neon-and-dust

[neon-and-dust]

sorry bro I didn't hear your bit I got a little distracted reflecting upon my inadequacies

[neon-and-dust]

no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.

[neon-and-dust]

do y'all think the parallel mouse America is like also dealing with resurgent mouse fascism or have they been doing better

[neon-and-dust]

they're letting just anybody order a happy meal nowadays

[neon-and-dust]

What's the opposite of "fuck my stupid baka life" ?

[neon-and-dust]

shared this over DMs the other day but I need to go public with this information. if patrick bateman lived in the pokemon universe his partner pokemon would be a pikachu because he is preoccupied with fitting in and conforming, and a pikachu is basically the trendiest and most "normal" pokemon for someone to have. and he would hate it because he didn't choose it out of a place of genuine love or passion. but he would still spend way too much time feeding it gourmet food, grooming it, and keeping it looking nice enough that it could honestly do pretty well in a contest if he ever entered it in one. but he wouldn't enter it in one, he would keep it in a designer pokeball most of the time and he wouldn't even be very nice to it (we literally have canonical information on how he'd treat a captured rat...). but all his coworkers and friends and such would see him pampering this perfectly bred pikachu and they'd think he's some kind of pokemon expert and they'd ask him questions all the time about which pokemon are best for which lifestyles, and idk shit like that. and he'd watch enough talk shows and read enough popular magazines that of course he would be able to bullshit smart-sounding advice for them but he would hate it, he would hate it so much, and he would hate pokemon and he would be miserable.

[neon-and-dust]

one of my formative experiences with sex ed was having sexual desire explained to my class by a catholic nun who was very clearly working on a purely theoretical model. she explained with like increasing mania that women and men are very different because men are "like microwaves" and women "are like crock pots" and the more confused the class (age 13) became the more frantic sister patrick stephen became until she was accidentally making the point that men and women are too much like different appliances to have sex with each other at all. we all felt quite guilty as this was the year twilight came out so we'd all just gotten horny for the first time. so we felt bad for her if anything

[neon-and-dust]

People in a facebook group I'm in started tossing around the idea of what a starter set for OSR games would look like, and as I started thinking about what a good starter set should include from my point of view, I realize literally everything on my list came down to things Mausritter already does. I love you Mausritter.

[neon-and-dust]

mind if a bouba boy speaks a little kiki

[neon-and-dust]

fucked up the roster for the week and accidentally scheduled two guards who only tell the truth on the same day. fuuuuck now anyone can find out which is the right path to go down

[neon-and-dust]

Listen buddy, because of your little "what the derp" moment, Archduke Ferdinand is dead.

[neon-and-dust]

Name: Little Beepo

Skill: Fucking Miserable

Quote: Please let me have some grease from the stovetop. I’ll cry if you don’t let me have some grease. I need it.

[neon-and-dust]

sometimes you'll see a bird for the first time and when you look it up you learn that its name is the Common Dirt Bitch and its range is Everywhere and there are 400 million of them in your state alone

[neon-and-dust]

Me and my cousin have an ongoing bit where we pretend we made "slightly better" versions of things where we'll be like.

"That was a pretty good movie, but not as good as my movie, House of 1001 Corpses," or "I guess this song is okay. Kind of reminds me of a song I'm working on called 'Faster Car'."

Never once has it been funny or made anyone but us laugh.