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notthequiettype · 2 hours ago

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all the mcr content has been p fun but i hadn't paid attention to much until the insane videos of ray and frank from the other day and then, as i do, i went perusing my wips from my little bandom revival (in 2017, i think?) mostly looking for this giant one where ray is recently divorced and frank comes to stay with him for a while and etc etc but instead i ran into this one where gerard is a girl and when they all start getting ready for the reunion ray tells her that she shouldn't just default to sleeping with frank again and it's a whole thing and i read the almost 4k and was like, damn i sure wish someone had fucking FINISHED THIS

so here if you're interested you can suffer too, complete with little bracketed unfinished scene notes halfway through just like i still do to myself CONSTANTLY

"Frank can't just... have you this time."

Ray says it kind of off-handed. They'd spent the day practicing, working out the setlist, finalizing things that needed finalizing a month in advance. Ray hadn't changed, not that he and Gerard had really been apart enough for him to change without her noticing, but. The perfectionism had returned full-force.

James and Jared had left together, since they were staying on the same side of town, and Mikey'd taken off to meet his in-laws for dinner. Frank had tapped out and headed for the west coast place he was still sort of pretending he and Jamia didn't own. Ray hung around, bullshitting, and plucking out these weird discordant sounds that Gerard was sort of into and ended up voice memo-ing with her phone.

After, when he'd finally put the guitar down, and they'd laughed a little, talking again (and again and again) about how weird it was to be back together in the same room like this, how it felt exactly and nothing like what it used to, he'd just said it, voice even, not even particularly hesitant, just that pause for clarity or emphasis in the middle, "Frank can't just... have you this time."

It takes Gerard a second to process the sentence because the last thing Ray had said was about amps. "He can't. HAVE me?"

To Ray's credit at least, he flushes across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, a deep ruddy pink that Gerard hasn't seen in a long time. Ray rarely has reason to get flustered or embarrassed around her anymore. "I know you're not an object. This isn't a thing where I'm an idiot about the fact that you're a woman."

"Okay. So what is it then?"

Ray rubs his hands together, crosses his legs. "You and Frank, your whole... thing--"

"I swear to god, Ray Toro, if you're about to lecture my forty-two-year-old ass about how having sex with Frank is risky to our band... I might actually lay hands on you."

"God, no. That's not what I'm saying. Christ. If anything, you two sleeping together probably kept us from imploding earlier. You were too busy fucking out all of your arguments to actually have them."

Gerard purses her lips and crosses her arms. "That's extremely insulting."

"It's also right."

"Yeah, fine. Well. Truth hurts, I guess. What is your ACTUAL point then?"

Ray flushes fresh, this time all the way down his throat. "I just mean..." Ray swallows, sits up straighter in his seat. She watches him try to relax his hands where they're resting in his lap, the way he tips his chin up a little like he's being defiant. "If you're going to start having sex with someone in the band, it should be me."

Gerard can't say that any part of this conversation prepared her for that sentence coming out of Ray's mouth. "I... You?"

"Is that so hard to imagine?"

Gerard flops down onto the folding chair next to Ray. "Well, no. Not really. Having sex with you is actually pretty easy to imagine."

Ray flushes again, but this time his mouth curls up, warm and familiar to Gee as anything. "Shut up."

"You asked."

"It was rhetorical."

"If you're telling me to have sex with you instead of Frank this time around, it doesn't exactly seem rhetorical. Or it's the weirdest, most literal rhetorical exercise of all time, I guess. Can you have sex rhetorically?"

"It's also sometimes an adjective for like, bombastic, so probably."

Gerard laughs. "I could definitely have bombastic sex. With you, even."

"I wasn't propositioning you."

"Then what exactly were you doing?"

"I just... I don't want Frank to be the default choice here."

"Choice for what, exactly?"

"I'm not saying that you have to choose anything. Or that you will. Or even that it's like, I don't know. I'm not saying this is like, a behavior or anything. I actually think your relationship to sex has always been startlingly healthy, especially considering everything else you've spent your life fighting."

"Thank you?"

"But, I just. I would have never asked, you know? I would have never tried. Because you were my best friend, are, and the band was everything to us, and I was always going to be too scared, too cowardly to risk it. Because it would have been a risk, every time, with you, because I could have fallen for you in a second, Gee. Less then, if you'd ever seemed interested. Then I had Christa and you had Lindsey and that was good, obviously, but now. You know. We're both divorced. And we're old. And stable. And so, god, wonderfully, amazingly boring." Ray laughs and the break in monologue makes Gee realize how tense she feels all over, the way her skin feels buzzy and hot. “And we already lost the band once anyway, you know? Without that risk.” Ray pauses, tips his head side to side. “I would hate for you to fall into old habits with Frank without knowing I was open to... Taking that role."

“I. Okay. Wow. Thank you?”

—

“Have I told you yet how fucking good you look?” Frank says it pressed up against her back, close, breath against the bare skin of her neck.

“Thanks, Frankie.” It was one of the things she’d felt stupidest talking to her therapist about when they’d started floating the idea of a reunion, how she was fatter now, how that meant she’d healed so much from the drugs and the sort of flirtatious relationship she’d had with anorexia, how she’d learned to live with the way she looked now — broad through her whole middle, no discernible waist under her bigger but still frustratingly small boobs, thighs thick and touching, her jaw soft and round under the short, choppy haircut she’d had for years at this point — and even kind of like it some days. Her therapist had just listened and as she tried to pretend she wasn’t weirdly terrified that she wouldn’t be able to withstand the way people would be mean to her about her body asked, “Were your looks not scrutinized before?” in a placid, curious tone that meant she knew exactly how hard people judged women in general and how gross and cruel people had been in turn to Gerard specifically. It had been simply and weirdly freeing.

Frank steps away to mess with his amps, grinning broadly at her, eyes crinkled and bright. She hadn’t realized how much she’d been missing him all this time.

They talked, saw each other once in a while depending on who was where and for what, but this goofy, bubbly dipshit excited to play music with her— She felt like she hadn’t seen him in years when he showed up. She hasn’t.

“Is that what does it for you,” Ray says, almost in her ear, startling her.

“What?”

“Compliments.”

“You think I should be above compliments?”

“Not above, but maybe so used to them that you don’t drift so far out to sea after you get one that you almost spill your coffee.” Ray curls his long fingers around her wrist and tilts her back to rights. It wasn’t that close to spilling.

“I was mostly thinking about my therapist.”

“Is she hot?”

Gerard snorts. “Actually, yeah. She wears novelty t-shirts.”

“That’s what does it for you?”

“Always.”

Ray laughs and squeezes her forearm once before letting her go. “You do look good, Gee.”

“So I’ve heard. Thanks.”

“We’d all want to be onstage with you even if you didn’t.”

“What if I made you perform behind a screen while monstrous animated versions of us were projected on it.”

“Holy shit, is that an option?”

Gerard laughs. "Not to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure we could do whatever the fuck we wanted at this point. It's been seven-and-a-half years since we played together, it's their own fault if they bought tickets to a show they end up not liking."

"You sound like a megalomaniac, Gee." Mikey cuffs her on the back of the head as he walks by. "I missed that."

"If Ray wants to play the ukelele while Frank unicycles across the stage with a trumpet, how am I the megalomaniac?"

Mikey says, "Because you gave them the power" at the same time Frank says, "I don't own a trumpet" and Ray and Gerard dissolve into giggles over the arrhythmic thumps of Jared warming up.

---

"So what's up with you and Ray," Mikey says, later, Gerard in the passenger seat of his car. Somehow they'd volunteered for a food run despite having people who were being paid to do that kind of thing and also being surrounded by enough delivery to feed an army. She suspected Mikey had arranged it so he could have this conversation.

"He said he didn't want me to go straight back to sleeping with Frank." Playing dumb with Mikey was even more fruitless now that he was stone-cold sober than it had been when he was drunk and weirdly extra-receptive. That didn't mean she wouldn't at least try to mess with him a little.

"Seems unusally dictatorial of him."

"He said he didn't want me to go straight back to sleeping with Frank without knowing that he was also available for that purpose."

"Sleeping with Frank?"

Gerard laughs even though she can tell the joke is more reflex than anything. She can hear the surprise in Mikey's voice. "I wasn't exactly expecting it to be the thesis of the conversation either."

"Are you interested in that?"

"I don't. Know? Yes? Probably? I haven't thought about it as an actual possibility since I was sixteen. It's kind of... taking me a minute to realign my vision, you know?"

"Doesn't that kind of mean the answer is an automatic no?"

"What, why?"

"Because you don't even see him as an option."

"Do you see everyone you meet as a possible sex partner?"

"Yes."

"You're almost FORTY."

"Why do you say that like it's synonymous with dead?"

"You're married!"

"Like that ever stopped you."

"Yeah, well. I'm a slut."

"Except for Ray."

"Have YOU thought about Ray?"

Mikey turns and looks at her over his glasses. "Yes."

"Oh. Oh, wow."

"You're actually surprised?"

"You've known him since you were like, twelve."

"And? That's an extremely formative time in a boy's life."

Gerard snorts. "It's not that I haven't thought about Ray as having like, sexual potential. It's just. He's Ray. He's my best friend. People have places in your life, you know? It's easy to forget that those things aren't set in stone."

"Are you going to sleep with Frank?"

"Ray made it seem pretty either/or, not and, so I'm not exactly rushing into anything."

"If Ray's just looking for a chance to make it to the Gerard Way Bone Zone, I don't think it's probably as either/or as you think it is. What does he care if you also sleep with Frank?"

"God, BONE ZONE. You're a nightmare."

"You missed me though."

Gerard rolls her eyes. "I see you two or three times a week usually."

"You still missed me."

"Yeah, fine. I did miss My Chemical Romance's Mikey Way. A little."

Mikey grins with all his teeth. "Kristin says she's excited to meet him."

"The new and improved version."

"Less kung-fu vomit action, more staying on beat. Might even look at the audience once or twice."

Gee reaches over to squeeze Mikey's elbow. He's got his hands firmly at ten and two. He drives like an old man. "You're doing great, you know? And you're going to be awesome."

"I know. So are you. I'm not... Scared. I thought I might be, especially when we first started talking about maybe doing this. I know it's stupid to be like, I'm not that person anymore. But. I'm not. I remember him. Vividly. And I appreciate what he did for me."

"What he did for all of us, man. We never, ever. We would not be here right now without that sweet little scene dude's desperate hustle. And in the face of every anxiety and misery andSO MANY drugs... You made us, Mikey. Don't forget that."

Mikey nods. "I'm proud. But I'm also really fucking glad I'm not that dude anymore, that I changed."

"Evolved," Gerard says, smiling.

Mikey smiles back. "Mutated."

"Badass."

[mikey parks them back at the practice space - did you just fake me out to make me have that conversation? - yeah, delivery should be up already - you couldn't have just pulled me aside? - every time we snuck off together they thought we were doing bumps - if that's what they think now they should suffer for underestimating our sobriety]

---

"You want to come home with me tonight?" Gerard's standing next to an amp stack dicking around with her phone when Frank slides an arm around her waist, palms her belly.

She startles a little, jerks back into his arms, and Frank just presses closer, his other arm coming around, his hand spreading out just under her tits. He smells good and he feels good and for a second it feels like she's suspended in time, caught between this moment and the dozens, hundreds of other times he's held her like this. "Only a week in? What kind of girl do you think I am?"

He sways her a little, his face pressed into her neck. "Come on, doesn't Frankie always take good care of you?"

"Oh my god!" Gerard laughs, shoving at Frank's hands. "How does the third person make it instantly so, so gross."

Frank laughs and lets her turn around, his hands landing on her hips, sliding up to her ribs. He looks up at her from under his eyelashes, the shaggy front of his hair hanging across one eye. Everything about the reunion has felt like a time warp to Gerard and she likes seeing the crinkled corners of Frank's eyes, the threads of silvery gray in his hair, the evidence that they've actually lived their lives in the space between then and now. "Come on, come home with me. Let's relive some of those good old days."

"You used to be a lot more direct when you wanted to have sex with me."

"Yeah, well, I'm almost forty. It feels kind of crass to slap your ass and ask if you want to fuck."

Gerard snorts. "If it ain't broke, right?"

Frank pulls back and lands a solid smack to her ass. "Hey Gee, want to," Frank laughs. "You want-- God, I can't even DO IT." Frank laughs harder, high and sharp and giggly, and god, Gerard does want to go home with him. His laugh has always fucking killed her.

Gee glances at Ray where he's bullshitting with Mikey and James. "I'm uh. Not. Allowed."

Frank arches an eyebrow at her and that kills her too, her mouth twitching into a grin. "You? Follow a rule? Since when do you do that?" He tugs at a piece of her hair and grins. "Also you having a rule about not having sex with me sounds... Suspect. You can just say no."

"It's not a rule," Gee says. "It's a... self-inflicted parameter based on an unclear articulation of desires."

"You're unclear on whether you want me or not?"

Gee grins and palms the sides of Frank's neck, rubs her thumbs against his jaw. "Oh no, Frankie. Wanting you is one thing that has always been extremely clear to me. You're exceedingly wantable."

Frank tilts his head into her hand, turns until he can kiss her wrist. "Okay then. Explain."

Gerard sighs, but she's grinning a little too. She likes flirting with Frank and the absurdity of this entire situation has come over her pretty suddenly. "Well, Ray said that if I was going to sleep with someone in the band, he'd like to throw his hat in the ring before I made any decisions. Seems to me I have to make a choice and I don't know that I'm ready."

"Ray wants to sleep with you? There's a ring? And hats? I have to compete with RAY?"

He sounds so genuinely aghast that Gerard starts laughing, loud and honking. "Is that like, a deep-seated fear or something?"

"I worked as hard as I did to get into this band so I would never have to be in competition with Ray Toro ever again. Do you know what it's like to know you have to go on stage after him? It's AWFUL. I'm not sure I'm ready to relive that. Even sexually."

"So you wouldn't be into sharing, is what you're saying."

Frank smirks, his teeth showing. "Well..., I mean... If it's REALLY an option... I could learn to live with a little friendly competition."

Gerard grins. "Well then I'll let you know if and/or when that becomes an option."

Frank grabs her shoulders, squeezing. "Gee. Gerard. Gerard Way. You could find that out RIGHT NOW." He turns her until she's pointing at Ray, his hands on her shoulders again from behind. his chin on top of his knuckles. His voice goes low and hot against her neck. "Walk over there and find out if I can take you home and fuck you so good you won't remember Ray Toro's name tomorrow."

Gerard shivers a little because she's always been kind of a sucker for Frank's dirty talk. "I think that'd make practice really difficult." Frank gives her a shove so gentle she's not even sure it counts, so she heads over to Ray and hooks her arm through his. "Hi."

Ray squeezes her arm with his. "Hey."

She looks up at Mikey. "I'm going to talk about sex with Ray now."

Mikey rolls his eyes, but grabs James by the arm and drags him away, James laughing.

"Was that just to chase them off, or?" Ray slides his hand down her forearm, thumb rubbing at her pulse right where Frank had pressed his mouth and it sends a pulse of heat through her entire body. The question of whether she wanted to have sex with Ray was resolved pretty quickly once she gave it some brainspace, but she feels it acutely now, all over.

Gee leans her head against his arm. "Frankie wants to know if I can come over tonight."

"You came over here to talk to me about having sex with Frank?"

"Hm. Kind of? I came over here to ask you if it was okay if I have sex with Frank."

"You need my permission?"

"Not permission, no, but I don't want to go home with Frankie if that discounts me from having sex with you."

"You want to have sex with me?" Ray starts, jostling her.

"I. Yeah? We had a whole conversation about this."

"We had a conversation where I expressed interest in having sex with you and at the end you said, 'Thank you' and then aggressively didn't bring it up again. I thought that was your nice way of saying no."

"Avoiding it is mean, not nice, Ray Toro. I wouldn't do that to you. I'd let you down gently with a lot of explanations about how we're friends and I care about you too much, but I do want to have sex with you so that's moot."

"So you do want to have sex with me, but you're going home with Frank instead?"

"Well, you hadn't made a move and he did, I was just, like, being fair."

"I don't think you call shotgun on sex, Gee."

"And I mean, I wasn't going to do it if you don't want me to. I was going to pass and try it out with you. You know, if you're not into sharing."

"Is Frank into sharing?"

"Ray Toro, you beautiful angel, Frank has an open marriage. He shares by default."

"Technically isn't he being shared?"

"Not when Jamia's fucking someone else. Well, I mean, unless they're simultaneously fucking other people then there's so much sharing happening I'm worried it'll turn into a word problem and you know I hate math." She grabs Ray's face and turns it toward where Frank's sitting on a gear case looking somehow smug and giddy at the same time. "Also, he looks pretty fucking enthused about the idea of it."

Ray laughs. "He does." He curls his arms around Gee, pulls her flush against his front and god, he smells good and feels amazing, warm and solid. "I don't have any immediate objections." He spreads his hands wide against her back, sliding up from her waist to her shoulders. "I would like to file one complaint though."

Gerard makes a hmming noise, lost in the press of Ray against her front, his hands on her back.

He presses his face into her neck. "It's not really fair that he gets to go first. It's based on a bias; I didn't even know I was allowed to make a move. I was trying to bow out like a gentleman."

Ray's breath is hot on her neck, his lips so close to her skin it makes her shiver a little, anticipation sparking under her skin. "That's a fair complaint and I will make sure it's filed with the proper authorities." Ray shifts his leg against hers, just adjusting his stance, and their thighs touching almost makes her gasp. She knows Frank's watching; she knows Ray knows exactly what he's doing. She likes all of it. "Is there a solution you'd find satisfying?"

One of Ray's hands slides up and cups her ribs, his thumb grazing the curve of her tit. "Come home with me instead."

"Oh no, no no no," she hears, turning her head to look at where Frank's coming toward them. "Don't you think you can fucking Ray Toro smooth-talk her into turning me down, you motherfucker."

Ray laughs against her shoulder, a breathy, chuckling thing that makes her laugh too. "You said you'd back off if he said no." Gerard turns and puts her hands on her hips. "You can't change the rules."

"Technically, I didn't say shit. I said I'd compete if necessary."

"You meant like, sexually."

"Yeah, well I mean it in all the ways that might be necessary."

"I didn't say I wouldn't share," Ray says. Gerard gets to watch that register and take over Frank's face, the smugness coming back.

"Okay, cool. I'm not sacrificing my place in line, so."

"It was established on false premises!"

"I cannot BELIEVE you two are arguing about who gets to fuck me first."

She gets identical skeptical looks from them, eyebrows arched.

"Okay, fine, I kind of can, but until very recently I had no idea you were even interested." She points at Ray. "So don't give me that look."

"Flip a coin and shut up, you bozos. Your brother's going to have some kind of episode if he has to keep listening to this." James is grinning at them.

#my fic #this makes me want to do genuine abandoned wip amnesty on ao3 #and just put up all the random bandom and hockey stories i have hanging around that i can (probably) actually admit i'll never finish #is that fun? do people still enjoy that?#would i just be stroking my own bone for no reason?#is that not what i do every time i post a story anyway? and other existential questions of that nature #the ellipses instead of dashes and caps instead of italics REALLY date this for me in a specific way lmao

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