nunbot9k

[nunbot9k]

The conversation did upset me a little bit because I feel like I'm going through the same thing. J keep hearing how tough and scary and unemotional I am and maybe it's right most of the time but I feel like I want to be little and cute and receive affection too. It feels like everyone else gets to. Even my bf gets pampered and he's like. Huge and intimidating but people allow him to be vulnerable and soft. It fucking sucks. Everyone wants to be taken care of but no one wants to take care of me its so unfair

Bf still isn't able to return home and he's super stressed and. I've been trying to make things easier for him but I feel like he's taking his frustration out on me. Today we had a long talk about how I'm "too hard" on him. He said he wants me to pamper him more and is afraid I don't because he's a big man and. At first I denied it but maybe I do that subconsciously idk tbh

[nunbot9k]

He does look very tough. He's tall muscular lean and always has a very grim expression on his face and I. Like that. I like strong people. Serious people. But I also feel like I baby him a lot? Like I baby everyone a lot if I'm being honest. And especially him because of how sensitive he is. I really think he's my little guy no matter what he looks like but it seems it doesn't look like that tohim

Bf still isn't able to return home and he's super stressed and. I've been trying to make things easier for him but I feel like he's taking his frustration out on me. Today we had a long talk about how I'm "too hard" on him. He said he wants me to pamper him more and is afraid I don't because he's a big man and. At first I denied it but maybe I do that subconsciously idk tbh

[nunbot9k]

Bf still isn't able to return home and he's super stressed and. I've been trying to make things easier for him but I feel like he's taking his frustration out on me. Today we had a long talk about how I'm "too hard" on him. He said he wants me to pamper him more and is afraid I don't because he's a big man and. At first I denied it but maybe I do that subconsciously idk tbh

[nunbot9k]

Dude I'm getting yelled at for having ONE pair of pants and a SINGLE tshirt on my chair. I got back home super tired yesterday so I didn't fold them or put them back in my drawer. I think it's less about the mess and more abt my mother wanting to find something wrong w me so she'll have a reason to interact w me. Everyone else's houses I've ever been in have clothes on the floor. We'll live

[nunbot9k]

She's been here for 3 days and is already crashing out and telling at everyone. Is she not embarassed. Does she not see she's the main problem in the house lmao. Girl kill yourself no one will fucking miss you I guarantee you that.

[nunbot9k]

I genuinely want to die. What's the point. My family is making my life a living hell, I have a disease than can never be healed, I look awful, no one wants to even chat w me, I'm poor, will always be poor and my studies are not going anywhere. What's the point man.

[nunbot9k]

I know this is all very juvenile because I'm 21 years old and I have control over how I am and how I act now and should be blaming my family for these things but admittedly it's very easy and tempting to just. Explain everything that's bothering me in that way. No one will love me because someone took that possibility away from me and I have no control over that so now I don't have to actually blame myself. Very easy

I can't put it into words very well but I feel like something has been violently ripped from me. Soemthing that was taken away from me because of the way I was raised and now I can never be normal and love and be loved by other people ans I want to scream and blame my family and kill them even though that won't give me back what I lost. And I can't figure out what it is but also I feel like I already know and it's been keeping me awake for years now. I have to wake up at 8 tomorrow but I can't keep my eyes closed. I've been screwed over so bad I don't think there's any hope for me

[nunbot9k]

I can't put it into words very well but I feel like something has been violently ripped from me. Soemthing that was taken away from me because of the way I was raised and now I can never be normal and love and be loved by other people ans I want to scream and blame my family and kill them even though that won't give me back what I lost. And I can't figure out what it is but also I feel like I already know and it's been keeping me awake for years now. I have to wake up at 8 tomorrow but I can't keep my eyes closed. I've been screwed over so bad I don't think there's any hope for me

[nunbot9k]

Being with someone that wants to touch me and talk about me seems improbable

[nunbot9k]

If they're vagueposting abt me I will genuinely kill everyone.

[nunbot9k]

I think. This wouldn't be happening if I wasn't trans ngl

My partner are currently doing this thing where they're only talking abt how much they like their other partners and I just wanna die lowkey

[nunbot9k]

Not against that at all I just wished they did they same for me sometimes. I've never seen 10 posts back to back about me. I want my face touched too. And I wanna chat w them online sometimes. It feels like I'm just the guy they put up with until they're with their "real" partner again

My partner are currently doing this thing where they're only talking abt how much they like their other partners and I just wanna die lowkey

[nunbot9k]

My partner are currently doing this thing where they're only talking abt how much they like their other partners and I just wanna die lowkey

[nunbot9k]

I want someone to love my body for what it is not just tolerate it while they salivate over bigger men. Cis men. I can't do this anymore. I want to give up on everything and get skinny again. There's no point in all this I'll never be happy with my form because I'm trans and not a single person will be happy with it either. I'm number two in every way imaginable

[nunbot9k]

I fear I'll never crack the code I'll never figure out how to make people want to love me. Every day I hear that people are afraid of me, find me unapproachable. My comrades have said they don't know how to approach me, my friends' friends tell them theyre too scared to talk to me 1on1. I'm just not a nice person in any way. Even though I try my hardest. I laugh a lot and do small talk and I linger after our meetings so people can talk to me if they want. I make conscious effort to appear sweet and understanding and nothing works. I don't wanna be alone forever I feel lovesick and touch starved I want warm hands on my face too like other people do. I don't know why I'm so difficult

[nunbot9k]

I really don't understand what I'm lacking. What I'm doing wrong. Am I embarrassing. I've been trying to get them to talk to me abt these things for like over a year now and they're never hinest with me. Oh I like both oww I like you too. What is it then. What is it about me that's so gross and uninteresting and awful. I'm trying so hard. Why are you embarrassed of me. People compliment me every time I leave the house everyone wants to sleep with me they think I'm smart. Why can't I get a single fucking look from you. I don't understand what else there is to do.

[nunbot9k]

I can't even post on my nsft account because I'm lovesick and it's seeping into all of my posts and it's so fucking embarrassing I just want smn to be nice too and ppl r leaving anon msgs abt how they want me to abuse them abd. It's sweet because it means there's people who think I'm pretty and attractive and I wanna play w their hair and hold them. Cute boys like me.. I wish my bfs liked me like that too