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*moaning* what’s ur credit card number

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talking to straight white boys

boy: let's play twenty questions

me: okay, what's your favorite color?

boy: triangle, have you had sex yet?

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“you wear that a lot” yes that is because i, a proud owner of a washing machine,

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annoying online and irl

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my mother didn’t raise me to not thank the bus driver

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i bet rhinos cant talk because they would make too many jokes about being horny

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have no regrets

except all those facebook pages you liked back in 2009, regret those

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showers need more specific temperature settings besides hypothermia and third degree burns

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 I need to become a C list celebrity so i can just randomly show up to award shows just to look good

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the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg

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Characters you should never kill off in books because your fandom will literally never forgive you:

beloved pets

only 1 twin

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all of you teenagers saying that you wanna date someone old and rich when you can’t even manage to keep a conversation going with someone your own age

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it took me 16 whole years to realise that the “st” in 1st, the “nd” in 2nd and the “rd”in 3rd is because itS THE LAST 2 LETTERS OF THE WORDS

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people who scream when they see their friends at school

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i can’t believe every mother was born today science is truly amazing