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nixiaus · 3 years ago

Text

instead of us, only i remain.

Pairing: Jack Kline x Gender Neutral!Reader (can be read as platonic or pining best friends)

Genre: Angst, fluff (only in flashbacks)

Warnings: Major character death (Jack is dead in this whole fic), there are a lot of flashbacks, a bit of bitterness towards the Winchesters, also the bold italics sentences are the lyrics, set after Jack's death in S14, but before his resurrection in S15

Summary: After Jack's death by God, Y/N struggles to deal with the memories of Jack that resurface in the bunker.

A/N: Okay, so this is my first Supernatural fic! This is based on the song Winter Falls by Stray Kids, so feel free to listen while you read. My requests are open, just read my rules first, please!

Watching Chuck, God, burn the life out of your best friend had easily become the worst thing that had ever happened to you. Yes, you had been with the Winchesters, friends who were like brothers to you, through multiple apocalypses and tragedies, but watching the sweet boy you'd grown to love die hurt you more than you could've ever realized.

But now you do realize. You realize as you stand in Jack's room filled with memories the two of you shared during his short life. From your place right in the door frame, you can see the books you bought him the first week Sam and Dean brought him home.

I am still standing in the same place reminiscing about our old days.

"Hi, Jack!" You wanted to make a good impression on the kid, not only because he was Lucifer's son and could go rogue at any moment, but also because... so far, he seemed to just be a sweet, albeit confused, person.

"Hello, Y/N. What's in the bag?" Jack asked you, curious because you never seemed to come into his room, rather always catching up with him in the kitchen or library.

"Okay, so, I was at the bookstore and I wanted to bring you back something, and then I realized you've probably never read a book. So, I got you a couple!"

A couple was the understatement of the year. Another reason Jack had even asked you what was in your bag was because he could see your arm shaking with the weight of the filled tote bag. There was, at minimum, 10 books in the bag that you brought to him.

"Thank you, Y/N! You're right, I've never read a book. Which one should I read first?" Jack asked as you laid out all of the books you had purchased onto his desk.

"Well, probably the classics first. These," you gestured towards a stack of about 5 books, "are books most people have read and enjoyed throughout, like, centuries. So these are Little Women, Pride & Prejudice, The Great Gatsby, and a couple others I've never read. Those are what a lot of these newer ones are based off of, generally."

As you looked around Jack's room you got a sense of emptiness with the lack of personal items he owned, or more importantly, the lack of interaction he generally had with others. With how Jack was literally beaming at you, you could tell how happy you were making him by bringing him these books you enjoyed and thinking about him while you went to the store.

"Thank you, Y/N! I can't wait to read them all!" Jack pulled you into a tight, uncomfortably tight actually, hug and you smiled, hugging him back.

As you pulled away, you made an offer to him.

"Sam and I used to read books together, just in the same room to keep each other company or talk about what we were reading. Do you wanna read with me?"

When Jack nodded enthusiastically, that began the journey of your closest friendship.

When tears started welling up in your eye, with your nose burning, you closed Jack's door as you left the room. Sitting here thinking about the boy that had become your best friend in such a short span of time was something you didn't think you were ready for.

Passing Sam as you rounded the corner into the library, he saw your tears and heard your sniffles. "Y/N... I'm so sorry. I'm here for you, so is Dean, anytime you want."

Although you were still incredibly angry with both of the Winchesters for attempting to lock Jack in the Malak box, without even telling you, might you mention, you still appreciated the way that Sam was trying to be there for you.

"Thanks, Sammy. I'm, uh, I just... can't seem to stop, you know? My mind's running a mile a minute, I feel so jumpy, like there's something I should be doing to get him back."

"I get it. Even though the literal God killed him, we've cheated death so many times, it feels like we owe it to him to try. But there's nothing we can do, Y/N, the only person as powerful as Chuck is Amara, and well, Jack." You could tell Sam was trying to console you, make you realize that the anxiety you felt about being idle was useless, but in actuality it was making you feel like shit.

"Right. Well, I'm just gonna sit and watch a movie to keep my mind off things." You said with a heaving sigh. With that, Sam gently smiled at you and kept walking his original route to do Chuck knows what while Jack sat and rotted in the Empty.

As you plopped on the big leather couch, you were reminded of the first time Jack ever watched a movie.

"Y/N, what is "The Hulk?" Jack asked with his eyebrows upturned, the same habit you had gotten used to while hanging out with him as much as you did.

"He's a superhero from a comic book-turned-movie series. He's this brilliant scientist but he turns into a big green giant with anger issues." You explained to him patiently, as by now, you'd gotten hundreds of questions from the boy about pop culture, music, science, and other things. Although sometimes the Winchesters took the time to explain, you were the one who ultimately showed Jack the answers to his questions.

"Do you wanna watch the movies he's in with me? It's called the Avengers." You asked him, already getting up to find the DVD collection you had of the Marvel series.

"Yes, that would be awesome, Y/N. Thank you."

You two sat a normal distance apart while binging a couple Marvel movies that night, but by the time you were falling asleep, you were lying in his lap, with his fingers gently massaging your scalp. Jack had a touch of gentleness when it came to you, you could see it, hell, everyone could see it.

As your eyes began closing, you had to ask, even with the sleepiness in your voice. "Jack, why do you treat me differently than everyone else?"

Jack looked down at you in his lap and smiled. "Because you treat me differently than everyone else does. You're my best friend, at least that's the conclusion I've come to. I like being around you, your energy always seems to... make me feel warm. Like when it was snowing and you bought me a winter coat. You're kind to me, more than anyone else. You make me feel human."

With a sigh, you got up from the couch and went to lie in your own bed. This was the only place memories of Jack didn't seem to plague you, as Dean yelled at him rather loudly when he tried to enter your room. Something about your "purity" or whatever the hell he wanted to hate Jack for that day.

Looking at your wall clock, you saw the time was 09:14 PM.

Days shorter, nights longer; Freeze, melt, repeat.

It seemed like each day without Jack lasted a single minute, you saw Sam once, you saw Dean every now and then, you'd remember things you now want to forget, then retreat to your room. The same cycle every. single. day. Then in your room, the passage of time seemed to slow to a standstill, the times when you were alone was when you could let go, and sob your lungs out, remembering a warmth and a care you'd never felt before Jack and never will feel again.

Jack wasn't your first "best friend," but he certainly changed the definition for you. He seemed to literally feel when your emotions would change, the first time you met him, you were anxious and he immediately smiled at you. Jack was incredibly perceptive, always calming you.

We were holding hands... back then it was a warm winter everything was beautiful.

Winter was always your least favorite season. The snow dampened the sounds of the world, made you cold, and made the world that much harder to bear. You hated being cold, everyone who knew you knew that much.

This was Jack's first winter and he watched the snow trickle down from inside the backseat of the Impala on the way back from a hunt that you, him, Sam, Dean, and Cas had all done together. You two and Cas were all crammed in the backseat, and his head rested on your shoulder.

"You keep shivering, Y/N. Are you cold?" Jack asked, shifting his head to look at the side of your face.

"Yeah. It's really cold in here. I hate the winter because of it." You miserably told him, with your teeth chattering, despite the fact that everyone else seemed perfectly warm in the car.

"I can hold your hand, if you want. I saw in a movie once that it made people warmer." Jack told you from his place on your shoulder. His innocence made you beam so widely, he was honestly a bit surprised and confused at why you were smiling.

Honestly, Jack didn't really seem to understand that was more of a romantic aspect to fiction. But you were already a bit more warmed at the fact he even cared enough to hold your hand, despite the fact he's not really initiated much physical contact with people other than you and Cas.

"Sure, Jack. I'd like that."

"When we get home, we can drink hot chocolate and eat soup. That was in a few of the books you gave me."

"That'd be great, Jack. Hell, you might just make me like winter if you keep up with this."

You two held hands for hours on that drive back to Lebanon. By the time Cas woke you up, you noticed you had taken off your coat in your sleep anyway. It seems you were warm enough with Jack.

You didn't think you could keep sewing yourself back together just for the seams to keep coming loose at night. Every night you were weeping into your pillows, Jack's pillows, that you had taken off of his bed. At first, you even slept in his room like you were just waiting for him to come back after a hunt with Cas.

Cas, who before he left, came to your room and told you that you could always call him or pray to him, and he would be there for you.

Even though he had tears in his own eyes, Cas reached down and wiped yours and looked into your eyes.

"Y/N... you made Jack so happy while he was alive, I could see it, I could see how brightly his soul shone when you made him laugh or showed him a song. He appreciated how loved you made him well, and I appreciated it as well. You know... you can always pray to me, call me, and I will come. Or one day, you can come with me, too. Thank you for making Jack's life bright in the moments it was too dark for me to guide him."

You knew Cas to be a man of few emotional words when you first met. He had grown over the years, becoming more sweet, more caring, more human. And with Jack, he had become something like a father, a bit different than it was with Claire. You knew that you caring about Jack had warmed his heart and made him even fonder of you.

But he didn't know how much that made you fond of him.

"Cassie, you know... Jack is, fuck, I mean... Jack was the kindest person I have ever met, with or without his soul. And that is largely due to you, I saw so much of him in you. So much of how you were when we first met and yet, so much of you now. Looking at you, sometimes, all I can see is him," You said, looking down at your hands.

"His curiosity at a world he hadn't yet integrated fully into, at things he didn't understand, but his tenderness at it too. Thank you for everything. I understand why you're leaving, and I wanna tell you, too, that I am one, single, call away. I will always be here for you, so will this bunker. Fuck what anyone says." You finished, finally looking back up at Cas and pulling him into a tight hug, not unlike hugs you'd given each other in the past.

"Goodbye, Y/N."

With Jack's death came another loss you saw coming almost immediately. Cas being gone was something you had dealt with many times with his numerous depatures, but it felt different this time. He wasn't dead, or taken, or on a hunt, or running from something. Cas left for a reason, a reason which you can't refute.

You can't say you were in disagreement with his leaving, you were thinking of the same. But what would you do? Where would you go? You couldn't leave Sam and Dean, even though they were complete asses to Jack, they'd always taken care of you and you were infinitely grateful.

But... after all these years, maybe it was time to go. After Jack, you don't think you could stay with them anymore, this was harder than they thought it was. Maybe you could honestly go with Cas, you always seemed to click well.

So you wrote a note.

To Sammy and D...

I'm sorry to leave without talking to you first. Honestly I think we've probably talked enough for you to get why I'm leaving. Sam, I know you hear me crying at night, I know why you make me chamomile tea every morning.

And Dean, I know you try to make things as normal for me as possible. But the truth is, none of this is normal anymore without Jack. So, I'm leaving, I'm going with Cas. I'll be safe, not reckless, and I'm keeping our angel safe, too, okay? Don't worry about us.

I love you both so much. Thank you for caring about me all these years, thank you for everything. Thank you for bringing Jack to the bunker and giving me the opportunity to meet him. Okay, my wrist hurts, I need to stop writing now.

Goodbye, my brothers. From, your Y/N.

After a few quick tears, you wiped your face and grabbed your friendship bracelet Jack had made you a few weeks before his death and slid it on.

"Cassie? Castiel? I'm packed, I'm ready to go." You prayed to your angel, with your backpack on and a machete in hand.

Cas quickly appeared, another gentle smile on the seraph's face.

"Okay, let's go."

I'm okay now. Yeah, I'll be okay.

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