nonbinaryriley2

[nonbinaryriley2]

1 Year on T: 3/7/2020

It’s been a year already, and I am loving the changes! Acne, appetite, and sex drive finally calmed down to a more manageable level (although I did stay at .3ml so that also helped). 

I’ve continued to see same changes, and I’ve reached a point where I’m happy where I am. I’m a couple weeks late posting this, but I hit the one year mark the week of the 7th and decided that was my last dose. I’ve been off T for two weeks now, and I still feel good. My voice is deeper than the last post, and my face is a little more masculine. 

At this point, if I dress like a man, that’s what people see me as. I performed at my local Irish festival on the 7th and 8th (Irish Step Dance) and women wore skits, men wore slacks. I wore slacks and presented as male. The whole weekend, I was treated as a man. Not once was I called ma’am, and I even used the men’s restrooms. No one said anything to me about it or even looked twice. Even the men in my school who saw me before T didn’t seem to think anything of it. (It was really nerve racking, because I hadn’t ever used the men’s room before unless I was with my cis male friend as backup. I kept waiting for someone to say something, but they never did. I was being called “he” and “sir” so much though that I was more worried about using the women’s restroom. It felt good, but I’m definitely not comfortable in the men’s room yet.)

I felt like that was a good time to stop. It was nice being treated like a man for the weekend, but I’m still nonbinary and don’t want to be seen exclusively as a man. I still sometimes get called ma’am when I’m dressed more androgynously, which I guess is the goal? I’d like everyone to recognize me as nonbinary, but there isn’t really a way to “pass” as nonbinary. I think I’m as close to that as I can get. More importantly though, I feel good. I like the way I look and sound, and I don’t think I want anything to change more than it already has. I’ll give it a few months to be sure, but I think I’m done with my physical transition. 

I’ve been self isolating as much as possible with everything going on, so I’ve taken the opportunity to let my facial hair grow out for about a week and a half, just to see what it does. I wouldn’t ever be able to grow a full beard and mustache, but there’s more there than I expected. Most of the hair is on my sideburns and under the chin/neck area. I could probably grow a decent goatee if I wanted to, though it would take a long time, but my mustache would only be on the sides of my upper lip. The hair doesn’t quite fill in all the way through the middle. I prefer the clean shaven look for myself anyway, but it’s nice to know what I can grow if I ever change my mind. 

A final summary of changes (unless I decide to go back on T):   

- Some bottom growth, but not nearly as much as I was worried about

- Deeper voice, but I can pitch it lower or higher depending on which gender I want to pass as. It leans more masculine if I’m not paying attention to it, which I like.

- I’m still sometimes seen as a woman, but with the short hair and androgynous clothes, its probably about even if I’m seen as a man or a woman. If I dress like a man though, that’s typically what people are going to see me as. 

- Patchy facial hair, but if I shave some of it, I could probably grow a goatee if I wanted to.

- No menstruation the whole time I was on T (it hasn’t come back yet, but it’s only been a couple weeks. I’m not looking forward to that, but its expensive and a long recovery time to get a hysterectomy, so it’s something I’m just going to have to put up with)

- Since stopping T, sex drive, acne, and appetite have all gone down even more. as an asexual, adult, who stopped growing vertically years ago, I’m happy about all three.

[nonbinaryriley2]

9 Months on T: 12/7/19

I’m really late with this post again, so I’m combining my regular update with a run down of my last two doctor visits. When I went in for a follow up appointment, they measured my testosterone levels like usual, but they came back way too high. For testosterone to be in the “normal male range” they shouldn’t be above 1000 ng/dl. Mine were 1400. So my doctor dropped my dose from .5ml to .25 ml and told me to come back in 4 weeks. I went back earlier this week and my levels were back to normal range, so she said I could go up to .3ml and hold steady at that dose. I hadn’t noticed any indications that my levels were too high until she said anything, but I realized there had been a spike in appetite and sex drive, both of which are annoying for me. On the lower dose, both calmed down and are back to normal. 

As for changes, there haven’t been too many changes, but I have noticed an increase in muscle mass. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t lift weights or do anything to intentionally build muscle. I do however have a fairly active job that requires me to sometimes move things up to 50lbs. Since starting T, I have built a decent amount of muscle considering I haven’t started lifting more weight. I did switch from part-time to full-time in September, but lifting things isn’t a large part of my job. I never had much upper body strength, so when I would occasionally go bowling with my family, I would bowl with an 8 pound bowling ball. I went bowling this week for the first time since starting T, and I was bowling with a 12 pound ball. 

Other changes have been more of the same. More hair, a little bit more of an Adam’s apple, slight voice change, and a little bit more facial structure changes. I’ll hit the one year mark in March, and at that point, I will likely decide to stop T. I’ve been getting called “sir” a lot more lately, and I’m currently happy with the changes that have happened. I don’t want changes to go too far, so I’ll assess how I’m feeling in March. If I’m satisfied, I’ll stop T, and give it a few months and see how I feel being off of it. 

[nonbinaryriley2]

7 and 8 months on T: 10/7/19 and 11/7/19

I moved out of my parent’s house last month, and things have been kind of crazy the last couple months. I’ll combine months this time, just because things got away from me, but I’ll make another post next month. 

Acne is still happening, but it’s calmed down a lot. I notice stubble on my face a lot faster, and I’m shaving twice a week now. It still isn’t too noticeable, but if I had a job that required me to be neater with my appearance, I would probably shave three times a week. I’ve also noticed a more pronounced Adam's apple recently. I can’t tell how visually obvious it is, but I can definitely feel more there than there used to be. 

I’ve been called “sir” more, especially this last month, and people aren’t “correcting” themselves as often when they hear my voice and realize I’m not a cis man. I switched pharmacies, and one of the pharmacists called me “ma’am” but then backtracked and called me “sir” every time after that. I’m not sure if its because it’s more obvious that I’m transitioning now or because she actually realizes what it means when a person takes testosterone (the number of receptionists and pharmacists that call me ma’am even though we’ve established that I’m on testosterone is ridiculous).

I was talking to one of my coworkers recently and she said she’s noticed a voice drop since she’s known me (we met not long after I started T), so it’s encouraging that it’s that noticeable. 

I think there’s been a little more bottom growth since I last mentioned it, but since that isn’t something I care about either way, I haven’t been paying much attention to how much it’s actually growing. 

Over all, I’m still happy with the way things are changing, and at this point, I’m probably going to at least hit the one year mark before I start thinking about stopping T.

[nonbinaryriley2]

2 Years Post-Op: 9/21/19

Not a whole lot has changed, but my nipples seem a little more nipple like. Theyre a little softer and look a little more natural. its not a huge differenc though. it doesnt even show in the picture. Since things have stopped changing, i probably wont post anymore updates on top surgery.

Year 2 pictures: 

https://topsurgerypictures.tumblr.com/post/187872495083/2-years

[nonbinaryriley2]

6 months on T! 9/7/19

It has not felt like it’s already been 6 months, but I’m definitely seeing more of the changes I want. My voice is deeper, and I’m finally starting to notice some changes in facial structure. I haven’t taken a picture to compare to one before starting T, but it is different. Before the changes had really started I had gotten a haircut with the sides of my head buzzed (which I didn’t tell her to do) and I didn’t like it. I didn’t think it looked right. I just got a haircut today that ended up being very similar and I love it. It works with my face now. 

I’m still seeing more body hair, and my legs are a good bit hairier than they used to be. I’m also seeing a little more arm hair (though not by much) and my facial hair is filling in a little more. I still only shave my face once a week though. I had an acne flair up a couple weeks ago, and that’s been a regular thing recently. I did notice today that I’ve gained a bit of arm muscle even though I haven’t been doing anything I don’t normally do. I had already noticed more leg muscle, but I’m in dance and have a job where I do a lot of walking around. I wasn’t sure how much of the muscle was from that, but it looks like T has been helping me build it faster. 

I had my follow up appointment this week, and all my hormone levels are withing normal range. I talked to my doctor and I’m now on a max dose of .5ml. So far I’m happy with all the changes (other than annoying puberty stuff) and I’m looking forward to continuing down this path. I’m still not sure how far I’ll take things, but at this point, i’d rather lean masculine with with physical appearance so i’ll probably still be on T for awhile.  

[nonbinaryriley2]

Month 5: 8/7/19

I’m still seeing more body hair. The hair on my stomach and chest is spreading out a little, but now I’m also seeing darker and slightly thicker hair on my upper thighs. I think there is also more hair on my lower legs as well. 

My voice is continuing to deepen, and I had a couple kids last week who weren’t sure they believed me when I told them I’m female. The last couple weeks I’ve mostly stopped telling kids that just to see what they think. When they ask if I’m a boy or a girl, I’ll ask them what they think. Its actually about even what they’ll say (these are really young kids, so they're mostly going by the buzzed hair, flat chest, and slightly deeper voice. They aren’t paying as much attention to facial structure). It’s still more even than earlier in the summer. Now the the question is “are you a boy or a girl?” more than “are you a girl?”

Nothing else has really changed that much, but I’m now at .45ml and will probably go up to .5ml in a few weeks. At that point, I’ll probably stay at .5ml and let the changes keep happening at whatever pace that ends up being. 

[nonbinaryriley2]

Month 4: 7/7/19

Bottom growth hasn’t really changed, but I’ve noticed more body hair on my stomach and chest. Both are still thin and light. My voice has changed a little more, and I haven’t noticed any facial changes. I’ll probably need to take a picture of myself and compare to older pictures to really track those changes. 

I’m working a summer camp for the second year in a row. I’m getting a lot more kids thinking I’m a man than I did last year and more that struggle seeing me as female (I tell them I’m a woman since that’s what most parents are going to read me as and it’s just easier than that. Since I don’t have a pronoun preference I don’t mind). 

There have also been more adults that read me as male than there used to be. I recently buzzed my hair, which I think helps, but even before I did, I was still getting called sir more frequently. There are still way more people who call me ma’am, and the other day someone called me sir, but apologized when he heard my voice. 

My appetite has calmed down some, but I’ve noticed an increase in libido, which is not something I want either. It’s not out of control, but it is annoying since I’m asexual. On the positive side, I haven’t had a period since starting T and haven’t had any breakthrough bleeding in weeks. 

Before starting T, I had vaginal discharge even when i wasn’t on my period (which is normal). Now, I haven’t noticed any regardless of the time or day or month. I do still produce normal amounts when aroused. 

Acne is still a thing, but it hasn’t gotten too bad yet. It hasn’t reached a point where I would call it an outbreak, and it doesn’t usually bother me.

[nonbinaryriley2]

3 Month Appointment

My follow up appointment for the 3 week mark went really fast. I went in, the doctor asked how I felt about changes and if I wanted to up my dose again. Then she took a blood sample and that was it. I got a call a couple days later and she told me my hormone levels were in normal range. I’m currently at .35ml of testosterone, and she said to stay on that dose for another couple weeks (I had only done 2 doses so far) then up it to .4 for five weeks and .45 for another five weeks. 

[nonbinaryriley2]

3 Months on T: 6/7/19

I think there’s been a little more bottom growth, but it’s not something I usually notice. I’ve definitely started getting facial hair. It’s still light blonde, but it’s starting to get thicker, and it’s filling in a little bit more. It isn’t anywhere near enough to actually grow a mustache or beard if I wanted though. Right now I can get away with only shaving once a week since I don’t work in a formal setting and people aren’t likely to be looking at my face close enough to notice a tiny bit of scruff. I’m also getting a little more body hair. My stomach has more fuzz and it’s getting darker. I do have some chest hair now, but it’s sparse and only a few hairs are thick and dark. My father doesn’t have a lot of chest hair, so I’m hoping I won’t get too much either. 

My voice is definitely starting to change. I still think some of it is allergies, but I can’t get my voice to go as high as I used to, and it’s easier to get it to go lower. Weirdly enough my singing seems to have gotten a little better. I have never been good at singing, but I enjoy it. Since my range has shifted I feel like my singing voice has gotten better. I don’t know if its because I’m happier with how my voice sounds overall or because I’m more comfortable with what my voice is doing and it’s just easier to hit notes when I make them lower. Either way, I’m excited about a change I actually wanted. My facial structure doesn’t look any different to me yet, but I’m fine taking it one step at a time.

One other change is an appetite increase. This past week especially I’ve been hungry all the time and when I have the opportunity, I eat more a lot more than I usually do in one sitting. I’m hoping that will settle down soon because I’m not actually a growing teenager and I can’t be eating this much without gaining weight.

[nonbinaryriley2]

Month 2 on T: 5/7/19

I’ve stopped paying attention to bottom growth since it hasn’t been very much and is happening very slowly. I have noticed more facial hair starting to grow. It’s still very thin and light blonde, so it isn’t noticeable yet. I will probably have to start hair removal soon, but I haven’t decided how I want to go about it. I was talking to a coworker, and she says waxing facial hair can cause bruising. I tend to bruise easily, so I’ll either shave or try hair removal creams. 

So far I haven’t been bothered by bottom growth or facial hair. I was prepared for some mild dysphoria about one or both, but I don’t have any about either. I’m mostly just annoyed that I’m going to have to start dealing with the facial because I liked not having to shave. 

My voice has been more gravely lately because of allergies, but I’m hoping it clears up before my voice starts changing because of T. If not tracking it might get difficult. 

[nonbinaryriley2]

Week 6: 4/18/19

I havent noticed any aditional bottom growth, but my face is definately more oily. I wasnt prone to a lot of acne the first time i went through puberty, so im hoping it wont be a problem this time around.

I left the injection site alone the first day and as soon as i started feeling it itch, i started putting the cream on it. that helped a lot and the bump didnt get nearly as big and didnt itch as much. i also iced it a few times and that made a big difference. 

I’ve had a little more break through bleeding this week, but its still so minir that i only notice it because im looking for it. i dont get cramps with it so its something i can ignore.

Now that Ive figured out how to deal with the itching, im going to be postimg less frequently. it will probably be at the month mark (around the 7th of each month) unless something happens.

[nonbinaryriley2]

Week 5: 4/11/19

Ive definatley noticed bottom growth. It’s not a lot though and so far I’m comfortable with the change. i had a tiny bit of break through bleeding for a day, but other than that I havent had a period or spotting since I started T. For a few days there was a spike in sex drive, but it’s gone back to normal by now. Im not sure if my skin is any more oily, but Ive started using a face wash and I havent had an issue with acne yet.

For my most recent injection, i covered the injection site with some mepitac but it didnt help with keep the bump from forming, it actually seemed to have made it worse and now I have two itchy bumps. It wasnt as tender this time around since I didnt rub the area after injecting. Ive been putting hydrocortisone cream on the bumps, so hopefully theyll go down soon. I guess next week Ill try completely leaving the injection site alone for a day and see if that helps.

[nonbinaryriley2]

1 Month on T

After changing the angle I do the injection at, the itching wasn’t as bad, but it was still there. My doctor called a few days later to discuss it, and we both came to the conclusion that the itching is probably just from my shirts rubbing against my stomach where the bump is. So far the only change I’ve noticed is a little bit of bottom growth. It doesn’t really seem longer, just a little bigger in general.

I did my next injection a few days ago and upped the dosage to .3ml. I changed the injection site to my thigh. There was still some itching, but it wasn’t as bad. It was more tender the first couple days, but I would rather it hurt then itch, so I’ll do the injections there from now on. The bump was bigger, but I read on a forum that the bigger the dose, the bigger the bump. I’ll keep trying different things to see if I can minimize the size of the bump or the itching. This injection I rubbed it a lot after injecting. Next one I’ll keep it covered for a couple days and see how that goes.

[nonbinaryriley2]

3 Weeks on T

The last two times I’ve done an injections, I’ve noticed an itchy bump near the injection site. Today, I went back to my doctor so she could watch me do it and tell me if I’m doing something wrong. It turns out, I was doing it at the wrong angle and probably just going in too deep. I didn’t feel any stinging the whole time, but the last two times I did it, I did. I’m hoping that means there won’t be any itching from this injection. It’s been about 6 hours since then, and I haven’t noticed itching yet. 

My doctor did say that redness, bruising, and even a bump are all normal and she isn’t worried about that. She was concerned about the itching, but she said she would check in early next week and if there is, we’ll go from there. 

I talked about changing my dose next time and stopping finasteride since I’m no longer freaked out about the changes I would rather not happen. She told me that I can stop finasteride or go back on whenever I want regardless of dosage changes. I’m going to stop taking finasteride today, and next week, I’ll bump my dosage up .5 ml since it will have been four weeks. So far I haven’t noticed any changes to my body. I did notice an increased appetite the last few days, but I was sick all last week and didn’t eat much. My body may just be trying to recharge. I haven’t had an more acne flare ups, so I’m assuming it was from stress and sunscreen last week. 

[nonbinaryriley2]

1 Year, 6 Months Post-op and 2 Weeks on T

Not much to say about top surgery. im still pleased with the results and the scar is continuing to fade. Its hard to tell in the pictures that the scar is fading, but I’m noticing more smooth or light space in some areas.

 Im also not noticing much with the testosterone. i did notice some more acne this week, but im not sure if thats T or because i fell asleep before washing sunscreeen off one night.

Year 1.5 pictures: https://topsurgerypictures.tumblr.com/post/183619473813/year-15-pictures 

[nonbinaryriley2]

Week 1: 3-14-19

After a week on .25ml and Finasteride I don’t feel any different and haven’t noticed any changes. I’m going to give it four doses to see if anything changes, but at this point I will probably increase my dose after 4 weeks. My doctor told me that I can choose to increase my dose to .3ml if I want but I can only increase dosage every four weeks. 

I originally planned to stay on .25ml for three months, because some of the changes were scary (bottom growth mostly) but now I’m ready to start seeing some changes. 

The second injection had me a lot less nervous. It stung a little more, but I did it on my left side this time (my non dominant side) so that probably had more to do with motor control than anything else. 

[nonbinaryriley2]

First Dose: 3-7-19

I started my first dose on a Thursday and I inject every week, so for now I’ll be posting weekly updates until I’m farther along. I don’t tend to have a problem with needles, but I was kind of nervous about doing it myself. I did it in my bathroom and made sure the counter was sanitized before I started. read through the instructions a couple times and watched a video of a trans guy doing it and talking through each step. Once I actually did it, it wasn’t a big deal. It was really straight forward and I barely felt the needle. Since I’m also taking the Finestride, I expect the changes to happen very slowly. I’ll see if there are any by the next dose.