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Uluru blackh●le rise, me, pixel art, 2022

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a bunch of motivational haurchefants i made

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Just some Rimuru doodles I did as a warmup; his slime form is really fun to draw

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Sorry to break yall's hearts but this is too well written of a post to not include in here.

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090723

I was in my head all day today, although this morning I had some fun with the MH x Arknights event. That was pretty cool. Some salesman brought fancy cookies and they were really good. Medium headache. Didn't want to do anything after i got home. Ended up playing pikmin.

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090623

Forgot to write earlier too tired now. Did little at work. Big headache. Lots Starfield. Took nap, not great. Not going camping. Want to keep ants. Maybe keep track of what I eat. Love cats so cute. Going to bed way too late again.

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090623.1

Maybe i should add pictures or emojis...🦕🦖🦕🦖

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090523

Today was easy at work which is stressful in its own kind of way. I'm brand new to this and I hope I'm not screwing up. Finished season 2 of SNW with K. Gorn cliffhanger. Had a great conversation with my manager at PT. Minor headache. Played Starfield to late again. Bed earlier tomorrow. 2 day streak yaaay.

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090923.3

I had a neat idea for a game. I think it'd sell really well if done right! Its exactly the game I've always wanted to play; which means I could never hope to make it in a billion years. I just don't have the imagination and I can't tell a compelling story. I mean I can learn how to code and program and 3d model but the story, art, and (most important to me) music are inescapably beyond me. So I would either need a TON of help or somehow aquire an imagination -_- I do so hate worming in a group, I'm always forced to compromise on the points most important to me and to do that with this entirely hypothetical project would change from the thing I want it to be to a thing I'll resent all my life. And so it sits in a notebook waiting for an opportunity to come to life.

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090423.2

I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'm autistic. Maybe if I'd known earlier I would have been warier of Credit cards and other life ruining decisions. Oh well can't change the past. It'd be nice if I could leverage it to my advantage in the future though. I'll have to look into that. I haven't been officially diagnosed but I've taken those diagnosis tests on autism organizations' websites and they all agree I'm pretty damn autistic. I'd love to find a psycholiatrist vut IDK how and I have little faith in the quality of those in my bumpkin ass area anyway. I really need to get to a real city. I've been thinking about Chicago but that's just because somw podcasts I listen to are there,but New York seems overwhelming and LA makes me tremendously self conscious. And Chicago is the biggest city that isn't those two last I checked. But of course first I need to get my shit together. I really need to finishing storing all the bullshit I bought its soo bad and its been soo long. Maybe I'll work on that after work this week.

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090423.1

Alrighty today I've been playing Starfield; its pretty good. But it really is hard to call it anything but Fallout in Space. And all the ship flying stuff is entirely skippable. Not only that but it serves 0 purpose in game, you can't fly between planets in the same star system or even obects orbiting the planets you are orbitting. That was a little disappointing. I've been seeing people give it an 8/10 and I have to agree. Stayed up last night playing Genshin, I'm always amazed at how much fun that game can be. Switched from Starfield after a bug prevented quest progress and now I'm doing Rival Wings for FFXIV's 10th Anniversary. I didn't think it would be as fun as it is but I like it. I wish I could talk about sonething other than Video Games, but I guess thats another thing that slowly left me due to my surroundings. I haven't had anyone to talk about anything else with for so long. I want to see the Blue Beetle mivie, it looks good and its star hasn't been going around attacking people. I'm planning on giung camping next weekend. That should be fun. The weather today was perfect for it so lets hope that stays true. Work should be easy tomorrow so thats cool. Maybe I'll read my Star Trek book all day. I'm worried about how my account will shake out once all my bills come out at banks open tomorrow. I can't even figure out where it all went!? How am I still barely breaking even after my raise!? Gas can't be that much more expensive. I guess maybe I'm still getting caught up from the summer. Once the amounts lower on my credit cards the minimum payments will go down allowing me to apply more money to specific cards instead of keeping them all maxed out. Its startling for how many people $10,000 would life altering. This system was SO not built for thw world today. Hmmm I guess this one turned into me just complaining too. Oh well I like this stream of consciousness writing and I always have. Maybe I shouldn't tag these and let them live in isolation. On the one hand maybe someone will see them who can help and/or wants to be my friend, on the other it may be annoying or I guess even triggering for some people.... I guess I'd better not. I'll remove the tags from the first one.

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090423

Here we go lets try this again. Curently sitting in bathroom hiding from the vacuum. Depression at all time high. Don't know how much linger we can do this. Some days I feel like I've got it in control and I'm wearing it like a cloak, in thise times it can feel momentarily useful but I know its trying to drag me down. All my close friends moved away I still have friends I see regularly but we're VERY different and our friendship is very surface level. I think we'd still do a lot for eachother and we hang out all the time , but we can't talk about things and have different views of the world. I really need to move, but I'm not making any progress on my drowning swamp of credit card debt. My new job should help with that, it'll just take time. I've already wasted so much time. Sat around doing nothing for 10 years! Came out of some sort of depressive fog about 2 years ago and I've been making small improvements since. I know I have, but I still feel like I'm exactly where I started. I know it hasn't been a total waste I've grown and learned and become much more open-minded, but still. I'd really like to make some friends but I don't know where/how, the only social places in town are bars and I don't drink. Plus alchohol has had enough of an impact on my life through those around me, I don't really want to be around it a ton.

I feel like I slowly supressed my emotions because I eas called annoying so much when I was younger, that's probably why I have so much trouble connecting to people; I'm terrified of annoying them. Sometimes I try to come out of my shell but I invariably make an ass of myself so I'm always scared to try again. But I know nothing will change if I don't try again. I need to learn collect new experiences that someday I can be a real person again, instead of this disgusting whatever. No Migraine today though so thats neat.

Hmmm that was somewhat cathartic. I guess I'll keep going with something better. Ooo two posts a day would be good. One negative and one positive. And hopefully I can work toward making the negative one shorter than the positive.

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Day 5 - Touch Partner in Crime

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