nusandksham

[nusandksham]

hi nusu pusu!!

i feel like i haven’t been on here in ageeeesss but i just felt like it was important to say this! HAPPY PRIDE MONTH YOU HOT BITCH!! YOURE SEXY AND YOURE VALID NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY 🥰 i’m so so so so happy you told me about your preferred pronouns and felt comfy w telling me that 🥺🥺 i love you 5ever and will always accept you bebs <33

-ksham

[nusandksham]

hi bebi!!

it’s almost your birthdayyyyy woooo!! just 1 hour and 35 minutes to go!! just came back here to say i love you forever and icb this is the first birthday in 4 years i’m spending without you :( i wish i could give u cuddles :(( i miss u sm like so so much idk what to do at time w/o u ur my bestest bestie and evryone j sucks compared to you 💔💔 icb i’m moving to vietnam next year wtf i’ll be even farther from you idk how i’m supposed to deal w that T-T let’s do the notebook thing pls !! i really like how we did this w tumblr but notebooks feel so much more special :)) i hope you have the bestest day ever and i know u don’t really like your birthdays but know that i’m always here !! if you get sad today, or really j whenever, text mee i’ll try me bestest to respond right away anddd all your problems are valid!! ur feelings aren’t stupid!! i love you <33

we can make the starts align

-ksham

[nusandksham]

hi baby!! i know sometimes insecurities hit hard and i wish i could be there with you in person to tell you the most amazing things about yourself :(( but for now just remember that you’re you! every part of you is special to you and meant only for you. you’re so special and precious i couldn’t imagine another person like you <333 i love you to the moon and back 5ever

-ksham

ps. you should listen to what tae says it helped me quite a bit

[nusandksham]

nus i’m tryna do math homework rn but for some reason all i can think of if how much i miss you. i miss doing math with you and i just miss having you around me in classes. yk i had a dream last night that we met up again and you were coming back to aisd. even in my dream i remember telling you how fucking excited and happy i was that you’re back and we’re doing school together again. i know i still have nushka and amirah but it just feels so lonely without you. i don’t wanna sayy i have favorites but i mean it’s pretty obvious by now ;) man this is illegal everytime i start thinking about you i start crying i need to be doing math not balling. dak just came into my room and i was like in the middle of almost crying and i yelled at him.. i kinda feel bad now but he was being annoying so wtv. ok back to the topic, i literally have no motivation to do anything rn. i just feel so drained and tired all the time. i miss my daily dose of you please come back soon i need you 🤧🤧 i really miss just being us. also plss don’t hesitate to text me!! i might not always reply super quickly but talking to you automatically makes my day better ❤️

- ksham

[nusandksham]

babe. have you noticed i’ve been using more endearing terms? I think twitter has changed me. I miss you so much. I know this is crazy but i feel like i’m gonna like tip over because you’re not here to keep me steady. You KNOW i relied on you so much and for like EVERYTHING. Like I mentioned yesterday, you literally were the person making me drink water and keeping me HYDRATED. I still haven’t processed the fact i’m acc staying in Dubai cuz sm is online, but my god i miss you so much. I’m so numb all the time because idk when to acc let go of my emotions and yk last time i bottled it all up i literally collapsed and was j suffering internally. I dont have you here w me to go through that or for you to even tell me. I feel like we’re both much busier now and it’s not as if we see each other online/in person 5 days a week and our time differences even. I sometimes get scared to text cuz i’m hoping you’re not doing anything else or maybe you’re busy w anushka or smth. It’s so much more different and I don’t want to lose any connecting with you. I want to video call you every week religiously and for us to just catch up. I want to j do random lil projects w you even tho most of the time i’ve done it w people ifs always made me insecure cuz i end up giving my 200% while the rest don’t even give their 80% effort. Anyways, I’m not even sad rn but these are just my thoughts. I think at one point I probably will j kinda collapse from everything when i realise wtf my life is now, but I hope in at least some form of way you’re there to catch me and keep me safe like always <3 ily

- nus

[nusandksham]

HA this ain’t even your man but it’s mine and can i j say i wished you watched haikyuu j so we could’ve cried over these together

[nusandksham]

i wish we could freak out over this man irl together

i miss you so much it’s crazy

-ksham

[nusandksham]

broski i am already fucking bawling. i’m supposed to be doing english hw rn not crying ;( i was thinking about how lonely it’s gonna be now. who am i supposed to call to do hw with? who do i talk to when i’m done w everyone else’s shit? you being gone now it’s such a weird thing. it hit me so hard that night that i wrote the post. just the thought you and me not having the same classes and not walking hand in hand down the hallways in such a foreign concept. ik nushka and amirah are still here but without you everything j feels so lonely and sad. how am i supposed to do math hw without you. i’m actually gonna die fuck. MAN I DONT WANNA DO THIS SHIT WITHOUT YOU HIGHSCHOOLS GONNA SUCK i wanna move there so fucking bad!! dhaka is absolute shit without you. i miss being dumb as shit with you <3 and i miss your hugs so so much

[nusandksham]

ksham, i don’t even know what to say. Ngl, I know i would never be the type to say favourites, but I can say you always have a special place in my heart. The idea of not having you in school with me is just so wrong on all levels. I wish you were here. I wish you could just come and stay with me. I wish we could’ve had a proper goodbye instead of the ‘see you later’ we thought we were gonna have. You have helped me so much you don’t even know. Just knowing that you support me and you’re here for me gives me so much strength. I hope i’ve done all that i can you make you happy too. I know that I like to do sum shit like making a playlist or writing you letters, and I mean everything i say no matter how many times it gets repeated. I love you so much I literallt wanna cry. I’m going to cry. Thank you for loving me and believing in me always. I can’t wait to see you.

Notice how i j didn’t even know what to say cuz this entire situation doesn’t feel real at all.

[nusandksham]

remember this!

-ksham

i wonder how long it’ll take you to come see the post below hehe

I’m going to be someone.

I am someone.

I am deserving.

I am loveable.

I am me.

[nusandksham]

nus i don’t think you understand how much i’m gonna miss you. you mean the whole world and i genuinely can’t process that you’re actually leaving. this was gonna be our year. we were gonna get through it together. it was set up perfectly we had all the same classes and no time away from one another. this year was gonna be perfect but ig not. you’re already gone youve been gone for a while but you’re actually leaving. you’re moving and idek when i’ll be able to see you. i regret not opening up more and not telling you everything i regret not taking a last polaroid with you i regret not giving you tons of cuddles the last time we met. i thought i would just see you in a couple of months or weeks but you’re moving. you’re gone. you’re gonna be in a different school with new friends. with the rest of our friend group leaving i thought that at least i had you. you’re always the first person i go to for everything and you being here when everyone else was leaving meant so so much. you zaina and zara were my babies. the only people i really trusted with my life and now i’ve lost all of you. I thought that this year for our pact you and i would be together and we’d call them but now we’re all split and it j hurts. it hurts so much knowing that the people i cherish the most are gone. ok i seem dramatic but i’m being genuine. nus pus youve helped me so fckn much it’s even crazy to me. just you existing and being there gives me so much hope and happiness. i really don’t wanna lose you nusu. there was so much more we could have done together. i’m not ready to let go of you. idk why i decided to pour out my emotions into this tumblr post at 1am but i’m hoping you don’t see this for a while so i have time to think and mayhaps delete cuz i might regret spilling this onto a public page when i wake up. but if i dont, just remember that i love you with my whole heart and will always be here for you.

ps. my mind is all scrambled rn and i’m too lazy to check over this so it prolly has a lot of mistakes oops :) i’m going to bed now

-ksham

[nusandksham]

together 5ever amrite? 

- nus

"We don’t have to do it all alone. We were never meant to."

—Brené Brown

[nusandksham]

- nus  

me @ u whenever ur sad (even if it dont know it, just now ill think this anyways)

You can get through this. I promise you, you can. It might be the most difficult thing you've ever gone through, but there will be a time when you feel better! Keep on fighting, darling 💛

[nusandksham]

I think its v important to realise that we can’t acc fix our past mistakes and the best we can do is control the present we’re in now and try to change our future for the better. :) 

- nus

[nusandksham]

bitch pls get this thru ur head

-ksham

https://iglovequotes.net/

[nusandksham]

i wuv you

-ksham

Cherry blossom bird and hamster for you all! ✨ I’ll be at the San Francisco Cherry Blossom Festival this weekend April 21-22! 🌸 Come to the Japan Center Mall to get some prints, stickers, buttons, and charms. 💛  

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[nusandksham]

!!!!!!!

- ksham

You're not a failure

If you need help you're not a failure

If you need to cry you're not a failure

If you need counselling you're not a failure

If you need therapy you're not a failure

If you need to talk you're not a failure

If you need meds you're not a failure

If you need to stim you're not a failure

If you need accommodations you're not a failure

If you need warnings you're not a failure

You're living.

You're growing.

Keep growing.