not-the-mikes

[not-the-mikes]

[in light of recent events (being able answer multiple asks in one post) the tenth event post is gonna be the last one... so if you have any questions you want the reply to now's the time!]

[The last post is gonna be more Uno game heavy as it's gonna be the deciding game. Help your faves win by giving them cards or strategy ideas! Remember, plus cards are powerful but other cards can sweep pretty hard too. Turn direction change, color change and turn block.]

[NOW INTRODUCING WILD CARDS!!! ( •̀ ω •́ ) Help the pippinses betray each other by making them do silly things. Number cap is 8 for turning those into plus cards to avoid too much chaos]

[The cards in the image are just meant to be examples, you don't have to copy those (though you can if you want to)]

[not-the-mikes]

[askbox has been...]

[Emptied]

[And as mentioned before, I'm not closing it]

[Asks soon... I'm hitting a combo today!!! ( •̀ ω •́ )y]

[not-the-mikes]

Okay, Battat. Say, hypothetically… like, purely hypothetically, everyone else at the table has feelings for you in some way. Again. Purely hypothetically. How would you navigate the game from there after learning of this? Hypothetically, of course.

[Pt.9]

("Is my audience also making fun of me now..? What kind of question is that..") I think it's silly to think of scenarios so far removed from reality but.. I guess I can entertain you?

(Payoff was already paying attention, but now he's double paying attention)

(Hit was trying to peek at Payoff's cards but his attention is now diverted)

(Wildcard looks in Battat's direction)

(Longshot hides his face behind his cards, but still listens)

(BB doesn't turn his head, but like Longshot, he's paying attention)

(Battat thinks for a while) Honestly, I don't know? I think i would leave.

???????????????

(He shakes his head) I've seen those guys in relationships, I wouldnt even want to risk ending up like that. I would leave.

(Payoff lays on the table face down)

(Hit feels stupid cause he knows exactly what Battat means)

(Wildcard seems confused since from his point of view all his past relationships went well)

(Longshot silently sighs, then starts rocking on the back legs of his stool)

...

....But...

...............

(Battat thinks some more) Well, if in your hypothetical scenario they also don't treat me like that... hm.. I would just navigate the game normally. And maybe it wouldn't feel so weird hanging out with them.

(Payoff immediately sits back up, and his head starts spinning. "Woah! Whoaw! He sounds like he would consider it...Woww!!!!")

(Hit nearly drops his cards, startled by Payoff)

(Longshot loses his balance and falls backwards)

?? (He looks down at Longshot to make sure he's okay)

(BB turns his head away from Battat to make sure his blushing goes unseen)

(Battat turns around) ...Did Longshot leave? What was that thud?

Nah i'm here!! (He stands up and picks his stool up, then sits back down)

(Battat looks at Payoff) And why is his head rolling?

I PUNCHED HIM!

(Payoff's head finally stops on a 6)

(Hit punches Payoff as a demonstration)

(That does work to make Payoff's head spin again, but he falls off his stool, knocked out)

HIT??????

I DIDNT MEAN TO HIT HIM THAT HARD!!!

("Maybe I should have gotten something non-alcoholic for Hit too.")

(Battat shoots everyone a weird look reaches for his cards, but after patting the table a few times, he looks down and doesn't see them) ...my cards?

(Longshot was already looking for his on the floor) Did anyone see my cards? I must have dropped them when i fell...

(Wildcard realizes that the cards he had in hand are now gone) ..???????

(Hit notices that both his and Payoff's cards also are gone) huh? Uhh... I didn't see your cards Longshot, did you see mine?

(BB looks down to check on his cards and they're gone too) ... (He looks at Hit, irritated)

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT??? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING???

(Battat scratches the back of his head) Uhh.. I guess we have to start a new game. We can count this one as a draw.

[not-the-mikes]

Is Wild card fully mute or does he have something like selective mutism? Either way cool; you're my favorite, Wild card, here *gives wild card seven +4s*

[Pt.8]

(Wildcard is very flattered, he grins joyfully)

He's fully mute. At least I think??? I've known him for years and i haven't heard him make any sound. But despite that, he's quite talkative, for longer sentences he points at things to make us understand what he means, which is pretty elaborate, or writes it down and passes us the paper.

(Wildcard points at a bunch of things while rolling his head and stopping it at carefully chosen numbers)

He says thank you for saying he's your favorite.

Brothers, sisters, mom, dad? That's a lightner thing, right?

Yeah, pippinses don't have families. We just spawn in when a dice is made. To each other, we're either enemies, friends or partners. How would having kids even work for us, anyway?

(Payoff's head spins in excitement) WE COULD TRY AND FIGURE IT OUT????

Hmmm... (Battat nods) I guess I could spend a few hours thinking about it to take a break from the Mike theorizing. Thanks for the idea!

... You're welcome....(Payoff is devastated by his flirting totally flying over Battat's head and his dice lands on a 1. Since it's his turn, he absentmindedly plays a number card)

COUNTER UNO!

(He looks at Hit confused, then down at his hand, only now seeing that he only had one card left. "Goddammit....")

You're really off your game today.

("NOOO! look like a total LOSER, and in front of Battat too!!!! I need to focus, I NEED TO FOCUS! I can't lose this!")

Payoff.

(Payoff looks at BB, then at the cards he's holding) Ah. Haha. (Payoff takes them. "Distracted again....")

Hey, Payoff, you gotta get a grip, I don't think staff has any pillows left for you to cry into if you lose too hard!

I'M NOT GONNA CRY JUST CAUSE I LOST!

You have before though.........

I HAVE NOT??

You have... Several times...

(BB looks at Payoff, then stands up) I think it's time for a break. We all need to refocus. I'm going to get us drinks. (He starts walking away)

(Battat looks back at BB walking away, then looks at the rest of the table) I'm going with him. (He gets up and catches up with BB)

(BB looks down at Battat) Battat?

I figured I could help carrying all the drinks.

Thanks. (He stays unreadable, however, he is actually really happy that Battat is coming with him, though he also feels a little shy about it)

Do you think I can get something with alcohol?

Yes. I'm getting everyone something with Alcohol. Except Payoff. He doesn't need it.

(Battat tries to think of something to talk about so things don't get awkward)...Did you get new heels? I know you're tall but you look taller than usual.

I didn't. You forgot yours.

(Battat looks down and remembers that he did put on flat shoes today) Yeah, I guess... ("He's so hard to talk so. Probably cause he doesn't want to talk with me...Maybe I should have stayed at the table.")

Oh, hey! BB, Battat! (The pippins at the counter waves at them, then opens the little counter door to let BB through)

Hi Pass. (BB walks in and starts getting what he needs to make drinks)

(Battat leans on the counter) Hi Pass..

It's not like you to show up at the casino! What gives?

Well I'm here with BB and the others, they invited me so I'm gonna show up.

Woah! So that's the trick? Hey, maybe I should invite you sometime?

(Battat stays silent, cause if you have nothing kind to say you shouldn't say anything. He's just staring)

Don't just stay silent??????

How much is it gonna be for my drink?

Yours is on the House! (Pass smiles and winks)

(BB turns his head towards them) How about the others?

(Pass keeps his smile when looking at BB, but it's a little less friendly) No you five still have to pay!

... hm. (He furrows his eyebrows)

FINE! Whatever man, it's just 5 drinks I'm sure House won't mind...

[not-the-mikes]

BB seems like a really cool and reliable guy. Why doesn't he like his new name though? Is BB a short for something? What was he called before?

[Pt.7]

Before... (BB falls deep in thought, calm at first, then he seems to be getting more and more irritated)

(Payoff pats him on the shoulder) Hey buddy, calm down, it's all good...

...AGHHHH!!! I HATE THAT! I HATE HIM!!!!

(He keeps patting his shoulder hoping that it's eventually gonna do something, cause he's way too scared to get closer than that)

I SWEAR TO GOD I NEED TO SEE HIM TURNED TO STONE. I NEED HIM GONE. NO ONE'S EVEN GONNA CRY ABOUT IT!! NO ONE LIKES HIM???? SO WHY ISN'T HE TURNING. INTO. STONE???

You need to chill... they're gonna call security...

(BB bites down on a towel he had in his apron to stop himself from any more screaming. It rips a little)

(Hit seems to find the outburst funny) His name used to be Chalk, cause he was Tenna's favorite Pippin. Easy to see why, his drinks are really good and he's no nonsense and reliable. He loves being a barista, back then he was gonna be promoted to be the official one of the studio... and then Ramb arrived! (Hit partially covers his mouth with his hand and giggles) BB stands for Bad Beat. A good hand that's really likely to win but gets beaten by an even better one. (He shrugs) Unluckyyyyyyyy~!

(Longshot leans in closer) Hit, are we actually gonna claim those points if we win? Or are they bogus?

You don't have to claim them, but I sure as hell will! 5000 points and taking Battat out for a walk sounds good to me!

You're so greedy??

And you don't know a good deal when you see one! Why are you so invested in what happens with the prize money anyways? It's not like you're gonna win it!

...I just might!

Actually, seeing you win might just be so funny that I won't even be upset about losing!

[...] And besides, just cause he got picked doesn't mean you're terrible at your job. A bad beat still requires a strong hand.

...Thanks.

...

...

...

...

HEY! I'M KINDA SAD TOO NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT??

I'm feeling a little upset... it would be nice if someone reassured me that I'm still cute!

My name also sucks! I might just cry about that!

(Wildcard puts his hands over his heart and feigns being sad)

("...Mocking me...")

("Morons.")

[not-the-mikes]

[Asks soon... I'm hitting a combo today!!! ( •̀ ω •́ )y]

[not-the-mikes]

[Take this as a peace offering for not posting asks today]

[not-the-mikes]

((OOC: just wanted to say— i really like your art omfg T-T eats so hard))

[Aww thank you!! I'm doing my best with the pixel art to be honest, even though I've done half-decent stuff in the past, it was never really my thing, but I think I'm really doing a good job on this blog. I'm SO happy people like it (if you guys want to see more of the Fumblers, I posted a few things about them on @emperoryumemomo though I will update their personalities as described there and cause they changed a little, and I also missed a lot of facts on them like how Wildcard is mute or Hit always keeps his eyes closed save for dramatic/comedic effect needs) ]

[I was hesitant to make this blog to be honest, I got a lot of harassment in past fandoms, going as far as death threats, so fandom activities are kinda scary to me, but I want to get over that cause I don't feel like sitting on the sidelines watching people have all the fun without me ((o(^∇^)o))]

[Also for those who care, some of my favorite facial expressions so far are from Hit. He's so fun to draw, they all are, but I have a soft spot for assholes, and while Hit may not be an asshole, he's an ass for sure. And, pink being my favorite color also helps lol. But mind you, Hit is almost tied with everyone else. I love all my boys.]

[Someone picked up on it but that one is indeed inspired by that "why are you trying not to laugh" thing]

[not-the-mikes]

[That's the smartest thing i decided this week honestly, really helps clear up the inbox while not leaving anyone out.]

[Today seems to be a Hit VS Payoff day huh? I don't know you but i love their dynamic. They're such losers. ♪(^∇^*)]

[Also, reminder that while you can affect the game by suggesting events and giving the boys cards, you can't insert yourself directly, even in the form of an in universe character!]

[Again thank you for being so excited about the event! It's very motivating and good for my ego (￣y▽￣)╭ ]

[Dear chat at home,

My brain is so big. I'm going to answer several asks in one post.

Yours truly,

The Real Mike.]

[Some asks are really similar to each other, with only small differences. I don't think I could come up with enough different versions of those answers but also I want as few people left out as possible, so I decided to put all similar asks in one post and count it as only one ask! Might also tack on shorter, simpler asks onto more complex ones for similar reasons. Not sure if that's gonna stick to future events, but hey! This event is all about experimentation and seeing what works! Again thank you for your time and participation, I love y'all!]

[Also, as to which asks I reply to and which ones I include as screenshots, non-anonymous asks will get reply priority with anonymous ones getting screenshotted. If I have to decide between two non-anonymous asks I'm flipping a coin.]

[not-the-mikes]

[Gives BB three +2 cards (all green) and gives Battat a +4]

So, fumblers, what's your favorite embarrassing memory with Battat ^-^

[Pt.6]

Battat stories? I have one!

(Hit puts down a +2 blue card he just got.)

Shortly after he arrived here and a few days after we introduced ourselves to him, he asked us if we wanted to hang out with him.

(Wildcard plays a color changing card, then discretely points at BB for the color, trying to not attract Payoff's attention.)

We accepted, and he took us to his room where he showed us his corkboard, it wasn't as full as today back then! But still impressive!

(Longshot plays a +4) Yellow....

And Then he gave us a 9 hour straight explanation of EVERYTHING on it!

(Battat plays a +4, only half paying attention because of Payoff's story. Because of the 3 other colors having been used just now, he decides to pick the 4th one) Green.

He REALLY went into details, it was a lot to listen to!

(BB plays all his green +2s)

(Payoff laughs) Of course, We nearly all fell asleep at some point, if i'm recalling correctly, BB lasted the longest! ("That's got to be one of Battat's cutest moments! I think that's when I fell for him..") As for the other kind of story, there isn't really any that come to mind?

("This has got to be the embarrassing story ever... And did I really never have any cute moments?")

"Payoff. It's your turn."

Oh? Right. Sorry I got distracted! (He looks down and sees the topmost +2) Oh, +2? (He reaches out to BB) I don't have a card to defend myself against that.

(BB hands him 16 cards)

(Payoff doesn't immediately grab them, looking at the number of cards in confusion, still with a smile on his face)

Are you taking th-

WHAT?!

(Hit starts giggling)

(Wildcard puts on his most innocent look yet)

(Longshot looks off to the side, nervous)

(Payoff grabs the cards and counts them, then turns to the ones responsible) I KNOW IT'S YOU THREE! YOU DID SOMETHING! WAIT UNTIL I FIGURE OUT WHAT!

Good luck, nerd!!

("........Did that guy call us Fumblers...?")

[not-the-mikes]

Oh my goodness, hit you are so cute!! Where’d you find such a big bow in TV world?

[Pt.5]

Favorite game? Probably Texas Hold 'em. Not sure what about it is so special but....... It's the one where we fight the least while playing. ("But... I guess strip poker wouldn't be that bad if Battat played with us.")

(Wildcard gives a thumbs up, but thinks that strip poker may have also been fun to try out with Battat)

Yeah, I agree with that. Texas Hold 'em.

Same here! ("But maybe if we played strip poker with Battat I wouldn't hate it so much..")

(BB nods. It's impossible to guess what he's thinking.....oh soooo impossible....)

(Hit is totally distracted from the question) Woah! People LOVE me! (He puts his hands on his cheeks and makes a cute face) I also love me! Oh and, my bow, it's actually my neck scarf! I found that on the set of that cancelled cowboy show, it was actually white and too big for me, so that's why the bow is so huge! Grabbed it since I figured they wouldn't mind, they were gonna throw it away. Then I dyed it the cutest shade of pink!

(Payoff scoffs audibly enough for Hit to hear him)

(Hit looks at Payoff, slightly annoyed) What's up, Bet Swiper? Jealous cause my chances are higher?

(Payoff waves His hand, dismissing what Hit said) Ohohohoho! Please, do tell me why would I be jealous of someone who can't even win a game fairly cause he SUCKS at strategy.

Oh I'm sorry, Who are you trying to impress? Did we forget that Someone's got a pink right eye? Same shade too! If he likes that suit he's got better chances of liking me over you!

(Payoff literally butts heads with Hit) The other eye is yellow, so I wouldn't get so cocky!

(Hit pushes back) And you're orange!

(Payoff pushes back, too) CLOSE ENOUGH!

(He pushes back again) Not even remotely?????

("What the hell are they arguing about......")

(BB slams a hand on the table, getting the attention of the beefing Pippinses) You two. Focus on the game. Hit, it's your turn.

(He looks over to the blue cards on the table) Uhh... (He looks over at his cards, then sighs, tilting his head to the side) ... BB give me a card please.

(The pippin slides him a card face down)

(Hit takes it) ...Eugh. I can't play.

("He can't play blue...." Payoff quickly picks new cards to play from his hand, then throws them on the table. One blue, red, yellow, green +2 card, a +4) Blue. (Then a blue reverse turn order card. He looks at Hit, laughing)

You...! You can't play that! You can't put a reverse turn order on a +4 card you put on a +2 card on the same turn???

Well, actually, he can in this version. Isn't Uno a free for all anyways...?

(BB slides over a pile of 12 cards towards Hit)

Take your cards, Mister Pinkeye! (He laughs, now inattentive)

I'll get you after this! (Hit turns away from Payoff, then leans towards Wildcard and Longshot) I saw his cards, do you want me to tell you? We could make a plan together. I know how to play Battat and BB.

(Wildcard nods discretely)

Sure....

[not-the-mikes]

[Almost finished today's asks! It's gonna be only two but hey at least it's something :3]

[not-the-mikes]

[Dear chat at home,

My brain is so big. I'm going to answer several asks in one post.

Yours truly,

The Real Mike.]

[Some asks are really similar to each other, with only small differences. I don't think I could come up with enough different versions of those answers but also I want as few people left out as possible, so I decided to put all similar asks in one post and count it as only one ask! Might also tack on shorter, simpler asks onto more complex ones for similar reasons. Not sure if that's gonna stick to future events, but hey! This event is all about experimentation and seeing what works! Again thank you for your time and participation, I love y'all!]

[Also, as to which asks I reply to and which ones I include as screenshots, non-anonymous asks will get reply priority with anonymous ones getting screenshotted. If I have to decide between two non-anonymous asks I'm flipping a coin.]

[not-the-mikes]

Battat is a stage name? Do you like it better than your other name, or is either fine? (also, Tato is a cute nickname. Your friends are cute <3)

[Pt.4]

It didn't start as a stage name, more like a pseudonym to avoid being recognized once I moved here. I prefer it, but Encryption is fine. I... got recognized anyway. Because I'm the only green pippin. Ever.

Tato IS a cute nickname, isn't it? As cute as the pippin it belongs to! It comes from how Battat is just a misspelling of how you say "potato" in French. It's soooo silly, right? I LOVE IT!

("Why is he never subtle with the mockery....")

His pippin name comes from the fact only he really understands what he's talking about most of the time... I think that's pretty cool...

...

We're all cute, but I'm the cutest, right? Right?

The ego on that guy...

Battat is lucky that he likes his new name. I don't like mine.

(Longshot thinks that BB ruined the vibe) ...

(Wildcard is thankful for not being able to talk, at least there's no pressure to say anything right now) ...

(Hit is trying really hard not to laugh) ...

(Payoff feels kinda bad for BB actually) ...

[not-the-mikes]

((gives everyone but Battat a +4 card)) Go crazy :3

[Pt. 3]

(Wildcard looks at the card in the center again, then at his own, thinking of what to do.)

("He's got options... bad news for Hit and Longshot.")

(Eventually, he decides, pulling one card out of his hand, putting it down on the pile. +4)

(Hit reeeeaaaally slowly turns his head towards Wildcard) What color....?

(Wildcard points at Battat)

HAH! (Hit puts down a green +2) Thank you Wildcard!!!

(Payoff puts down a +4 without much hesitation or eagerness, then glances at Hit again. "That was his only plus card. Or, his only special card even, maybe." He looks at BB) Blue.

(BB puts down a +4 card) Yellow.

(Battat sits in silence, looking at his cards)

(".............oh no. He's not considering his options. He's in shock" Payoff puts his face in his hands)

(Wildcard also notices that, looks at Battat, comes to the same conclusion, and he starts quickly looking at everyone else at the table to see if they've noticed too)

(Hit's smile becomes awkward and he opens his eyes for once, looking at Battat, nervous)

(Averting his eyes from Battat, Longshot tries to keep his eyes on his cards and starts sweating)

(If BB's stare could burn, Battat would be no more "I may have... fumbled this one. Maybe I should have taken the hit........")

...26 huh. You guys didn't do that on purpose... did you... ("I'm sure they did...")

("FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK")

[not-the-mikes]

Ok, we start by giving Battat a hand full of +4 cards.

[Pt.2]

(Battat looks at his cards and struggles to keep his poker face. A few +2s, +4s, and a block card. Before the gears in his head even properly started turning, he has a strategy.)

Hey! Back off!

I'm not doing anything!!

Is that what looking at my cards is called now?!

(Hit smiles wider) Hey, sharing is caring, isn't it?

Of course... let me share my fist with you.

Didn't we say we would hold off on hitting each other until the third round?????? Security is way too reactive at the start of the night..

Saved by the promise. Count your hours, Hit.

Death threats are for round five!

Well! I'm feeling avant-garde today.

(BB decided to shift the conversation by starting the game.) Battat will play first.

(Payoff looks at Battat. "He's just looking around at us... he already has a strategy. He seems confident. Such an obvious first round winner. I can't let HIM win........ he doesn't even know what we're playing for....")

(Battat reaches for the tall deck of cards, placing the topmost card in the middle of the table. Red 4. Battat grins, quickly putting his cards in order, and putting them down all at once) Uno fi-

COUNTER UNO.

(Battat turns his head away, bitter. He reaches for one of the unused 7-card hands, then looks at it. What garbage! No double numbers... no special cards... goddammit...)

I'm sorry Tato... you don't hate me for that, right?

...no, you're good. Well, + 12 and Longshot can't play.

Man! First turn!?

Wildcard, draw 12 cards or defend yourself.

...

[not-the-mikes]

Shout outs to Battat. Most oblivious Pippins in all of TV World. Also the Pippins with the most trust issues! That’s 2 awards in one!

[Pt. 1]

That's a big box of cards! I don't remember Uno having so many...

It's actually closer to 2 decks and it has a lot more special cards than there is in the base game, Tenna wanted his game to be bigger and cooler.

Yeah, that sounds like Tenna!

Alright, I'm shuffling the cards!

There's no way! You're just gonna put some in your sleeves, I'M shuffling the deck.

I don't have sleeves for that... BUT YOU DO!

What if i did it?

FAT CHANCE.

(Wildcard reaches for the deck, but his hand is grabbed by Hit to stop him)

You can't either! You've got sleeves and a suspicious look in your eyes!

(Wildcard silently giggles, busted)

Battat could do it?

You're gonna make the birthday boy do the dirty work??

It's not my birthday...

Tato, I didn't mean it like that, I know your birthday! 🧡

I think BB should shuffle the cards... I trust him the most to not sneak any cards from the deck. (Longshot slides the Uno box towards BB)

(BB grabs the box, takes the cards out, and shuffles them. When he feels they've been mixed sufficiently, he starts distributing them, 7 cards for each, face down on the table.)

(While BB is giving out the cards, Battat turns his head to look at us.) By the way, I'm neither oblivious nor do I have trust issues! Well, maybe the trust issues, kinda, but I have my reasons. AND I DON'T WANT YOUR AWARDS FOR THIS??????

(Wildcard leans over, looking where Battat was looking) ...

(Payoff too tries to look where Battat was looking) ...Who are you talking to?

To, uh, my audience.

Your audience...?

(Battat points at the fourth wall camera, making everyone look there to check what he's on about)

(Wildcard finally notices and waves at us)

Wait! That's actually so cool! (Hit gets up and runs up to our little window into their reality) Hi everyone!! (He starts trying to get a closer look, then starts making silly faces)

Quit that. (BB pulls him back by the bow, then throws him effortlessly and flawlessly over the table and straight back onto his seat, before going back to his own. He finishes up handling the cards by creating 6 more piles of 7 cards, placing them to his side, and putting the pile of remaining cards to his other side.) The cards have been dealt. Everyone look at their hand.