obscurename420

[obscurename420]

Blessed is the ground you walk on.

Blessed am I to have an infatuation with you.

Cursed is the ground I walk on.

Cursed am I to have an infatuation with you.

[obscurename420]

[obscurename420]

I don't think my heart can take much more of this. I'm so broken-hearted that I am defeated before I even try to find love.

My worst enemy is not only myself, but my inner me. My thoughts and actions don't agree with each other. My heart wants to be happy with a beautiful woman to share my life with, but my body wants to hurt itself by being alone.

I love being alone. But dammit do I hate being lonely. I'd rather die sometimes.

[obscurename420]

I'm so damn lonely.

Okay, next step...

[obscurename420]

I have a hard time talking to pretty girls. The idea of speaking to a girl I deem pretty pretty much puts me in panic mode. Quite literally fumbling over my words and sweating profusely. I genuinely find it safer to just walk away with whatever pride I have left than to figure out why I can't muster any courage to talk to them.

I found a solace in the separation between romance and personal life. I don't know if I am saying that right. Let me reiterate, I came to accept and dispise the fact I have no courage. I made excuses and reasons for my cowardice instead of facing it. I am a child. I constantly fight with the idea of accepting my role as a man. I question my every action. I'm not confident in anything I do. I tried acting like I got it to see if I'll get it, but every time I believe I got it, I get cut down and humbled in unforgettable ways. I used to take it personally like there was some being just out of reach fucking with me. But as I gained wisdom, I came to the conclusion that my actions are my own, and my downfalls are mine alone. So, I started taking responsibility for my life and holding myself accountable.

I found that I am content a good most of the time and I catch myself when I feel that I am angering too quickly. I treat others the way I wish to be treated simply put. I gave without asking for return, I give more of myself to my family than I would do before, and I became a real friend to those who considered me one. I try to learn from anyone who has something say. I take people for who they are and I love them all the same. I try to keep my prejudice in check by reminding myself how i would feel if I were in their position.

It proved to be a double-edged sword.

I found that I would learn to love people I've never met, and I learned to truly despise people. I have no hate in my heart. I'm not saying my heart is full of love either, I just don't believe in wasting my energy hating someone or something. Now... do I wish that some people would take a long walk off a short bridge?

I Plead the Fifth.

Seeing how people can hurt without reason disturbs me. Seeing people do things I can't fathom doing makes it hard to sympathize. Even something as simple as having a conversation with a negative Nancy gives me a minor migraine. On the other hand, though, I find it easier to befriend people of any background. I take pride in the fact that a stranger can feel safe having a conversation about their personal life and teach me the lessons of their life story.

I apologize, I'm pretty tired. I'm going to sleep now but I should be here again soon. I'll continue his story later

Goodnight, Love db

[obscurename420]

Alone for the first time.

Alive for the last.

Belonging to Noone.

Breaking the fast.

Where is my heart?

Inside of you?

Will you allow me to live?

Are you intentions true?

I find your gaze alluring

You find my confidence lacking.

You look at me and see a bucket with a hole

A dull axe

A half ripped page

A wet paper

An overall lost sailor.

I assure you I'll hold whatever you like.

I promise to rip wood with my bare hands

I will whisper a poem to you every night.

I'll write a book about my emotion for you.

I promise to come home to you every night.

But the truth is.

I write for nobody.

I hold no one.

I have no love to love.

I'll feel for myself then.

I'll love you.

[obscurename420]

My light may only be a mere reflection, but I am bright in both day and night

You may be ever burning, but your flames are too far for me to feel your warmth

I wish to be covered in your extravagant light, but your light creates a shadow I cannot escape

Is it too much to ask for you to come nearer?

My Light. As you leave, I darken completely.

My light shines brightest at night.

Your light is day itself.

My Star, may I be your Moon?

[obscurename420]

How does one explain themself, to themself?

Calm is the reflection in stilled waters.

Unto still water the unsettled heart ruins.

[obscurename420]

In Garden the lost ones lay.

One with the Garden they become.

Secrets of the Garden are lost.

So they are found.

Lost are the ones who leave the Garden.

Found are the ones who feed the Garden.

Find the Garden and offer your story.

The Garden welcomes all that turns away none. The ones who turned the Garden down are loved by it nonetheless. The Garden wishes to feed those who feed it. Peace is the water that nourishes the roots.

Can you see the vines?

Close your eyes and fall into the understanding grasp of the Garden.

May the Garden protect you lost one. Find yourself amongst the trees.

Lost no more. Found is Garden. Peace is a living being.

Peace is Garden. Into Garden

[obscurename420]

Sitting in a chair

Sitting at a desk

Sitting on a computer

Sitting in a corner

Sitting in a room

Sitting on a floor

Sitting in a house

Sitting in a nieghborhood

Sitting on a street

Sitting in a town

Sitting in a county

Sitting in a state

Sitting in a hemisphere

Sitting in a country

Sitting in an ocean

Sitting on a world

Sitting in a system

Sitting in a galaxy

Sitting in a universe

Sitting in space

Sitting on nothing

Sitting on everything

Sitting

[obscurename420]

Have you ever driven on a road that you particularly like riding on and felt blissful solitude, knowing every curve that came but still enjoying the ride nonetheless?

Maybe that feeling of realization. Realization comes in like a wave and sits once everything fits. Realization can be the sweetest part of a learning experience and the worst part of a learning experience.

Maybe a feeling of calm brings on thoughtfulness. Is it the thoughtfulness of a situation or the thoughtfulness of self that chooses one's reaction to a crisis?

He spends more time thinking than thinking.

His curiosity of self and self-worth has put him in a spiral.

His interest of the creature he calls stranger is appalling.

They look at him. He looks through them. He sees them.

A heart pounding and a tongue tripping over words he doesn't know.

Alive his movements appear but Dead his eyes.

All consuming the feeling.

They look at him. He sees them.

The difference between him and them is apparent from his eyes. The difference between them and him is evident. The difference is sad.

he is less than Them.