nyisntnywithoutyou

[nyisntnywithoutyou]

ABOUT LOSING AND WINNING

"Say 'I love you, daddy.'" Poppy pointed the video camera in Guinevere's direction. The baby with black hair and eyes as blue as the deep ocean, giggled and clapped clumsily with her tiny chubby hands. A warm hand landed on the woman's shoulder and she turned around, just to find her smiling husband, eyes sparkling at the sight of the two he loved the most. It was funny to see how their relationship evolved since they first started dating and to watch their love bloom and grow into something so pure. It began right after the Second Wizarding War. People were seen everywhere, celebrating Harry Potter and hosting dinners and parties, reuniting with all the family and friends they didn't lose, but that was not the case for those who fought in the Battle of Hogwarts. Oh, no, those ones were still scared, frightened to say the least, from the entire traumatic episode. It took a while until the grief and the mourning were gone. But, at some point, the pain went away and all there was left were the memories. So it stopped hurting. From the moment the war was over, Charles hurried to meet Poppy, as he had promised. They buildt trust on each other, they found comfort in one another, and aside from their growing relationship, the girl kept studying until she earned her degree in Advanced Potions Studies and became officially a Potions Master. It was so easy for them falling in love with each other. They were exact opposites yet the same. Charles was patient, loving and friendly, while Poppy was unstable, a nervous wreck and very anti-social; she used to be surrounded by perversity and even iniquity when it came to some of her Slytherin mates. It was extremely hard for her to receive such warmth when she grew up in the cold. Still, while they were together, it felt so much easier for her to be a better version. Couple years later, they got married in a private ceremony just for the two of them. They loved such a pure love, a bound so strong and genuine that became unbreakable. Charles kept his work as a dragonologist, while Poppy set up a lab at the house's office, where she could work on her Potions and Experiments. They didn't have much money, neither were surrounded by friends or family, but they were happy, the happiest they had ever been. Happiness felt like such a natural emotion to have, it was simple like that. They lived alone for five whole years and the whole story that marriage gets old and love ends was just a myth to them. Because their love only grew with time and when they thought it couldn't get better, Guinevere came like a little ray of sunshine, a tiny, pale, freckled angel, with turquoise eyes and hair as black as a starless night. Guinevere walked staggering in Poppy's direction, to which the woman put the camera aside and opened her arms so the baby could revel in her chest. "You did it, baby, you walked!" She cheered with the child, as Charlie hugged both of them and tickled Guinevere's belly. Her acute giggles made both adults laugh with content, with such a darling scene. "Ey, my dearest child, are you hungry? Would you like some apple pap?" She asked in a childish tone of voice and stood up, holding the baby on her lap as she walked to the kitchen. "Honey, I'm having a glass of wine, will you join me?" Poppy turned around to face the man standing in the door jamb. "Oh, for sure! What's the occasion?" "Well, the occasion is that I love you. Is there anything more fantastic than that?" Charlie couldn't help but let go of a low laugh, approaching the woman - that now had already placed Guinie on her toddler feeding - and hugging her tight, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her forehead. "I love you, Poppy. And I love our little family." "I love us too, Charlie."

http://tl.gd/n_1sritrv

[nyisntnywithoutyou]

THE ONE WHO BROUGHT LIGHT

It's hard when you lose someone that meant so much to you: that was a part of who you are. But what about the rest of us? What about the ones that can only love from afar, what about unrequited love? What about this feeling that keeps knocking on your brain, telling you that you don't deserve to mourne? That you don't get to be sad, you don't get to hurt. And then they call you insensitive, when you're actually just very fucking scared from all the numbness. That's Poppy Quill's entire life story. Unrequited love and rejection walking side by side while that whole mess grew bigger and bigger until it became a giant snowball. She loved someone she couldn't have, and when she left - because she always did - Poppy was all alone again. Penny Haywood had been her little secret romance during many years in Hogwarts, but she could see it in her eyes. Penny didn't love her, at least not as much as Poppy did… if she truly loved her, the blonde braided girl from Hufflepuff wouldn’t choose to hide her relationship with the Slytherin beater for such a long time. “Do you think people will accept us together, Poppy? I’m a popular and older Hufflepuffer, you’re an introverted Slytherin. We could never work out.” But the sad thing was - for such a lonely person like Poppy - any sign of caring or attention, as superficial as it can be, it became enough. It's like she invited them into her house and said "Come in. I accept you, I embrace this pain because I deserve it." Poppy Quill was no longer a student when the Battle of Hogwarts happened. She was specialising in Potions at the St. Mungo's Hospital, at the Experiments wing. But she came back. She knew it had to be done… and maybe that was the chance she needed to finally talk to her father. It felt different to be back somewhere that used to feel like a second home, somehow, for her. But Poppy had lost her grandparents when the Second Wizarding War began - they had their home invaded and were killed by death eaters, with not even a drop of mercy. All of sudden, the girl had no one again, no one to fight for, no one to live for. As soon as she arrived, it was like all those years in Hogwarts were taken away from her, erased from her past because it was simply not home anymore. Suddenly she had nowhere to go. And that was the loneliest, most heartbreaking feeling of her entire life. To see her only hideaway gone. But she fought. For those she had lost, for those she once loved and for the voice in the back of her head whispering ‘don’t give up just yet’. Everything went okay for a while. She could manage holding back the tears. She could manage not falling apart. But that was before she saw Penny. The now fully grown up woman, blonde hair and blue eyes, with a ring on her finger. Eyesight ran panoramically before landing on the known figure of Poppy. She looked well, despite the clear stress that everyone was under, and that’s when it hit the Slytherin: while she had lost track of time and locked herself in the past, Penny had moved on - clearly it had been much easier for her. And Poppy felt rage, pure anger, for letting herself be used for so long, be stepped on with the idiotic excuse that if seen together, they’d both be ruined. So she ran far away, further as possible, and hid on one of the only corners of Hogwarts that had not yet been destroyed. She hid there and cried - for everything she had lost. Her family, her friends, the one she once loved. Separated by death or simply time. She embraced her own knees next to her chest and hid her face, letting the tears roll freely. But after what felt like hours, the woman heard steps echoing through the hall and soon approaching her, before a hand touched gently her shoulder. She instantly looked up, wiping her tears away and focusing on the figure. “ Charlie? “ “ Ey… Poppy. What's happening, are you hurt? Are you okay?” She didn’t even reply. She just kept staring at him in shock, her blue eyes wide open. Last time she had seen Charles Weasley was probably on the Hogwarts Express when the school year was over and they were going back home, in the summer of 1991. It was Charlie's last year. They only studied together for two years, but never got along well. One was too rebellious and the other, too pretentious. You can guess which was what. “ I mean, I’m as fine as anyone can be during a war.” She sighed and shook her head as Charles sat down next to her. He tapped her shoulder a few times and turned his emerald green orbs towards her, giving a long sigh. "You've been so brave, Poppy. Fred and George told me about your grandparents, I'm really sorry." "I - how do you… why would you know about that?" Poppy frowned, blinking a few times, quite confused. It didn't make any sense, there was no logical reason why Charles Weasley would know anything about her. Fred and George would never gossip about her life, she really liked discretion and the twins respected that. "Oh… You know, I was just checking in." His cheeks flushed red and he could feel his face burning like fire. "I just don't get it, sometimes. Why people keep dying around me… or leaving." "I don't think you're the problem, Poppy. Why would anyone choose to leave you?" He placed one hand on top of hers with gentleness. Charlie seemed much more amiable than in his old Hogwarts years. "I don't know. Don't you feel sometimes like some of us aren't meant to be happy? And I swear it's not victimism. I just think life is kind of a shitty hypocrite and this thing about the Law of Attraction it's only another lie we're taught." Poppy felt the tears streaming down her but didn't allow herself to cry. Not in front of him. Charlie moved his hand towards her face and carefully wiped her wet cheeks. At first, the girl's instinct was to lean backwards and shake her head in denial, but slowly and reluctantly, she accepted the gesture of sympathy and rested the side of her head on his shoulder. They just stayed that way for a while, in the silence, pretending that nothing was going on. Of course that didn't last long. Soon they were informed that Harry Potter was just brought back to the castle by Hagrid… And he was dead. Charles and Poppy stood up immediately, their hearts beating fast in their chest. 'This might be it. This is the end.' She thought to herself. The red haired man held her hand and offered a comforting smile. "It's gonna be okay, alright? Just be careful and… Don't leave. We'll finish this talk later. Stay safe."

tl.gd/n_1srhru9

[nyisntnywithoutyou]

THE ONE WITH THE SECRET

When it came to Hogwarts, it was more of an escape to Poppy than simply a school. Life wasn’t hell with her grandparents, but it was not heaven, either. The pale freckled girl with dark locks of hair couldn’t even complain; she didn’t feel the right to, she was no Harry Potter or anything alike - some tragedies get people’s sympathy, that just wasn’t her case. Poppy’s mom was dead too and poor girl didn’t even have a dad, but it didn’t seem to matter to anyone. She was just the bastard daughter and the weight her grandparents were destined to carry from then on. As Poppy’s grew older, she stopped resenting her family. As complicated as they all were, none of what happened was their fault, anyway. That was her problem and hers alone. It became easy to blame it all on herself, even if that was not even slightly fair. For Poppy, life felt like sorrow and shame. For who she was and for who she couldn’t be. “Sometimes I think I was born backwards, you know.” she’d say, "Come out my mom the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love, I hate. And the people I hate..." And so the hours would pass, days go by and in a wind blow, she’d go through years of unhappiness. Until her eleventh birthday finally came and so did her Hogwarts letter. For a moment, hope lightened up inside her, maybe there was still a way out of the misery. Maybe she could make friends, trace her own path and, who knows, even find her real father. Being sorted in Slytherin was one of her worst disappointments, in the very beginning. The whole Quill family was full of proud Slytherins, but not Poppy’s mom. She was a Hufflepuff. A cheerful, captivating Hufflepuff that would easily befriend everyone. Not having any other parental example to follow, her only hope to honour her mother’s name was being sort on Hufflepuff as well. But that was certainly not what happened and it drifted Poppy even further away from beloved Taylor Quill’s memory. But it didn’t take long for her to find worthy companionship. Soon conquering Madam Hooch’s attention with her great reflexes and flying skills, Poppy got a spot on Slytherin’s Quidditch team as Beater and, during one of her first matches, met her fellow opponents and, later, close friends, Fred and George Weasley. She also met Charles Weasley at the time, but the boy was years older than her and they didn’t get along well. He was, in her words, “a show off”. In her third year, Poppy Quill was already the best Potions’ student and would take extra classes in secret, in which Snape would teach her how to reproduce advanced and even forbidden potions. It was also in her third year that Poppy started hanging out with Millicent Coltrane, a second year Slytherin that soon became her very best friend. And for the few next years, everything seemed to be going so well with Poppy; good friends, good grades and good looks. But there was something; eating her insides. Something rotten. Something sinking her stomach down and it made her ill - physically ill, even. She felt anger, hate, rage breaking down to her every single nerve. Then, she would run somewhere isolated, scream, hurt herself, vomit and lose her breath. After the girl had organised all her emotions on imaginary boxes and locked them away, she’d cry until both her ocean blue eyes were burning by the salty tears, for she knew what it meant. She knew exactly what that something was: it was evil. Poppy had once read that ‘evil sits inside every woman, just waiting to bloom’ and, for a long time, she waited for the signs. The feelings of rage, loneliness, injustice, revenge, it bombarded her merciless. Then, one day, she killed: the worst part? It felt good. Poppy didn’t want to like it, but she did. So, every now and then, she would sneak out of Hogwarts and apparate to a special place that she knew no one cared about, then come back to Slytherin’s dorm as if nothing had happened. Rarely, Millie would catch her arriving on a cold night, though questioning Poppy’s strange habits had become impracticable. But killing so much could corrupt even the purest of souls - and the kindest the heart, the harder the damage. It was her sixth year and Poppy fell completely ill - convulsions and hallucinations that Madam Pomfrey couldn't understand or explain. For two weeks, every teacher interfered with their personal methods and tried to help, failing over and over again. It was Minerva and Dumbledore that, on a sudden glimpse of brilliancy, came up with a possible explanation to everything, that was, later on, proved positive. Indeed, Poppy’s mind was being manipulated by Legilimency by someone very intimate to her, possibly even from her own family. She never found out who the person was. Once the girl understood the “evil” inside her was not actually her, everything changed. It felt good, not to feel so angry all the time - there was a big weight growing inside her heart because of that. But when Poppy saw herself finally free from all that haunted her, she felt… cold. And so, so empty, like she wouldn’t be able to feel anything, ever again. She never thought she could get rid of all of her problems, but just expected something to change - and it never did. As if life just looked at her, middle fingers mode on, and screamed a big “fuck you” right at her face, as it became more unbearable over time, knowing Poppy would just break at any point. But it wasn’t until the Battle of Hogwarts until she finally did. “Professor Snape?” Her voice hesitated, as trembling as her skinny hands. “Poppy… Come in.” Snape turned around to stare at the girl, who looked so frightened for all the things that had been happening. Hogwarts was literally crumbling in pieces, she was losing friend after friend. It was just as if her PTSD had a meeting with every nightmare she'd had for the past nineteen years. “It’s been a while… since your graduation, is that right?” She couldn’t understand. For a moment, all that seemed so ridiculous and Poppy couldn’t recall what she was doing there any longer. “Did you have to talk to me, Professor?” “Right. Yes, Miss Quill. Can you follow me, please?” He interrupted his stare so they could walk towards the pensieve. “You must see something.” It was all Snape said, before resting a tired and intimidating gaze at Poppy. The girl nodded and soon leaned towards the round artefact, that suddenly took her to another scenario, as if she was in someone else’s mind. And in no time, she knew exactly what she was watching: Severus Snape entire life story, a girl named Lily, something about James Potter and Sirius Black, the prophecy about Harry Potter, the Horcruxes, Dumbledore and Snape’s role in this entire mess. As soon as the pensieve spit her out back to the harsh reality, Poppy immediately started to walk away, scared. “Why are you showing me these? I have nothing to do with that.” “I’m making you the secret keeper, Poppy, understand me? If I fail to give this message to Potter tonight, you have to show him what you just saw. This can change everything.” Poppy couldn’t stop her eyes from starting to tear up with all the panic and angst building up inside her chest. She shook her head in denial and leaned back on a wall, trying to control her breathing. “Why - why me? It could be anyone. This makes no sense.” “Because I trust you, Poppy.” “Why do you - Why would you trust me? I’m just an old student like thousands of others.” “Because I know your secret, Quill.” Snape stood up from his chair, uncrossing his arms. “I have been suspicious ever since I saw you, on your first day here, at the Sorting Hat ceremony. But I must admit, you did a good job hiding it away from everyone.” The girl suddenly had no words. She just stared at Snape, her turquoise eyes with a sad sparkle. “You knew this whole time - and why didn’t you ever talk to me about it? I was… right here.” “I had no way of protecting you, I couldn’t risk you getting hurt.” “Getting hurt? Have you even seen how shitty my entire existence has been?! ���𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆 has ever cared about protecting me.” The tears in her cheeks were then hidden by the colour red that burned her entire face. “No wonder my mom never told me about you. You are just a miserable, selfish liar.” “I don’t blame you for hating me, so many people do. I did things I regret in my life.” He took a few steps closer, even though they were still at a considerable distance. “But you were not one of them, Quill. You are probably the only thing I made in my entire life that turned into something worthy. And a proof of that is how I’m trusting you, out of everyone else, to keep this message. Poppy… will you do it for me?”

tl.gd/n_1srigoc

[nyisntnywithoutyou]

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀𝗦𝗢𝗟𝗢𝗦 ⠀⠀ re•venge ıs best tαsted cold. 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒉𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓.

𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘁𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴  / sᴡᴇᴇᴛɪᴇ, ɪ’ᴍ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀsᴛ. ғᴀʀ ғʀᴏᴍ ɪᴛ. ɪ’ᴍ ᴊᴜsᴛ 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖙𝖙𝖎𝖊𝖘𝖙.