not-a-big-slay

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Kestrel-dad not sure how to dad but he’s trying his best.

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Kestrel-dad not sure how to dad but he’s trying his best.

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The difference between 👀 and 👁️👁️ to me

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ur telling me that red flags are BAD? I thought they were good because, you know, color theory

[not-a-big-slay]

hello neighbour V

alex turner x fem!reader

summary: how hard could it be? surviving a night in a childhood house of the person you have been trying hard to avoid..

warnings: ts angsty, self-doubt (again), heavy imposter syndrom

part 4

You're already there and you couldn't call back the Uber.

You're already there and you couldn't call back the Uber.

You were already there, it would be shameful to go back now.

A deep breath and a ring, then a joyful older lady opened and smiled at you immediately, despite being a stranger meeting a stranger. Her blond hair only stretched to her ears, complimenting her beauty wrinkles. She looked elegant.

"Hi there! Come on in." she could might as well spread her arms and give you a warm embrace, though taking off your light jacket was similar. Her enthusiasm pulled out an honest smile from its grave and sticked it on your face with no effort. "We are so glad you came!" she stated after detailly complimenting your outfit, "What's your name dear?"

You were too busy looking around the area, but managed to stutter nonetheless. The woman smiled and, if you allowed yourself a bit of hope, you would dare to say she recognized it. "It's so nice to meet you. I'm Alex's mum, Penny."

"Oh, n-nice to meet you as well." her squeeze was tight, but only because yours lacked any strenght. Of course, you would meet his creator first. And of course, she was the nicest person underneath Britain's grey sun. She didn't pay any attention to your tensed state and led you into a living room, which was great in its size and cozy in the number of people in it. You exhaled deeper than you inhaled, it was comforting to not be in presence of a sized crowd, though that meant less coverage for you. Alex would definitely see you in here.

"Alex is outside in the garden, I'll tell him you came." Penny informed you and you contemplated whether to stop her, but decided against it, knowing it would only look suspicious. Plus you needed to face him, you didn't imagine it would be possible to avoid him at his party. So, you walked around, smiling at people, but not engaging in conversations. You wondered if Miles was present, he seemed fun to be around. As you circulated around the crowd, a man bumped into you, by intention.

"I'm real sorry, could you hold him for just a sec?"

To such questions most people nodded, because it asked for a favour, which are way more easily given than some think. It was the absence of time given for an asnwer that made everyone accept whatever proposition asked, forcing them to act on an instict of help rather than actually thinking about the decision. You weren't an exception, so in the matter of a few heartbeats, you held a baby.

"Thank you, love." the man smiled after he hid his stuff back in a bum bag and finally glanced at you. He didn't seem to mind the weird way in which you held his baby, but he took it back right away, fortunately. "No problem."

You both looked around the room and only one of you sighed with a pleasant smile, while rocking their baby back and forth. "I can't believe that bastard pulled it off, who would've thought, right?"

"I believed in him." you replied and finally relaxed enough to smile back.

"Oh I did too, without a doubt. Still though, it's amazin', innit?"

There could be no argument there. While Alex received more than a lifetime of support, the time and struggle that came with writing had to be hard to fight off, and he did. The stranger's words reminded you just how much you were proud of him, and shamed you how much you have been avoiding him, right after his big breakthrough.

Imposter, that's who you were in here.

"How long have you known Al?"

"Oh, just like..4 months." you had no idea how embarrassing it could sound. It felt like years, though. Every conversation you had deepened your relationship and their types were usually savoured for the closest of friends. Maybe you should have lied, saying how long it has been emotionally, but just the thought of lying to Alex's friends went away instantly, knowing how dumb it is itself.

His eyebrows went up, not judging, rather remembering said information. "I'd love to know, how is it to meet him this recently?" he aimed to explain, "I've known him ever since secondary, so for me, he is still the same, you know?"

You nodded in understanding, a person you created a bond with changes very little over time in your perspective. Something that dorm taught you. "I don't know, I'm just his neighbour." you chuckled, feeling ease in the atmosphere around you.

Except, it changed then. Suddenly, with your answer, the ease went away and the man looked at you with widened eyes and an open mouth. His surprise surprised you. Sure, it wasn't a daily basis, inviting your neighbours for some book release party, but it couldn't be such a shocker either. Still, his eyes kept looking, his hands stopped all rocking and it left you in the scrutiny of his reaction.

Then, as quickly as it came, it all went away, as if nothing happened.

"Oh. A neighbour, huh? Cool." his pretending couldn't be worse. He knew something, and there was only one something to know.

"I'm Nick. Didn't introduce myself yet." his whole attitude changed and it saddened you. Your mistake plagued you and everyone who knew Alex could see. And this room only held such people. You traded names, not even bothered to look for signs betraying his knowledge. They found you anyway.

"Wow, pretty name..pretty name."

Seriously, Nick?

The disastrous exchange luckily ended and you knew better than to talk to more people. If everyone here knew, they needed no introduction. Instead, you aimed for the kitchen, perhaps to make yourself something to drink, even if there were plenty of options on the dining table, the center of the room. Behind the close doors, you let out the emotions, breathing in deeply and rubbing your eyes. It didn't matter you were already there, the Uber could turn around. It could pick you up and you would be back home, sinking yourself in the bottle of champagne and some cheesy movie. All in honour of Alex.

This pathetic thought woke you up and made you search for a glass and some content you could fill it with. The kitchen was beautifully old, despite the mess crucial for the preparations, you could surely get lost in its aura while baking in the big oven. Opening cabinets were a great way to occupy your shaky hands. You had to pull yourself together, there must be a time and place for a breakdown and this was not it.

"Looked for you everywhere."

You jumped with the desired bottle of prosecco in your hands and dreaded turning around.

There he was, anchoring your eyes in his, not letting a single ounce of a miracle pull you away. After almost a month of avoidance, his beauty hit you hard. It felt like meeting a celebrity, you knew his features all too well, but still couldn't quite believe they existed. Lips lacked a known smile and that only intensified the already suffocating air.

Oh god, you couldn't do this.

"You found me."

Stupid.

Everything you'd say to him now, stupid.

Everything that was not an apology was stupid.

Alex came closer, slowly, as though every step pained him or maybe he didn't wanna risk you would escape again, and you couldn't decide what was worse. He stopped next to you, leaving some space between which you both hated and needed. Only then you felt entitled to look away. You had to say something, even if it was a small talk about the weather, you needed to speak.

"How are you-"

"You look beautiful-"

Neither of you heard the other as you found the courage to talk at the same time. After what felt like entering in unknown waters, Alex's lips dipped their toes in by lifting the corners and in no time were the both of you drowning, giggling off the honest coincidence.

"Ehm, how are you?" you repeated.

"Kinda nervous, a lotta people with lotta expectations.." he confessed, his breath freshening the still air. You wished to be a plant to inhale his sighs. Alex eyed the bottle of prosecco. "There's plenty of drinks in the dining area." he informed as a right host, "but if you want the whole bottle, be my guest."

You shook your head at his comment, for a second able to forget these 3 weeks, but as you lifted your gaze up to find his own and only merely brushed it over his lips, anxiety claimed you again. You had to search in mind the sentence he had said to thread a conversation you so desperately craved with him.

"I don't, it's just....lotta people." lips tightened as they repeated after him and Alex gave an understanding by means of a nod. Silence was thrilled it could squeeze into one of your moments, it began to think you two would never hang out with it. Alex sensed its presence and tried to reject it. "I was just sayin' you look beautiful..You uhh..really can put together an outfit.."

He stuttered, it was endearing, until your mind found a million of reasons saying the opposite. What if he stuttered because he was afraid of you? If he complimented you directly, it could be possible you'd attack him with your lips again and he didn't want that. You blushed nonetheless, god knows if by embarrassment from your own mind or by flustration from his words.

"Thanks." you smiled and cleared the block in your throat, "You-you too. Being an author suits you."

Finally, there it was. All doubts doubted themselves once they admitted that Alex did smile, widely; like that night in the elevator, every single evening on the balcony and even in his apartment on your way out. You thought you ruined your privilege of seeing it, but it appeared clearly now.

"I hope I won't disappoint."

"Never." you swore.

Alex stretched his hand, offering to open the bottle. He undone it with skill and poured it out evenly in two glasses. You raised yours and waited not even a second for him to do the same.

"To you, then"

"Nah, please don't. There's gonna be plenty of that tonight."

You laughed: "Deservably so."

"I won't drink any of this if you toast to me." he warned as if his lack of alcohol would harm you.

"What do you wanna toast to then?" you sighed out, your hand hurting a little from holding the glass in the air for this long.

"To my neighbour and her annoying support?"

Ouch.

Very nice words, more than you deserved after what you've done.

Still, ouch.

"I'll toss it in the sink if that's your suggestion."

"Wow, alright. Sorry for praisin'."

You set your glass down, tired already. Alex noticed and felt pressured to come up with something quick, to not lose you.

"Okay, okay. To life, then."

"Life..?"

"Yeah." he assured, obviously confident in his choice, "It made me chase my dreams, move to your building, write a book.." he kept going. "Made us meet."

A part said most quietly, but the only one that you focused on.

"I guess you're right." you surrendered and raised your hand again, keeping yourself composed and scheduled an emotional breakdown once home.

"To life."

"To life."

A little while later, and a couple of refills, you began to think Alex completely forgot what happened. You were thankful for it, in a certain way, maybe he's done it for your sake. A part of you, though, wanted rejection, a clear one. It wanted a confirmation of his unrequited feelings, a painful, but quick rip of the bandaid. It needed a reason to convince the positivity inside to finally fault you. Yet, Alex seemed to hold it off, talking about how he only invited twenty percent of the people in here, joking about how absurd it was to be scared of his parents' support and not once mentioning anything about this past month. After all, this behaviour came straight from your dreams and false hopes, it embodied your wishes exactly. It strangely frustrated you right now.

While the kitchen isolated noise enough to create a comfort space for catching up, your ears still recognized the clank of a glass, and Penny's voice urging everyone to gather in the dining room. Alex took a sharp breath in: "Here it comes.."

"Hey, you deserve this." you squeezed his shoulder and it electrified you both, judging by how he tensed up and how you froze. It was the first time you touched him after that incident. A trivial contact between two people that all of a sudden felt like crossing the thickest line.

Penny came to rescue, opening the kitchen doors to reel her son out, not showing her surprise to find you with him, if there was any. "Come on now, everyone's waitin'."

You positioned yourself in the outer rim of the crowd. Penny formally welcomed everyone and then gave space to Alex, who thanked the whole room and shared some moments and doubts during writing. It was all beautiful and it hit hard everyone in the room, especially his parents, understandably so. As he continued with his gratitude, you remembered the moment you found out he would have his work published, feeling as you predicted; incredibely proud but yet saddened he was about to become a star, scolding yourself for being so selfish to even be upset about that. Up until now, you lived in a bubble which made it seem like Alex was a side character in your story. Or worse, you two were the only characters in a comedy. It took a 5 minute speech to realize the roles were reversed. That alone wouldn't wound you, but you barely felt like an extra. Disposable, easily replacable. His story wouldn't change if you suddenly disappeared.

You clapped first, others only joined in, and it lifted up your mood that you started a thunderous applause. Alex got swallowed by the crowd and their overlapping congratulations, which didn't include yours. Clearly, your support wasn't as meaningful as once thought, because your hands were empty while others' held an invisible right to voice their pride. Clearly, your bond with Alex was much thinner than you told yourself, because he didn't tense up at others' affection. Clearly, those moments you've shared meant less than you made them up to be, because you felt like a bystander that came across a celebration, while others looked like they belonged.

Clearly, what you observed as Nick's surprise was really a disgust with your audacity to kiss his friend. Others wouldn't be surprised to meet you, they would be disturbed.

You felt like you harrassed him. How could you act on your feelings and not consider his?

"Are you okay?"

You didn't flinch, he already steadied you with his hands, though they weren't tight enough around you to make all those nightmarish thoughts go away. Closing your eyes failed you in its weak attempt to ground you. What did help, though, was the fear of crying at his release party and making it all about yourself. He invited you, so even if your mind stated only facts, you would to stay for him. And you deserved nothing for that.

"Yeah, I'm fine." you lied and smiled against all odds, "The speech was too good."

Alex didn't believe that. He did know you, no one could deny it.

Especially not you.

"Do you need some air?" Alex's hand moved up and down your back slightly, but enough to imprint on your body. You felt the same urge to kiss him as back then, and that brought you harshly down to earth.

"No,no.." you shook your head and took a step back, dropping his hand in the process. "I'm alright, really."

Alex awkwardly retrieved his hand to the side and looked around the room. You inhaled his scent when he wasn't looking and then followed his gaze. So many people toasting his name and basking in fun conversations, all for his brilliance. He brought people together and only thanks to him could they all create these memories.

"Is protection from the orgies still available?" he asked, eyes on Miles that just yelled "ALEX FUCKING TURNER" at the ceiling. You studied him closely and saw no trace of a smile.

"Always will be." you assured, yearning selfishly for his eyes. When he blessed you with eye contact, you enabled him to read your mind. Not for him to fix, but to agree. You needed the rejection.

"We need to talk."

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Why is it always so hard to address the 'elephant in the room'?

If it truly was the biggest thing there, wouldn't it be the priority topic of the conversation?

Alex tried to think about literally anything but how distressed you seemed when he found you. He heavily doubted any effect his speech might have had, so he searched for a logical explanation. And he truly didn't have to go far.

Night breeze bounced off the closed door and caressed your figure in a way he could only pray for. Such crisp air almost called for a cigarrette, but he foolishly left the whole pack in his room upstairs, and the tension surrounding the both of you threatened to blow, if lit. You took deep breaths of the dark, being the only thing keeping his ears sane in this unbearable silence.

"I've missed you on the balcony." he started, unable to actually talk about what he so needed to a minute ago. He felt the same regret that latched onto him that night as those words reached you.

"I'm so sorry.."

It hurt and he wasn't sure which part; your words or your way of actually resolving things. Alex shamed himself for repeating a mistake, one that kept him stuck in time. He still lacked the courage, the power to act on his desires. He wondered if he even deserved your straightforwardness. In a different situation, he would believe it a sign, but not now. He had no right to blame any divine power for his goddamned mess.

"I shouldn't have done what I did." you continued to make sense of nonsense, to accuse yourself guilty in a case you were the victim of. Victim of his cowardness. He began to be confused and angry with every new absurdity you let out.

"It was" too good to be true "reckless and I never meant to damage what we've had. I just.." needed you "..acted without really thinking."

"No, no." Alex had to step in, trying to cut off your train of self-hatred, "I'm sorry. I'm the one to blame here.." he inched closer to your wet face.

"I should have..." pulled you in and never let go "moved or do something. My mind just went fuckin' blank and I" couldn't do what I wanted to "kinda zoned out." Alex sighed.

"Trust me, I never wanted us to" pull away "drift apart like that."

You sighed back, in relief or disappointment, that he didn't know, though he sure was upset by his vague words. His actions still proved the truth he hated so. To actually learn from his mistakes, he had to get close to another potential one. One that might be regretted for eternity.

He stepped a lot closer.

"Could you forgive me? Please? I hate ruining this party." your chuckling aligned with the timing of his steps, which stirred up doubt within him, but he finished them regardless. To gather thoughts, Alex avoided eye contact with you, but panicked when the awkward lack of distance sucked his eyes back into yours, making him trip over ideas: "There's nothing to forgive."

He tried to communicate everything through gaze, wanting his mouth to just be a passive representative during this conversation. Judging by your frown, that would not work.

"I-I mean.." neurons worked like never before to snap him back to that moment. You kept him captive by your caring look and he tried not to crumble underneath immediately. Alex felt powerless and stuck inbetween thousand decisions that had a short timer and he had to say something quick before it would all fall apart.

"It was....I enjoyed it."

Quiet, inside and outside. Why was it worse than before?

"I mean- you didn't do anything wrong, you know..." he tried to fill up the silence again, throwing you something to catch on, but you let it go. It was extremely humbling.

It was right before you spoke up that he began to wonder if he should just leave. "But..you said....you said you wanted to move..."

The tone betrayed your own emotional turmoil, and, while wishing you would never experience it again, somehow calmed him down, like he just woke up from a nightmare and found out none of it was real. Such hope became dangerous considering the state he had been in just minutes before, but he embraced it anyway and cupped your hand, sabotaging himself with a load of butterflies.

"Not away.."

Alex knew he won the second you smiled. He felt a bit proud when you got flustered, but that was a fleeting feeling, as you squeezed his hand and made him blush. God, you two must have looked so stupid. Uninvited emotions that settled in during the past month started to pack and in no time, they would become memories you two would laugh at. Nothing mattered more than you in this moment and the highly anticipated relief.

Everything before this moment melted into a water under a bridge.

"Okay." you whispered, "So, we're good?"

Alex abandoned his hasty thoughts and finally allowed himself to linger on your lips and smiled: "Always."

He liked to think your eyes were a source of comfort, though at that moment, right when they began to close, Alex seemed to have the most courage to finally continue the abruptly- ended kiss.

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THAT FUCKING CROW SCENE WAS THE MOST HORRIFYING MOMENT FOR WEDNESDAY, JUST LOOK AT HER

SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA LOSE ENID RIGHT THEN AND THERE

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WEDNESDAY S02 PT. 1 + TEXT POSTS: WENCLAIR EDITION

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ALARMS ALARMS SOUND THE ALARMS

AM8 IN THE STUDIO??

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i am not my mother and i am not my father but a third worse thing

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how can ppl say cats dont have feelings like. 

when my cat got deadly sick she refused to eat a single thing and it had been days but when i started crying she ate just a little bit, and upon seeing how happy it made me, kept doing it whenever she could.

now whenever im sad or crying she finds wherever i am with a mouthful of food and eats the pieces one by one, every time looking up at me making sure i was watching her eat it all because she knew it made me happy. and it DOES make me happy

i love cats!!! 

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biggest writing trick ive heard is writing on a blank page ehhh so basically or anyway moving on to help me get started.

what is not part of it is LEAVING IT IN THE GODDAMN FINISHED WORK

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( <= green bean

[not-a-big-slay]

hello neighbour IV

alex turner x fem!reader

summary: the aftermath

warnings: 'angst', self-degrading, emotional rollecoaster

part 3

part 5

A shameless amount of time has passed before Alex processed what happened.

By the time he closed his front door, you had probably entered a deep sleep. Something Alex wanted to follow, but his mind didn't let go of you yet. Because after he realized you truly did kiss him, regrets appeared to torture him with what could have he done, like kissing you back, wrapping his hands around your back so tightly you would have the hardest time pulling away, finally confessing with the perfect alignment of your lips what he wanted to do that night during the blackout, if he had grown a pair by then, all while cherishing your hot breath on his face...for example. Showing you that the urge to do such thing was mutual. Showing you gratitude that one of you finally decided to act on it.

Showing you that what you did was right.

He failed, though.

All your attempts to raise his confidence and stop making him be so hard on himself have crumbled the second you slipped away. Every memory of him actually believing your words and actually rest has been erased, not really on purpose, but how could he still trust it when he couldn't even let out the feelings he had hard time hiding?

What you did was the best chance that God or whoever else had presented him and he fucked it up. Hard. No higher force would take mercy upon him now, this was definitely it.

So no, he hasn't slept.

Alex got up with dawn and deep cleaned every corner of his apartment, either to keep his mind occupied or to torment his already tired being. He avoided the kitchen, however, and wherever he cleaned, he made sure his back would have the view to it. Only after there really wasn't a messy spot left elsewhere did his eyes finally observed it. It stank of a poor man's flirty looks and your always honest demeanour as you agreed to come to the party. And to know you were the first person he invited was yet another twist of the knife that he just found this morning dug in his chest.

No pity for him. He was the one that inserted it.

"Well, at least she's done it.." were the comforting words of Nick, a man so invested in fatherhood he only had time for friends if they held his new born. Which wasn't a problem, of course, Alex enjoyed the baby's company almost as much as Nick's nowadays. He was fully set on being a fun uncle once the little guy grows up.

"It's easier now to explain why you didn't act on it then actually actin' on it."

While being happy to see his friend again, Alex couldn't help but scrunch his face sourly to his words: "I don't know why, that's the fuckin' problem," he sighed while his muscle memory gently rocked the baby in his arms, "I've might as well scared her away and....lost a friend."

Also known as the reason why he wasn't the first to make a move. It was too risky to hazard with the bond you two have made. He realized he gambled with it right now and every other passing second he didn't reach out to you. Yes, he did put a note on your door as he went to meet Nick, but that held only the address, date and time of the party. Nothing more, nothing less.

Naturally, he thought about adding a small apology or a looking forward to it with a smiley face and all, but he feared that even the smallest indication might make you reconsider your attendance. That also had been the reason why he chose a white colour, to not frighten you more with his emotions. Even now, he was scared to go home and find a note on his door with I can't make it, sorry.

As the fresh father sipped his Guinnesse, Alex could already sense his disagreement. "That seems highly unlikely, Al. Remember, she is the one who kissed you."

"So?"

"So," Nick swallowed to clear his throat, probably preparing to lecture him, "she's probably worried 'bout the same thing, reasonably so. She is the one who risked it all and tried. Imagine if it was you in her place and it was her mind that went blank and didn't move an inch. You'd be all freaked out to even talk to 'er after that. You'd be scared she hated you."

While maybe exaggerated in his mind, Alex knew Nick spoke nothing but facts. He already spent most of his time overanalyzing every tiny detail of all the encounters with you. This would destroy him.

When their little session ended, Alex dreaded each move he made towards a supermarket. It was the last place he wanted to be, surrounded by sharp lights, people and consumerism, but food didn't grow in the fridge, unfortunately. His love for cooking escalated drastically after your disappearance and he mourned something so personal is tied to you. As though you didn't haunt his mind enough, now you took over his whole body. He could never blame you for it, after all. Even unbeknownst to him, everything he gave was his decision.

Alex found himself being way too eager to get into the elevator, even though he still battled with the thought of going to talk to you. He felt far too scared to be rejected and have his faith broken as well as his heart, which was absurd, considering he couldn't have fell for you in a matter of months. He wanted nothing more than to listen to Nick and comfort you.

Alas, he has not found the confidence in elevator walls, so his fingers found the destined button 8 and regretted their choice later. He did bring himself to look at your door though. At the ding! he already stood on the stairs and scanned the white surface. To a certain relief, his morning note was visibly absent, but absence of a note seemed to have stretched to a level above and mark his door as well. At least that meant no rejection, he tried to tell himself.

Every drop of optimism evaporated from his body when the clock hit 7pm and Alex saw nothing from his balcony but a cigarette smoke he owned, accompanied only by the lingering touch of your lips.

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You cursed yourself the minute you woke up.

Normally, you tried to put some effort in affirmations, but no amount of self-forgiveness could erase what you have done. No amount of his forgiveness would make the moment forgettable. Even if, by a miracle, he could move on, you would be stuck in his doorway late at night forever.

With hope, you wished to sleep the whole day, but you were grateful for some sleep at all. Through tossing and turning, and occasional nightmares about how Alex puked from the touch of your lips (self-love journey is hard), you have managed to wake up at 11:00, feeling like a herd of bulls played with you once you fell asleep, which meant a deep sleep to some.

You decided to go for a run, clearly continuing to harbour hatred for yourself, especially being motivated once you saw the white note only filled with information. There was nothing more than what he would sent to others in attendance, making it much worse for you to process.

As simple as Alex's note was, you overthought like never before, the pain from running long forgotten. They don't sell white with the neon-coloured, which meant he had an additional pack of just white stickpads. Unless they helped him with writing the book, presumption he bought it just for this specific situation continued to haunt you 'til the last meter.

Despite sweating through every thread on your clothes, you made sure to avoid going home yet, starting with a coffeeshop and breakfast, then a slow walk in the park, finishing with a trip to a supermarket. All activities were filled with bending and stretching the facts to a point where you could semi forgive yourself. Luckily, your mind abandoned them as soon as the automatic glass door spread and freed a way in.

Picking up a cart, you tried to remember some of the written items on your fridge, so you wouldn't end up roaming around as usually. Cogs running through the lines of your messy handwriting that is done in the air in a hurry when some ingredient runs out could only make out lenghts of those words while your eyes scrunched in order to focus harder and limit seeing new things which would mess with the process.

You had them on the cusp of grasping. You knew what you needed and that was...

Alex.

Your eyes widened, your mind stopped the train of thought so harshly it almost shook you with its force. He was there, right there, carefully observing options of greek yoghurts. That was all he did, soft movements with his head made him seem like a stranger with no good reason to fear him. While his hand held a cup and observed its price, you believed you were able to fully disconnect from reality and had enough power to go casually greet him as a neighbour, to present the situation as a slip up and laugh at how absurd it would be to give it a bigger meaning, to talk about it over a glass of red.

It was physically challenging to suddenly tense up all your muscles just as his eyes only slightly jerked in your direction. In record time, you managed to duck behind freezers and pretended to be one of the dead fish inside. You kept your gaze down, both to save yourself an embarrassment from passersby and to secure Alex would not see you. Again, you couldn't move, but it wasn't as relaxing as before. Right the contrary, there was not one chance where you could talk to him anymore and the situation made the world spin the other way around, only thing claimed by absurdity was the lack of your remorse and regret.

Unsure of how long have you stayed in a squat, you stood up slowly, lifting your gaze last to find out he was gone. If you waited for the arrival of relief, it never came, and to stay safe and unnoticed, you quickly bought what you guessed to be missing from your kitchen, while checking your left and your right with each step to retrieve it, and immediately bolted out of there.

You could feel the patheticness surrounding you when you decided to walk another hour before going home. The most transparent fact still stood right in front of you; the more you avoided confrontation, the worse, and a rule as old as life itself proved that nothing lasts and you would be forced to move on with time.

Yet when the clock hit 7pm, the only foreseeable future for you was regret and hiding in public places close to home, hunted by the possibility of seeing his eyes and chased by the ghost of his lips on yours.

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Time refused to rest and with a blink of an eye, you had only a day to decide if the release party would include your presence. Overall and despite the rocky start, avoiding Alex proved to be easier than previously thought. You've mastered the ability of luck, it seemed, and haven't panicked once from the possibility of being caught. It shaped to be a successful couple of days, which ended as a lovely lunch with your friends; the ones you don't see often nor need to, really, but they are fun.

Gabey was one of them. You barely heard from her ever since the call, which was a good sign, you supposed. She only ever called you to vent her problems that you weren't allowed to solve. It didn't mean that was all she cared about, though, you were still talking after all.

"Okay, now I know you won't believe me, but I've got meself a date!"

Your stomache caved in after it realized who you thought of as soon as Gabey announced her news. Maybe his advice really helped, maybe Jeremy was punching air right now, because "Gabey's crazy friend's perverted neighbour" sounded convincing enough to sack him.

Mona, whose main character trait appeared to be disagreeing with everyone, rolled her eyes and looked at you with a grimace. "Please, don't say it's a guy and finally change lanes." she sipped her drink.

"Very funny, but I promise, this one is different!"

"Is it Jeremy?"

"Oh, come on!" Gabey groaned at your comment while Mona almost choked. It reminded you the good old days at your dorm room. You three grew impossibly close, the lack of space leaving you no other choice. They were by no means great friends, you chalked it up to the curse of three-member friendgroups, but you had a solid foundation and unforgettable inside jokes that kept you in contact after graduation.

"It was a valid question." you shrugged and played with the remains of a paper straw. Gabey sighed, probably regretting ever sharing, but continued anyway. After naming his qualities and lifestory, you and Mona were open to be convinced. That was before she refused to show a picture of him.

"There it is." Mona said and you had to laugh. "Knew it."

"Okay, so he might not be the stereotypical beauty standard, Mona. Sue him." even though Gabey defended her bachalor, you gathered it also bothered her a little bit, which you understood. She should know her worth, as her radiant beauty stole attention from anyone, even blind people. Most assumed she had anyone she wanted and you were grateful every time that proved to be wrong. If Gabey held that power, no amount of balcony guys could help her.

Mona set down an empty cup and leaned forward to signal a serious suggestion with her body language. "Babe, if you really want someone this much why don't you just go out with that neighbour guy?"

You frowned: "What neighbour guy, did I miss something?"

"Your neighbour guy." Gabey answered. "Mysterious balcony man."

Something stirred inside you. It felt like food poisoning almost, but the urge to puke would be far intense in such case. Alex appeared in your mind with his usual soft smile and messy hair from too much writing and for the first time, his image was unwanted. Anger burst inside as you looked at Gabey, which shocked you and disgusted you.

"Y-you wanna go out with my neighbour?" you asked after clearing your throat. Calling Alex a neighbour felt like calling your own mother a relative. Why on earth would she want him? Objectively, he gave her an advice so toxic you feared the possibility of him burning through the terrace. Subjectively, he has been yours in more than a ton of imaginations and you wouldn't give any up without a fight.

But Gabey shrugged, as if your non-existent declaration of war bored her: "I mean, he sounded hot."

A sentence only Gabey could utter.

"Yeah, while talking bullshit."

"Which helped her block Jeremy!"

Would the world stop rubbing it in your face?

Gabey seemed to consider Mona's suggestion and you felt a weird urge to defend yourself, even though nothing threatened you directly. You had to defend your right to like your neighbour. You were confused, hurt and angry like a child that has to share with its siblings. You had him first.

"I really don't think it's such a good idea." you mumbled and given the glares that questioned you, you had to provide a reason. "He kinda reminds me of Jeremy..You know, arrogant, selfish.."

Bullshit. The devil could grab your ankles and drag them down, justifiably so. Your stomache jumped and called back the need of throwing up at the sinful comparision you've made.

Still an efficient one. You registered Mona's sudden fright and in no time, she began to doubt her own words. Your unmarked teritorry felt safe again. The end justifies the means, even though your words would hurt Alex, have he heard them. You will make up for it.

You had no idea what would you wear though.

-------------------------------------------------------------

The way over to said adress stank of doubt ever since leaving your apartment, yet it wasn't worth the effort to turn back around. Hands constantly annoyed your hair and the carpet in the Uber seemed to be unbearably hot when your heel jerked up and down just to avoid touching it. It rootted down when the car stopped, however, now unable to move.

Heartbeat filtered the driver's voice and made you question whether you've really said a thank-you. Once the cobblestones stabled your shoes, escape was impossible. You were here with an intention to see him. You actively avoided avoidance. And it sounded scarier and scarier with each step you took towards the entrance. Your fingers wrapped tightly around braided threads of the gift bag as the right hand searched for a doorbell while you were still unsure whether you should ring it. Whether to make it all real and give up control of the situation, because really, you had none when it came to him.

Relief followed by more anxiety pushed down on you as the doorbell appeared in your field of vision. The slow movement of your index finger was most likely an instinct when seeing a doorbell, but it luckily stopped when you noticed the same handwriting that appeared on one doorbell before. What it said, though, made your foot take a step back in order to really reconsider, while your lungs turned to a panic mode and allowed only short and swift breaths in.

Turners

His fucking parents' house.

[not-a-big-slay]

kiss-proof

alex turner x reader

summary: you need everything to be perfect and safe tonight, and Alex might help with that..

inspired by this instagram post

warnings: fluffiest fluff to ever fluff, alex being head over, very very slightly suggestive at the end, i guess...

a/n: credits to suburbanorca and her art! loved the concept and i needed to write it!

It had to be perfect.

In a few days, your boss hosted a business party. Very formal, with lots of important people, so there was a very tight space for mistakes. You had it all planned out, though, there wouldn't be a flaw on your side, not if you could help it.

Yesterday, you picked out the dress,. Today, you cleared your calendar, so you would have time to get ready and tomorrow, you would plan a route to get to the fancy place and try to find the right amount of makeup you could wear. But there was another important task needed to be secured.

As you set down every lip product you had layed out through the whole house, Alex frowned a little. He adored your perfectionism, but couldn't help to think this was coming from a different place than that.

"What is this for?"

"I'm glad you asked!" you grinned and retold the story, set at your work's New Years party, where a polite kiss on your boss's cheek caused him a bit of embarrassment for the whole night until he noticed the red kissmark in a bathroom mirror. Everyone laughed it off, but the possibility of that happening on this important night made you prepare.

Alex shook his head with a smile, as he focused back on the book he held: "You're really thorough."

"Not yet."

With a pocket mirror in your hand, you started to put on the participant. In a second, your lips mashed together one too many layers of pink lipstick, but rather be safe than sorry. You really haven't thought about the process of this experiment and didn't feel like kissing your forearms, as it would be annoying to wash it out afterwards. While you searched for body parts to bear your lipstain, your man sat quietly next to you, unbothered as well as unaware of everything happening outside his imagination. He looked almost bored too.

"Baby, would you help me?" you asked after this perfect situation finally spoke out to you.

"With what?" he turned his head in your direction and before his eyes could widen, you smashed your painted lips on his. Pulling away shortly after, you examined his face like a canvas and noticed the little pink smudge next to his lips. If you didn't know any better, it could be easily mistook as blushing, but luckily, you did know better and he blushed anyway, so there was a visible difference.

"Hmm, not that one then.." you turned away and wiped your lips before picking another product. Alex only stared dumbfoundedly, certain the cogs turning in his mind were visible. There wasn't much time to process it anyway as your lips found him again, this time caressing his cheek. "Bollocks! I thought this was the one. Anyway.."

Whether your annoyance was real or not, it went completely unnoticed for him. The book fell to his feet, its content long forgotten as you reloaded for another attack.

It didn't take long before he relaxed into it, leaning back into the cushions and closing his eyes. Everytime the warmth of your lips moved away, he was eager to feel it again. Much to your dismay, and his luck, no lipstick yet withstood the test. While you were getting more frustrated and nervous with every failed attempt, Alex's head began to spin from an overwhelming amount of love. Your lips moved all around his face, his ears and when there was no space left, his neck, releasing different kinds of butteflies into him.

"We haven't found one lipstick that's kiss proof!" you groaned after wiping your mouth from one of the last soldiers standing. "You must be gettin' awfully bored with this experiment."

Alex barely caught your words, only processing those that promised more kisses would come his way, and kept slowly blinking in the euphoric haze that surrounded him. He didn't move, afraid all those shimmers would be shook off by a slight shift. You spared him no glance, obviously, because your words would immediately prove to be the right opposite of what state was he really in.

"Oh, well. I'm just gonna wear some lipgloss then."

Such a harsh ending to his pleasure woke him up and made him reach for your wrist as you got up to clean up. You locked eyes, visibly confused. His smile widened and pulled you closer with the help of his hand.

"You need to clean this mess."

"I was just going to-" it dawned on you then which mess did he really mean. Your face relaxed and you allowed yourself to smirk at the sight of his face painted red and pink. You got carried away a little, it seemed, but he looked his cutest. With a wider smile, you sat down on his lap and studied your piece closely before your lips kissed the unharmed ear he had hidden from you.

"On it."

[not-a-big-slay]

writing a fic and this is what's been spinning in the corner of my screen....

Pigeon 3D model, personal project