nerdwithabrush2

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Panic attack during a CT scan

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Clementine Von Radics, from In A Dream You Saw A Way To Survive; “You are on the floor crying”

[Text ID: “And you have been / on the floor crying / for days. / And that is you / being brave. / That is you getting through it / as best you know how. / No one else can decide / What your tough looks like.”]

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😞

The past three days have been the hardest of my life.

Yesterday morning my mom passed away after a sudden incident at the hospital Wednesday night.

It’s been just ~14 months since her mother died unexpectedly.

I’m numb.

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“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

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the only two vibes of Wildemount vs Issylra

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critical role c3e64 || the last supper - leonardo da vinci

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im thinking about bor'dor, towards the end of that brief and bloody battle, going "just do it", "take me out of my misery" "just turn into a giant spider while you do so?" and its like. its like tragically funny but also so. so fucking sad.

because its essentially about bor'dor exhausted and injured and knowing he wont live, going "do it", wishing for a quick end, surrounded by people who liked him and will now kill him because he betrayed them (they betrayed HIM- before he could know how much he'd like them). its about the resigned exhaustion of- what else do i have to lose?

Except I think about the devastated way Bor'dor talked about the loss of his mother, of his friends in the Ruby Vanguard, and the grief and the fear and the anger, and I don't think it's the first time he's thought that. Bor'dor joining the Ruby Vanguard at all, fighting a vendetta against the gods, is not someone who thinks they have lots of options. You don't generally agree to plans that could devastate the existing world unless you feel like you have more to lose than gain. Bor'dor, his magic a curse, his loved ones lost, the world cold and cruel and painful, being spun a tale of a world without gods, of a fight and a battle and a purpose, even if there are casualties, losses along the way.

Bor'dor, full of grief and rage, having lived a hard fucking life, being promised a solution, a world without gods, maybe thinking: what do i have to lose? they've never done anything for me. Then, he's watching a plan go awry, watching friends and comrades he'd made and bonded with fall to a bunch of- nobodies, cutting through them like it's nothing, remembering he does have things to lose. Bor'dor, knowing that the plan went wrong and his friends bodies are lifeless somewhere far away from where he is, lying furiously and ridiculously about being a shepherd and unknown magic to the suspicious faces of a bunch of killers. Probably thinking. what do I have to lose?

Except he eats with these people, he trades watches with them, he fights with them, he heals them, he shares a pipe and they share hopes and fears and pasts, and-

and he's standing as they all recoil from acid, everything falling apart, and. maybe he did have something to lose, after all.

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Medievalists of Tumblr: what inaccuracies annoy you the most in movies set in the Middle Ages?

Mine is probably the ‘everyone was constantly caked in mud and only wore grey and brown’ aesthetic.

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Nenn update:

Fam- I’m stretched so thin I’m barely on this plane of existence.

I’m trying, I really am but just existing is gonna have to be good enough atm.

The talking to people thing and being actively social & engaging thing is even too much for my brain since it just wants to stare at a wall in silence. But feel free to message me in discord or hit me for my cell. Idk

I miss you all.

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my favorite part is the “fuck you” at the end lmaoooo

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Backwater (details) by Charles William Wyllie (1853-1923)

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Happy World Art Nouveau Day!!

Summer (from “The Seasons”) by Alphonse Mucha (1896)