navigating-thru-life

[navigating-thru-life]

11/10/24

Hi,

I am S

and I am 18

and basically I am depressed.

With a lots of thinking I feel there is a lot more to come in life and I wanna see how it works and I'm so sick of just not having a purpose in life or maybe I just have nothing to do with life. I hate the fact that I am so stuck on a loop. So I'm giving myself an year and I'm seeing how things are gonna work out. Hence for the next 365 days this is my purpose. To Blog about the things that happen in my life. I just wanna see my progress if at all I make any. I don't even know if this is the right place for it. I mean I'm sure of nthg in life so... to sum it all up I'm keeping this as my personal journal? and just writing things as I navigate? thru life!.

Before everything I shud tell you its probably gonna be very boring with lots of errors. I'm definitely not a writer. IDK what makes me think people will read this!! Ah well I think I shud just assume that someone will? yeahhh so if u can tolerate my mistakes please I would love to have you here (its okay even if u can't)

Um so today as usual I am very down. Idk I couldn't get into a college. Ofc not the end of the world but pretty much its like that for me. I wanted to go for nursing and I couldn't get into one either cause of my marks or cause I'm broke af. Tho I shud tell you in the mrng I was feeling pretty good. Idk I was feeling good because apparently I like someone. I mean he obv doesn't know that but we are good friends tho. Also i'm a bit too much delusional and hence I kind of already know our kids' names. Yeah that was embarrassing but anyway idk I was thinking abt him and I felt better? OR I just forgot about my whole situation. Texting him makes me feel less stressed about life. but then guess who decides to call? a relative! He literally lectured me about my carrier and wt I shud do and wt I shud have on mind and after that call DEAR HEAVENS!!! I felt horrible about everything. About not been able to get into cllg and about not having anything in life. Also had a very cutesy but demure meltdown. How grt is life. I mean there is some things he said that made sense but still uk... I just wanna have a life that's peaceful uk LIKE THAT'S ALL I ASK FOR. Itts just all messed up. For the past 6 months I've been doing nthg like I have nthg to do. I was waiting for my cllg applications to get accepted and I like got accepted into none omgggggggggggg . BUT UK WELL there is a lot of things I understood about myself in this 6 month gap like the fact that I always had depression or maybe about the fact that I always hated life not just now and it all just makes sense uk. People always say look at the bright side well!!!!! I have like no bright side. what!? SRSLY no bright side. Sometimes I think you it would've been diff if I was from somewhere else. idk my life sucks right now. I HAVE NO WILL TO LIVE. But obv I'm not gonna do anything abt it I wanna work! for my life. Okay enough with all the depressed shits. I'm gonna start building my better version yes I will do it. So here's my plan. Imma take mini steps that would help me to uk sort of get out of this current attitude day by day. So, here we begin

FIRST PRIORITY or PRIORITY OF THE DAY

GETTING CLOSE TO JESUS- Now how do I do that? Bible helps ryt! imma read bible today yeah I asked Chatgpt to keep a schedule for me to read bible and today acc to Chatgpt imma read genesis 1 and 2 then john 1 and psalms 8 yeah I'm doing it if that's gonna help imma do it.

SECOND PRIORITY OF THE DAY - LET'S LEARN A LANGUAGE. SPANISH SOUNDS GOOD. I WILL TAKE DUALINGO LESSONS.

I will update you guys with my progress. Idk I feel like I will do it if I feel like someone is watching me that's why I'm doing this. More than anything I wanna get out of this slum.

IM SOO SICK OF BEING IN TRASH SO! LET'S JUST BE BETTER.

6/26/25

so, ummm i didn't do it. This was drafted on oct 2024 and a lot of things happened since then I couldn't rlly complete this. Always I have been lazy in my life and ofc within this span of time a lot have actually changed. So what I am meaning to do is that I will come after an year of this was drafted on oct 2025 and will update what all have happened OR changed. I really thought I posted this draft and opened this today thinking I will see if someone saw and boom it was never posted so..... I'm actually pretty excited to tell what all have happened. ITS HUGE!

YEAHHHH SO..... BYEEE