newncrmal

[newncrmal]

My  SKILLS  include:

                                    actively pushing everyone away                                                             &&                           internalizing all my problems until they boil up                          inside me and explode like an erupting volcano

[newncrmal]

@kxradanvcrs

[newncrmal]

[newncrmal]

Kara: Alex no.

Alex: Alex yes.

J'onn: Alex no.

Alex: Alex YES.

Eliza: Alex no.

Alex: …Alex maybe.

Lena: Alex no.

Alex: Alex no.

[newncrmal]

Lena: Your future self is watching you right now through memories.

Alex: Not if I drink enough alcohol! Take that you prying creep!

[newncrmal]

ofromvnoffs:

natasha raised an eyebrow in amusement, a slight smirk on ger face as she watched the other’s reaction to the vodka shot, “i am suggesting you are not a fan of shots?” she guessed, smirk still in place before waving down the bartender, “so what do you prefer to drink?” the russian asked curiously as she ordered herself a mixed drink of vodka and soda water. 

      “oh, i’m a fan --” alex lifts her bottle of beer and takes a large gulp. “big fan,” she then adds, using the back of her hand to then wipe at her mouth. “whiskey, scotch, beer - anything, really,” alex shrugs and toys with the label on her bottle. “why? what do you prefer?”

[newncrmal]

dr-lindamartin:

@newncrmal

It had been a long day, hell every day in this place was a long day and there was going to be a lot that needed doing tomorrow; so many files to rewrite, clients to see and emergency medical procedures to attend. Honestly more then once she’d been grateful for the chance to bog off down the nearest bar for a drink or two before bed. That happened to be exactly where she was going until she noticed a woman standing outside her makeshift office. 

“Hi there,” she said, a polite curiosity in her voice as she walked over, “Can I help you at all?”

      alex doesn’t really know why she’s standing in the hallway - the hallway that lead to a therapist’s office no less - yet... here she is. with everything that’s been going on and the fact that she’s failed spectacularly at embracing her new lease of life; to be happy and move on with her life. it should be easy, but every step of the way has been nothing but pain and heartache and the intake of alcohol has increased as a result. she just... wants it to go away, and the only option she has left is this: to talk to someone. at least linda doesn’t know her, she feels like it’d be better that way.

“oh, uh... hi,” she replies feebly as the blonde approaches. “it’s uh -- alex, i’m alex. i uh -- i was the one with the wire during the flood? you, uhm... you’re a therapist, right? you, like... talk to people and stuff? i just -- i just --” she shakes her hands, her brain fighting for the correct words to say. “can we... talk?”

[newncrmal]

youngestluthor:

          she knows she shouldn’t pry or force alex to talk about things. but she’s selfish – she’s a luthor after all. maybe it would be best to shove it down and let it go, but lena can’t do that. it’s not the way she’s built. not since moving to national city. she wants to figure it out because at the very least she doesn’t want to lose a friend. not only is alex a brilliant mind, but she’s become a major part of her life. and lena hasn’t stopped thinking about the kiss and how the beer mixed with alex tasted. it’s fucking maddening. she exhales and blinks a few times. her fingers curl into her palm and she counts backwards from five. she’s sure her therapist calls them grounding techniques, but she can’t be bothered to really figure it out.

“you have been and that’s okay. i was too. but i can’t do it anymore. not when we have to work together.” among other things, but lena needs to find a way to build to that. she doesn’t want to scare the agent away. “i want you to be honest. if you regret it, i understand. i’m a luthor and everything.” she says the last bit with some self deprecation. it can’t be helped. “if you want us to forget about it, okay. i know you’ve got a lot on your plate, but i have a few things to say before you shut me out, okay?” she clears her throat again and uncurls her fingers. she presses her palms along her trousers until they feel dry. “i liked it. kissing you, i mean. and it’s not just because i haven’t been kissed in a while. it was because it was you. i like spending time with you. you’re smart. you keep up with me. you’re funny and caring. you carry a lot on your shoulders, but still keep looking out for everyone else. it makes me worry, but that’s not what we’re discussing right now. and for the first time in a long time, i want to be selfish. with you.” 

she realizes that she’s pacing, but it doesn’t stop. she keeps walking a few paces and then turning and walking a few more – rinse and repeat. the energy built up in her limbs is enough to make her feel mad. “if you don’t feel the same way, i understand. no hard feelings.” she tacks it on before she takes longer steps. 

      alex knew that she would have to face this head on at one point or another, she just figured that she would have been more prepared when she did - unfortunately, that isn’t the case. the longer lena speaks the more alex realises she actually has no clue what she should do. she knows that she only really has two choices in this situation. she denies absolutely everything she may or may not feel, or she just accepts it with the idea that she would deal with the consequences when the time came. but - there’s always a but when it comes to alex - she doesn’t know if she would have the strength to do that. she hasn’t been able to since maggie.

“you being a luthor has absolutely nothing to do with this,” alex scrambles to her feet and faces the brunette. “you know that that has nothing to do with -- god, lena. this -- no, just no,” she shakes her head and moves her hands through the air, using her physicality to express her point even further. “i trust you, okay? kara trusts you - name and all, it’s just --” she can barely get her thoughts out when lena continues to talk. every single word cuts through alex like a knife to butter. a part of her wishes that the kiss had never happened, that alex had been left on her own so that any decision she made while fuelled by liquor, but on the other hand -- god, she’s thought about it every single day since. all she can picture is how lena’s lips felt on her own, how it felt to be grabbed by the other and kissed hard. all she can picture is that moment - that one glorious moment that, for once, allowed alex to feel something that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

she felt... wanted.

“--- i can’t ignore it,” she finally admits. she’s practically shaking at this point. so much so that she has to grab the back of her chair to steady herself. “you have -- you have no idea how much i’ve been thinking about -- about that,” she points at nothing, barely able to meet lena’s eyes. “i have no idea where we are, i don’t know how to get home, and i don’t know how i can look my sister in the eyes and tell her that we may never see national city again. i needed to focus on that, i need -- i need -- that’s what i was focusing on. i needed to figure that out and then you -- you,” she finally looks up at lena and exhales slowly. “all i can see is my feelings for -- my hard feelings -- for you... my sister’s best friend,” she lifts her hands and runs them both through her short hair as she sinks back onto the table. “i. am. so. confused.”

[newncrmal]

[newncrmal]

youngestluthor:

@newncrmal

          a week. a whole fucking week alex has been avoiding her. the first few days, lena thought nothing of it. the two of them were both busy people. if it wasn’t something in the lab, it was something at the deo for alex – especially after the freak storm. lex was back and lena had worn down the carpet in her office and personal living room. but a whole week and she felt like she was slowly losing her sanity. the kiss still hangs in the air between them. sharing a workspace has become uncomfortable almost. other lab employees tend to avoid the two of them together and she wonders if she’s truly soured. she finds herself snapping at the tiniest of things. maybe it was lex or maybe it was the unresolved words and emotions floating between her and the eldest danvers. sara told her to be brave and fuck if lena wasn’t going to try. 

she spends the better part of a day organizing it so only her and alex would be left in the lab together. she slowly sends home each and every employee until the workspace is empty. she continues to work as if nothing is out of the ordinary, except the unsteadiness of her hands. she places the beaker down and slips off her protective eye gear followed by her gloves. “alex.” she clears her throat and thrums her fingers against the cool top. “alex.” her voice is a little more insistent. “you can’t keep ignoring me. i remember the kiss. i know you remember the kiss. so please stop and talk to me.” 

      lena’s actions are completely lost on alex over the course of the day. her focus is on the screen ahead of her, eyes only for the data over the course of the storm and the eight or so weeks of being in this strange place. she doesn’t even realise that the lab is emptying around her, the amount of bodies around her trickling down to one - till only lena luthor is left. it’s only when her name is said a second time that the agent’s attention is stolen from her current task. she swivels on the chair, confusion shifting her expression as it finally dawns on her that no one is left. she’s about to say that she’s not ignoring the other, that they’ve simply just had too much work to focus on anything else, but she doesn’t -- she can’t. not when the kiss is mentioned.

“i -- that’s not --” that’s not what, alex? not accurate? not what’s going on? she can’t say any of that because it’s true; alex danvers has been avoiding lena luthor. unsuccessfully, it seems. “what do you want me to say, lena?” she eventually asks, giving in to the fact that there’s no escape from the conversation. eventually, she’s going to have to face what she had done. may as well do it now. “i don’t -- i don’t know what to say.”

[newncrmal]

spidvyisms:

      peter knows she’s angry but it still hurts. he flinches initially but forces himself to stand straight once more. he snaps himself, more in regards of the fact she doesn’t believe she deserces happiness. ❝ i’m not on a goddamn high horse, alex !!! every day i see you pore over files you’ve read a million times, i see you getting frustrated, i see you awake at all hours trying to find a way home for us !!! i haven’t seen you take one freakin’ break since we got here !! and you didn’t even know me and yet you helped my anyway !! you’re a good person and good people deserve good stuff to happen to them and drinking isn’t going to help that. yes, i’m a kid but that doesn’t mean i haven’t seen this happen before and that i’m not going to try my damn best to make sure it doesn’t. i’m sorry i care, but i do. and if i have to spend every single day hunting down bottles and boring them down the sink you bet your ass i will !!! ❞ he takes a deep breath, hating that he allowed himself to get angry too. ❝ i’m sorry. i just- i want you to be alright and this- it’s not alright, alex. ❞

      “that’s my job, peter! it’s what i do,” alex snaps. of course, her job is never usually that intense. she’s... overworking herself to the point where she doesn’t have to think about anything but the information beneath her fingertips; it doesn’t make any sense and she’s literally gotten nowhere since she started, yet she continues. it’s all she wants to focus on right now because, if she stopped for just one second, everything would come crashing in. she knows peter has a point and she knows that he cares, but accepting that and coping with that? that’s something that alex hasn’t ever really been good at. “how i deal with my adult life has absolutely nothing to do with you nor does it require any of your input or observations. i’m not doing anything wrong, and i definitely don’t need you telling me that i am. so just... stop,” she gesticulates with her hands as her jaw muscles clench tightly. “just. stop,” she repeats, this time the force behind her words cracking into something much softer. she’s tired and she just wants this to go away. “i’m fine, put your worries elsewhere. i don’t need them. i’m... fine.”

[newncrmal]

spidvyisms:

      ❝ you- you can be mad- you have a right to be- but… ❞ he steps forward, hands raised as if he’s trying not to either anger her more or cause her to run off and buy more liquor. ❝ i did this to help- i know the signs- my aunt may… when my uncle died she drank. it won’t heal anything, it won’t help, it makes things worse, alex. and i want nothing more than for things to get better for you because you deserve that. ❞

      “i deserve -- okay, you can just stop right there,” alex retorts. what is it with people always assuming they know what’s best for her - what she deserves? “you don’t know me, or half the crap that’s been going on so how about you get off your damn high horse and stop assuming that you do. you’re a kid - how about you go work on your homework instead of telling me how to live my life?”

[newncrmal]

[newncrmal]

spidvyisms:

     peter stares at the bottle he had found around the place. this was for the better… this was for alex. she’s going to be mad at him but- he doesn’t care. he grabs the first bottle of alcohol, takes a deep breath and takes off the top. the contents is poured down the sink and there’s some sense of relief at the sight. he continues this with several other bottles before there nothing left but empty glass. he hears someone heading into the room and turns quick. seeing alex his eyes widen but then he cross his arms and forces himself to stand straighter. ❝ i’m not sorry. ❞ @newncrmal

      alex stops dead in her tracks, eyes darkening with every passing second that inches past in the silence. “what gives you the goddamn right?” she snaps before any control is put in place. she has come to know and trust peter, but this? he’s gone too far. “

[newncrmal]

chaoswields:

“i am sorry ━ do i know you? you look vaguely familiar, but i am not even sure if i could recognize myself right now.” the witch slurred, frame leaning against the bar for support. she’d been using alchol as a method of distraction and ended up driking more than intended. wanda just wanted to forget about their current predicament for a couple hours and enjoy the city, but she wasn’t having fun anymore. “i think i need to lie down, or eat some curly fries.” 

      “no - don’t think so?” alex arches a brow. at least, she doesn’t think the woman knows her. then again, time spent in this place wasn’t exactly something that she often remembers so, really, there’s every possibility that she is known. “curly fries sound great right about now, to be honest.”

[newncrmal]

ofromvnoffs:

“another one,” the russian called out to the bartender, slightly banging her empty shot glass on the counter before raising an eyebrow as she noticed the other next to them, “if you are just going to sit there, you might as well speak or take a shot with me. not like we are going anywhere else.” natasha hummed with a slight smirk before downing another shot of vodka placed in front of her.

      had alex been punishing herself ever since she kissed lena? the answer is yes. what followed on from that night consisted of a lot of drinking, avoiding lena’s lab and pretty much her own sister. it’s the only way she knows how to cope with these kinds of things - it’s not like she can openly admit to what happened when it’s her sister’s best friend. so... this happened. a lot. when the other woman speaks, alex lifts the shot glass to her lips and throws it back with ease. she then places the glass upside down on the counter, a small cough leaving her lips. “i’ll stick to the drinking, thanks.”