nsniehoff-blog

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Holidays

Thanksgiving alone, again. Last year the kids should have been with me but Covid sent the kids to their dad’s. This year was his assigned year so they were gone. I made my first ever Thanksgiving meal, turkey too. It all turned out good. Would have been easier with outlets that worked in the kitchen. Now we enter full swing Christmas season and I love the music, decorations, and all the joy the…

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Coming up on a year

Last year at this time we were just starting to see cases of corona virus pop up here. School was still going full time and we were headed into spring break fully expecting to return after break to school and work. I was looking forward to break as I’d scheduled an appointment to file for divorce. Fast forward to today and it’s been such a roller coaster of events. My emotions have been all over…

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Finding Peace

As I am flipping through old pictures this time of year, ever year and remembering the emotional week we had 7 years ago with Jisela and her second and third brain surgeries up at Mayo. I see me smiling but not happy. I’d reached my heaviest weight, hated myself so much. I was drowning in fear ,anxiety, depression, and dealing with what I later figured out was an eating disorder. I shared none of…

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Corona Virus

Because 2020 hasn’t already sucked enough I just spent two weeks at home in isolation because of having covid. I’m thankful it was a mild case and no one else in my family seems to have caught it. Spent Thanksgiving home alone curled up on the couch shivering, fever, chills, and unable to stay awake. Loss of taste and smell, which is now coming back slowly coming back. Plus side, if you want to…

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It's final

It’s final

Final divorce papers were filed with the courts on October 5, 2020, 15 years to the exact date of our marriage. Ironic that it ended on the same date it began. I’m still going through some emotions, songs come on that make me sad, I look at old pictures of times I thought we were happy and question if we ever really were. I ask myself if I’ve made the right decision or a terrible mistake, even…

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Second worst day ever

I know in my heart that divorce is really the best thing for us.  His patterns of lies, cheating, deception, etc over the years haven’t changed.  No matter how much he has said he still loves me actions always speak louder than words.  If you love a person and are going to fight to keep them, you don’t turn to the internet 6 days after they move out seeking a replacement.  You don’t plan an…

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Somewhat normal...

Somewhat normal…

Back to work and school finally!!!  Still in limbo with the divorce.  I’m done and just waiting for him to sign.  He thinks it’s still possible to get me back.

I know to much now.  I know about his porn addiction that’s been going on for almost 3 years now.  I know about the 8-10 women he’s been in contact with since we separated.  Some he tried paying for sex.  I know about all the dating…

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Who knew this would be so hard.

So I filed for divorce back on March 17th after waiting 10 weeks for Kevin to start “fighting” to save our marriage and the only time he spoke to me was about the kids, except for one Saturday in January when I asked him when he was going to start working on our relationship. That day he screamed from my driveway “when you stop being such a bitch!” Talk about heart broken, it was on the day of…

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Schools closed for the rest of the year!!

The decision was made last week by the governor to not reopen the schools this year. Graduation is still questionable but probably a no go.

Kevin and I sat down and talked for the first time in 4 months, I’m still not sure where we are going. He’s got his eyes on a new woman, but says he still cares about me. I’m hurt by his actions since I left because in the last 15 months he’s rejected me…

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No school, no work, and filing for divorce, what a week.

Corona virus has everyone in a panic buying up everything that isn’t glued down. No meetings of groups larger than ten. Spring Break has been extended for an extra 3 weeks, leaving me temporarily out of work, also. Graduation ceremonies months away are being called off. This saddens me the most. After seeing my own child work so hard to overcome many challenges that could have kept her from…

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Made a decision

Saw an attorney last week and after being separated for almost 2 months with little to no effort to reconsile, when I ask I’m called names, I have decided to file for divorce. I’m ready to move on, I can face the fact that the marriage died years ago, neither of us have been happy with each other for a long time.

I’m ready to move on and find my own happiness. What that will look like I’m not…

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Been living apart for a month

So this separation began a month ago, with an agreement that he would actively work on rebuilding our relationship, nothing is happening. He fights me on even taking the kids let alone doing anything as a family. Makes me feel unwelcome in my own church and around the other kids, like I can’t even talk to them. He wrote me a letter saying that I quit caring about all of them when I started taking…

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Separation coming soon

After being assualted with injury by my own child the time has come for me to leave. After Christmas I will be leaving and taking the younger 2 kids with me. I fear for my safety and theirs. Monique has told me everyday for a month that she wants to kill me with her bare hands, wants me to kill myself, or hopes I get raped and killed when I’m out and about. The night she assualted me she was…

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Slowly getting back to a new normal but the scales not moving.

Been back to the gym now for a month, working out four days a week, really trying to focus on my legs since I can’t do ab exercises yet. Not seeing any changes yet but not giving up.

Working full time again for the first time in 12 years too. This has been my biggest challenge food wise yet. I’m in and out of the teachers lounge with food goodies around and some are so tempting!!

Life is busy,…

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2 years post-op!

Hard to believe my gastric sleeve was 2 years and 1 month ago today. I’m 218 lbs less than I was at my heaviest weight and I feel really good! I’ve achieved so many of my goals too!

Recovery from skin removal is going well, returned to work full time 2 werks ago, man was that exhausting the first few days! Hope to get back to the gym in another week or so. Slow and steady progress will be…

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Skin removal

I had my skin removal surgery 5 days ago and to be honest the first 2 days were hard and I thought I must have been crazy to put myself through this kind of torture. Standing up from the hospital bed about killed me, just laying in the bed for an entire day in the same position drove me crazy.

I’m home now and still pretty restricted on moving around. Trying to stay in a semireclined position on…

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Approved

Surgery has been approved!!! Nervous and excited at the same time. July 31st will be here before I know it. Recovery will be long and most likely very painful, but the long term results will be well worth it.

30 days of no climbing stairs, sitting up, or standing up straight, sleeping in the recliner, and at least a week with drainage tubes again

I have probably have 15 lbs of exvess skin that…