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I really ought to check my shop till more

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Call that a life long hug? I bloody don't. 

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When I was a kid, I had this friend called Thomas Wilson and whenever he spun the wheel of excitement on neopets, he was always really pleased when he landed on the question mark and got like 189 neopoints even though he paid 500 neopoints to spin the wheel in the first place and he clearly didn’t understand that he’d made a net loss and it just made me really angry and like grr IDK I just hope he’s dead now

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Nothing says NEW quite like Discarded! 

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When I was bored and on neopets as a kid, I always used to go to the trading post and find a few random lots. I’d then go and buy whatever the items in those lots were from somewhere else, just so I could make an offer on a lot that was exactly the same as the lot itself to try confuse the original poster. 

It was never as funny as I thought it would be. 

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When I was 13, I donated 10,000 neopoints to the money tree and felt like such a wonderful human being

Now I’m 20 years old and cynical 

I realise it’s fairly unlikely that that 10,000 neopoints went to go to feed a starving family in Africa 

The pant devil probably took it before it even got anywhere

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From that pose I don't want to know what that bruce is passing. 

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That's a tablet or those are tablets? Alright then.  

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Really? You can't tell...

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That's one huge Aisha advertising the fruit machine there. Damn Sakhmet, can't have any innocent gambling fun without turning it into a freak show. 

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Oh the irony of this book existing on Neopets...

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BEATING UP KING SKARL YIELDS NO DECENT PRIZE.  

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Hey TNT...  let's not make a plushie in the colours of the actual item... where would be the fun in that? Let's take a bunch of inappropriate colours that don't describe the item we're making a plushie of and release that! That's how marketing works! 

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Haunted Weaponry? There's no place on earth where that sounds like a dangerous combination. Just hand me my possessed bread knife, I have something I need to slice... 

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If there's one thing Neopets has taught me, it's to always trust random bits of food you find lying around on the floor, especially if they look embedded with broken glass. At least nobody took my money when I found this this time... 

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I think that means I've pwned my bank account.  12345678np is probably the easiest amount to type... 

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It's a sad day when you can't bend over for a biscuit in neopia without the fear of getting mugged.