nichegoseoul

[nichegoseoul]

[nichegoseoul]

F*CK FEELINGS by m.bennett MD & s.bennett

CHAPTER 2: F*ck Self-esteem

People think self-esteem is the hallmark of good mental health, but, given the number of people who base their self-worth on having a good looks, a positive outlook, money, or just luck, that assessment doesn’t mean much.

The funny thing about needing to feel better about yourself is that it often starts with feeling that you are worse off than someone else.

Unfortunately, while boosting self-love in this way may make ake you feel better and act more confidently, it won’t stop you from acting like a jerk or overdepending on the support of your congregation and its leader, so this method may lead to Koran burnings, Kool-Aid parties, and other bad behaviour that feels good because you’ve disconnected your sense of value from your own ideas about good, bad, and common sense.

People argue that you can feel better yourself by finding what yoh enjoy and/or are best at, and devoting yourself to it, which would be perfectly good advice if it was something everyone could do. The sad truth is that some people don’t have any talent or interest, and sometimes life circumstances don’t allow them to develop whatever life talent they have. So while it’s certainly worthwhile to try to develop your talents and seek fulfillment, it’s dangerous to say you should be able to make it happen and thus make yourself responsible for producing a soultion you don’t control.

My goal is to figure out how I will ever, ever be a winner when there’s nothing about me or my life that seems interesting, attractive, or just plain worthwhile. — wrong goal.

If we let bad luck make us feel like losers, then feeling like a loser generates it’s own kind of bad luck.

Either you protect yourself from taking badluck personally, or taking it personally brings you down further.

If, on the other hand, they maintain a faith in their own capacity to connect, despitfe long periods of isolation and loneliness, and stick to their standards, they are mroe likely to get across the desert eventually and find the socially compatible oasis they deserve.

Forget about the goal of feeling good about yourself. Enjoy bursts of confidence when you can and take credit for you hard work, but beware making confidence a goal, because that implies control, responsibility, and blame when you can’t make it happen, and it’s wrong and cruel to blame yourself when your’re stuck with a hard life, crap luck, or some deadly combination of the two.

A good person is not someone who is trying to be happy, because that’s not possible, but someone who is trying to do right.

You might not always feel like a winner, but you’ll never lose.

The ability to look in the mirror or back on your life without horror ( a wish that can never be achieve)

Avoid adding to your troubles ( an aim can be achieve)

How to to do it: Replace SHOULD HAVE and COULD HAVE with JUST CAN’T and IT IS WHAT IT IS.

It was previously thought that lower self esteem, was the most dangerous condition, because it prevented peoplefrom developing the confidence required to make friends, influence people, and become a motivational speaker. OR at the very least, get laid.

Just because you’re successfully persuasive today doesn’t mean you will be tomorrow, and believing that recovering or maintaining this ability is all up to you just worsens your feelings of failure.

You can still believe in yourself, as long as you believe that your flaws and misfortunes are part of the package.

It may not be as easy or as much fun to win someone over as it would be if you were silver-tongued, but having a silver tongue is not the only way to be effective.

Don’t try to control your confidence in your power of persuasion, as much as you would wish for it. Instead, use whatever other methods you can find, even if they’re not interesting or fun, to get the job done.

To stop overthinking and trying to defeat themselves. – wished for.

The harder you try to project confidence, the more you get treated like poop.

Remember, persuasiveness is one of the those abilities that can do both good and harm.

Even if you get them to do things for you that they wouldn’t for someone else, their motivation will disappear if they think they don’t have your attention.

There are other ways to do it and feel good about your accomplishments instead of desperate about what you just can’t do.

Keep your emotions to yourself.

The fact is, however, that many people get relatively inarticulate when they’re anxious, and very few people are good at the art of speaking up in the face of authority without getting into trouble.

In reality, standing up to intimidation and facing down bullies is a bad goal. 

You’ve got other goals and oblgiation to pursue, and fighting battles with people you don’t like and aren’t going to change seldom makes sense, even if they’re smaller than you. 

The truth is, fighting back isn’t the antidote to humiliation and intimidation; it’s more often an accelerant. Instead, give thought to values and consequences. 

Ask yourself whether the fight is worthwhile and winnable by considering risks and worst-case scenarios and keeping your mouth shut to give yourself time to think. 

Strengthen your resolve, and not your muscles, and learn to beat bullies by remembering what’s important, and that humiliation isn’t.

To control anxious or deferential feelings that cause helpless paralysis -- wishing to avoid. 

Your goal then isnt’t to stand up to trouble, but to determine what if anything, you can say or do that won’t stir up trouble even more. 

If you know the battle is unwinnable, smile politely until you’re gone. 

You can always move on, but he’ll always be stuck in his own insanity. 

The other way to protect yourself, especially if a bully is irrational, is to wall off your negative, helpless emotions and feel proud of your ability to make the best of tough situations. 

Look confident and stand proud, regardless of how you feel. 

Build a boundary that lets the bully know that you value his opinion, but still judge yourself by your own standards, which, in this case, you’ve met. 

Keep your cool under fire - - ahievable

How to do it? -- Shut up until you’re ready to speak; don’t yell or act out becasue you're angry or tired. 

Until you can move on, bear the pain. 

You won’t be someone living with a disability, but someone whose disability is their life.

Instead, accept what you’ve already learned: that your disability will come and go and you’ll never control it completely. 

Fight the shame that comes with being ill by sharing as much with others as you think is appropriate according to your own standards of privacy, not the culture’s stigma. 

Don’t take pride in looking normal, but in how well you cope with abnormality, tolerate the burden of your illness, and get as mach as you can out of life. 

Take pride in small accomplishments that make up your everyday. 

Playing pretend, while fun for children and kinky adults, is usually destructive in everyday life. 

Letting them know what’s wrong is never a confession; it’s a proud statement of achivement and intention, and if they care about you, they’ll have your back.

Instead, build selfrespect on accepting your abnormality and knowing you’re competemd to make good decisions about it, regardless of what others think or how severly it limits you. 

Know how far you can push yourself without causing relapse.

Assemeble a circle of approving, helpful people. 

What makes parents most awesome, however, is not the power of love, as wonderful as that is. It’s the power of to love when love is doing no good, not take your kids susffering personally, survive, and keep on loving.  It’s loving parents of self-hating kids who are genuinely the most amaxing, specialest snowflake parents of all. 

Acknowledging limits is necessary for restricting the damage of caring too much about flaws and failures that can’t be helped. 

Develop your own objective methods for determining whether you or someone you care about is doing a good enough job and rely on the facts to tell you whether you should hold yourself responsible for whatever is going on, 

Regardless of whether your selfesteem is too low or too high, you can figure out how to make the best of bad situations, take pride in your effort, and have confidence in your ability to do the right thing. 

You can like what you do with your choices, even if you don’t love yourself. 

[nichegoseoul]

F*CK FEELINGS by m.bennett MD & s.bennett

CHAPTER 1: F*ck Self-improvement

That being prepared to make whatever sacrifice is necessary to improve yourself doesn’t mean you can do it.

You can;t somehow get taller once you’ve stopped growing; there are limits to your physical strength and intellectual ability, no matter how rigorously you train; and odds are, you have done too many drugs to ever be president. 

Believing otherwise only makes us more foolishly vulnerable to the possiblility and more self-criticial when it occurs. 

Life sucks, our control sucks, but it’s not personal. 

There are limits to what you can do to change yourself, recognising limits is essential to managing bad behaviours, bad pieces of your personality, even bad taste in shoes. 

Im a mental case who just pretends to have it together which makes me feel even more out of control. MMy goal is to have a life that doesn’t feel like train wreck. 

Even if your situation is due to foolish mistake, learn from it and stop blaming yourself for bad results you don’t control. 

There are lots of problem we’ll never know the answer to. 

Every action we take depends on multiple unique subcapacitities, and all it takes is for one of those subcapacitites to be weak or broken, and our ability to function is compromised. 

Unfortunately, many things that promise relief from negative feelings  aren’t good for you and won’t really make you a better person, even if they make you feel better. 

You can be justified in attacking someone, physically or verbally, but the satisfaction it brings in limitedl; it often leaves you with bad feeling in the long run and gets you more involved with someone you’d like to stay away from. 

You might also try to become more positive by withdrawing from whatever causes you to feel negative, but that’s not so hot if it requires you to shed responsibilities, abandon people who need you, or dull down your personality. You may wind up with sereene smile but you may also have betrayed your own standards of behaviour. 

That’s why your primary goal is not to get rid of negative feelings and feel better, but to block them from controlling your behaviour while you continue act like a decent person. 

Don’t stigmatise negative feelings.

Your nasty, demonic side may be part of the spark that makes you creative, funny and energetic. 

You can;t control your negativity, but you can keep it from controlling you.

Bear the pain of living with ugly feelings rather than attacking yourself for having them or attacking others to escape them. 

The worse you feel about life and yourself, the more you think of nothing but immediate relief or pleasure. 

Addiction can be ab ottomless pit that sucks you down harder the farther you fall, leaving you with an addiction as bottomless, and as appetizing sald bowl at Olive Garden. 

Success over addiction means knowing why being unaddicted is worthwhile, and trying as hard as you can to stay that way, no matter how harsh the truth of your past, present, or future may be. 

Good management helps you build your own values and gives you strenght to ignore pain and do what, after much reflection, you’ve decide is right. 

If we can learn to limit our responsibilities, and hopes, to what is actually under our control, then hard work will always pay off and we will always have a chance to succeed. 

Put doing good over feeling good, and you will get good results.

[nichegoseoul]

F*CK FEELINGS by m.bennett MD & s.bennett

F**K Feelings

There’s no “SHOULD” or “SHOULD NOT” when it comes to having feelings. They’re part of who we are and their origins are beyon our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive ( adj. creating, development..) choices about what to do with those feelings.

What’s your goal?

They would rather see themselves as failures or as partially developeed seekers who cannot properly begin their lives until they have found an swer that has so far eluded them.

You have not failed and do not need to try harder or wait longer for improvement to begin; instead, you need to accept that life is hard and your frustrated efforts are a valuable guide to identifying what you can’t change.

You can’t go forward, or be helped by treatment, until you accept its impossibility, suck it up, and turn your bullshit wish into a goal that can actually be achieved.

Accept whatever is obviously impossible about your goals. Accept that depression is often chronic an incurable, so you can stop blaming yourslef for not controlling it. Stop treatments that dont seem to be helping.. Embrace whatever positive steps help you to live with and manage your illness or issue. Accept that there are some losses that never stop hurting, so you can stop delving into them, get used to liveing with a heavy heart, and try to build a better liffe. Accept that you have some urges, or self-expression that no amount if self-understanding will change. Stop asking why you’ve got weaknesses and start preventing them from turning you into jerk.

You were too busy with wishful thinking instead of problem solving.

The only book that can actually teach you how to change others think is a lobotomy manual.

There is no situation in life that can’t be endured if you can keep your sense of humor, bend your wishes to fit reality, restrain your feelings, mmaange bad behaviour, and do what you think is right.

[nichegoseoul]

The Half of It

Love is simply the name for the desire and pursuit of the whole. 

It is said that when one half finds another, there’s an unspoken understanding. A unity. And each would know no greater joy, than this. 

People spend too much time looking for someone to complete them. 

Life is irrational and meaningless 

In love, one always starts by deceiving oneself.. and ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. 

If i knew what love was, i would quote myself. 

Where you’re a pretty girl, and I know it makes me sound like conceited, but that’s why you are writing me, right? When you’re a pretty girl, people want to give you things. What they really want is to make you like them. Not like them as in,“i like you” , but like them as in, “i am like you”. So I am like a lot of people, which makes me kind of no one. 

I never really thought about the opression of fitting in before. The good thing about being different is that no one expects you to be like them. 

What’s surprising is people doen’t see what they’re not looking for. The obvious unseen. 

Everything beautiful is ruind eventually... 

If you do ruin your painting... you gotta know you have everything in you to get to that pretty good painting again.  But if you never do the bold stroke...You’ll never know if you couldve had a great painting. 

YOU TRY HARDER THAN ANYONE IVE EVER MET WIT HTHE POSSIBLE EXCEPTion of my dad with my mom to show a girl that you love them and if love isnt the effort you put in.. then waht is it? 

Gravity is matter’s response to loneliness. 

Every song movie story has a best part

hell is other people 

have you ever love someone so much, you dont want anything about her to change? 

Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. Love isnt pretending.

It would suck to have to pretend to be not you, your whole life.

I always thought that there was one way to love. one right way but there are more. so many more than i knew. and I never want to be the guy who stops loving someone for loving the way that they want to love. 

Love isnt patient kind and humble, love is messy and horrible and selfish and bold. its not finding your perfect half. its the trying and reaching and failing. 

Love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one. Is this really the boldest troke you can make? 

[nichegoseoul]

The truth is, everyone wants to believe they're inlove but no one really is.

[nichegoseoul]

SAD GIRLS by Lang Leave

Its a human nature: to have someone validate your own unique view of world

Our emotions pull us in different directions. Feelings are not always practical, or do they make any logical sense, thats just the way it goes

Im a stranger in my own life

It takes time to find out who you really are.

You have to figure out who you are before you take on that kind of responsibility

I learned writing is the consolation prize you are given when you dont get the thing you want most.

You seem like you're in this infinite loop: one step forward, two steps back. But i do think you're making strides, even if your not aware of it yourself.

We all need to follow our intuition, even if it takes us down the wrong path. Otherwise, you’ll always be second guessing yourself.

Your first love isnt the first person you give your heart to - - it’s the first one who breaks it.

I couldnt bear the thought of never seeing you again

Too many great things in this world get lost to reason

Missing someone can sometimes be the best thing for a writer

I used to think people were like lighthouses. That they were there to protect you. But they’re not. People are like whirpools, they pull you in; they drag you under. You have to work so hard just to keep your head above water.

It’s a beautiful thing, to love someone and have them love you back, everything pales in comparison.

I tried to push you away and you wouldnt let me. Then we grew close, i wanted to tell you but i couldnt handle the thought of losing you again

I knew i could never tell them the truth because they wouldnt ubderstand. How could i explain it to anither person if i couldnt even justify it to myself?

The truth is, everyone wants to believe theyre inlove but no one really is.

PS: Not all are in here 😢