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me staring into my dumbass dog’s giant sweet brown eyes as he tries to eat the hair tie off my wrist: if your head is so big then why are you still so stupid you big dumb boy? huh???

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Angus, looking at the 3 upper lip hairs he has managed to grow in the past year: I am Angus McDonald

Angus:

Angus: *whispers* man detective

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it’s 1am please take ms paint away from me :)

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the american government enlists me for a special mission and they tie me to a giant bullseye target on the ground and starts airdropping tons upon tons of cheese right into my screaming mouth

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Gentlemen, it has been a privilege being horny on main with you tonight

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This image told me to kill myself over shipping

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interests:

women

swords

cats

women

empty notebooks that ill never write in

tiny cacti in tiny pots

have i mentioned women

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Direct action.

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if she’s your girl why did she put a cup over me and slide a piece of paper underneath so she could gently carry me outside

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Imagine your girlfriend,,, falling asleep with her,,, head in your lap,,, that would be literal heaven

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guesssss what iiiii watcheddddddd AND I LOVED IT

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yes

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(Butler voice) Your coochie, sir

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death by glamour didn’t have to go that hard but toby respects gays

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People from Maryland are so proud of being from there, and for what? Crabs? They’re found all over the place. Old bay seasoning? It’s just fishy Lawry’s salt. That ugly checkered mess of a flag? Looks like a jester’s closet lmaoo Maryland is just Maine flavored Virginia

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im a simple gal i see a pygmy animal i lose my Fucking mind