nemracvee

[nemracvee]

Is Persistent Searching a sign of OCD?

This morning when I woke up, I saw on the floor the chain of my necklace with the absence of its pendant.

Being me, I started to look for the pendant. It's an oval Mother of Pearl, with silver two trees intertwined on its face inside the oval. This was a gift from my eldest daughter.

No brainer. I had to find it.

I assumed it is just within the vicinity of where I found the chain.

I got down on my hands and knees. None.

I groped around, lifted some stuff and looked under. None.

That was Phase 1. Start looking for the missing item. By just my eyes and hands.

Hmmmmm..... So, Phase 2. This is what I usually do when I need to find something and I wasn't able to find it.

By this time my focus was locked on the task at hand. Find the Pendant, nothing else. Just the pendant. My Spidey Senses are locked into that task. This is something that I cannot control. Honestly. It just takes over subconsciously. It's like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde.

When I morph into this mode, I am like a Retriever solely focused on retrieving what it's hunting for. Nothing else.

You may ask, what is Phase 2?

It's the weapon that most Mommies rely on for easy to difficult tasks: Broom and Dust Pan.

Heeeeey.... Don't look down on the handy and study pair! It has served me for decades. I usually find my target at Phase 2.

I started sweeping the floor in my room. Believe me when I tell you that every nook and cranny of my floor is now devoid of cobwebs, dust, and dirt.

I found a lock of an earring, stones of a couple of bracelets, PhP5 coin, and an old 2x2 picture 20 pounds ago.

On to the entire flight of stairs and all the floor surfaces in my wittle house, in case it fell somewhere on one of the floors. Even the kitchen and bathroom.

Literally tracing everywhere I have been in the house.

I even went down to the garage to check. Yep! It's clean now, too.

After 2 hours, I have a spotless floor and clean garage floor.....and a well fed Husky.

But no pendant.

By this time, I was frustrated and upset.

I have always wondered if I have OCD.

I actually searched on Google for what I have. If there's a name for it: Persistent Searching.

It says though:

"Persistent searching can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), it's not necessarily indicative of OCD on its own. OCD involves a cycle of obsessions (intrusive, unwanted thoughts or urges) and compulsions (repetitive behaviors or mental acts that a person feels driven to perform to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsessions)."

**https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9490-ocd-obsessive-compulsive-disorder**

Although, for it to be an OCD:

"Compulsions: To alleviate the anxiety caused by the obsession, they might engage in compulsive behaviors, like excessive searching, checking, or rearranging items until they feel "just right" or "complete"."

"Interference: For it to be considered OCD, this persistent searching needs to cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

**https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/what-is-obsessive-compulsive-disorderInterference: **

For it to be considered OCD, this persistent searching needs to cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Meaning, it has to cause significant Anxiety and Distress on the person if something is lost and it can't be found.

The article went on to explain that I may be just a very meticulous and detail oriented person. But not necessarily have OCD.

I breathed a sigh of relief!

I don't have OCD. I am just a very very very meticulous person with a need for organized things around me....at the same time, I also thrive in mess. That will be my art space.

I was upset because it was a gift from my daughter. But I am not distressed because of an obsession.

Therefore, in summary, I just have a knack of finding things. I possess a superhuman power of focus for tasks at hand. My super weapon is my broom & dust pan, and my super eyesight.

On a brighter note, I have a spotless floor.

It was the first time that I did not find what I was looking for.

Resigned to that fact, I decided to take a bath to remove all the dust and grime. I removed my hair tie.

A sound of clinking on the bathroom floor. Something fell from my hair.

The pendant.

[nemracvee]

Is Persistent Searching a sign of OCD?

This morning when I woke up, I saw on the floor the chain of my necklace with the absence of its pendant.

Being me, I started to look for the pendant. It's an oval Mother of Pearl, with two silver trees intertwined on its face, inside the oval. This was a gift from my eldest daughter.

No brainer. I had to find it.

I assumed it is just within the vicinity of where I found the chain.

I got down on my hands and knees. None.

I groped around, lifted some stuff and looked under. None.

That was Phase 1. Start looking for the missing item. By just my eyes and hands.

Hmmmmm..... So, Phase 2. This is what I usually do when I need to find something and I wasn't able to find it.

By this time my focus was locked on the task at hand. Find the Pendant, nothing else. Just the pendant. My Spidey Senses are locked into that task. This is something that I cannot control. Honestly. It just takes over subconsciously. It's like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde.

When I morph into this mode, I am like a Retriever solely focused on retrieving what it's hunting for. Nothing else.

You may ask, what is Phase 2?

It's the weapon that most Mommies rely on for easy to difficult tasks: Broom and Dust Pan.

Heeeeey.... Don't look down on the handy and sturdy pair! It has served me for decades. I usually find my target at Phase 2.

I started sweeping the floor in my room. Believe me when I tell you that every nook and cranny of my floor is now devoid of cobwebs, dust, and dirt.

I found a lock of an earring, stones of a couple of bracelets, PhP5 coin, and an old 2x2 picture 20 pounds ago.

On to the entire flight of stairs and all the floor surfaces in my wittle house, in case it fell somewhere on one of the floors. Even the kitchen and bathroom.

Literally tracing everywhere I have been in the house.

I even went down to the garage to check. Yep! It's clean now, too.

After 2 hours, I have a spotless floor and clean garage floor.....and a well fed Husky.

But no pendant.

By this time, I was frustrated and upset.

I have always wondered if I have OCD.I actually searched on Google for what I have. If there's a name for it: Persistent Searching.

It says though:

"Persistent searching can be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), it's not necessarily indicative of OCD on its own. OCD involves a cycle of obsessions (intrusive, unwanted thoughts or urges) and compulsions (repetitive behaviors or mental acts that a person feels driven to perform to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsessions)."

**https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9490-ocd-obsessive-compulsive-disorder**

Although, for it to be an OCD:

"Compulsions: To alleviate the anxiety caused by the obsession, they might engage in compulsive behaviors, like excessive searching, checking, or rearranging items until they feel "just right" or "complete"."

"Interference: For it to be considered OCD, this persistent searching needs to cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."

**https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/obsessive-compulsive-disorder/what-is-obsessive-compulsive-disorderInterference**

For it to be considered OCD, this persistent searching needs to cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Meaning, it has to cause significant Anxiety and Distress on the person if something is lost and it can't be found.

The article went on to explain that I may be just a very meticulous and detail oriented person. But not necessarily have OCD.

I breathed a sigh of relief!

I don't have OCD. I am just a very very very meticulous person with a need for organized things around me....at the same time, I also thrive in mess. That will be my art space.

I was upset because it was a gift from my daughter. But I am not distressed because of an obsession.

Therefore, in summary, I just have a knack of finding things. I possess a superhuman power of focus for tasks at hand. My super weapon is my broom & dust pan, and my super eyesight.

On a brighter note, I have a spotless floor.

It was the first time that I did not find what I was looking for.

Resigned to that fact, I decided to take a bath to remove all the dust and grime.

I removed my hair tie.

A sound of clinking on the bathroom floor. Something fell from my hair.

The pendant.

[nemracvee]

BTS did say to Love Yourself First.

This is one thing that most people tend to forget. Especially Moms, and especially Filipinos.

It is in our culture where when one shows the world that one loves oneself first, people tend to see it as selfishness. That is in our culture.

Mommies, tend to put everyone first, and themselves on the bottom of the food chain. It is in almost all Mommy's nature to do so.

By the time you remember that you also need to love yourself, time has already passed. Your youth is gone, white hairs are abundant , and wrinkles are showing,

Is it really selfish to love yourself first?

I just realized that at my age, a Golden Girl, it's not.

I just realized that no one can ever love you more, except yourself.

Why is it wrong to put yourself on top of the food chain? To pamper yourself with love and luxury? Well, for me, sleep and a facial is already a luxury.

As an Artist, a creative and colorful tote bag is a luxury.

Eating steak Salmon and beef steak is heavenly! Having our nails done with neon colors is bliss.

We need to reserve some time for ourselves. To recharge, to take a breather, and to clear our heads. Enjoy being in the scene with the flowers. Not passing by a flowery scene.

Loving ourselves is also taking care of ourselves. To be the best that we can be, so we can also take care of others.

As Mommies, we tend to devote our whole selves, and our whole lives taking care of our families. It is not wrong.

But it is also not right to just let go and not care for our physical selves.

More often than not, this is one of the most common causes where you will be taken for granted by your family that you will always be there and you will always do whatever they ask you to do.

Loving yourself and taking care of yourself is also putting a value on yourself.

So when you feel the need to put on those heels, let your hair down, and belt out Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.....gooooooo!! Dance the night away with Margaritas. Put on make up with your red lippies. Wear a bikini with your Mom Bod and strut like you own the beach runway...who cares!?

We only live once. We only have this life. Make the most of it!

Love Yourself First.

I love BTS, btw.

[nemracvee]

How do you wrap your presents?

As an Artist, and a person, I usually find materials that I know will mean something to the person you're giving your present to.

Take this for example:

When my daughter had her Graduation, I actually kept the special paper wrap on the bouquets that she received.

They were large, so I kept each paper wraps.

I just met a new friend, and he is leaving for Tanzania. 😊

I wrapped his going away present in one of those bouquet paper wraps. I chose a light cream colored paper with cut strips. I thought he would appreciate that, since he is a fellow artist. 😊

I used a local rustic string called Abaca fiber.

We also met on that day where I joined a Flower Crown making contest. The flowers have all dried up already, but I still kept the crown. I cut some Baby's Breath and a flower and tied it up with the string.

Everything that I used had significance to me, and the day our friendship started. 😊

Result? He really appreciated.

So, if you're a hoarder of art materials like me, don't throw things that you think might be useful in the future. 😁

[nemracvee]

When is letting go......letting go?

Is it when you realize that you need to?

Maybe, when you realize it is futile to hold on?

Or maybe, when your soul feels empty?

Each person have their own triggers. It is not the same for everyone.

Maybe it is a Mother who has done everything, and yet, remains invisible to everyone. Taken for granted. Unappreciated. But Mothers will always be Mothers. She will always take care of her family.

Maybe it is a Child, who has done everthing. Aim for high grades. Aim for a medal. Aim for the best student. And yet....feels empty. Is this what the child really wants? Why is the child doing these things, is it for him/her....or what is expected from the Elders?

Or maybe the child just wants to be an Artist.

Maybe it is the Wife, who has done everything. Take care of the family, have to be smart enough to earn an income as well, have to be smart enough to have a succesful career.....and take care of everyone around her...except herself. She gets tired too.

Maybe a "thank you" once in a while, form the husband. Or probably a day of time off from household chores and husband will take over, is precious.

Maybe it is the Friend, who gets tired of listening and helping all the time. Thinking it is time to let go for "your own good".

As for a Man's perspective, I don't know. I am not a Man. So, just think what you want to think. :-)

Letting go, for me, simply put, is cutting off everything and just walk away without looking back.

For others, maybe it has a different meaning. Maybe, letting go, for them just means to stand back and not work on it anymore. But still maintain a relationship. Mostly, this happens to Moms because their family will forever be their family. Extreme cases, though, some just walk away.

For others, maybe it means it is time to drop everything, and start a new adventure!

Liberation. :-)

Is it okay to Let Go?

If you feel that your soul is empty. Perhaps.

If you feel that you feel betrayed. Perhaps.

If you feel that you are misunderstood. Perhaps.

If you feel that you are alone. Perhaps.

If you feel that it is a vicious cycle and nothing will change.

If you feel that you are welcoming change.

Is Letting Go an Acceptance of what it is?

Or is it a Severance of what it is?

You decide.

For a person like me, where Loyalty in ingrained in my soul, this is really hard to do. But when I recognize the sign, the string snaps. Inner Angel and Demon will argue: Do we need to?

It is different for every person.

But one thing is certain, when deep within you whispers to your heart: Let Go.

Then it is time to let go.

[nemracvee]

Langit, Baybay, Bantay (Sky, Sea, Mountain) Acrylic 18x24 Hardwood frame including back support. At Pandegka Exhibit at SM Baguio Exhibit Hall. #artpouring #artpassion #acrylicart #acrylicpainting #abstractart #abstractpainting #nemracvee #loveart #passionart #fluidartwork #fluidpainting #baguiogirl #baguioartist #thankyouTaekook https://www.instagram.com/p/CZ5shkPhT58/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Another practice painting. 🧡💛💙🖤🤍But I kinda like how it turned out. This was after I made Talna 1 and 2. 🙂 #artpouring #artpassion #acrylicart #acrylicpainting #abstractart #abstractpainting #nemracvee #loveart #passionart #fluidartwork #fluidpainting #baguiogirl #baguioartist https://www.instagram.com/p/CZYCxXSB1Av/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Middle Earth Tranquility Enchanted Forest 10x10 Acrylic All available. Not yet sold. 😊😊 #artpouring #artpassion #acrylicart #acrylicpainting #abstractart #abstractpainting #nemracvee #loveart #passionart #fluidartwork #fluidpainting #baguiogirl #baguioartist https://www.instagram.com/p/CZUA35DBmu9/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Framed and ready to ship. It looks soooo good. 😊😊💛♥️🧡🤎 Firewater and Explosion! #artpouring #artpassion #acrylicart #acrylicpainting #abstractart #abstractpainting #nemracvee #loveart #passionart #fluidartwork #fluidpainting #baguiogirl #baguioartist https://www.instagram.com/p/CZT76W7htq3/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Good Day! My IG page's setting is on Public for the sole reason that I would like to show everyone my art works. Please do NOT follow me and Message me if your sole purpose is: 1. to get a date from me. 2. If I am interested in Cryptocurrency and Investment in US Dollars. 3. If I want to model your clothes. I am very sure you are good looking men with amazing achievements and ridiculously rich! Hooooray for that! Good for you!! I am confident that the right woman out there is waiting for you! 😊 I am so sure that you are masters of Crypto and Investment! I am happy for you! Build that wealth! I am waiting for you to buy my art works with the price that will make giddy with happiness!!🎨🎨$$$ Unfortunately, I don't have an hourglass figure to model that awesome wee sports bra. I love my steaks too much! Although my fingers exercise when lifting paint brushes. Any finger sleeve to model? 😁 Y'all have an amazing day!! Borahae!! 💜💜💜💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/CY0FAFTBD6_/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Good Day! My IG page's setting is on Public for the sole reason that I would like to show everyone my art works. Please do NOT follow me and Message me if your sole purpose is: 1. to get a date from me. 2. If I am interested in Cryptocurrency and Investment in US Dollars. 3. If I want to model your clothes. I am very sure you are good looking men with amazing achievements and ridiculously rich! Hooooray for that! Good for you!! I am confident that the right woman out there is waiting for you! 😊 I am so sure that you are masters of Crypto and Investment! I am happy for you! Build that wealth! I am waiting for you to buy my art works with the price that will make giddy with happiness!!🎨🎨$$$ Unfortunately, I don't have an hourglass figure to model that awesome wee sports bra. I love my steaks too much! Although my fingers exercise when lifting paint brushes. Any finger sleeve to model? 😁 Y'all have an amazing day!! Borahae!! 💜💜💜💜 https://www.instagram.com/p/CY0EoyJhcMf/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

💔💔💔💔💔💔 #VMuteBostonBag #mutebostonbag @bts.bighitofficial @bts.bighitofficial @hellochingu.ph https://www.instagram.com/nemracvee/p/CYlEzWdL6Zm/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

💔💔💔💔💔💔 #VMuteBostonBag #mutebostonbag @bts.bighitofficial @bts.bighitofficial @hellochingu.ph https://www.instagram.com/nemracvee/p/CYlEzWdL6Zm/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Finally!! I was having a Bad Painting Day the whole day! This piece broke the curse!! DESLUMBRE. 💫💫💫 I am finally satisfied and happy! Title given by @bel.leme . Obrigada amiga! ♥️💫♥️💫 #acrylicart #abstractart #abstractpainting #acrylic #fluidart #artpouring #pouringart #loveart #passionart #passiom https://www.instagram.com/p/CYHF4JcB52g/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Colors of the beach. 🌊🌊🐚🐚 Just a practice paint with Floetrol, on a small canvas. #abstractart #pouringart #fluidart #abstractpainting #artpouring #acrylicart #acrylic #love #loveart #passionart https://www.instagram.com/p/CYGJ_KyhDMI/?utm_medium=tumblr

[nemracvee]

Frida Kahlo Paint and Texture. 11x18. Boxed canvas/frame. Look closely at the braids on her hair. Texture material. 🥰 Just like the flowers on her hair. Selling for a fellow Artist. FRIDA with her crowning glory .. What a better way to end the year with a new art signature style by yours truly... It is true that inspiration doesn't come easy but when they do its worth it. Our price is reasonable. Not expensive at all. But you get this Quality Paint and amazing talent! #FridaKahlo #acrylicart #paintandtexture#Frida #backtobasic #Pasakalye #baguioartist #raqueldiokno https://www.instagram.com/p/CXvMol_hxzk/?utm_medium=tumblr