neverrecovered

[neverrecovered]

Hot take: you kinda should vote when your election will not only define your right to exist and that of many others who depend on it, as it will affect people and the economy outside your country.

Please, please, please. Watch videos about Project 2024 and how horrible it is. Yes, they are usually long, but please, if you cannot read it for yourself, break down those 30 minutes; this year, we cannot risk losing. That's why it is so long. Because the average US citizen wouldn't have time to search about it, let's prove them wrong! If not for you, for your children, if not for them for the millions of kids who will be in danger after this. The little girls who will die for not receiving medical care, the teen mom who didn't have proper sex ed, and the black boy who was sent to juvenile for no reason! For the Mexican family who only wanted a better life, for the kids who lost their mother to forced birth that not even the baby survived.

🦕💤🟦🔹️💙

[neverrecovered]

Okay... 21 DAYS UNTIL BEING 1 YEAR CLEAN, WOHOOO!

I never even thought I'd be alive to see this and I don't even know how to express how nervous I am, anxious, I don't know, they always say the last are usually harder. I'm scared, but is not like time is stopping for me.

[neverrecovered]

Tw: Mention of abuse by a despicable person

Uhhh... guys... what do you do when you notice that the fights with your brother could be considered abuse, but u the abuser and you were 8? Like- I hate the fact that he forgives me. Like, fucking hate me man! Why are you so nice?! Now I hate remembering what I had forgotten.

I hate it. I hope he doesn't remember it. I am so so sorry. It were ""silly fights" but I was the oldest and strongest

[neverrecovered]

Tw: Mention (positive connotation) of self harm and suicide attempt

It's been:

10 months and 19 days since I self-harmed

11 months since I attempted.

Whohooo!

[neverrecovered]

Triger warning for maybe graphic descriptions of:

Suicide, multiple forms of self harm, body dysphoria, derealization and intrusive thoughts about ed.

If you're not comftarble with this, please do not force yourself to go through this.

September, 2023.

I'm sick. I can't do activities, things are hard. I'm surviving of pixelated blocks, that's ironic....

Start October, 2023

It's worse. My mind doesn't stop. I downloaded Twitter. I made home there, people are nice there...

Middle October, 2023

Make it stop. I didn't want, I started self-harm, it's addicting, I'm desperate for relief, why can't my mind stop. I also for the first time felt my body freeze on bed, not being able to get up.

End October, 2023

First derealization, it felt oddly nice, but a fear crept into me, what happened?.. I don't really know. It's so bright. This is not my room... I... Why am I here?

Start November

Attempted suicide. I... never told anyone about that. I'm tired, why can't time stop, it's all too much, please let me rest.

Middle to end November.

I didn't test the blade. It went too deep, after the hospital is a fog. I'm going to a psychiatrist. I feel bad now, because the reason I did it it's because I wasn't showing anymore my depression signs for 2 days, I had a breakdown, dysphoria meshed in, cutted bellow my chest and wrist. I hate this month.

December, 2023

Christmas had fights, I only played Undertale.

Psychiatrist is too calm, I don't like that, she doesn't react to anything I told her and decided to only medicate me and not diagnose

January, 2024

Went to a summer camp, had panic attacks, met a transphobe bigot, cried, wrote, wanted to die, was the meds even doing anything?

Februrary-September, 2024

Fine.

October, 2024

Intrusive thoughts about everything, I don't want to restart self harm, images of shtwt that I looked to cope are flooding in, I'm in a terrible relationship with food and when I eat cake, eat too much and my mind can't stop telling me to throw it up, someone makes it stop. Tumblr is keeping me sane. History repeats itself.

[neverrecovered]

Hello.

So, this account will be basically an archive for poems, researches or recovery updates about me, my process and story.

Post of my story.

First HLS

All posts will have tags as tw:

#sr= Suicide Recovery

#it= Intrusive Thoughts

#hls= How Long Since

#shr= Self-harm Recovery

#mental health= Anything related to mental health

#hot take= only hot takes

#itp= ideas that popped

#poems

#ventish vibes

#vent

Tags will also be mentioned in start of posts.

Take care, love yourselves, because you are the only who can really do this <3