heard Bucky's metal hand make harsh contact with Steve's chest. This time it was accommodated with a small 'oof' but he had nothing to say in response to that comment.

"You're going to do great." Bucky said.

You reached the door to the lobby and Steve rushed to the handle to open it, but you got to it before he did, pulling it open and walking through, letting each of the boys hold it open for themselves.

"Thanks." You accepted.

A thick and uncomfortable silence took over as they followed you to the elevator, waited for the doors to open, then the three of you got into the small confined space together.

The silence was so intense that they could hear your tiny sniffles, and you nearly bumped Steve with your elbow as you rushed to wipe away a tear.

They rode it up to your floor first since they lived 3 floors above you, and you felt immediately relief as it stopped on your floor and the doors slid open once more.

Steve's heart thumped so hard he could hear the rush of blood in his ears. He knew this was his last chance to say something before your big day, and he knew he would kick himself if he didn't.

"Good luck." Steve offered with an artificial tight lipped smile. "It'll be easy for you, promise."

As if he said nothing at all, you got off completely unaffected by his words.

"We love you!" Bucky shouted as the doors closed behind him.

You got back to your place and bolted the locks behind you, not even letting yourself begin to unpack that interaction before diving straight into your bed and willing yourself to sleep.

Unfortunately, the morning came way too fast. Your phone was flooding with notifications from your out of state friends and family wishing you well on your big day. And as you slid into your uniform, and did your hair and makeup, you started receiving texts that your support had arrived to the compound.

Making the walk down to the training room and getting checked in was the scariest part. Once everything was set in place and you were waiting for your evaluation to start, you stretched out your arms, legs, and back while looking out into the crowd of your colleagues friends and family.

Surprisingly, you were feeling pretty good. You spotted your Mom and Dad, Sister and Brother in law, Luca all sitting clumped together. Sitting with them was Bucky and Natasha, who also brought along Tony who sat with sunglasses on and a face so straight while he pretended like he wasn't there.

Then walked in Steve, him and Commander Bennett, and Agent Maria Hill were the three leaders who graded each agent on their final and most important test.

The grading system was simple. It was pass or fail, with a note explaining why.

You could hear Luca's little voice through the small crowd of people when Steve walked in wearing his suit. His tiny little voice projecting the announcement that "Oh my gosh CAPTAIN AMERICA IS HERE!" Was just too damn cute for anyone to ignore. It earned lots of laughs from everyone in the room, and it brought a big smile to Steve's face.

Of course he immediately knew who that voice belonged to, but that didn't stop him from finding him in the crowd and waving at him. He understood why you loved the kid so much, he was just about the cutest thing Steve had ever seen.

He noticed Luca looking at you after he waved at him, so he looked at you too. You had a big smile on your face just for five year old who was bouncing with excitement, but Steve could tell the difference between your genuine happiness and the fake smile smeared on your lips.

Eventually the evaluation started. Agents were tested 5 at a time, all running the same sort of obstacle course and shooting test. By the end of each evaluation, it seemed as though each agent was struggling to catch their breath while dripping sweat. A few of them even sprawled out on the floor the second they crossed the finish line.

But you? When you finished your evaluation Steve noticed you were barely panting. Not a hair on your head was out of place, your makeup was still perfect, he couldn't even spot a single bead of sweat along your hairline.

He knew it would be easy for you, he practically passed you before you were even properly evaluated, but the way you were almost unaffected by the rigorous testing and walked away from it without batting an eye was even impressive to him.

The worst thing Steve took away from this, was the understanding of how deeply down bad he was for you. Because even in the midst of the pain of hurting each others feelings, he was immensely proud of you, and never found you more attractive than in this moment.

Because even as you walked up to the three assessors to collect your results, you still refused to look him in the eye. Although his feelings for you were completely misunderstood, he respected the way you held your ground in order to protect yourself and what you believe in.

It was a big improvement from the way you let Harvey drag you along through miles of mud and utter bullshit.

When you looked down at your papers, a very humble, yet genuine smile took over this time, and Steve was happy to see it. You didn't even bother reading the notes that were written for you before walking away quickly to unite with your family.

Steve watched from afar as your parents embraced you both at the same time. Your mom left kisses on your cheeks, your dad the top of your head. With no hesitation, your sister who had your kind eyes and familiar beauty joined the hug, followed by your brother in law, then Luca who tried his hardest but just ended up with his arms embracing your legs.

He couldn't help but to smile as you bent down and picked up the 5 year old, he flopped upside down before you lifted him up and over your head to sit on your shoulders. His belly laugh bounced off the smooth walls as he reached down and grabbed your cheeks, tipping your head upwards to look at him.

"Can I meet Captain Rogers?" He asked.

In an instant, your authentic smile turned plastic. "Who?" You joked.

Steve stood a little straighter, then made awkward momentary eye contact with your dad. Steve died a little on the inside when he politely motioned asking him to come here, presumably to meet Luca, but a part of him wondered if he had heard the news of what happened between him and his daughter. Keeping a professional face, he did consider that he was about to get his ass kicked by the man who created you.

"Look, Luca, he's coming over now!" Your dad announced.

"Oh, what a joy!" Your sister smiled wide, squeezing your arms and shaking you around a bit.

Okay, Sister definitely knows.

One deep breath for you and Steve, and your brave faces were on.

"Congratulations, Agent." Steve spoke firmly as he approached. "You did great, far beyond expectations."

"Thank you, Captain." Just like that, you made eye contact with him for the first time in a week. It was a testament to deep love you had for your family, but especially for Luca. You'd be damned if you crushed his tiny superhero loving heart, so you did your best to pretend like everything was perfectly normal. Luckily, five year olds can't see lingering pain deep behind your eyes like Steve could. "This is Luca, he's very excited to meet you. He was wondering if you would take a picture with him."

"Hey buddy! I've heard so much about you!" Steve's smile widened at the boy who was in absolute shock, staring right back at him with wide sparkly eyes and a slack jaw. "I heard you're going to join the Avengers soon, is that true?"

"I'm only 5!" The boy giggled.

"What?! You look strong enough to be an Avenger!" Steve enthused, "let me see how strong you are, give me a high-five."

Steve stuck his arm up over your head, and your nephew smacked his hand as per request. After hearing their two hands meet in the middle, Steve pulled his away and shook it off "oh yeah, we definitely have a future superhero on our hands."

"My mommy and daddy said I have to be a teenager before I can be an agent like Auntie." Luca explained.

"They sound very smart." Steve chuckled at the boy who was wise beyond his years. "Is this them?"

Wonderful. Of course Steve would be the man to introduce himself to your family completely unprompted. You watched him shake hands with your dad, sister and her husband, meanwhile your mom went for a full blown hug. In that moment you wanted to shrivel up and let the floor swallow you whole, maybe rip your mom away and correct her mistakes for the improper greeting to such a highly decorated service man. But Steve took it like a champ, and you knew he loved it, which made you want to rip him away and tell him to stay away from your mom for the rest of eternity. You wanted him to stay away from you for the rest of eternity.

Looking around for Bucky and Nat, maybe even Tony, shit, even Harvey to try and get you out of your own personal hell was wildly unsuccessful. The room was far too busy and disorderly to plot an escape plan before your Dad was shoving Steve next to you and Luca with a camera in your face telling you to say cheeeeeeeeessseeeee.

Hopefully your smiling face didn't come across as vicious as it felt when that photo was inevitably plastered across social media for the entirety of the internet to see.

Eventually you managed to peel Luca and your Dad away from Steve and herd your family around the compound and up to your apartment. As you were leaving you could see Harvey with his head down, yet all of his browbeater friends were celebrating around him. It made you roll your eyes, but once again you moved on for the sake of your family.

As you approached the door with your key in hand and family behind you, there was a big, beautiful fresh flower arrangement in front of it with a card. Your mom made some comments about how beautiful it was as you picked it up and let them inside.

You had a feeling you already knew who it was from, so you left it on the kitchen counter and decided to read the card later as you vowed to spend much needed quality time with your family.

Although the beginning of the day was emotionally exhausting, the rest of the day felt like a big breath of fresh air. Spending time with your family in your own home made the compound feel so much warmer than it ever has. A good meal, lots of laughter, and so much play time with the little one had your parents exhausted and shuffling out of the compound around 7pm after more hugs and lots of kisses.

That left Luca and his dad that we're both fast asleep on the living room rug as the TV played a Disney movie, and Jane who was sitting across from you on the couch.

"I can feel you staring at me." You looked over at her with a questioning tone.

She had a loving smile on her face. "I'm proud of you. You've turned into such an incredible woman right in front of my eyes, and I'm just so grateful that I get to look up to my own little sister. How many people can say that?"

"Well, I still look up to you everyday." You denied her complement, but she was still looking at you as if there was more she had to say.  "Cut to the chase."

"You've spent a lot of time crying on my couch, I need to talk about the boy." She stated.

"Which one?" You grumbled. "I hate that there's 3 options."

"Steve." She said sympathetically. "I get to call him that because he hurt my baby sister's feelings."

"At least you didn't hug him." You shrugged. "Kind've don't care about respecting titles anymore."

"I know how much he hurt you, and I know he jumped the gun and is treating you unfairly compared to Bucky. I even know that you feel like your whole friendship with him was just his attempt at trying to sleep with you, but Smalls..."

"Don't say it." You plugged your ears and sunk deeper into the couch cushions.

Jane reached out and ripped your hands away from your ears. "The way he looks at you is just so sweet. And the way he was so kind to all of us and Luca even though you two aren't on speaking terms says a lot about his character. He's head over heels for you."

"The way he looks at me?" You scoffed. "He looks at me like an asset because he wants me to join the Avengers. They all see me like a little worker ant that's going to pick up the weight of their jobs."

"No, that's not it." You sister denied. "You know the truth and you're pushing him away because he hurt you. You hurt him too, even if you didn't mean it. I can see it in his body language that he cares for you, he seemed nervous for you today, and he looked so happy when you did well. That's not someone who's just trying to sleep with you and run."

"Well even if that's the truth, it doesn't matter because he's never expressed any of that to me with his own mouth." You explained. "You know how he handled the situation was wrong, he had no right to come at me with an attitude like that. Him and Bucky had no right to put all the blame on me. If he's having big feelings, he can express them with his big boy words. I'm not going to play a stupid little game with him like we're teenagers."

"I understand, and you're right." Jane validated your emotions. "But he seems really sweet... and he's absolutely gorgeous so maybe you should just consider my point of view."

"Ugh, his gorgeousness starts going blind to your eyes after a few hours. You get used to it, that's not a reason to forgive him." You lied.

"Who are the flowers from?" She quipped, knowing you lied straight through your teeth.

"I don't know."

"Should we read the note?"

"Nope." You looked straight forward at the TV screen. "That's not a question I need answered right now."

"Smalls..."

"What?"

"His gorgeousness never gets old, does it?" She called out your lie.

“... no." You threw your head back in complaint.

Eventually the three of them left as well. The day was getting late and Luca was exhausted from so much excitement, but the second you were alone in your apartment again you felt the weight of the compound right back on your shoulders.

Anxiety bloomed deep in your stomach and crawled up to your heart as you dragged your feet over to the flower arrangement that was left untouched on your counter. Your fingers struggled to open the card, but you got there eventually.

Before you even got to the note, you noticed that the arrangement was made of your favorite flower, pink peonies.

The entirety of your relationship with Harvey, he only bought you flowers once and it was after an explosive argument. Steve and Bucky came over the next day, and without fail both of them barked out a laugh at the flowers he had chosen because they weren't even your favorite kind of flower.

You didn't necessarily remember even disclosing your favorite flowers to them, yet they always referenced the bouquet of sad looking yellow chrysanthemums from the grocery store. Of course you reminded them that the type of flower or where he got them from didn't matter to you, it was just the effort and the gesture. The boys were fast to shut that sentiment down, because really, the pretty pink peonies weren't that hard to obtain, so how he managed to mess that up too was beyond your chivalrous best friends.

It didn't take long before you opened up the card inside and recognized the handwriting on it. There was an obvious effort made as it was written neatly and the lines were nice and straight.

Congratulations, Agent!

      We're all so proud of you and everything you've accomplished through hard work and dedication. We've been keeping an eye on you, and we know this journey has been difficult regardless of how easy you made it look. Watching you grow from a rookie to the highest ranking Agent Shield has ever seen has been a privilege to say the least. Although you're skillful in battle and combat, your kind heart and determination that never faltered through the journey is what will get you far. We see all the amazing qualities that make you not just a great fighter, but a great person. We could always use more people like you, and we're here whenever you're ready. From the bottom of our heart, we hope you consider a place on our team once more.

With warm regards and no pressure,

Steve + Bucky, The Avengers.

(Okay, maybe a little bit of pressure.)

You put the letter down, not allowing yourself to break down and over analyze the potential double meaning behind each of the words. The ache pounding at the back of your skull was already a nuisance, and trying to figure out why the boys were being so nice to you after treating you so poorly and denouncing your friendship was bound to make the dull ache sharper.

You dragged your feet all the way to bed before flopping in and wrapping yourself up into the tightest, fuzzy blanket cocoon.

Even with your accomplishment today, tomorrow was your first day as an official agent, and there was more work to be done.

Just like there would be the next day, and Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday, and Thursday....

Well, Monday through Thursday were pretty uneventful. You dug your head into the new work assignments you got now that you didn't have normal agent training, and you loved every second of it. It was worth all of your blood, sweat and tears to get there. Then you moved on to individual training with Steve that you painfully wished could be over soon.

All week you let him talk at you, and you never verbally responded. Just as much as you didn't want to be there, you could tell he didn't want to be there either. Today the two of you just sat as he showed and explained to you the different kinds of restraints you would be seeing out in the world on missions, then he would put them on himself and show you how to get out of them.

Deep regret was the only emotion you could use to describe the feeling of saying you would finish off your last few weeks with him working through your biggest fear. It seemed like a good idea two weeks ago when you still had full trust and confidence in him, but now he was flailing ropes, zip ties and handcuffs in your face while you sat completely silent, hoping your face wasn't giving away how unsettled you truly felt by this.

Maybe it would've been better if his voice wasn't so low or monotone, maybe if he actually had changed into gym clothes instead of sitting on the floor in his well put together office outfit you would feel less intimidated.

The only words that made you feel less uncomfortable today was that he wouldn't have you practicing any of this until tomorrow. But his words sat heavily on your mind and made your hands shake all throughout the rest of your day, they made you lose sleep that night, pulled your mind away from work the day of, and made the brain noise so loud that you had to listen to music in your headphones to keep your anxiety to a manageable level just to get yourself to even walk to training again.

Trying your absolute hardest not to think about what was about to happen, you looked down at your own two feet and counted each step as you made the walk, and let the melody of your favorite song distract you from reality.

Unfortunately your music wasn't loud enough to drown out the sounds of your name being called from behind you in the hallway empty besides you and one of three people you really didn't want to see.

So, you tried your hardest to ignore the tormenting happening behind you.

"I know you can hear me, stop being a bitch." Harvey's voice cut through the peaceful music.

"Stop walking I'm trying to talk to you."

"Baby, please. It'll only take a minute."

"I swear to fucking god!" This time he shouted and grabbed your arm, yanking it as hard as he could. An excruciating pain through your shoulder manifested as a yelp and your feet stoped in their place. Keeping hold of your wrist, Harvey used his other forearm to dig into your collarbones and shove you against the wall, using his body to cage you in. "Don't walk away when I'm trying to talk to you."

He ripped one of your AirPods out of your ears and stomped it with his foot. "What the fuck do you want?" You questioned, hoping and praying the pain in your shoulder that was radiating down your arm was nothing but a short term reaction to his assault on your body.

"You blocked my phone number, you ignore me when I try to talk to you in person. How am I ever supposed to get through to you?" He scolded, getting all up in your face as an intimidation tactic.

"You're not supposed to." You sassed. "That's the point. Will you let me go now? You're going to make me late."

"Did you pass evaluation?" He asked.

"I'll tell you if you let me go."

"Of course you did." He got even closer and his voice louder. The whole font of his body was pressing into yours, creating an uncomfortable vice between him and the wall. "You never would've passed had it not been for your scheduled time to jerk off Captain Rogers every day."

"Is that what you're telling yourself to feel better about your failed assessment?" You asked, exhausted of the narrative that your success only came at the mercy of the men around you.

"Why would you think I failed?"

"Because you're sloppy, you don't take your job or the training seriously, you've spent more of you energy worrying about me more than yourself, oh, and your uniform still has the rookie patch on it." You let your words flow out of you like venom. Frankly, you didn't care if it upset him, traveled through his blood and left a toxic taste in his mouth.

Your shoulder was killing you, you were tired and angry, and in the middle of an argument with two grown men over the fact that you quite literally did not jerk Steve off. So yeah, you weren't going to bat your eyelashes and smile at a man who had you pinned against a wall.

Harvey was speechless for a moment, so you continued. "So, I don't think you failed, I know you failed. And I didn't only pass because of Steve. He helped me, but I was doing well before him and I'll continue to do well after him."

You used all your force to shove Harvey off of you, in a moment of shock from your words and behavior, he stumbled back. Then, he was angry all over again.

He tried to throw a punch right at your jaw, but you blocked it, and kicked him right in the stomach. Not hard enough to intend to hurt him, but hard enough to knock him off of his feet and flat on the ground.

With a groan and some struggle, he tried to get up. So you left your foot flat on his stomach as a statement. It quickly got him to stay down.

"Don't you ever try to contact me again. Not through my phone, not to my face, never." You practically growled, still trying to make sure he couldn't tell that he had caused you pain.

Once you were positive that you got your point across, only then did you remove your foot from his body, pick up your broken AirPod to keep as evidence, then start walking away.

“Everyone knows what you and Sargent Barnes did." His voice sounded from behind you.

You stopped in your tracks, oxygen momentarily leaving your lungs. "What exactly did Sargent Barnes and I do?" You asked while keeping a stern face, hoping it was all the same rumors that float around about you and Steve.

"I don't even have to tell you, because you already know what you did." Harvey denied your peace of mind. "Now I know what everyone else knows to. I should've never trusted that you were just friends with both him and Captain Rogers, and that you're the biggest slut in this place."

This time you really did walk away, ignoring his last attempts at getting you to bite into his bait by calling you a whore from his spot in the hallway unable to peel himself off of the ground.

Once he couldn't see you anymore, tears flooded your eyes but you couldn't tell of it was from the physical or emotional pain, and your gripped your shoulder trying to rationalize that you didn't need to go to the medical bay.

The last thing you wanted to do now was see Steve, but you hoped he would go easy on you considering the circumstances.

Your faith in his ability to be a kind and empathetic person completely faltered as your pushed through the doors to the gym and he was already angry at you.

"You're late." He told you sternly, his face was set in a disappointment.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and squeezed your shoulder, hoping the added pressure would help sooth your pain.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be late. I was on time then Ha-" You started explaining, looking at him with fear and tears in your eyes.

"I don't need an excuse." Steve grumbled, cutting you off and very obviously in a foul mood.

He started walking towards you with a rope in his hand, and your heart dropped to your stomach. "Wait, please just- I was on my way here but Harv-"

"I don't care, it's fine." Steve cut you off again. "We're already behind on time, let's just start."

He got close enough to touch you, and you instinctively took a big step back, but it didn't even phase Steve. He grabbed your hand off your shoulder and put it behind your back. Bracing yourself for the pain of him inevitably grabbing your other arm, you frantically let the words "he hurt me" Spill out of your mouth like vomit.

But it didn't come out fast enough, and before you knew it, both of your arms were behind your back and the pain shooting through your arm combined with the devastating realization that Steve didn't care about you anymore made you feel like you were going to be sick.

You could feel the rope around your wrist becoming uncomfortably tight, each knot he tied added another knot to your stomach. "Zero percent."

"What?" He questioned.

Your tears spilled over the edge. "Zero percent trust in you right now. Please stop and just listen to me for one second."

"You're only saying that because you're scared of the restraints." Steve rationalized. "I showed you how to get out, you'll be fine."

"You don't understand" You cried, feeling more and more unsettled by the second, a deep panic settling in your stomach. "Please, I'm trying to tell you what just happened and you aren't listening to me"

He finished up the knot then turned around to face you again. "This is the first time you've tried to even have a conversation with me in two weeks, why should I hear you out when you won't even begin to let me speak to you?"

Steve sat you down on a chair, and started tying your feet. Everything in you told you to fight it, but you were feeling unexpectedly scared of him. You knew you could never match his strength to fight off his efforts and you could never outrun him.

Your friend Steve was nowhere to be found, in front of you was only a dark and stormy Captain America. A weapon of a man with no intention of switching on the safety.

By unintentionally denying his affection towards you two weeks ago, you loaded him up and now the barrel was was pointed directly at your chest. Now, there was no empathy for your fear, no husbandry to make you feel more comfortable in a situation you told him you never wanted to be in, and no regard to what you just went through.

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to tell you now because odds are you're going to hear about it eventually because-"

"Okay then I'll hear about it when it gets back to me. We really need to get this going" He told you. "Just calm down, and try to get out how I showed you yesterday."

"You're mad at me, and I get that, but I need my boss right now." You cried, yanking at the ropes on your wrists and ankles, none of them budging.

"I'm not your boss anymore, I haven't been since you passed evaluation." He told you, setting a timer on his phone for 54 minutes. "I only have an hour for training today because I was double booked. I'm going to leave you here to calm yourself down and figure out how to get out. I'll be right back there, either come get me when you're out, or I'll untie you at the end of the hour if you can't do it."

"Steve, don't walk away from me right now, I'm trying to tell you I need a medic." You said frantically, your panic attack hitting you harder by the second.

"Out on a mission we don't get to pick and choose when we get held hostage, consider this extra practice." He started to walk off.

You felt pathetic as your lungs stung with every panting breath, your hands shook as your fingers tried their hardest to untie the knot Steve made sure to pull extra tight, your stomach churned with uncontrollable fear, and your heart thumped so strongly and passionately that you could hear it in your ears despite the physical pain you felt in chest.

Whenever you had panic attacks, your skin broke out in a red splotchy tint, and the world seemed to spin around like a bad case of vertigo. It felt like the floor beneath you was crumbling and cracking with every moment passing, as the walls slowly closed in and the ceiling came down.

Black fuzzies and watery tears altered your vision as you pushed past the pain and tried to get your hands free. It only took about 15 minutes before the rope fell to the floor and the circulation rushed back to your hands. Untying your feet was a lot easier with two free hands, but still mildly difficult with Steve's knot tying skills and the sharp sting in your shoulder every time you exerted your arm.

You got out, you never doubted that you could. But that was never the point, and Steve would've known that had he ever just listened to you. That only fueled your panicked rage as you grabbed the ropes off the floor and stomped over to him, sitting in the very back corner of the gym watching you with a blank look on his face.

The thick ropes smacked the floor right next to his legs, exactly where you aimed as you snapped them out of your hands. "I have no interest in completing the rest of the hour you so graciously gifted me, and absolutely no interest in training with you ever again."

Steve was taken back by the fiery rage that was being directed at him. He knew he was being hard on you, but he was only being hard on you because he thought you could take it. "Woah, hold on. Let's just take a breather for a second."

"No, I don't need a fucking breather, you dipshit." You shouted at him, tears still flowing, hands still shaking. "I need to go see the doctor, that's what I need and that's what you're not understanding. I needed you to listen, I needed you to understand that I wasn't trying to get out of the lesson. I wasn't scared of your fucking ropes, I was scared of Harvey, and now I'm scared of you."

Steve immediately felt awful as your hand found your shoulder again, now that he was getting a better look he could tell it definitely wasn't in the right place. He gulped understanding that he let his pre-existing bad mood deepen the hole he dug your friendship into. "I'm sorry I didn't realize..."

"Now it's my turn to not care." You cried. "I didn't lose trust in you before, not even after you came into my apartment and yelled at me for what I did with Bucky, maybe a little after I found out our whole friendship was just because you wanted to get into my pants. But this stunt you just pulled? You've broken every ounce of trust I've ever given you and I don't think it'll ever be repaired."

"I- I didn't mean to." He said quietly, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have been so hard on you, I'm sorry, I was in a bad mood and I just... let it out on you and it wasn't fair."

"I don't deserve to be treated like this over one mistake, Steve. One. I'm sorry I accidentally hurt you, it was never my intention and I'll regret that till the day I die but I never deserved this." You cried. "Please just leave me alone now. I don't want formalities or pleasantries in passing, I don't want anymore flowers or congratulations, I don't want anything other than to just be left alone now. Because I can't do this anymore."

"Okay, I'm sorry." He surrendered, recognizing the agony you were truly in over this.

"This was way worse than anything I ever did to you." Your voice cracked. "It's a good thing you aren't my boss anymore, because as far as you're concerned I don't even exist to you anymore."

He couldn't mutter anything close to a proper apology or even a goodbye as you stomped away from him for the very last time.

Next Part: Rearview

OOP… angsty. Sound off in my inbox! I want to hear all your juicy opinions!

Taglist: @saranghaey @firephotogrl74 @selella @talesofadragon @ss28 @nekoannie-chan @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @spikeluv84 @crazyunsexycool @callmissrogers @xxxalicerogersxx @whore-for-chris-evans @em8rin @mulbsstuff @qualijahbydior @awkotaco24 @buckybarnessimpp @nicoline1998enilocin @buckystevelove @rogersbarber @mybuck @dbnightingale24 @ynstark @sincerelytlh @klaralovescaptainamerica @alexakeyloveloki

[narwhalwarnhal]

Day 122. Today marks 1/3 of an entire year that this genocide has been allowed to continue. We’re not counting days now, we’re counting months.

[narwhalwarnhal]

Don't mind me. Just drooling🤤

Oh …:

[narwhalwarnhal]

It's my 13 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

Good lord, it's feels like a millenia

[narwhalwarnhal]

Ever kiss begins with "hmm"... or however that goes

GERALT OF RIVIA + 'hmm' The Witcher: Season 3

[narwhalwarnhal]

wise words

[narwhalwarnhal]

“Most purpose is more burden than glory.” -Mobius M. Mobius, Loki Season 2

[narwhalwarnhal]

Younger me is screaminnnggggg

Early choreography rehearsal of Anakin vs Ahsoka fight⚔️

[narwhalwarnhal]

My Little Love

Chapter 31

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

word count: 6k

Warnings: Some angst, mentions of blood, mentions of gun, SO MANY TEARS, Charlotte being the little rebel she is, Henry being a supportive big brother lol, The kids are just so fucking sweet, knives, implied thought of committing suicide (hydra command), If I forgot something please let me know.

A/N: OMG it's happening!!!! Please let me know what you think.

Series Masterlist

He drops the ironclad hold he had on your neck and releases the cuffs you had on. He leans into your ear and murmurs something. 

Your murderous gaze snaps up to Bucky’s.

You take slow measured steps in his direction. There is only one thing in your mind. Your only mission.

Hurt him.

He’s the enemy and he’ll hurt you. That’s what the man had said and you had no choice but to trust him. But the man in front of you seems familiar. You don’t fear him. Although your feelings in this don’t matter. 

“Sugar.” He says as he looks at you with anguish. He puts down the gun and holds his hands up to show he isn’t a threat. “It’s me, it’s Bucky. You’re safe now.” 

Your expression remains blank and you continue to move towards him.

“Charlotte and Henry can’t wait to see you.

You tilt your head in confusion. Those names are unknown to you. 

“I found her.” Bucky says. “I need bac-“ 

You don’t let him finish his sentence. Instead you connect your fist with his jaw. You advance on him and no matter how many blows you land he won’t hit you. He covers his face, he deflects but not once has he raised his hand against you. 

“Y/N, please listen to me. I know you’re in there. Sugar you can stop. It’s ok you’re safe now.” He pleads.

You don’t talk back, you can’t. The order was to hurt him not to talk. This time when you throw another punch he catches your fist with his left hand. You study it and then you flick your wrist so that you're holding his wrist instead. Then you squeeze. The metal crunch fills the otherwise empty hall. Bucky grunts as he falls to his knees. You’ve completely destroyed his left arm from wrist to shoulder and he seems to be in some kind of pain but you don’t care. You lift your fist again and you feel a small sting on the side of your neck before you lose consciousness.

****

“Are you ok?” Nat asks as she lays you on the floor. 

“What happened?” Steve asks as he rounds the corner, jogging up to Bucky and Nat. “Oh fuck.” 

Bucky’s arm was basically turned to scrap metal. His face was full of blood and bruises and there was no doubt that there would be more injuries.

“They programmed her.” Bucky said in between pants and tears. 

Steve first helped Bucky and then scooped you up from the floor. 

“The guy that was taking her out of here disappeared.” 

“I stopped him down the hallway, he isn’t going anywhere.” Nat says before she steps in front of Steve and starts leading them out of the building. Gun up and ready to shoot if necessary. “We should get her to Bruce so that he can keep her sedated until we get back to the tower.” 

Bucky just nods but his mind is a million miles away. What had they done to you? He was torn between needing to know and not wanting to find out. You were his best girl and he had let you down. 

“Buck, take my shield.” Steve says as the group approaches the exit. 

While the building was quiet there was a battle going on outside. The rest of the team, the CIA and the Dora Milaje were still fighting against hydra. 

“Wanda, Sam we’re going to need some help here. We have Y/N but she’s unconscious.” 

“On our way.” Sam says. A few seconds later he’s at the doors. His wings spread out and shielding the doors so that Nat can open them and let Steve walk out with you. 

There’s a ball of red magic that flies past them and hits someone and then Wanda lands beside them. Her eyes immediately go to you and her heart aches when she sees the state you’re in. 

“Let’s go.” She says with a nod. 

The five of them move in sync. Steve in the middle of the other four as they keep you safe. Okoye sees them and sends some of her fighters to help clear the way. In no time you’re on a jet and Bruce is setting up a drip before taking your vitals. 

“Stay with her Buck.” Steve takes the shield from him and pats his back before heading back. 

“She’s stable. Was she unconscious when you found her?” 

“No, Nat had to sedate her. She did this.” Bucky motions to himself and Bruce grimaced. 

“I’ll clean you up in a second.”

“Take your time. I’d rather you focus on her.” Bucky mutters as he sits beside you with a groan.

He takes your hand in his right and brings it up to his lips, placing a kiss on your knuckles. 

“We’ve got you, Sugar. You’re safe again.” 

Bucky didn’t leave your side. Even when Bruce wanted to check for other injuries he just shrugged him off and said he could wait to be checked out at the tower. Bucky did ask Bruce to help him remove his left arm since it was no longer useful. 

You were still unconscious when you were moved from the jet to the hospital floor of the tower. Just outside the doors of the waiting room Ed was waiting for Bucky. 

“You did it, son. You brought back our girl.”

He pulled Bucky in for a hug. One Bucky desperately needed. He let silent tears fall as the relief of having you home finally washed over him. Out of personal experience he knew that the coming days or weeks or months were going to be difficult but he’d do anything he could to support you. 

Charlotte’s excited babbling made Bucky pull away. Her rushed steps were heard echoing off the walls and suddenly she’s turning the corner. 

“Dada! Mama’s home.” She exclaimed with absolute glee as she ran to hug Bucky. 

“Is she really here daddy?” 

“She is bub. Now c,mere.” Bucky hugged him too. The tension left Henry’s body the longer Bucky held him. “I need to tell you both something though.” 

“Mama sick. Is kay dada, mama get bettuh. I see it.” 

“That’s right, mama is a bit sick right now so you can’t see her just yet. But at least she’s home and we can help her get better soon.” 

Henry nodded although concern and sadness clouded his eyes. His attention moves to Bucky’s left side and the lack of an arm. “What happened daddy?” 

“It got ruined during the mission.” 

“But it is ok because I brought a newer version to replace it anyways.” Shuri’s voice fills the hallway.

 The doors to the waiting room are open and four guards, part of the Dora Milaje, stand behind her. Two of them holding a large black box in between them.

“Shuri.” Henry runs to her and they do their secret handshake. 

“Hey there little man. How have you been?” 

“I’m ok. Have you made anything new?” 

“Loads of things. I even brought some prototypes for you to try. But that will be after I help your baba.” 

“Ok.” 

“Hi Shuwi, mama’s home.” Lottie announces excitedly. 

“I’ve heard. I am going to help your mama get better, little one. How does that sound?” 

“Is good, tank you.”

“You are very welcome.” Shuri chuckles. 

“Everyone, I’d like you to meet  Shuri, Princess of Wakanda. She removed hydra’s programming for me, Henry and Lottie and also gave me my left arm. Shuri, this is Y/N’s family.” Bucky says as he introduces everyone.

“You’re really going to help her?”

“Absolutely. Whatever hydra tried to do we can undo it.”

“Thank you so much. We appreciate everything you’re doing not only for Y/N but for Bucky and the kids as well.” 

“It is my pleasure to be able to help. Now if you come with me Sergeant.” 

Bucky turns to talk to Ed but he just waves Bucky away.

“Y/N’s still asleep. For safety precautions we have guards outside of her room and she is cuffed to the bed.” Bruce says as he stands in front of everyone in the waiting room. 

“We will have to wait until she wakes up to run some tests to see what hydra did exactly.” Shuri adds. “Sergeant Barnes is also recovering. We had to take him into surgery to fix some of the inner workings of his shoulder implant before we could replace his arm.”

“How long will that take?” Ed asks.

“Just a few hours. He will definitely be awake before Y/N is. Although I should add that he shouldn’t be the first person she sees when she wakes up.” 

“Why not?” 

“Because the last command she was given was to hurt him. Until we know how the programming works we need to be careful.” 

Everyone agrees and then Shuri and Bruce are gone again to work on who knows what.

****

“Steve, Y/N’s awake. Why don’t you go in first?” 

“Why not Ed?” Steve asks as he gets up. Handing a sleeping Lottie to Nat. 

“Well like we said,” Bruce explains. “We don’t know how she’ll react. You can at least fight back.” 

Steve follows Bruce to your room. The guards at the door don’t move as Steve opens the door and steps in. The lights of the city kept the room bright as they came in through the large windows. You laid on your side, eyes trained on some point outside of the window but there was no spark. Steve sat down on a chair next to your bed but you didn’t look at him. 

“Hey Y/N. It’s me Steve.” He says softly but it feels as if he yelled by the way you flinch. “I’m sorry magnet. I didn’t mean to be so loud.” 

Your eyes shift toward him for a moment but you don’t respond. 

“At least you still don’t like the nickname.” He mutters before sighing. “I missed you. So did the kids. They’re very excited that you’re finally home. I mean we all are of course. But they’re in the waiting room and they refuse to leave.” 

“I don’t know you.”

“We are best friends, maybe you just don’t remember.” Steve said. “Your family’s here too.”

You whimpered at the mention of them and you tried to make yourself look smaller. The panicked look in your eyes when you finally looked back at him concerned Steve.

“Hey, it’s ok. You don’t have to see anyone until you’re ready.” 

His reassurance didn’t ease your mind though and the heart monitor started to beep faster. Bruce walked in a minute later as Steve tried to calm and comfort you. You were crying and shaking violently in the bed and nothing Steve said helped.

“I’ll have to sedate her.” Bruce says sadly.

Steve nods and steps away. He sighs with one last look in your direction before stepping out of the door. 

“How is she?” Eddie’s hopeful voice reaches Steve. Tear filled eyes look up at the older man.

“She didn’t recognize me and she wouldn’t really talk.” 

“Maybe she just needs some time. I mean she went through a lot right? We can’t just give up on her.” 

“And we won’t. It just pains me to see her like that.” Steve admits. “She’s the strong one in this friendship.” 

Eddie nods. “That’s my girl. But now it’s time for us to be strong for her.” 

Steve nods as Eddie pats him on the shoulder. 

“Now let’s get out there. Lottie won’t listen to anyone other than you or Bucky and we need to take her up to bed.” 

“Bubba?” Lottie calls out for Henry with a whisper. 

The room they’ve been sharing for the past few weeks is quiet and dark with only a nightlight casting a small glow. Henry is laying on the top bunk bed while Lottie is on the bottom. 

“Yeah, baby?” 

“Wanna see mama.” 

Henry shifts so that he can look over the railing and down at Lottie. 

“Daddy and grandpa said mama was sleeping, baby.”

“But mama home. Wanna habe seepover.” Lottie protests as she hugs her pink bear tighter. 

“I know baby, but mama is sick, remember?” 

“Can gibe Pinky.” Lottie holds up her teddy bear. “Make mama bettuh.” 

Henry looks back at his own bear and grabs it. In the kids’ mind it was logical. When they first got to the compound they each got a teddy bear and it always made them feel better.

“Maybe she’ll get better with two teddys.” Henry climbs down the small ladder while Lottie hops off her bed. “We have to be really quiet and you have to do what I say ok?” 

“Kay.” 

“Ok, don’t let go of my hand.” Henry takes Lottie’s hand and he turns them both invisible. 

As quickly and quietly as they can, the kids walk out of their shared room, through the living room where Eddie had fallen asleep on the couch and out of the front door. Henry keeps them invisible in the elevator and during their walk through the waiting room until he finds the room you’re in. 

The kids see Tony walk out of your room with a sad and concerned expression on his face. He leaves the door slightly open as the guards change shifts. Henry pulls Lottie against the wall in order to avoid having Tony run into them. Once he’s around the corner Henry walks towards the door to your room and peaks in. 

You’re asleep on the bed so Henry opens the door more and lets Lottie walk in. After they’re both behind the door he closes it he watches Lottie walk up to the bed and stare up at you. Her pink bear pressed against her chest as her bottom lips wobbled. 

“It’s ok baby. Mama is going to get better.” Henry whispers as he throws his arm around her shoulder. He pulls her in and kisses her temple.

“Can gibe Pinky?” 

“Yeah we can.” 

Henry pulls the chair closer to the bed so that Lottie can get up easier. She climbs the chair and then moves on to the bed and tucks the teddy under your arm and then does the same with Henry’s orange teddy. 

“You ah my sunshine, my onwy sunshine.” Lottie starts to sing. 

“You make me happy when skies are gray.” Henry joins in as they both sing the lullaby you often sang to them after a nightmare. “You’ll never know dear how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away.” 

Lottie climbs onto your lap and lays down on top of you, resting her head on your chest. Henry takes a seat at the edge of the bed. He takes your hand in his and sniffles while running his free hand up and down Lottie’s back in a soothing manner. 

****

Against Shuri and Bruce’s advice to rest after having to have some plates replaced in his shoulder, Bucky went to your room. It was late at night so he was sure you were asleep. Bucky just wanted to see you and remind himself that you were back. The guards are standing by your door and he’s sure he recognizes one of them.

“Agent Richards?” He asks quietly.

“Good evening Sergeant Barnes.”

“Aren’t you on desk duty?” 

“I requested this assignment. Agent Y/L/N, saved my life out in the field once. It would have been a really close call for me. She took care of me and kept me safe until help arrived. I want to repay the favor.” She says.

“I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”

Agent Richards nods. “Oh, it’s really sweet that you had the kids record that lullaby for her.” 

“Lullaby?” 

“Yeah, you are my sunshine. I heard the end of it as we got to our post. I’m sure they can’t wait to see their mom again.” 

“Yeah, that’s for sure.” Bucky nodded. “Thank you for standing guard. I’m just gonna sit with her for a little bit.”

“Of course sir.” 

Bucky opens the door slowly. Once he’s inside he spots the pink and orange teddy bears and knows the kids are in here. His eyes dart around the room but of course he doesn’t see anything. 

“Henry, are you in here?” Bucky asked softly. Of course there was no answer. “Lottie did you come to see mama even though you should be sleeping?” 

“No.” 

Bucky had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing. 

“Alright let me see you.”

Henry turns Lottie and himself visible again. Lottie was still cuddled up to you and Henry was on the edge of the bed. Bucky opens his arms and both kids move from the bed to his lap. He places a kiss on both their heads and gives them a hug.

“What are you doing here? I said you couldn’t see mama yet because she’s sick.” Bucky asks in a hushed tone. 

“But Pinky make mama bettuh.”

“Doll, I know you want mama to be better but you have to do as I say. It’s really important that you follow the rules.” 

“I no wike the wules.” Lottie replies with an angry pout and her arms crossed over her chest. 

“I know you little troublemaker but you have to do it anyway. It’s important if you want to help mama get better.” 

Lottie’s response was a little gasp. 

“Mama.” Henry was the one to speak up, making Bucky’s eyes snap up to you in bed. 

You were looking at the three of them. Eyes were distant as if you were trying to remember who these people were. If they had a connection to you, you didn’t remember. 

“Mama it’s me, it’s Henry.” He noticed your hesitation. 

“An Wottie.” 

“It’s Lottie. She has a hard time saying her Ls, remember?” Henry says.

The interaction breaks Bucky’s heart. He knows you don’t remember which is why he wanted the kids to stay away until Shuri and Bruce could run their tests.

In response all the kids get is a blank stare before you look up at him. Fortunately you don’t have a murderous look in your eyes anymore. The bad thing is that the lack of response on your part upsets the kids and Lottie begins to cry.

“Mama no wemembuh?” 

Bucky grabs both kids and walks out of the room. He takes a moment in the corner of the waiting room to comfort them. He knows it’s a very confusing situation for them and he does the best he can. By the time the kids have calmed down Josh and Sofia have shown up after Bucky asked Friday to call them to take the kids back upstairs. Once they’re gone Bucky walks back into your room where he finds you staring down at both bears. 

“May I?” Bucky gestures to the chair but you only stare at him. 

Bucky nods to himself realizing that for the past three months your choices have been taken away from you. He proceeds to sit.

“What is the last thing you remember?”

You look up at him, startled at the gentleness of his voice. All you’ve been around have been harsh, cruel screaming and mocking tones. 

“I-uh.” You had trouble answering his question. 

Immediately you cower as you wait for the blow or whatever punishment the man in front of you sees fit. When it doesn’t come you look back up at the man in front of you to find him with tears in his eyes. Slowly he reaches for your hand and takes it in his.

“We are not going to hurt you here. We want to help you, you don’t have to be scared. It’s ok if you don’t remember anything right now.” 

“I had to hurt you.” You whisper after a few minutes of silence. “It’s what he said I had to do.”

While you might not remember him, he felt safe. You felt at peace with him by your side so you let your guard down a bit. He just nodded. 

“Do you know where you are?”

You shook your head no. 

“You’re home.”

“I live in a hospital?” You questioned. The thought made you uneasy. 

“No,” he chuckles. “You live in the Avengers’ tower.”

That only distressed you more. The heart rate monitor started beeping rapidly and you struggled to get out of the restraints. 

“Please, I'm sorry. I’ll do whatever they want but don’t let the Avengers take me. They’ll hurt me, please.” 

Bucky didn’t have time to react because Bruce is walking into the room to see what’s going on. Suddenly Bucky is being pushed out of the room while Bruce, Helen and Shuri work to calm you down. With nothing else to do Bucky heads up to find someone to talk to. 

You woke up hours later in a groggy state. The restraints have been removed so you stretch your limbs. With a small groan you sit up and you take a better look around. Blinking owlishly to take in the room better and you remember what your mission was. 

From the other room you could hear voices. They were familiar to you but you couldn’t place them. This whole ordeal felt like being stuck in a zoo exhibit. You could feel there were people out there looking at you but you didn’t know who it was. Although it felt like you should know them. It was upsetting that you didn’t know who you were with and if you could trust them.

At the door you peek out and notice two guards at the door. Closing your eyes you concentrate on finding anything metal that you could use as a distraction. Once you find what you need and you crash metal against the floor the guards leave to double check what is going on. With them gone you slip out of the room and search the floor for a stairway. You remember the doctor talking to someone or something named Friday so you ask it where the kids are. The voice directs you to the right floor and in no time you’re walking into the apartment. 

There is no noise other than ambient sounds. You make your way to the kitchen and grab a knife before moving around the apartment until you find the bedrooms. The first one is obviously the kids room. There are toys and kids' clothing thrown about and a bunk bed that sits empty. You move on to the next room and there they are. The two kids that called you mama earlier were cuddled up together and fast asleep in the middle of the huge bed. 

Your last mission is simple. Kill the children and get out. If escaping is impossible don’t let the Avengers catch you alive. 

You take one step at a time. Slowly you make it to the edge of the bed and stare down at your true target. It’s now or never but as you look at their innocent and angelic faces you can’t seem to follow through. The need to protect and keep them safe overpowers the need to follow orders. It’s a war between your head and whatever hydra did to you and what you feel is the right thing to do. The hand that holds the knife trembles as you fight against the command your handler gave you. 

“Mama? Why are you crying?” The boy, Henry if you recall, is looking up at you. He looks a bit concerned.

“I-I don’t know.” 

“Mama habe seepover.” Lottie says, her eyes are brighter as she looks up at you. There’s so much trust in her eyes that something breaks in you as she holds her hand out for you. 

But the knife is in your hand and you have a mission to complete. 

Bucky, Steve, Nat, Tony, Yelena, Shuri and Eddie all raced to Bucky’s apartment. It didn’t take long for Bruce to realize you were gone and for Friday to inform him of your location. The obvious answer as to why you were looking for the kids sat heavy in Bucky’s heart and mind. Had hydra really stooped so low as to have a mother murder her own children? The answer unfortunately was yes. He hoped they could get there in time to stop it. If you went through with it even if it was against your will, Bucky knew you would never forgive yourself. It would crush you and who knows how you would handle it.

They all rush in as they hear Lottie asking if you’re having a sleepover. The best plan of action is for only one or two of them to go in so as to not scare the kids. Bucky opens the door and Steve is right there behind him. The image in front of them lightens the weight on Bucky’s shoulder. You sat in the middle of the bed, Henry tucked into your side and Charlotte on your lap with her head resting on your shoulder. A knife lay on the floor by the bed. He breathed a sigh of relief when you looked up at him. The look of utter confusion on your face as you continued to struggle between what you were doing and what you should be doing. 

“Dada, habe seepover.” Lottie pats the space next to you.

Bucky looks over his shoulder to find Steve fighting back tears. He wished it were that easy but he knows it’s not. 

“I will in a minute. Can I talk to you out here? Please.” He looks at you. 

You look down at the kids, upset that they’ll be upset if you leave them. It was still so strange to you that they provoked such strong emotions and you barely knew them. 

“I’ll be back.” 

“Don’t go mama. You just came back.” Henry pleads as he holds on to you tighter.

“She’ll be back bubs. We just have to have a grown up talk.” 

“I will.” 

“Ok.” 

You sat Charlotte down on the bed and walked out. The minute the door is closed behind you and you are far enough away from the bedroom there’s a red cloud in your face. As you inhale the substance you feel like you can see for the first time. 

Blinking away the fog your head had been in  you finally recognized your friends and family. Immediately your legs give out. Bucky is right there holding you and lowering himself to sit on the floor. Tears start flowing freely as you begin to hyperventilate. 

“It’s ok Sugar. I’ve got you, you’re safe.” Bucky murmurs but it doesn’t ease your cries. “Just breathe for me. Match my breathing.”

You do as he asks and then turn around to wrap your arms around him. The hug is bone crushing but Bucky doesn’t care. As long as you’re in his arms he’d let you squeeze the life out of him. The others stand around watching as you and Bucky finally reunite after three long and agonizing months. He kisses your temple and reassures you that you’re safe.

“The kids. Oh my god, they want-they wanted m-me t-to hurt them. I almost did. I al-almost hurt my babies.” You cry out. 

“Mama?” 

You look over Bucky’s shoulder to find Lottie looking at you wide eyed. Henry stood behind her, his hands on her shoulder to keep her close. You moved out of Bucky’s hold to get a better look at them.

“Hi sweet Angel.” 

“Mama!” Lottie shrieked as she ran into your open arms. It was really you again. “I missed you mama.” Lottie cried.

“I missed you too, baby.”

You opened your arm for Henry who walked towards you cautiously. His eyes darted from you to Bucky and back.

“Hi my sweet boy.” 

It was enough to hear you call him that for Henry’s walls to come tumbling down. His arms loop around your neck and he hides his face in the crook of your neck as he cries. You feel Bucky behind you holding the three of you. 

After a while the kids reluctantly get up and so do you. You move to hug your father who had been watching everything unfold.

“Daddy.” 

“Hey kitten, I’m so happy you’re home. I knew they’d find you again. You were so strong, you always have been.” He murmurs. 

You go down the line hugging and thanking everyone, even meeting Nat’s younger sister who apparently had the serum that helped you out of the hold hydra had in you. Steve is last and you can see his red puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. It always surprises you how delicately he can hug you considering how strong he is. 

“I missed you.” He whispers. 

“I missed you too. Thank you for not giving up and for being there for everyone.” 

“We only found you because of my best girl.” Steve says as he pulls away. “She gave us the lead we needed.” 

You turned to look for Lottie only to find her next to you. Smiling down at her you pick her up and kiss her cheek.

“Did you find me?” 

“Mmhmm, mama I see you. An habe a beefing.”

“My hero.” 

“Am A-venguh wike Steebie.” 

“You are an Avenger, sweet Angel.” You chuckle.

“I hate to interrupt but we should talk.” Shuri says with an apologetic look. 

You just nod but you hate what could possibly happen now. 

“I’ll take the kiddos.” Eddie says and opens his arms to Lottie.

She pouts but goes with him. 

“I’ll be back sweet Angel.” You turn to see Henry standing by Bucky. “I’ll come back, ok?” 

“Ok.” 

You give him a smile as tears gather in your lash line. 

From the elevator to the hallway and even when you stopped in front of a conference room Bucky kept you tucked into his side. You appreciated the action, everything felt too exposed and unsafe. There was this nerve racking feeling in the pit of your stomach that hydra would be back. That they found drag you back into the hell they’d kept you in and this time they’d get their hands on the kids too. 

“You’re safe.” Bucky murmured in your ear.

You hadn’t noticed that you were trembling in fear at the thought. He stops outside of a conference room and pulls you in for a hug. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize. I can’t begin to imagine what they did.” 

“No, I’m sorry about your arm.” You look up at him through wet lashes. “I promised I’d never use my ability against you.” 

“Hey, don’t do that. You know it’s not your fault. Besides, Shuri upgraded it.” 

“Still…” 

“No. Trust me, if you start going down this path you’ll lose yourself down a rabbit hole of what ifs.” 

You nod but it wouldn’t be that easy. Now you really understood what Bucky had been through even though he suffered more than you had. 

“We are ready for you.”  Shuri’s head popped out of a door. 

“Let’s go see what they found.” 

You nod and let Bucky lead you.

****

In the conference room was the whole team who welcomed you back with open arms. Shuri’s team was also in attendance as well as some Dora Milaje. It made you uncomfortable. There were too many unknown people and you couldn’t focus on what Shuri, Bruce and Helen were trying to explain to you. You kept looking over your shoulder waiting for a blow to come. A taser to find its way to your ribs or even a knife to slice your skin. 

“Y/N, did you hear what I said?” Shuri’s concerned voice pulls you back to the present. Everyone was staring at you. 

You shrunk back in your seat at all of the attention. Your breathing became shallow and all you could hear was a  muffled chorus of voices around you. Rocking back and forth in the chair you were sitting in you began to cry again. Your hands flew up to your ears when everything suddenly became too loud.

Bright blue eyes find yours. Soft pink lips move but you can’t hear the words. One warm and one cold hand cup your face. 

“I’ve got you, Sugar.” You finally hear Bucky say. He murmurs reassuring words until you finally calm down. 

When you look around almost everyone is gone. Steve, Bruce, Helen, and Shuri remain. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, Y/N. You’ve gone through something very difficult. I think this was too much.” Bruce said. “Why don’t we end this here and we can meet tomorrow morning and make a decision then.” 

“Decision?” 

“Hydra placed some kind of tech in your head.” Shuri says cautiously. “Something like a computer chip.” 

“So they can control me?”

“Well we aren’t sure which is why we need to remove them as soon as possible. Take tonight to think about it and we’ll meet tomorrow.” 

You nod slowly. Bucky thanks them and helps you up. With his arm around you he escorts you back to the elevator with only Steve by your side. In search of more comfort and grounding yourself you take Steve’s hand. The look in your eyes however is distant and fearful. 

Steve and Bucky exchange a worried glance. The reports have been coming in nonstop and Steve has read some of them. It’s made him sick to his stomach the snippets he’s read of how you had been treated. 

The three of you made it back to the apartment to the sound of the kids playing with Eddie. It made you smile as you walked into the living room to see both Lottie and Henry on top of Eddie. 

“Mama.” Henry got up and ran to you first followed closely by Lottie. They both hug and smile up at you. “You came back.” 

“I said I would.” 

“Let’s let mama get comfy ok.” Eddie says from the living room. “Do you wanna change first? We can have a movie night if you’d like.” 

“I’d really like a shower.” 

“Yeah, I’ll get it started for you. We have some pajamas for you and everything.” Bucky kisses your temple and disappears into the master room.

“Go on. We’ll be here when you get out.” 

You nod but look at the four of them again and a heaviness sits on your chest. It couldn’t be this easy to be free of hydra. They have to have something else planned. 

Steve nudges you in the direction of the room and you head in for a shower. Bucky gives you privacy, something you haven’t had in weeks. Once you’re out and dressed you feel refreshed and you’re starting to feel like yourself. In the bedroom Bucky is waiting for you. He gives you a tired smile, one you return.  

You step between his legs and rest your hands on his shoulders. His hands instinctively find your hips and he pulls you closer. Bucky’s hands move from your hips to your lower back as he wraps you in a hug. The both of you stay there for a moment just being wrapped up in each other before going out to the living room.

****

In the living room everyone had found their spots on the couch. Henry and Charlotte sat either beside you or on your lap. Bucky sat on your other side. It had been a long few days for everyone it seems. 

As the movie the kids had chosen played on everyone but you fell asleep on the couch. The situation had been stressful and nerve wrecking for everyone and it took a toll. Steve and Eddie who had been sitting side by side were leaning on each other for support as they slept. Bucky’s head was on your shoulder as he snored softly, Lottie was resting against your chest and Henry was leaning into you. 

They’re  why you had done what you did. The reason you gave yourself up to hydra to keep your family safe. It was a difficult price to pay but you would do it again. 

You found it hard to sleep though. Anytime you close your eyes all you see is the hell you’d been in for the last few weeks. It didn’t matter though, you were back with your family and that was like a balm to your aching soul. And for now that was enough.

Ch. 32

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Remembering

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: The team lose their friend (I’m bad at summaries sorry)

Word count: 2,821

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of children dying. Our poor reader gets attacked. Small mentions of suicide, being spat on

Translation: unde este femeia?-where is the woman?/oms-who/da, ea este prietena noastră- yes, she is our friend/ea este cu noi, acum ești în siguranță-she is with us, you’re now safe. If any of the translations are wrong please let me know

Masterlist   Series Masterlist

It has been two weeks since the attack on the Capital. Two weeks since the Avengers got their friend back.

Y/n was taken straight to the Raft, for her own protection incase Hydra came for her. None of the team was happy about it especially Bucky who fought against the medical staff, trying to stop the SHIELD agents from taking her.

“It’s for her own safety” Fury explained, he still couldn’t believe she was alive, he didn’t believe the agent who had informed him that she was was on the street and was now working for Hydra.

“Okay well why all the guns being pointed at her?” Tony said with his arms crossed.

“For everyone’s safety”

“You’ve got a collar around her neck, two handcuffs on her wrist and cuffs on her ankles. I don’t think she’s going to get very far, do you?”

“It’s okay Tony-it’s fine I promise” Y/n spoke, Fury had to admit he hated doing this to her but he had no other option.

In them two weeks, they fought tirelessly to get her back to the tower, fought to get her pardoned - it should of been easy as they couldn’t connect her to any crimes committed by Hydra, but the government wanted her locked up as a traitor.

Ross allowed the team including Fury to go and question her at the Raft, on one condition - there be armed guards in the room.

They were led into a huge room with tiny windows, a small table and three chairs. There was armed guards lining against the wall. They had been there for 10 minutes before three locks sounded from the metal door, just as the door came open the guards stance changed, ready to shoot kind of stance.

They saw the man in charge walking in front of someone who they assumed was Y/n, who was then being flanked by three guards on either side. When they got closer the man moved aside, they all sucked in a breath at the sight of their friend handcuffed, a collar around her neck, but the worst part was the bruises littering her face and a busted lip that they could tell were fresh.

Fury reached out to her before a voice stopped him “No touching the traitor”

“She’s not a traitor” Fury snapped back.

“That’s not what her file says” Turning his head to Y/n “Sit and don’t move”

“Don’t talk to her like that” Bucky’s anger started to get the better of him.

“Oh I’m sorry, do you want to have this visit or not?”

“It’s fine. You can leave now” Fury replied.

“Remember no touching her and don’t try and pass her anything or she’ll be shot, enjoy” the man walked off chuckling to himself.

“Are you alright?” Questioned Bucky.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to yo-“

“Hey it’s fine, I’m okay, look. Now answer my question”

“I’m fine”

“What happened? Because they’re fresh bruises Birdie”

“It’s nothing”

“It’s not nothing Y/n! Who did it?” Tony says from next to Steve.

“Nothing I don’t deserve” Shifting more comfortably she sighs “Ask the questions you want to ask and you can leave”.

“You don’t deserve this Y/n!”

“Ask or I’ll get them to take me back”

Fury finally speaks after a few minutes of silence. “Okay, do you remember what happened the day we lost you?”

“I remember we was on a mission in Russia and I remember being shot and then falling and hearing voices, thinking it was you lot I-I saw faces and felt something pinching me and then waking up at Hydra’s base.”

“T-that can’t happen, Y/n we found your body and you was dead. We took you back home…”

“It wasn’t me. Hydra used a woman who could shape shift, they showed me”

“What else do you remember?” Tony asks.

“They tortured me, questioned me about my genes, t-they showed me my funeral. Then they gave me the serum and after a few months they started training me”

“Do-do you remember any missions you went on?”

“No. They always wiped my memory after I came back”

“Has any memories come back?”

“Yes”. Her head bowed and her eyes closed “I was the one that killed all those SHIELD agents”

All of them sighed in defeat. At her confession, she could be tried as a traitor, it didn’t matter if she was brainwashed or not. She had just admitted that she killed over 60 agents.

“I don’t remember any other missions. I’m sorry. I hear that you’re trying to get me freed, don’t. I belong in here”

“No you don’t! None of this is your fault!” Bucky’s voice broke.

Not listening to him, she looked directly at Fury “Lloyd was a member of Hydra, there’s many agents at the FBI that work for them and The Reapers didn’t exist because it was Hydra - the whole thing was a set up to get me. Rumlow told me that there was a deal in place between Hydra and The Facility, but when Logan got me out it pissed them off because they didn’t have me and the deal was off” Sighing, she moves the handcuffs to more of a comfortable position.

“Theres something else you need to know, the base they kept me at is in Romania. There’s children there, they’ve been injecting them with my blood. Innocent children are being killed because of me. I’m so sorry.” Looking at the guards “I’m ready to go now”.

“No no Y/n we’re not done yet” Fury stands and tries to stop her from standing.

“I’m done. Take me back”

“She’s not safe in there Fury!” Tony exclaimed as he paced back and forth in the briefing room.

“We don’t know who did it yet” Fury replied.

“Well it’s obviously the guards, we need to get her out of there” Tony’s voice rose with each word.

Shaking his head at the billionaire, “It’s safer for her in there Tony”

“No it isn’t and you know it!”

“We need to find this base and see if there are any children like Y/n said, couldn’t that help with getting her out?” Wanda ever the voice of reason.

“About that, the main reason I came here is because there is a base in Romania just like she said, you guys need to go there and check it out, I’ve already sent the coordinates to the pilot”

“When?” Steve asks.

“Pilots are ready whenever you are”.

Five hours later they were inside the base, the whole building had paperwork littering the floors, blood smeared on the walls, the horrible stench of death lingered in the air.

They searched the whole building from top to bottom for any signs of life, coming up empty until Bucky and Sam opened a door on the far end of the corridor, inside the darken room they saw seven small children huddled together in the left corner.

“It’s okay, we’re not going to hurt you” Sam says as he put his gun down. The children’s faces all contorted in confusion making Bucky repeat what Sam had said but in Romanian.

“unde este femeia?” A young boy spoke from the front.

“Oms?”

“Y/n”

“Y/n?”

“Da, ea este prietena noastră“

“ea este cu noi, acum ești în siguranță” Bucky and Sam watched as the children took careful steps towards them, Sam spoke through his comms to let the team know that they were coming out with kids.

After getting the kids on the quinjet they both made their way back into the base.

“I found a file called Little Bird, all the crimes Y/n’s ever committed for them is on here” Nat says as she opens up another link, surveillance footage after footage showing Y/n, committing crime and crime, more worse than the previous.

“Download everything to do with Y/n and we’ll show Fury, Buck Sam said something about the kids knowing Y/-Buck?” Sam laughs at Steve’s facial expression when he realises that Bucky’s not in the room with them.

“Left corridor, right at the end”

“She carved her name into the wall just so she wouldn’t forget” Bucky says without looking to see who was behind him. “She also wrote how many days she was here, she probably lost count after day 327” Turning to face his oldest friend with tears rolling down his face. “Steve, day 327 I lit a candle in her room to keep it smelling the way it always did. For 327 days we cried and mourned her whe-when she was here all along, alone and terrified. I should of done more Stevie, I shou-should of known she was still alive”

“Buck it’s not your fault! It’s not our fault either, we all watched her die. We couldn’t of known Buck so stop trying to blame yourself”

“I need to tell you something”

“Anything pal, you know this”

“17 years ago when I was still under Hydra’s control…I was sent on a mission to kill this girl, I get to her location bu-but I couldn’t go through with it. I remember her smile as clear as day, she was with an older man - laughing about who knows what but her smile Stevie” For the first time in over two weeks Steve watches his friend smile at a memory he wishes he could see. “I left and was punished for not completing the mission. It was Y/n, she was the girl. The exact same smile when I first met her-“

“Buck…”

“I never told her. I just couldn’t you know? And the worst part is Steve, if I could go back in time and do it over again, I wouldn’t. For my own selfish needs I wouldn’t stop the pain she would have to go through for six years. I would let her go through all the pain and suffering because I’m selfish!”

“You’re not selfish Bucky! You love her, you always have and you always will. I’m glad you didn’t do it 17 years ago either because I wouldn’t have met her, I wouldn’t have had a great friend, she’s the only person who ever treat me as Steve and not America’s puppet. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes Buck”

“We agree, with Steve I mean” Both men turn to face the team who were standing in the doorway.

“It’s not your fault tin-Bucky, none of this is” Tony corrects himself.

“I’m pretty sure she’d do it all ove-“.

Wanda gets cut off by Fury’s voice through their comms “You need to get back to the Tower now”

“What’s goin-“

“Now!”

They are looked equally confused by Fury’s tone and demand, but complied nonetheless.

After the children were taken away by the medical staff, FRIDAY let them know to go straight into the briefing room - where Fury, Maria, Ross sat waiting.

“What’s going on?” Steve asks, looking at all three people.

“Y/n’s been attacked in the Raft” Fury speaks solemnly.

“W-what? Who by? When?”

“Late last night”

“And you’re only telling us this now?”

“We only found out an hour before I told you to get back!”

“Where is she?” Tony questioned.

“Still there…” Ross speaks up from the end of the table.

“You’ve got to be joking right? She gets attacked and she’s still there?”

“We have to wait for the President to sign the paperwork agreeing to have her moved to a hospital, a lot of armed guards are going to be needed”

“Who attacked her?” Bucky asks.

“We don’t know”

“How bad is it?”

“We don’t know, but bad enough for the prick in charge to let us know about it happening”

Just as Bucky was about to open his mouth an agent came running in “Sir, this is straight from the President” Handing over a piece of paper to Ross, who then squeezes his eyes shut.

“What does it say Ross?”

“He’s not allowing her to be moved”.

Chaos. Chaos is the best way to describe what happened next. Everyone shouting, Tony even picked up a chair and threw it through one of the windows.

“He can’t do this!” Fury shouted.

“He’s the President of the United States Fury! He also believes she’s a traitor. He’s also not allowing her to have any more visitors”

“She’s going to die in there Ross!”

“I know, I know. Now if everyone calmly collects themselves and follow me I have a plan.”

She had managed to find a more comfortable position to finally fall asleep, which wasn’t easy to do on cold concrete flooring. Now matter which way she turned the collar dug in her neck causing her to wince at the pain. The handcuffs weren’t helping either.

Hearing the now familiar locks clicking on her door, she sat up and scooted into the corner.

“You’ve got special visitors” One of the guards said “Get up traitor”

Standing up on shaky legs, she waited for her next instructions, which didn’t come as the guard gripped the cuff link and pulled her roughly. Bare feet digging slightly into the metal grates of the walkway as she tried to keep up with the guards.

“Get in there” His rough voice echoed through the empty corridor, her heart pounded in her chest as this wasn’t the same place she was taken to when Fury and the team had been to see her.

“Whe-“ She gets cut off as she gets pushed into the room.

In the windowless room there was no chairs or table, there was nothing other than 8 men standing there.

“You’ve got two hours boys. Make sure you don’t kill her or the warden will be pissed plus she’s got more special visitors tomorrow” The guard chuckled before he closed the door.

“The most respected agent of SHIELD you was, hell I even looked up to you. And now you’re a murderer and a traitor!” A tall man with dark hair, whose eyes burned with hatred.

“So here’s what we’re going to do, each one of us is going to take a turn beating the shit out of you and your gonna be a good little girl and take it, understand?” The only blonde man spoke.

“Understand?” The first one spoke again.

Nodding her head, she watched them move around each other and waited for the first blow to come.

The punches and kicks just wouldn’t stop, she couldn’t even fight back due to the collar and handcuffs. Despite her whole entire body screaming and throbbing in pain she refused to let one sound slip from her now busted and swollen lips. All she repeated in her head like a mantra was that ‘she deserved this and more’, everyone was right, she was a traitor and no not because she wanted to but because she didn’t end her life before Hydra had a chance to turn her into a monster. She betrayed every single thing she stood for, everything she believed in, she betrayed herself and SHIELD. But most importantly she betrayed The Avengers, her family.

Knowing that they watched her ‘die’ broke her heart, when she watched her funeral, - Rumlow using it to break her - she put a shaky hand to theirs faces on the small grainy tv screen, trying to send them comfort despite where she was and what she was going through. She didn’t mean to hurt them, of course she didn’t want to but it wasn’t something that she had no control over. 

If laying on the cold, dingy floor taking punch after punch, kick after kick was to make up for the pain she caused her family to go through, she’ll happily do it until her last breath.

“Times up fellas” The guard came into the room “I gave you an extra 15 minu- you did a right number on her, didn’t you lads” He chuckled at the sight of her.

“Just give me one more minute with her, I just need to say one last thing”

“Sure thing just make it quick”

As the men walked out they spat on her one by one, and when the door closed the last man picked her up by her hair. “That was for all the agents you killed, my brother was one of them! I had to tell our parents that he wasn’t coming home anymore. I promised my ma I would get the person who did this, best 300 bucks I’ve ever spent - oh sweetheart, didn’t you know that the wardens charging people to have their way with you, you’re not big and scary now are you?” He chuckled just before he spat right in her face and dropping her.

The guard comes back in and takes her back to her cell. “Sweet dreams Little Bird” is what he says to her before locking the door.

After the third day, her face was unrecognisable. Her prayers for death weren’t being answered.

<Previous   Next>

Tags: @unaxv @sapphirebarnes @bethexo07 @doublebassallie @vicmc624 @cyberficlya @elijahssuit @learisa @wasffginc

~ banner credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

[narwhalwarnhal]

He said, "skeet skeet mothafucka!" 😂😂😂

I live for the angst where Sharon/people call reader fat and make fun of her not knowing she's pregnant and Bucky protects the ever living fuck out of her because that's his gorgeous babymama. Bonus when Sharon is a jealous hoe. Throw in some protective avengers in there too. Breeding kink? Pregnancy kink? Also yes. He's a feral, horny little shit here, I apologize.

You huffed as you buttoned your jeans, the waistband sitting snugly around your waist, pressing into your skin a little bit more than usual. You dug through the closet to find one of Bucky's hoodies to slip on, loving the way the soft material engulphed you in his scent.

You weren't showing much yet but your body was certainly changing. Your sense of smell was heightened, constantly craving to be surrounded by your boyfriends smell. Your breasts were growing heavier and your clothes were more fitting than before. Cravings had already started. Your cheeks were a tad fuller and you were certainly glowing.

Bucky's super soldier serum was no joke.

You made your way down to make something for breakfast, grabbing a bag of peppermint tea to help with some of the nausea you had been experiencing. Sharon sauntered into the kitchen, still clad in her tiny workout clothes as she went to the fridge to grab a water bottle.

"Hey Sharon" You smiled as you poured water into your mug while munching on a cookie, grabbing another when your tummy rumbled. Baby Barnes clearly took after daddy, craving anything and everything sweet. And salty. And sweet and salty.

"Hey y/n" Sharon's eyes looked at you up and down, cocking her head slightly while you snacked, rummaging around for something else to eat. "Might wanna cut down a little there, huh" She teased, nodding to the potato chip you popped into your mouth.

"What?" You weren't sure you heard correctly, setting down the bag while she pursed her lips.

"Oh, nothing. I don't know how you eat that stuff, it's so greasy"

"Hm, yeah I guess" You gave her a weak smile, her words causing the insecurities you were already feeling about your body to creep back up again. You had a heavy feeling in your chest, seeing her flit about the kitchen, still perfectly toned. You shook those thoughts away, remembering the reason beautiful your body was different but it didn't do much.

The words still stung.

You decided to make your way back to your room to wait for Bucky to return from his morning jog with Steve, passing by one of the new trainees as you left the kitchen. Their hushed whispers caused you to stop in your tracks, your stomach dropping when you heard what they were saying.

"She's getting fat" Sharon snorted, hardly noticing you weren't out of ear shot while the trainee giggled along with her, nodding in agreement.

"Oh my God, you should've seen her at the gym yesterday. She was breathing so hard while running on the treadmill, I thought she was going to pass out. I don't even think she lasted 5 minutes before calling it quits" The trainee replied while Sharon rolled her eyes.

"She's gonna looked like a beached whale if she keeps eating like that, I swear she finished the entire row single handedly"

"I don't get what Bucky is doing with her. Honestly, I'm not even complaining. If she gets any fatter he's gonna leave her so maybe that'll make it easier for me" Sharon cackled along with the girl, the both of them snickering while swooning over the soldier. "He's so hot. I don't get what the hell he's doing with her, he can do so much better. Just wait till I show him, he'll see what he's missed out on"

You hardly realized you'd broken down into tears, slapping a hand over your mouth to keep from sobbing. You ran to your shared bedroom as fast as you could before anyone else saw you, closing the door and instructing FRIDAY to keep everyone out. You threw your jeans off, hating the way they were tighter on you, curling up under the covers, muffling your cries into the pillow.

-

Bucky ran his fingers through his short locks, making his way to the kitchen to grab some water after his run, smiling to himself knowing how much you loved to slink around him whenever he worked out. He loved how needy and cuddly you were, always burying your face into his neck of chest, trying to crawl up him like a tree.

"Where are you babygirl" Bucky called for you, expecting to see you in the perched in the kitchen with your pepper mint tea you'd recently been relying on, only to find a full mug without you in sight. Sharon and the new agent were still there, both of them eyeing him up and down, hoping to get his attention.

"Hey Sarge-

"Have you seen y/n" Bucky cut Sharon off, still looking around for you. Sharon rolled her eyes again, stating she hadn't seen you at all, since she'd spend her own morning working out. Bucky frowned, picking up the still hot tea, taking it up as he made his way to the bedroom.

"Sweeheart?" Bucky called for you softly, his heart racing when he hard soft sniffles from the other side of the door, his anxiety spiking when the door was locked. "Baby, are you okay? Can you open the door please?"

You hiccupped, trying to calm yourself down hearing Bucky's worried voice, quickly wiping your face before getting out of bed to open the door for him. His heart broke seeing his sweet girl with red rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks from crying, pulling you into him while shutting the door behind him.

"What's wrong mama" Bucky cooed, hugging you tightly while you whimpered in his hold, your insecurities at an all time high as he slipped his hand under your hoodie to stroke the bare skin of your back.

"Am I fat?" You whispered, worried the question would make realize you were less attractive, a fresh wave of tears streaming down your face.

"What?" Bucky pulled away, shock evident on his face while you stared at your feet, swallowing nervously.

"Please don't make me say it"

"Sweetheart, look at me" He held your face firmly in his hands making you look a him, "Why would you ask such a thing"

"I-I heard some people talking in the kitchen. Said I'm fat" If it wasn't for Bucky's enhanced hearing, he would've missed your fallen voice as you hide your face in his chest again.

"Absolutely not baby, who said that to you" Bucky held back on the red hot anger that surged through him, needing to comfort you first before raining hell on whoever hurt you.

"But I am Bucky!" You cried in frustration, pulling away from his hold. "It looks awful and I'm just going to keep getting bigger, I- I get if you don't find me as attractive-

"Hey, hey, stop, baby look at me" Bucky stopped your rambling, pulling you back into him, his hands holding your face firmly, "Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are to me? Hm? Do you have any idea how insanely attracted I've been to you ever since you told me you're pregnant?"

You shook your head, your heart jolting when he pushed himself against you, letting you feel the hardness between his legs, poorly contained in his joggers.

"Bucky-

"C'mere" Bucky threw your hoodie off before stripping his own clothes aside, his hard cock angry and leaking, desperate to fill you. "M'gonna show you baby"

He didn't give you a second to protest, carrying you over to bed and laying you down, spreading your legs apart, flicking his cock against your clit before tracing it down to your entrance and shoving himself home.

"Bucky!" you moaned, your legs moving on their own to wrap around his waist as he started to move, throbbing the entire time.

"You're so fuckin' beautiful mama, if you weren't pregnant already, we'd be in here all day till you were" Bucky groaned, grabbing and caressing your soft skin, already leaking into you. "You're gonna look so sexy when your belly gets all round, when these breasts get all big, they're gonna leak so much carrying my baby"

He moved to tug your swollen nipples between his pink lips, groaning at the thought of how sweet your milk would taste. Your back arched off the bed from how sensitive they were, your cunt fluttering around his cock, sucking him in deeper.

"I already know you're gonna get so swollen mama, its my baby in your belly. Did you forget its my cum that got you pregnant? Did you forget there's all that serum in my cock baby? I got you fuckin' pregnant, I'm you're babydaddy, I can't wait to see you get all tired, pouty and big with my super soldier baby"

"Oh fuck Bucky" you wailed, his words making your heart swell while your pussy nearly squirted as he hit that spongy spot deep in you, "P-please don't-don't stop"

"I won't stop baby, couldn't even if I wanted to, y'feel too good. Fuck, just knowing you're pregnant makes me so hard, can't believe I knocked suck a pretty little thing up, so lucky I got to stuff you nice and full"

Bucky started to fuck you harder till he headboard added new dents to the wall since the extra strength walls Tony added had nothing on Bucky's stamina and strength.

"Can't wait till everyone sees how pretty you're gonna look, m'gonna show you off, make sure everyone knows you're my girl, the love of my life, that you're carrying a piece of me in you"

"But- but what if they think-I won't look-" You're insecurities tried to sneak back in but Bucky wasn't having any of it, shutting ha down immediately.

"I'll fuck you in front of them. You think I give a fuck? I'll bend this pretty ass over, hold that perfectly round belly and stuff my cock in you till it leaks and makes a mess on the floor. I'll show them exactly what I did to get you that big in the first place, let them see how swollen my cock gets for you, goddamn, I'm gonna cum!"

Bucky fucked you hard and fast, letting you feel him in your stomach, not holding back one bit, his hand flying to grip onto the headboard.

"Bucky-Bucky gonna-I'm gonna-!OH GOD" You let out a silent scream, cumming around him without warning, your pregnancy making you extra sensitive, being able to orgasm without him even touching you.

"This sweet, soft fuckin' body" Bucky's pace faltered, sinking his teeth into your shoulder, "So good to me, so fuckin' good!, gonna cum mama, gonna give you more of my cream, gonna full that pussy up n'keep you pregnant forever, take it gorgeous, fuckin' beautiful, no one makes me hard like this, m'gonna cum so hard-fuck-fuck-FUCCCKKK M'CUMMING" Bucky roared against your neck, his cock bursting with ropes of cum, emptying his balls dry with sloppy thrusts until the sheets were soaked. You both panted, sweat covering your bodies, the sweet, primal smell of sex filling the room making your practically purr.

"You're the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. I love you no matter what. You're stunning to me at any size, pregnant or not, don't you ever forget it" Bucky held you firmly, brushing his hands over your belly, pressing a kiss to your temple. You nodded, already feeling better, nervousness replacing your previous anxiety because you knew Bucky wouldn't let the incident slide.

"Who made you feel this way baby" His voice was gentle but he wasn't leaving any room for negotiation.

"Just leave it Bucky" You shrugged, not wanting to make it a big deal but he shook his head.

"Can't do that sugar. No one makes my doll upset. You get some rest alright? let me make you lunch and we'll take a nap after"

You nodded, letting him slip his henley over your head, grabbing some comfy sweats for you to wear and throwing on his own clothes before heading down. You froze as you neared the kitchen seeing everyone else downstairs gathered for lunch which was a rare sight but there had been less mission recently meaning everyone was home. Bucky gave your hand a comforting squeeze, a stark contrast the to protective anger he felt again.

"Who the fuck spoke about y/n" Bucky stormed down, silence filling the room immediatly, everyone staring at each other in confusion while Sharon's face filled with guilt. "Well?!"

"What happened Buck, Steve and I were training this morning" Sam said honestly, while the others nodded in agreement, still looking at each other wondering what was going on. "You okay, sweetheart?"

"Well someone said something because she was upset in our bedroom and it happened today" Bucky had a good feeling about who caused your distress, knowing no one else would ever do such a thing but he wasn't about to call out Sharon ha easily, seeing her already squirming in discomfort.

"There's an easy solution to all this, give me a second" Tony typed something into his phone before calling for Friday, "FRIDAY can you play back the audio from this morning from when y/n was in here"

"Certainly, Mr. Stark"

The audio started with you greeting Sharon, followed by her comment and then the conversation she had with the new trainee. Shock and gasps filled the room, everyone glaring at the blonde with disgust while she shook her head, her stomach churning.

"I-I didn't say anything! That wasn't even me!"

"Really? Then who the fuck was it" Bucky spat, ready to jump her across the table, his fists balled at his side. Sharon huffed, biting her lip while Bucky continued to glare at her, still holding your hand softly in his. His anger only flared more, thinking about how she thought she could replace you.

"Fine! I said it! But was I wrong? She is bigger than before" Sharon weakly defended herself, trembling when Bucky flinched, his self restraint growing thinner. Your eyes grew steamy, squeaking when Bucky moved to wrap his arm around your tummy, slipping it under your shirt.

"Cause she's pregnant. With my baby. I'm her babydaddy. I got her pregnant. You wanna know how? I fucked her. So hard. I didn't just fuck her, I made love to her cause she's my girl. Do you have any idea how attracted I am to her? How much cum there was? I didn't pull out once. She's so tight around my cock, its hard not to fill her up. Just kept going until my dick started to hurt and even then, I didn't wanna pull out"

Sam smirked at Bucky's utterly unhinged, x-rated rambling while Steve buried his red face in his hands. Tony cackled from the side while Nat patiently waited to get a chance to lay her hands on Sharon on Bucky's behalf.

"I-I get it, enough-

"You're delusional if you think I'd ever leave her for you. This is the love of my life. She's giving me a baby. She's beautiful. I chose this woman because she's special, she's this one I want to have a family with. You know what, you better get used to it cause I'm gonna get her pregnant again and again and it won't be hard considering how badly I constantly want her. In fact, we fucked just now, tell your little friend that"

"Oh my god" Sharon huffed, harshly wiping her tear streaked face, ready to throw up from embarrassment. She choked a sob, running out without looking back, Bucky's words tearing her apart. Everyone ignored her presence, immediately piling onto you with hugs, kisses and congratulations instead.

"Congratulations, babydaddy" Sam grinned, playfully nudging Bucky's shoulder making him blush, his arms still wrapped around your tummy. "And to you, little mama"

"I call god father" Steve announced, kissing your cheek before pulling Bucky into a tight hug, happy for his best friend and you.

Nat cracked a few knuckles, giving you a quick peck on the head, promising to celebrate later before following Sharon out, ready to hand her ass to her. The little trainee would be next.

"So what you're both saying is there's gonna be another super soldier running around here?" Tony's eyes lit up with excitement and a dash of fear when he remembered the baby would also be surrounded by idiots like Sam and Steve. He'd have to reinforce everything.

Immediately.

[narwhalwarnhal]

HOLY SHIT

My Little Love

Chapter 28

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x enhanced!Reader

Word Count: 3.7K

Warning: MAJOR ANGST, sad everyone, explosions, gunfire, major character deaths, talks of injuries, a child using a gun (you'll see) cliffhanger

A/N: I am kind of sorry for this...

Series Masterlist

Pillows were laid out, blankets were ready for use, snacks were prepared and everyone was in their comfiest pajamas. Alpine was snuggled up to Henry and Lottie was snuggled up against you. 

🎶 “Life is a highway 

I wanna ride it all night long. 

If you’re going my way

Well, I wanna drive it all night long.”🎶 The three of you sang along to the movie. 

“Can habe mo’ mama?” Lottie lifts up the bowl you’d used for popcorn.

“Sure thing, Sweet Angel. Do you want some more bubs?” 

“Yes please.” 

“I’ll be right back.” You grab the bowl and your phone and head to the kitchen. 

After throwing a bag of popcorn into the microwave you look at your phone. There’s some messages in your family group chat but none from Bucky. You’re itching to text him just to give him encouragement. This has to be incredibly difficult for him, it would be for you too. These were the people that had a hand in creating his kids. In abusing and hurting them with the hopes of creating monsters. 

The microwave beeps letting you know that it’s done. You turn your attention to that instead and decide that Bucky doesn’t need a distraction. 

There was a weight on your midsection and a second later a blood curdling scream. That woke you up with a start. When your eyes adjusted to the darkness you realized Lottie was sitting on top of you. Her hands were gripping your shirt hard enough to rip it. You were disoriented for a moment before you remembered you had been in the living room watching tv and must have fallen asleep. Another sob from Lottie gets your attention. She’s panting as she calls out for you over and over again. 

“Shh it’s ok sweet Angel, mama’s right here.” You sat up and brought your knees up to lay her back as you tried to sooth her. 

“Bubba, bubba.” 

“I’m right here Lottie. You’re ok, you’re safe.” 

“Mama?” Henry’s sleepy voice breaks your focus for just a moment as you look at him. Alpine curled up in his back as she slept. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know honey, maybe she’s having a vision.” 

“Mama.” Charlotte cried this time and then her eyes shifted to look straight at you. It felt more like she was seeing through you.

“Hey baby, you’re ok. What did you see? Can you tell me?” 

“Mama.” She said with a hiccup. Her hands were on your temple and she put her foreheads to yours.

****

The morning light peaks through the curtains as Lottie opens her eyes slowly. With a yawn and stretch she sat up and  admired her Barbie pajamas. There’s a teddy bear snug in her arm and she’s  sitting in a pile of pillows. When she looks to the side she finds Henry sleeping with Alpine snuggled up on his back. When Lottie looks towards the kitchen she sees you moving around. As best she can, Lottie stands with the intention of making her way to you.   

“Warning. Incoming projectile. Warning. incoming projectile.” Friday announced.

Metal blinds start to lower over the windows and Lottie whimpers, scared of what’s going on. 

“Henry, Charlotte.” She heard you calling them and running toward the living room. 

You barely make it to them and throw yourself over their smaller frames when a blast rings throughout the room. 

****

There was ringing in Lottie’s ears as she began to regain consciousness. There’s rubble and smoke and small fires springing up in the living room. Through crying and coughing Lottie sits up. Your arm is thrown over her but your eyes are closed. 

“Mama?” Lottie calls you but you don’t stir. 

She pulls herself from your grip and she winces when she gets up. Her once pink pajamas are now crimson. When she lifts up her top there’s an ugly gash on her belly.

“Mama no seeping.” She shakes you but still no response. “Bubba?” 

Lottie looks over at her brother and begins to cry. He lays next to you, lifeless. His eyes opened and glazed over with blood around his mouth and nose. There was a bang at the door and then another. 

“Mama, Mama.” Lottie shook you, crying as she called out your name. 

A group of men all dressed in black, a red skull with tentacles emblazoned on their uniforms barge in. One of the men grabs Charlotte. She tries to wiggle, punch and kick her way out of their hold but to no avail, she's carried out while she cries and tries to reach for you in hopes that you will save her. 

You gasp as you pull away from Lottie’s hold. Her bottom lip trembles as she looks at you. 

“Oh my sweet Angel it’s ok. I’m going to keep you safe. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.” You pull her into your chest and rub her back until she calms down.

“What happened mama?” 

“She just saw something bad. But now I know what it is and we can make it better.” You kiss the top of Lottie’s head and then pull Henry to your side. “I need your help sweet boy. I need you to go and change out of your pjs and into outside clothes and shoes.”

“Ok Mama.” 

Henry gets up and runs to his room while you get up and go to Lottie’s. She clings to you and you have to reassure her that nothing is going to happen. After finally getting her dressed you change into something more suitable. 

“Let’s go Henry.” You call out from the door, he runs to meet you with Alpine in his arms. You smile at him and let him walk out first before looking at your apartment for what may be the last time. 

“Mama.”

“Yes sweet Angel?”  

“Bad men coming. Want dada.” Her usually bright and happy eyes are now full of concern and fear and it kills you.

“Yes they are, but mama is going to keep you safe until daddy gets back.” 

“Hill.” You call out as you burst through the command room doors with Henry and Charlotte following close behind. 

“Y/L/N, now is not a good time.”

“You can’t get a hold of them can you?” 

Hill looks from one of the monitors to you with a furrowed brow. She nods towards an empty office and you follow her in with the kids. 

“How did you know?” 

“This is what happened on my first mission after we found Charlotte, remember?” 

“They’re flying into a trap.” She says.

“Not necessarily a trap but a distraction.”

“What do you mean?” She crosses her arms over her chest. 

You explain everything you saw in Lottie’s vision, giving as much detail as possible. Some parts make Lottie upset again but you have to get them out anyway. It’s not just yours and the kid’s lives that are at stake, Tony doubled the agents while they left for your protection but if Hydra was able to get in quickly that means they had the firepower to get through anyone. 

“And they’re after the kids?”

“It seemed like it.” 

“We have to do something.” Hill sighs. “We can’t just evacuate, they could have eyes on us right now, but you have to leave.”

“I have a way to get out.”

“But where will you go?” 

“The tower. Tony reinforced it after Loki’s attack on New York and Hydra won’t think we’d go there.” 

“We tell no one, the less people know the better your chances of getting out safely.” 

“And the team?” You ask, since the vision you haven’t been able to stop thinking about Bucky. When he gets back he’ll think the worst and it’ll kill you to not be able to let him know right away that you and the kids are ok. 

“I’ll let Bucky know of the plan and have him meet you there.” Maria gives you a reassuring smile. “As for the rest of us, we'll prepare to give Hydra a fight when they walk through those doors. That should distract them enough so that you can get away.”

“Thank you Maria.” 

For the next hour you and Maria make a plan to fight back and an exit strategy. If anything goes wrong from the compound to the tower you are going to need someone to know more or less your backup plan. 

“Stay safe, I’ll see you soon.” 

With a nod you leave and take the kids with you. You head back to your apartment to grab some last minute things. Their teddy bears and favorite blankets, things that will give them comfort and then you head straight for Bucky’s personal garage. Tony had set it up after you gave him the motorcycle for father’s day. Bucky happens to keep another car in there. One he prepared for something like this. It held supplies for the four of you, and Alpine. It was fitted with weapons and bullet proof everything but no tracking system that anyone could hack. Bucky had started working on it shortly after finding Henry. He always told you Hydra wouldn’t give them up so easily.

****

The kids were buckled in and Charlotte had finally fallen asleep. Henry sat quietly next to her, holding her hand for comfort. You sat in the driver's seat, completely alert of your surroundings. The car was parked in the woods of the compound. Close enough to see the main building but still hidden from prying eyes. There were agents going on with their early morning routine but considering they were armed to the teeth you knew Maria had gone through with an emergency briefing. 

As soon as the first rays of sun peeked over the horizon you turned the car on and started to drive off. It wasn’t until you got to a private, lesser known entry point that you heard it. 

The explosion. 

You’re still not sure how Charlotte managed to show you her vision but the thought of you not being able to protect them brought tears to your eyes. Soon enough in the distance there was gunfire and more explosions and you picked up speed to get as far away as you could. It was easy to leave the compound with the fight going on. 

You don’t look back, your focus is to get to the tower. 

****

You had just gotten into the city. Hopefully you'll be able to get to the tower soon and it would be easier to keep track of what was going on at the compound from there. You could also keep an eye out for the team from the tower. During the drive down you kept a police scanner going so that you could be aware of any accidents or closed roads so that you could change directions easier. 

What you heard was much worse. 

There was an amber Alert out for the kids and your description as the kidnapper along with a description of the car you were in. Police were advised to use any force necessary to bring you down. Of course Hydra would still have some people within police departments to use at their will.

“Fuck.” 

“Mama what’s wrong?” Henry asked from behind you. 

“We can’t go to the tower baby.” 

“Where are we gonna go then?” 

“To see the only person I can trust right now.” You look at him through the rear view mirror. 

As soon as you can you get back on the highway and head up north. It’s risky to be on the highway but you’d rather the highway where there are witnesses than a backroad where there would be no one and hydra could definitely get you there. 

“Mama.” 

“Yeah sweet boy?” 

“There are cars following us.” Henry says. “They have been for a few minutes now.” 

“Are you sure?” You look at your side and rear view mirrors to get a look at the cars. 

“Yeah, they’ve changed lanes when you have and they change their speed when you do.” 

“Fuck.” You hit the steering wheel. The last thing you need is a gunfight on a highway. 

You decide to lose them and swerve among the cars until there is enough distance between you and them. Through the traffic you manage to get some distance and you don’t stop until you come to a traffic jam. Your heart is beating out of your chest as you have to slow down. The police scanner goes off talking about a small accident. You flick your wrist and make a way for your own car. 

You’re creating more distance and you’re past the accident. Cars are clearing out of your way as you speed down the highway when a car comes speeding up behind you. You take a deep breath and prepare to make a move at the right moment. With another flick of your wrist you manage to make the other car flip. Unfortunately you now have about four SUVs on your tail again and a crying Lottie who woke up from the noise. 

Henry grabs the gun from your bag sitting on the passenger’s side and then the suppressor. He puts them together and checks for bullets.

“Henry, give me that. It’s not a toy.” 

“I know it’s not a toy mama. I can help.” He says and then he disappears.

 His window rolls down. With one arm wrapped around his seatbelt Henry leans out of the window.

“Henry, get back in your seat, please baby.” You call out but you can’t do much other than weave through traffic and try to stay steady. 

A shot goes off and out of the side mirror you see one of the SUVs swerve off course and hit a barrier. With three more quick shots Henry has effectively stopped Hydra from pursuing you, for now at least. 

“Are you ok sweet Angel?” You ask as you hug Charlotte.

“Am scared. Want dada.” 

“I know sweet Angel, me too.” You smooth out her hair. 

Her now thick and healthy and shiny black hair that fell just to her shoulders. It grew quickly but that’s what the serum’s doing. She had grown so much in the very few short months since you’d found her. Lottie looked like a whole different child. So did Henry. They had both gained a healthy amount of weight, their cheeks were rosy, they smiled easily, and they knew what love was. Now all of that was in danger and you felt helpless in all of it by not having Bucky at your side. He would know what to do and where to go. 

“It’s ok baby we’re safe with mama.” Henry said from his seat next to you. 

You had the SUV parked in a wooded area away from street views and roads. The kids needed a break and so did you. Besides, you were already where you needed to be, you were in your hometown.

“Where are we going after this?” 

“We are going to meet up with your dad.”

“An Steebie?” 

“Yes and Steebie.” You tell Charlotte and smile. 

You glance at the clock on the car radio and sigh. 

“Ok guys, stay here and Henry, keep yourself and Charlotte invisible until I get back. Can you do that?” 

He nods. You lean forward and kiss his forehead and then Lottie’s. She moves to sit with her brother. Henry holds her hand and then they’re gone from your sight. 

You run to where you need to be and make it to the edge of the forest easily. There at the edge you stand behind a tree and watch. A few cars pass by the small road but your eyes are on the building across the street. When you see who you’re waiting for you step out so that you can be seen. 

“Y/N, what the hell are you doing here?” Your dad asks as soon as he gets to you. It didn’t take him long to spot you and he ran over. 

“Dad.” You sob as he hugs you, pulling you away from the street. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I need your help.”

“What is it? Was it Bucky? Did he hurt you? Because I’ll kill him if he did.” He says as he pulls away from you. 

“No dad, he’s on a mission. It’s hydra.”

“The people that hurt him and the kids?”

You nod. “Come on.” You lead him back to the SUV and explain everything on the walk back. 

“What do you need me to do?”  

“I need you to take the kids back to the city, to the Avenger’s tower specifically.”

“What about you?”

“Hydra thinks I have the kids so I’ll let them believe that. I’ll lead them as far away as possible to give you a chance to get to the tower. Maria Hill will be there and hopefully so will the team. The kids will be safer there.” 

“And then what?” Your dad asks but you can see that he already knows the answer. 

“You send the team to come get me but not Bucky. The kids are going to need him and you tell him I said that.” You say as you get to the car. The door opens and the kids jump out. 

“Gwandpa.” 

“Grandpa.”

Eddie gets on one knee and hugs the kids. You take a deep breath to try and calm yourself before you cry in front of the kids. 

“Will you do this for me?” 

“Of course I will kitten. Are you sure you can’t just come with us?”

“It’ll be safer for them if I lead the men following us away.” 

“Ok. I have some old military buddies that will drive down with me for extra protection. We’ll get them there.” Eddie pulls you in for another hug. 

The realization hits you. This might be the last time you ever see him again so you hug him tighter. When you pull back you see tears in his eyes and you give him a sad smile before turning to go back to the SUV. You grab the kids’ backpacks and Alpine and you give them to your dad. 

“I’ll give you a minute.” 

You kneel in front of the kids. First you bring Charlotte in for a hug. You kiss her temple and hum a lullaby to calm her down from the small sobs that are starting to escape her. 

“Mama, bad man take you.” She declares with tears in her eyes.

“It’s ok. I love you so much baby. You are so smart and good, sweet, funny. You’re always going to be my sweet Angel.” 

“I lobe you mama.” Charlotte says before kissing your cheek. “Best mama.” 

“Go with grandpa and be good, ok.” 

You watch as Charlotte runs to your dad and hugs him. Then you turn your attention to Henry. 

“C’mere.” You stretch out your hand for him to take but Henry throws himself against you, his arms wrapped around your neck and he cries. “It’s ok baby. Everything will be just fine.” 

“I can go with you. I can keep you safe mama.”

“I’ll be just fine.”

“You can’t go, you can’t leave us.” Henry cries harder.

“I’m not leaving you.”

“But baby said the bad men take you. They’re going to hurt you if they do.”

“I know but I can change that now that I know what’s supposed to happen. Listen to me.” You pull away and hold him by his shoulders before cupping his face and wiping tears away. “I need you to go with grandpa and Lottie ok. I need you to keep them safe, you have to keep your baby safe. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.” 

“Good. I love you so much my sweet boy. I know this is scary but we’ll see each other soon and this will all just be a nightmare.” You kiss his cheek. “My sweet, brave, kind boy. Tell your dad that this wasn’t his fault ok? Whenever you see him sad.”

“Ok.”

“Go with your grandpa and keep Charlotte safe ok.”

He nods again. With his head down Henry walks towards Eddie. He puts on his backpack and takes Alpine in one hand while holding Lottie’s in the other. He fades in and out as they walk away from you. 

Then you turn and get in the car. You already know your fate, hydra takes you. But you’re willing to give yourself up if it means that Henry and Charlotte never have to face them again.

You’re pulled by your hair out of a tub of ice cold water. It feels like thousands of needles are pricking your skin. You try to take a breath and take a moment to look at your surroundings but you can’t. A few seconds later you’re dunked into water again. Your hands are tied behind your back and you have a few broken ribs as well as cuts, scrapes, maybe even a concussion and a dislocated shoulder. In addition to all of that they must have given you some type of sedative because it’s very hard to stay awake and stay focused. Hydra had caught up to you and they managed to get some type of explosive under the car. It was the only way they were able to get the upper hand. As long as the kids and your father got to the tower safely you didn’t care, you just hoped that Bucky wouldn’t blame himself. 

You get pulled out of the water again and this time you’re dragged somewhere else. They force you onto your knees as you cough up water. Finally you can actually breathe. There are footsteps that stop right in front of you but you couldn’t care less as to who it is. Hydra is all scum and they’ll all die once Bucky and the team find you. Sharp nails dig into your cheeks as the person before you grabs your face and moves your head so that you’ll look at them.

“I had lost all hope that I could turn you into what you were meant to be.” 

You stare incredulously up at your captor. Disbelief and anger surge through you but you only manage to say one thing.

“Mom?” 

Ch 29

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[narwhalwarnhal]

lieutenant smoulder [08/15]

pairing: bucky barnes x reader word count: 2258 warnings: mentions of periods/menstrual cycles, allusion to pregnancy, a bombshell of a secret, angst

prompt: “i was made for you”

summary: in which they put aside any previous issues to tackle the next obstacle

author’s note: wow, been a minute, huh?

glow | lieutenant smoulder | inferno

Y/N hated that she’d noticed, but the couple of times where she’s stayed at Bucky’s the previous night, he’d left in a rush. She also hated that she knew this morning he’d slept in and hadn’t gone anywhere.

Pushing that aside, she got up and threw his t-shirt over her head so she could make breakfast. Flicking the radio on to hear some catchy pop song and opening a window to let some fresh air in.

Their shift started in just over an hour, so she brewed up a pot of coffee and started making some bacon and eggs. She was starving, and knew leftover birthday cake wasn’t a substantial enough breakfast.

She wasn’t sure how long Bucky had been awake and watching her dance around the kitchen, but he seemed to be enjoying the show.

“Uh, I made food,” she said, gesturing to the plates on the counter in front of her.

He thanked her with a brief kiss and sat up at the breakfast bar to eat. She slid a mug of coffee over to him and picked at the last of her eggs.

“I need a shower before work,” she announced.

“I’ll let myself out,” he told her. “Thanks for breakfast.”

She slipped out of his shirt and left it on the counter beside him, well aware he was watching her as she walked to the bathroom. 

+++

Y/N couldn’t explain it, but she’d felt something shift. Her relationship with Bucky – if you could call it such – had changed and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. There was something he was hiding and she didn’t like the jealous feeling that sat in the pit of her stomach.

“You any good at poker?” Romanoff asked as Y/N joined the crew in the mess.

She’d been busy in the gym for the past hour, trying to work her frustrations out in a more productive way. Freshly showered and ready for a quiet evening after a couple of calls throughout the afternoon. There hadn’t been anything major, so everyone was busy lounging around and enjoying the downtime.

Romanoff, Barnes, Wilson, Hill and Banner were playing poker. Someone was making dinner, but she forgot who’s night it was.

“Eh, I’ve played before,” she confessed. “Not sure if I’m any good, though.”

Romanoff dealt her in and she took a seat beside Banner, opposite Hill.

The basics were explained to her as they played a dummy round, just so she could get the hang of everything. It didn’t make a lot of sense, but they were betting peanuts rather than money, so she didn’t care if she won or lost. 

Bruce was quite obviously good, but it was Romanoff and Barnes’ poker faces that threw Y/N a bit. Hill looked like she’s rather be anywhere else but playing, and Wilson kept the banter high. He did his best to make the stone cold duo crack, and while Barnes did occasionally laugh, he was right back to being unreadable.

Y/N had seen that face the previous two mornings when he’d left without so much as a reason. She tried not to let it bother her, but it did, and she wasn’t sure why. 

“Hey, you’ve been kind of off for the last couple weeks. Everything okay?” Romanoff asked. It’d been a while since she’d found herself alone in the red-head’s company, but as they stripped the linen from the beds to do laundry, Y/N almost appreciated the check-in. 

“Yeah, just have a bit on my mind, is all,” she admitted half-heartedly.

“Doesn’t have anything to do with the guy who left the gnarly bruise on your neck after your birthday, does it?”

Y/N laughed as she folded the fitted sheet around the bed in front of her. “It plays a small part, I guess.”

“You want to talk about it?”

Natasha left the question hanging in the air between them, letting Y/N decide whether she wanted to chat or not. After a while, once the bed Y/N had been remaking was finished, she sighed. 

“I think he’s hiding something from me,” she admitted. “He’s always quick to make an exit and constantly telling me he’s having dinner with his Mom, or they get coffee every morning, blah blah. I just can’t help but feel like he’s lying about something.”

Natasha hummed. “Have you asked him about it?”

“We don’t have that kind of relationship,” she said. “I don’t want to come across as jealous or possessive, but if there’s someone else, I’d like to know, you know?”

“Do you want my advice or do you just want to vent?”

“Advice.”

“I think it’s wise to confront him. If it’s just sex between the two of you, you have a right to know if he’s sleeping around with other women. If it was me, I wouldn’t want to see him if he didn’t wear protection. But on the other hand, maybe he is being honest. He could just be a total Mama’s boy.”

Y/N snorted in laughter. “You want to know the kicker, Nat?”

“Hit me,”

“We didn’t use a condom once, and ever since, he’s been insistent on using them,” Y/N said. “And I didn’t fight it, just because I don’t want some other woman’s STD. Last time we had this arrangement neither of us even thought about condoms. That’s what makes me think there’s someone else.”

“It sounds like you need to decide if you want to keep having sex with him, or sit him down and find out what he isn’t telling you,” Natasha said. “If it was me…I wouldn’t have sex with him again until he told me.”

“He’s been busy these last couple weeks,” Y/N said. “Since my birthday…he’s been weird. ‘We can’t see each other tonight, I’m out of town,’ or ‘I can be there in three hours.’ Like, if you don’t want to keep this going then just tell me. I’m a big girl, I can handle it. I just feel like I’m going crazy.”

“You’re not going crazy,” Natasha assured her. “He’s making excuses.”

“And if he is sleeping with other women, do I want him in my bed three hours after he’s likely been in her bed?”

“He sounds like trouble.”

You have no idea.

Y/N sighed, running a hand over her face. “Too much trouble for it to just be sex, right?”

“I didn’t say that,” she replied. “Only you know what you want the outcome to be. Just have to decide whether confronting him about his lies is worth losing the thing you have if you don’t like the answer.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Nat.”

Y/N hauled a bag of washing down to the laundry room, needing a moment of silence to think things through. Natasha had a look about her, something she couldn’t quite read. Like she knew something Y/N didn’t, or maybe she was truly clueless and was trying to imagine herself in Y/N’s shoes.

“There’s more going on, isn’t there?” Natasha asked.

As she entered the laundry room with another bag of washing, she found Y/N leaning against the machine with her head lowered.

“I’m late, Nat. Him being weird about the condoms and his general behavior lately…I feel sick.”

Natasha didn’t get a chance to reply, because Wilson was hollering that dinner was ready. She gave Y/N a sympathetic look, but didn’t press the issue as she started angrily throwing sheets into one of the machines. Simply placing a friendly hand on her shoulder and leaving her alone. 

Y/N would be lying if she said she didn’t shed a couple tears, but she was quick to gather herself before plastering on a happy face and joining the team for dinner. Sam had made one of his family’s recipes, and the smell alone made her salivate.

Even if the thought of eating anything made her sick to her stomach.

She dished herself up a small plate, but grabbed a bottle of water as well. Taking a seat beside Bruce, far away from Bucky. Aware that the motion didn’t go undetected from the latter, but forcing herself to eat despite not feeling hungry.

+++

A quiet night was needed, but it wasn’t likely. The siren rang out a little after nine – a candle had caught the shower curtain alight while its owner fell asleep in the bathtub. They required some minor medical attention, and the bathroom was worse for wear, but they’d be okay. It was a good outcome all things considered. 

You were getting a bottle of water from the kitchen when Bucky cornered you. You’d been avoiding him and it was obvious he was here to address that. Even if he had waited until the shift was almost over, while everyone else was asleep in the bunk room. 

“What crawled up your ass and died?” He asked. 

Sure, he could’ve gone about it better, but this was the safest way to communicate. Snippy comments and sarcastic remarks were your M.O. He was trying to make you comfortable to have this conversation while at work.

“Not in the mood today, Barnes,” you replied with a sigh.

He took a moment to stare you down, really look at you. It’d been a couple days since he’d stayed over after your birthday, but you looked exhausted. Dark circles had made themselves at home under your eyes, your brows seemed to be set in a permanent frown, and your attitude had been less than that of a team-player.

While you were still alternating who took the lead on calls, you’d barely spoken to him unless absolutely necessary. Even his smart-ass jabs hadn’t been enough to warrant a retort. 

“Anything I can help with?” He pressed. 

“You’ve done enough,” you stated, letting the words settle between you. 

“So you’re mad at me? That’s new.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he turned away.

“Get fucked, Barnes.”

“Are you on your period or something?” He snapped. “Because you’re never this much of a cunt without good reason.”

“Fuck you,” you spat. “I’m allowed to be pissed off without anyone questioning my menstrual cycle. But between you and me? I’m late.”

You were glad you whispered the last part, because it really drove home your point. His eyes widened ever-so-slightly, mouth opening to say something but ultimately deciding against it.

“I’ll pee on a damn stick within the hour. I don’t need you to hold my hand. I don’t need you to do anything, except leave me the fuck alone. Are we clear?”

It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The first tear fell before you had the chance to swipe it away, and he was quick to wrap his arms around you.

“Let me go.”

“I can’t do that,” he replied, holding you tight as your tears began to soak his shirt. You hated feeling weak, but you hated it even more than he was the one seeing you like this. That he had played a potential role in this situation. “It could just be late.”

“Stop talking,” you shushed him, not wanting to hear any words of comfort from him. The thought had already crossed your mind, but your cycle was like clockwork. You were late, it was as simple as that. 

When the siren blared out, you pulled away from him and quickly wiped your face as you raced to the gear room, listening to where the call was coming from. Your heart sank to the pit of your stomach as you pulled on your turnouts, watching everyone else doing the same.

“That’s a school,” someone said. You honestly had no idea who said it because you were climbing into the rig and putting on your best game face. 

Barnes took his seat opposite you, his face riddled with worry as Captain Wilson relayed the information of the call.

“Fire alarm is going off at an elementary school. No news yet where the fire is, but most of the school has been evacuated. There will be parents going crazy trying to find their kids since it’s about time for school drop-off. We do not need them playing the hero and running into a burning building, copy?”

There was a chorus of ‘yes, sir’s that rang out, but your eyes were locked on Bucky. Bucky, who usually kept his face blank when calls like this came in. Bucky, who would joke and keep morale up, was eerily quiet.

It worried you.

When you arrived at the school, you looked at him to run point.

He had eyes for no one but you.

“I need you to take this call, Y/L/N,” he said, voice thick and gravelly. He looked spooked. “I can’t go in there.”

“What? Barnes, it’s all hands on deck! Get your fucking head in the game!” You snapped.

“You’re running point because my son is in there!” He yelled back, running a hand over his face. “Please, my son is in there.”

You squared your shoulders, pushing aside any fear you had. Any doubt you had behind why he’d frozen. 

He had a son. A son he’d literally only just told you about. A son. 

“I’ve got him, Barnes,” you assured him, holding out your fist. He needed to bump it – it was good luck. A promise. You would do everything you could to make sure his boy was safe.

When his fist touched yours, you nodded and turned to face your team.