nordiitheshimp

[nordiitheshimp]

As a planet-conquering interstellar species, your first promises of prosperity and peace usually fall on deaf ears. However, this new planet, Earth, has surrendered willingly, not out of fear, but because "We're tired, and actually kinda bad at governing ourselves."

[nordiitheshimp]

Legends say that a powerful demon lives in the mountains. After a string of mysterious disappearances, you are hired as a hunter to confront the demon. The demon squarely defeats you, but then pulls you to your feet. "Let us find out who is behind these disappearances and ruining my good name."

[nordiitheshimp]

You are the paladin of a kind god. The god's followers have become corrupt, taking over the government and using their religious doctrine as tools to condemn others. Your god is angry and you are here to bring hell.

[nordiitheshimp]

You don't understand why so many people call you wicked. They ask for your magical help, and you agree, and charge them a fair price for the magic they need, considering what they need magic to do and what it will allow them to do after they have it.

[nordiitheshimp]

A princess who is going to be in an arranged marriage runs away. She cuts her hair and pretends to be a man. However, she runs into the prince who was going to get married to her. He also ran away, and he is pretending to be a woman. They instantly recognize each other.

[nordiitheshimp]

A goddess, of immense cosmic phenomenal powers, has decided to crash on your couch. Turns out, she was just a typical worker and has been fired by The Powers That Be. Now, she's using your stuff, eating your food, running up all your bills, and not doing anything. You're going broke, fast.

[nordiitheshimp]

It turns out the Dark Forest theory is very real. The 'big bad' aliens just haven't been watching our planet since they destroyed it 66 million years ago. Humanity has evolved under their radar.

[nordiitheshimp]

A retired Super Villain is at the bank with their daughter when a group of Villains rushes in and starts to rob the bank.

[nordiitheshimp]

You have found a peaceful village. The angel on your shoulder is enraged, however, and is demanding you slaughter everyone there. The devil on your shoulder looks genuinely afraid of the angel but also has no clue why they're so mad.

[nordiitheshimp]

Mage titles like "Lord of Lightning" or "Child of Darkness" are no different from army nicknames: They're usually based on inside jokes. You didn't realize this until you got one.

[nordiitheshimp]

You're a hero with a weird name: "Anything for $20." You gain the ability to do anything, as long as you're offered $20. Everyone takes it as a joke, until one day there's a cataclysm, and someone offers you $20 to end it.

[nordiitheshimp]

You are the end boss of a dungeon. You watch as your midboss fights a scrawny warrior with a 5 copper sword and a cape that says "adventurer in training." As the warrior attacks your minion with sad, pathetic strikes, it looks to you in a desperate plea for guidance.

[nordiitheshimp]

“No? Why? Because I’m a vampire?” “No… Actually, pretending you’re 21 and attending high school for eighty years is a little weird, man.”

[nordiitheshimp]

You are a devoted paladin of the god of hatred. The followers of the “good” gods fear you. The followers of the “evil” gods try to get chummy with you for about five seconds before they REALLY fear you.

[nordiitheshimp]

"Why? You are myriad like us... Why would you defend them?" the powerful hive mind asks the united army it's fighting, speaking through a million bodies, but still understood. "Because they created me—and that's enough for my gratitude," the machines respond in unison.

[nordiitheshimp]

“A vegan vampire? How does THAT work?” “Simple; I drink coconut water.” “Come again?” “Coconut water is close enough to human blood plasma that vampires can survive on it.” “Huh…”

[nordiitheshimp]

A shapeshifter falls in love with a photographer. The photographer takes a picture of them when they’re themselves without them knowing. The photographer unexpectedly dies, and the shapeshifter slowly forgets what they look like, until they eventually find a box full of photographs.