nerdburtonreblogs

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im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin

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Not an vouyer, not a cuck, but a 3rd thing: an esports commentator

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just remembered this old clickhole video i used to be obsessed with

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serious contender here for best video essay ever made

Lily was tear gassed by the cops in the course of making it, and that's not even the bit that hits the hardest. Seriously, check it out, it's incredible

Lily has been crushing it lately

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Art by Alex Twin

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"So what's the issue?"

"A wicked fairy turned up and started putting spells on people."

"What kind of spells?"

"Oh, you know. Terrible portents of doom. Poetic punishments that will teach you a lesson. A few minor plagues."

"Sounds unhospitable. Can't you ask her to leave?"

"We're a magic friendly restaurant. Usually we just get piskies and sprites doing gentle mischief. The kids love it. So, technically, she's not breaking any rules."

"Kids, you say?"

"Yeah, but, in fairness. They've mostly found it funny."

"So, you're a family friendly establishment."

"We pride ourselves on being so."

"So your customers all implicitly agree to a social contract of behaving appropriately around children."

"You could put it that way, sure?"

"Then you've absolutely got grounds to ask her to stop."

"We do?"

"Of course. What would you do if one of your adult patrons was loudly swearing?"

"Uh, I'd say: sir, there are kids present, please don't curse ... OH!"

"Heh, this reminds me of the time a fairy transformed a local union rep into a chicken, then we had to get the chicken to testify against her before she'd agree to turn them back. I had to learn to translate chicken."

"How so?"

"Technically, we got that fairy on 'fowl language' too."

"..."

"..."

"So who do I call to banish you for that pun?"

---

Enjoy my writing? Please consider supporting my latest creative endeavour, Poor Life Choices. Currently crowdfunding for a run at the Edinburgh Fringe!

https://igg.me/at/poorlifechoices/x#/

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how my wife and I communicate when we miss each other

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found an old reddit AMA with brennan and discovered this gem

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So if you take a photo in photo mode, you don't take out a camera or anything. No, a Palico comes in and draws the scene for you :D

Oh man, they need a name.

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Unmute !

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some people think writers are so eloquent and good with words, but the reality is that we can sit there with our fingers on the keyboard going, “what’s the word for non-sunlight lighting? Like, fake lighting?” and for ten minutes, all our brain will supply is “unofficial”, and we know that’s not the right word, but it’s the only word we can come up with…until finally it’s like our face got smashed into a brick wall and we remember the word we want is “artificial”.

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i ended up liking how gendered french is solely because i can say that i want people to use he/him pronouns for me the same way they use it for angels, blood and blunts

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it was not on wheat...

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he just needed a sticker