nicad13

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Oh wow. @spectra-bear looked into my head with a magnifying glass and exploded all my thoughts out with a magnificent paint bomb.

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Been a minute, wanted to make something for another one of @nicad13 's work

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i love finding out what degrees my mutuals have. like what the fuck do you mean you do law? you’re a doctor who blog

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What did Young Din do wrong?

I’ve been wondering why Din seems to have had it harder than most other Mandalorians, so prepare yourselves for some evidence-based speculation…

⛔️ No signet (therefore, no clan)…

At the beginning of the show, he didn’t have a signet. So he was clanless. That means he wasn’t adopted (he says, “they raised me in the fighting corps”) because he would’ve had his adoptive clan’s signet if he had been. All he got was the mythosaur, which, as the Armorer said, “belongs to all Mandalorians”, so he belonged to the tribe but not any particular clan.

We know foundlings don’t have to be adopted because Grogu was called a foundling in seasons 1 and 2 when Din was only his caretaker. But at that stage, he’d been ordered to return the kid to his own kind, so he couldn’t adopt him. And he did eventually. So why didn’t anyone adopt Din? What was wrong with him? Why did nobody want this poor foundling in their clan? Or was there a reason they couldn’t, like with Grogu?

But also, Grogu was still considered part of Din’s clan and allowed the mudhorn signet even before the official adoption, so what in the galaxy’s name did Din do so wrong that meant he was denied the opportunity to be in any way associated with a Mandalorian clan, and was denied a clan signet all the way up to his late thirties when he had to “earn” one by battling a mudhorn??

⛔️ A lack of proper beskar…

Din also didn’t start off with a complete set of beskar armour, and while that’s not uncommon for kids (as we saw with Ragnar – beskar helmet only), it’s a little odd for adults. Din’s old cuirass and vambraces buckled easily on Arvala VII, so they must have been a poor-quality beskar alloy. We know from the beating his helmet takes from the Darktrooper that beskar should be much more robust, and he even tells the Armorer, “My armour has lost its integrity.” That wouldn’t happen if it were of acceptable quality.

But surely by the time Din had been with the Mandalorians for a few decades, he would’ve earned some better armour? They gave Grogu loads straight away! I realise beskar was thin on the ground after the Purge because the Empire had looted it all, but that happened less than a decade before the show (only five or so years if we’re to believe the timeline given in Ahsoka) when Din had already been a Mandalorian for at least twenty years. Are we meant to believe that on Concordia (the moon on which beskar was mined), they couldn’t scrounge some up, or that nobody ever died and left their beskar to be redistributed amongst the tribe??

So why didn’t Din get any decent upgrades during the two decades he spent as a Mandalorian prior to the Purge?

⛔️ No jetpack…

Most Mandalorians have jetpacks. That said, not everyone in the Children of the Watch has one, although we know they’re taught to use them as children (Din confirms he was trained “as a boy”, and we see other foundlings practising with them). However, virtually all other Mandalorians in the galaxy (through all available media) come with jetpacks, so we can assume they’re ubiquitous and that the Children of the Watch simply had a shortage. Perhaps they’re difficult to manufacture.

But why was Din never allowed to use one out of the ones they did have? Some of the covert members hanging around in the Nevarro sewers doing nothing had jetpacks, yet Din, who was seemingly the only one with a job for which a jetpack might be needed, didn’t get to use one. Why was his status so low? Was this some kind of punishment?

I suspect, in reality, the answer to these questions is “because it worked well for the progression of the story for him to earn each of these things one by one”, but I’d really like for there to be valid reasons behind it, too – something deeply meaningful in his backstory that explains all of this.

Like maybe if we discover Din did have a clan and a signet and was on his way to earning new armour and a jetpack, but then he got involved with Ran’s crew and did something idiotic (maybe the incident on Alzoc III?) that endangered the tribe, so he was ejected from his clan, stripped of his signet and had to start on the bottom rung of the ladder like a thirty-year-old foundling. (Perhaps that’s why Paz was always rude to him, called him a coward, said he’d had “disagreements” with him). And maybe they told him he could only regain his status if he worked as the tribe’s beroya to provide for them, so he joined the Bounty Guild and routinely dropped off a percentage of his credits, as we saw him do at the start, which also meant he had to live apart from the covert on his ship. Almost like a little partial exile before he was officially exiled.

Maybe this explains why he so happily lifted his helmet to drink soup in front of Grogu in season 2, even though in season 3, back in the presence of his tribe, he told Bo-Katan that you have to go off and find somewhere totally private. If he really believed that, surely he would’ve waited until the kid was asleep to have his soup. Perhaps he’s always been a bit of a rebel when he’s away from his tribe. Survivor’s guilt can manifest in many ways – perhaps Din didn’t think he deserved to be rescued, never felt like he fit in, pushed the boundaries of the faith he was inducted into due to a self-sabotaging mindset… all the while parroting the doctrine because he wanted to be worthy of it. If you think about how trauma can influence behaviour, it’s actually quite common for someone to say they want to achieve a particular goal and honestly believe it, but then subconsciously undermine their own chances of success.

And if they’ve made Din jump through hoops to redeem himself in the past, the Armorer’s directive to go and find the Living Waters doesn’t seem so outlandish anymore. How do you punish someone you’ve already dished out countless punishments to? You give them the most impossible-to-achieve task you can think of. (More fool her, he managed it!) But it also makes sense that he would jump through those hoops, even in light of his self-sabotaging actions, because it’s often the way that people only realise how desperately they need the support structure they’ve just torn down after it’s gone. That explains his seemingly incongruous doubling down on his beliefs in season 3.

I like the idea of Rebellious Din – the kid who was so profoundly scarred by losing his parents and being the sole survivor of a massacre that he embraced anger and violence and became the unruliest Mandalorian foundling they’d ever seen, never making friends or getting adopted, venturing out into the galaxy and getting himself into trouble as soon as he came of age. They hinted at it with Ran’s crew – if Mandalorians (especially Children of the Watch) are so honourable, how did Din end up with this dishonourable bunch? He definitely had a rebellious phase (‘target practice Din’), and he definitely has anger simmering below the surface (see the above GIF of him slamming his weapons cabinet closed, as well as all the times he gets snippy, which are numerous). But the show never explored it any further.

I’d love for this to be a genuine part of his past, as it would make Grogu’s influence on him even more profound if he started out so troubled. And perhaps Grogu (little troublemaker that he is) sensed Din’s unique mix of anger, heartbreak, frustration, isolation, and wilfulness, and he knew he’d found a kindred spirit.

Power born from chaos and grief. Two survivors, hidden away from the cruel world that took so much from them, angry at their losses, hiding their pain, feeling unloved.

Until they found one another, and finally, the pain and anger melted away.

Tentatively tagging a few fellow Mando enthusiasts in case of interest 🩶. Please feel free to ignore my ramblings if they’re unwelcome.

@autumnwoodsdreamer @din-cognito @dindjarindiaries @djarins-wife @djarinwidow

@firstofficerwiggles @quicksilvermad @roughdaysandart @the-mandawhor1an

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I wish I could stop my brain from spiraling about every goddamn fucking thing that pops into it. I can never be vigilant enough. I can never be careful enough. I can never double check enough. I can never do enough to cover all the bases. There will always be something I neglected to do. Some dark corner I missed. And the thing that finally gets me won't kill me outright. I will not be so lucky. No.

When it does finally get me, it will cause constant, endless suffering.

It won't kill me, but I'll wish it had.

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Andor Struts Supercut

* SPOILERS! *

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Hey there. You mentioned doing PT for long COVID and I’m curious to hear what that entails. I have a couple of friends who have been dealing w various complications since 2020 but I’ve not heard of PT being helpful. If you’re willing to share, I’d love to hear.

Absolutely!

I'll start with two important points: 1) I am very fortunate to live near one of the AHRQ Long COVID clinics (a list of which can be found here), where the care I've received is provided by people who specialize in long-COVID. 2) Long COVID is not a coherent, unified syndrome - it manifests very differently in different people, and what has helped me will not necessarily help everyone. During my six-month check-in with the clinic coordinator, she stated it was "refreshing to hear from someone who is actually improving," which implied that many (most?) patients were not, but I'll admit I didn't pursue that line of conversation.

I'll continue with some context. I've always been an active person, even if only a mediocre athlete. I ran cross-country and track through middle and high school, and continued running until my mid/late 40's when old injuries caught up with me and I had to switch to an indoor rower. Just before I got sick, I was rowing 20K a week and could pull a 5K in under 22 minutes (not amazing, but pretty good for a 49-year-old woman). I mountain biked regularly and could ride a 25-mile cross country trail and still feel like a human being after. Never smoked, drank casually, and was effectively managing hypothyroidism with medication. All of this is to say I was reasonably healthy.

Despite being fully vaccinated and generally masking in crowded indoor situations, I managed to get COVID. Best guess is at the dentist, but there are a couple other possibilities, so I'm not really sure.

The acute phase actually wasn't too bad - first few days were like a moderate flu, then I made a quick improvement and sailed through the 5-day precautionary period feeling almost normal. Day 6 I woke up with a racing heart and my head feeling like it was stuck in a vice. My bout with long COVID had begun and that headache lasted for three months. It didn't really ease up until my next COVID booster.

The clinic I'm at doesn't enroll patients until you have symptoms for three months, and makes referrals specific to patient issues. Mine were primarily headaches and racing heart & chest pain after any kind of physical exertion - I went from the activity level I described above to not being able to walk more than a quarter of a mile at a time. A glass of wine a month after COVID made it feel like a xenomorph was trying to tear its way out of my chest. Near-constant chest pain made it difficult to sleep. My first referral was for a pulmonary function test to make sure I could handle PT. It was challenging, it was painful, and I felt like garbage for a couple days after, but my results were normal. On to PT!

The first test I did there was to walk laps around the gym for 5 minutes, with the goals of measuring how far I could get, reporting my pain level (2 or 3 on a scale of 1 to 10), compare my blood pressure from before, immediately after, and five minutes after, while monitoring my heart rate throughout. Recovery was reasonable enough so that the following week I did a Buffalo Test (developed at the University of Buffalo) - walked on a treadmill where the speed was gradually ramped up while my heart rate and pain level was monitored throughout, again with BP comparisons before and after. I recovered ok there, but, confirming my therapist's hunch, I had elevated stress levels (as measured by a Garmin watch) and felt like garbage several hours later. That lasted for a few hours and went away. Diagnosis made: I was having an inflammatory response to physical exertion, but with careful supervision, it's possible to train that out. One quick check with a cardiologist to confirm that my heart was up for it, and I got underway.

Two key points with the PT program I've followed: 1) unlike traditional competitive training that alternates hard & easy days, this has mostly been steady & consistent - no hard days, but no days off either. 2) closely supervised! I've had to keep an eye on my heart rate through all of this, made possible by the smartwatch I already had. I started off with getting a minimum of 10K steps in a day, including a brisk 1/2 mile walk every day with the goal of getting my heart rate up to 100 bpm but not going over that. (Normally, my resting heart rate is about 47 - at this point it was in the mid-50's and it didn't take much to get me up to 100.) Within a few days of that, I noticed that the chest pain improved and I was much more comfortable to sleep. After a while, that got bumped up to a mile. Then a mile and a half, etc., until a few months later when I got up to 4 miles. Then we added some rowing a couple days a week - first a few short intervals keeping under prescribed heart rates. (The smartwatch worked less well for this and I had to get a chest strap.) That felt horrible at first, but got better, and now I'm at 20 minutes twice a week, keeping my heart rate under 168 bpm. I have to be mindful to lay down and take it easy for a few minutes after to get my heart rate down (and keep it down for the rest of the evening).

My progress seems to have plateaued out for the last month or so. I'll hit the one-year mark next month. Current thinking is that the driving force with long-COVID is inflammation, so eating a diet that counteracts that (minimize processed foods & preservatives) is a general recommendation for everyone. So I do have to be careful about what I eat, and have noticed new things that disagree with me - Kraft mac & cheese (probably the preservatives in shelf-stable cheese), tomato sauce (high acidity, probably a GERD issue), and hummus (probably a preservative in that as well). I still can't drink without feeling like garbage and I'm big mad about it. CBD gummies give me chest pains and headaches as well.

So that's the general rundown. Again, what has led to improvement for me won't work for everyone - I had to pass a few tests to make sure I could tolerate it, and I was under very close supervision to start. I'm still nowhere near the person I was a year ago, and I have no idea if I'll ever fully recover. The funding cuts for scientific research and an anti-vaxxer getting installed at the head of HHS in the US does not fucking help. We'll see what happens.

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Andor Struts Supercut

I screamed. I pumped my fists in the air. I kicked my feet with glee.

The internet remains undefeated.

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My main issue with Joel's initial reaction was that it was inconsistent with his past with Bill and Frank. As far as we can tell, them being gay was a non-issue for him. Did I miss something?

I find it funny that people are freaking out about Joel not initially being fully accepting of Ellie as a lesbian.

If you think a 60-year-old man born and raised in Texas wouldn't be at least somewhat homophobic. Then not only are you fooling yourself, but you've created a fanon version of Joel who isn't allowed to have any flaws. Aka a gary stu.

What's important is not that he has homophobic views, but that he learns from it, and accepts her regardless. He doesn't abandon Ellie over it, and he protects her from those who would use her sexuality to harm her. Like Seth.

We all want a parent who accepts us from the start, but most of us don't get that. I would rather have a parent who didn't understand at first, and then grows. Versus a parent who completely turns their back on me.

You can have flaws, and grow from them. That's a good thing.

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Hard to believe all of this was written a couple years ago. Someone please check if Tony Gilroy has a time machine or crystal ball or what the fuck ever...

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Margaret Atwood: I will write a dystopian drama that hits way too close to home.

Tony Gilroy: Hold my beer.

I am hopeful that those of you who know me will vouch for my credibility in the days to come. I stand this morning with a difficult message... ANDOR | 2.09

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Therapist: So did you do any non-physical activity things for fun before Covid?

Me: I wrote an embarrassing amount of Mandalorian fanfiction.

Therapist: Is that so? [drinks from ginormous Star Wars mug]

I then went on about the writer's block that has been exacerbated by living in a fascist regime, when he gently steered me in the direction of, "hey, now that we're seeing first-hand how democracy dies, is there any chance that can get dumped into some writing instead of spiraling all day long?"

Not quite there yet, but maybe in a bit...

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So when Lorne asks Drummond how many more [goats she would have to part with as they were sacrificed to lead people to the afterlife] and Drummond says as many as it takes...

HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE HAVE THEY ALREADY MURDERED DOWN THERE?!?!

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PEDRO PASCAL

Sundance Film Festival 2024 // "Freaky Tales" premiere in Oakland, California, 2025

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Waffle Party for Helly!

helena is probably showing up to work dizzy as fuck every morning just hoping her innie will eat something for her before 5pm. helly gaining consciousness in the elevator like “damn i feel terrible! i guess that’s just what severance does!” no girl!!!! you’re swimming laps at dawn and then eating two bites of an overboiled egg while your father berates you!!! of course you found those deviled eggs uncharacteristically delicious!!!! she’s starving you out there!!!!!!

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I can think of a lot of House Reps and Senators who need to have this smashed into their faces.

IT MEANS EAT SHIT MR DRUMMOND!!!!!!!!!!