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rhaegar dany aerys

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being anti ai is making me feel like in going insane. "you asked for thoughts about your characters backstory and i put it into chat gpt for ideas". studies have proven its making people dumber. "i asked ai to generate this meal plan". its causing water shortages where its data centers are built. "ill generate some pictures for the dnd campaign". its spreading misinformation. "meta, generate an image of this guy doing something stupid". its trained off stolen images, writing, video, audio. "i was talking with my snapchat ai-" theres no way to verify what its doing with the information it collects. "youtube is impletmenting ai based age verification". my work has an entire graphics media department and has still put ai generated motivational posters up everywhere. ai playlists. ai facial verification. google ai microsoft ai meta ai snapchat ai. everyone treats it as a novelty. every treats it as a mandatory part of life. am i the only one who sees it? am i paranoid? am i going insane? jesus fucking christ. if i have to hear one more "well at least-" "but it does-" "but you can-" im about to lose it. i shouldnt have to jump through hoops to avoid the evil machine. have you no principles? no goddamn spine? am i the weird one here?

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Absolutely insane lines to just drop in the middle of an academic text btw. Feeling so normal about this.

[ A Critical History of English Literature, Vol. 1, Prof. David Daiches, first published in 1960 ]

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Oh ok so it turns out ive been borrowing grief from the future ! it turns out ive been preparing to lose the things i love rather than basking in the light of them while they last. Maybe i should nt do that

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There's a book that we had in our house growing up that I was obsessed with as a kid. It was just called "PAKISTAN: PAINTINGS BY LIN YONG AND SU HUA" and it was an art book of 100+ paintings/sketches by two Chinese artists who travelled thru Pakistan in 1978 and 1981, a sort of travelogue of their trip, and to little-kid me, it was some of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. I have no idea why we had that book, but I would stare at it for hours, and it made me wish I could draw/paint/do whatever it was that these artists had managed to do.

Anyway, we've moved house a bunch of times and I lost track of the book and haven't seen it for probably two decades now. But I think about it now and again, and had struggled to find it over the years, but I finally, finally got my hands on a copy of my own and i want to cry haha

I was afraid that maybe the art isn't as good as I remembered, being just a kid and all, but I cracked it open and nope, it hits me just the way it used to. Maybe even more now. It's so fucking pretty. Have some random pages:

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I don’t even know which part of the series this is in response to lol but the writing is BAD and has been from episode one.

I’m watching with a good portion of my brain switched off but this characterisation does not make sense. In just the last episode I watched, Song Yimeng gets told that if it’s discovered she attempted to assassinate Nan Heng, her WHOLE FAMILY will be executed and without an iota of hesitation she says she will take responsibility??

She has pushed Chu Guihong to his doom multiple times now by forcing him to team up with Li Shilui/Nan Heng and the reasons she gives for trusting him are so stupid 😭

The drama doesn’t make her face any of the consequences of her decisions but they’re still painful for me to watch.

what the fuck is wrong with everyone

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state of you // 花城

qifrey cover redraw! because i realized what's better than drawing blorbo once is drawing blorbo four times

(no reposts; reblogs appreciated)

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Me, new to Cdramas: That character called the other character "brother" so they must be siblings

Me, a few Cdramas in: character calls another character "sibling word" NO ONE IS RELATED UNTIL YOU CALL THE SAME WOMAN MOTHER AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THEN!

Me, too many historical and fantasy Cdramas in: character calls older woman "mother" Yeah, I bet you think that. We don't draw family trees until the last episode. Probably switched as an infant or adopted or something 😒

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granted i havent read lotr since i was 13 but the way legolas joins the fellowship always cracks me up, like hes literally a prince but they sent him as a messenger to basically tell the council like "whoopsiedoodles we fucked up and gollum is gone, that's what you get for entrusting him to the party elves of mirkwood you know how we get" and he feels SO bad he joins this super deadly quest like imagine you're thranduil and you're like "hey son can you go to elrond's house and tell him we fucked up royally" and your son is like sure pops can do but then you don't hear from him for like two months so you call elrond like hey e-dog what's good have you seen my son. and elrond is like. well i dont know how to tell you this but he went on a homoerotic voyage to the most dangerous place on earth. id be so mad

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A Slightly Warm Take on Neji and his Issues

So I kinda went into into it ealier on the jj brainrot discord because some of the folks didn't see what I was seeing in regards to some stuff about Weekend Lesson and Neji. I was in The Pain and a little delirious so I'm not sure if I made any sense, but after a few hours of stewing over it I still feel like I want to talk about it. Note I haven't replayed Neji's route or Fumi's route in awhile so this is mainly based off common route stuff and what I remember from their routes. Once I work on their dedicated analysis I'll be bringing this stuff up with more thought and detail. Or maybe I'll replay the route and I'll have a completely different conclusion. It's happened before.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR NEJI'S ROUTE AND SOME LESS MAJOR BUT KINDA STILL IMPORTANT SPOILERS FOR FUMI'S ROUTE

So first of all let me put this out there. I love Neji. I think his plays are pretty solid. I do not think Neji hates woman. That's not the conclusion I'm getting to when I say "hey isn't the way Neji writes female characters a little weird" or "hey whenever Neji's plays more feminine Jeanne characters they're more cartoonish than the less feminine ones." This is NOT a Neji Cancellation post!!!

So with that disclaimer out of the way here's some of the takes I have.

Neji has Issues with Women

I stated it before and I'll say it again, I don't think Neji hates women. In fact I don't even think he even dislikes women. Dare I say, he might even respect women, which is better than a lot of high school boys! The issue here isn't him disliking women, it's his fear of engaging with women seriously. It's the imagined woman who his dad had an affair with in the back of his mind that prevents him from taking his roles as feminine Jeannes seriously.

That's not to say he doesn't know how to write Jeannes...but Jeannes are not just female characters in a vacuum. They're female roles meant to be played by boys. Neji has written these characters with the intention that they're all played by boys, from Fumi to Kisa* to Mitsuki. And some of his best Jeannes are great because of the great boys* surrounding him that inspires these characters. He takes no input from girls for these roles, and this isn't an accident. He went to Univeil partially because it's a boys only school, where he can both avoid engaging with girls and still write both male and female roles. Like, I feel like he said this in the 3rd event, but I was told this wasn't it? Again think of this as a draft version rather than a peer-reviewed product.

*The irony obviously being that one of them is actually a girl disguised as a boy, which unintentionally changes some of the characters he's written in compelling ways. Biggest example being Chicchi, a mysterious, talented and desired woman who he wrote to be played and is inspired by a mysterious, talented and desired boy. He's shocked at the transformation because he didn't realize Kisa was a lot more connected to Chicchi, giving her even more depth than either directed or written. It was a real "oh shit" moment for him, and even in the routes that aren't his I think this moment shaped how he then wrote Sissia, someone who also has a secret but still fights for their dream tooth and nail. It's interesting how for all his trouble-making the worst things he does are not out of maliciousness or even really intending to, but simple lack of knowledge. The parts where I want to shake him the most are less because of him and more because he doesn't knooooooooow....!!!

Neji Takes Inspiration From His Friends

As stated above a lot of the great Jeannes he writes are due to inspiration from his classmates. In fact that goes for all* of the roles he's written. He might be a genius, but I'd argue the real reason his stories are so compelling is because of the people he likes and is inspired by. That's why even when he "lost" his talent he was able to overcome it because of the class he constantly loves and is inspired by, and who in turn support and love him with or without his talent. Sappy as it sounds it wasn't the Genius Gene he inherited from his dad that makes his plays great, it's love. That also goes for his earnest and adorable junior Chui, when he made "I am Death" specifically for him, and even after leaving Amber he continues to want to give him things to succeed...except for Kisa, Kisa stays. That was another "oopsie" moment when he made someone for Chui who was meant to be impossible to find only to turn out they exist.

*The exception to this is...well...the roles he plays himself.

Neji Has Issues With Himself

Now to reiterate again, Neji doesn't hate women. In fact I think Neji is very aware he has Issues with women. He knows it's bad and that it interferes with how he writes and plays women. But do you know what would help with this? Neji looking inward. Looking himself in the mirror. Actually figuring out what's going on in him that makes him this way. But no! That's scary! So he ignores it.

Neji doesn't dislike women, but you know the one person he does dislike? Himself. He wants to engage with himself even less than he does with girls.

Neji and Value

This is the part I intentionally skipped in the part of my analysis about Objectification and Value, because it's a major spoiler to Neji's character. And that's the reason for him claiming this:

But people are given value just like objects sometimes. Especially in this world…People who aren’t seen to have value are in fact the ones that are ended up treated like objects. That’s why I think giving people a high value and making others desire Tachibana is quite an honorable thing.

And yeah, if you haven't guessed, part of the reason why he believes this is because of how he views himself! Neji believes the only valuable thing about himself is his talent. He thinks to be valued is good because he doesn't know how else to be loved other than for his talent. And if he loses his talent he'll lose his value, and then he'll be treated like an object to be thrown away. It's one of the reasons he's so afraid of losing said talent.

This bleeds into how he shows care for his friends. It's why he writes a story where Kanna sets up the competition to be her best friend's dance partner, because yeah its objectifying but isn't it also romantic to be fought over? And that's also part of why Neji set up the competition for Kisa's place in school. Because yeah it's objectifying but also isn't it giving his talented junior a high reputation? Isn't it good to be desired? Don't you want to be valued, even if it comes with being objectified and put on a pedestal?

If he spoke to girls seriously before this he might have understood why this could be problematic to some...

It's Neji Disliking Himself and Not Engaging with Woman Combined That Leads to...

Employee A and Domina before Mikki chewed him out. In the most "mature" stories, one about a company in the big city with grown-up problems, the other about a city shrouded in sin with adult themes, these two stand out as cartoony. Like, more cartoony than his roles in newcomers' and fall with less feminine characteristics.

For Employee A I ask you to look at this image of Employee A & B side by side. Both have goofy outfits, glasses and hairstyles, but do you notice something about Employee A that B doesn't have?

...

Look again and be real with yourself.

...

The bobs. It's the bobs! A's body is used as a joke in a way B's clearly isn't. There is an unequal amount of silly between these two. The joke is a woman's body in a way the man's isn't.

And if Neji didn't redevelop Domina into a more complex character her body would've been part of the joke too! It's thanks to Mitsuki, who for the first time accepted his role wholeheartedly instead of only focusing on the singing, being up to chewing Neji out for not putting the same amount of effort in his role. Domina still has her rocking bod, but thanks to Neji finally taken a glimpse inwards and realizing a new perspective from a girl for once (disguised as a boy who he doesn't know is a girl but shhhhh) Domina became a real star in her own right beyond the silly. You only have to watch the Intense Confession at the Confessional music video to see why Neji got silver that season. She went from a cartoonish shallow villain to being another character I'm going to scream and cry and vom over when I get to the winter analysis.

And no I don't think The Fortune Teller being a Jeanne disproves this fact, because it didn't matter whether The Fortune Teller was a Jack or Jeanne. What mattered was their sick crystal mask that could change color. Femininity wasn't even in the equation, it was all in the crystals and apricots! Plus as it was newcomers' Neji's focus was giving the freshman the spotlight, which probably made him tone himself down slightly.

It did surprise me that the Fortune Teller was a Jeanne though. Quickly had to correct my newcomers' post for that one.

And before you say it we'll get to Takihime in sec!!!!

To Be Fair It's Not Just Neji

There's other factors to the issues with female characters here. One kind of copout answer is, you know,

S o c i e t y .

Without engaging with girls seriously and directly he's left with the boys around him, research, literature and plays to give him the secondhand material needed to write Jeannes. Can you tell me a famous scriptwriter or author that didn't have a complicated relationship with women? Because I can't think of any. There's so many ways women's bodies have been used comedically that men's bodies just...haven't. And the ways they are is probably going to be deemed inappropriate by high school standards the hypocrites. And for these writers the audience or reader is often assumed to be men too. And this is set in a school for boys only, regardless of the fact that some of them play female roles. It's a wonder this place is so progressive, in part because of its unique structure. You would not have a Jeanne acting like Employee A in Rhodolite that's for sure.

The other factor is the other Jeannes in his plays. Because Neji's not the only one with Issues that effect their roles in Weekend Lesson.

There's Souchan as Kanna. In the script Kanna was still a troublemaker who spoke without thinking and dragged her friend into being competed over, but she was also fun! If Neji had the capability to both take his roles seriously and specifically take his female roles seriously I'm certain he would have been better as Kanna. But I think he gave Souchan the role in order to help his career. Which as stated in my analysis...didn't work!

Sou is clearly uncomfortable. He can't move right. And part of the reason is his lack of confidence, which translates directly to the discomfort he feels in a way that's visible to the audience. It was the same with Kisa. She became so uncomfortable in her own skin because she wasn't confident as a Jack, and kept comparing her body to her taller classmates. Sou was going through the same thing! Not just with Fumi, but with Kisa too, because he knows she's a girl! He'll never have a body like Kisa, and he'll never have a body like Suzu either, nor the talent like Fumi...he was really struggling on all sides here!

There's also...another reason, but I'm already spoiling Neji and Fumi's route in this one so let's set that reason aside for now shhhhh....

And unlike Kisa who overcame her uncertainty, Sou wasn't able to. And unlike Neji he doesn't have the obvious talent nor the eccentricity to hide behind. Because of this Kanna as a character suffered, becoming a shallower version of what she could have been. So when Sou discovers a newfound will to continue his dream in fall and practiced as Kanna afterwards, he was finally able to give her role justice.

Then there's Mitsuki. While he doesn't have the same self-loathing issues to impede his acting like Sou and Neji do, he doesn't need those issues to not do his best. Because at this moment he just doesn't care about his role as a Jeanne or even as an actor beyond his singing. The slow increase in his involvement with the class hasn't yet translated to how he engages with theater. Which is to only do the minimum of what's required of him so he can focus on singing.

In fact he was more passionate as the Cook in newcomers' than he was as Shiroma! But that was because of Kisa who willingly sought out his help and put it into motion, just like the Maiden showed gratitude to the Cook, connecting something that kinda sorta maybe made him feel something. In Weekend Lesson though most of his scenes...he doesn't even say the few lines Shiroma actually has! She was completely silent during the scene when the competition was set. Most of the time during the play she's just standing around...like a decoration. It's sad, especially after reading the script and seeing the few scenes that would've humanized her character being skipped completely.

Of course this is flipped on its head in winter. While Neji accepted Mikki's lack of enthusiasm in summer, he forced him into the spotlight in winter. Because of this the minimum effort Mitsuki was comfortable with before won't cut it, and he actually had to do some soul-searching. Skipping to the end though he did it! And part of the reason he succeeded is that he accepted Rukiora as his own role, rather than one he's only playing temporarily so he can focus on singing. He put his whole heart on the stage for the first time, something Neji never could, not even all the way in winter. He put part of his heart there, but I don't thing Neji went all the way until his own route, where when he lost his talent all that's really left is his heart.

Then There's Fumi

With three of the four Jeannes during Weekend Lessons not at their best, the only one left to take the mantle is Fumi. It good then that Fumi is the best Al Jeanne in the entire school, even stronger than Tsukasa in Rhodolite, and has the talent to stand toe-to-toe with even Chui.

You only have to look at Ando to see the sheer confidence, elegance and beauty Fumi carries with him both on stage and off. And this is a somewhat gentle role, before he really goes all out as Mary Jane. Because unlike basically all the other cast, Fumi has always been comfortable in his own skin. He knows who he is and where he stands. In fact it's not just self-assuredness, it's an unwavering determination. His body is the weapon he's sharpened since childhood, towards goals he set for himself. He has to be confident.

Plus in stark contrast to Neji, Fumi doesn't hide from himself. He knows what he wants and what he's going to do. He might act fine when he's not for the sake of others, but he doesn't lie to himself. And this transfers into his acting, putting his all and then some into every role he does. During winter he's the only one who didn't need a push from Mitsuki or direction from Neji, because he was already aware of what he was missing and actively searched for it.

Fumi's like, really cool. It's unfair how cool he is. Every time I think about him I think it's unfair how cool he is.

And this also goes for his events in his route. When he realized he liked Kisa he immediately accepted it. There was zero hesitation there. He was like "Wait I like you? Yeah...Yeah! I like you!" Zero struggle or doubt, no trying to sugarcoat it. He realized he liked Kisa and didn't fight it, and was even happy to realize it. Imagine that! Being happy to discover things about yourself.

Compare that to Neji who because of only liking himself in terms of his talent can't fully understand his feelings toward Kisa during the 4th event. Like he knows he feels something, but can't put it into the necessary words. Oh he knows! It must be love...of her talent! That's right, her talent! So he kind of love bombs her...talent to try to show his feelings. After all Kisa should value herself her talent just as he values himself? his talent! Just...completely misses the mark there because of his own lack of self-worth and inability to be honest with himself.

Not to say Fumi doesn't have Issues. He does, and is aware of them. In fact one of them relates to what Neji said about being valued. During that scene it should be noted that he never corrected Neji...he only said he should be more considerate of Soshi and Kisa's feelings. He has his own complicated relationship with being valued...but this is already too long and I haven't even gotten to Takihime!

Okay Let's Talk Takihime

Takihime was Neji's best role before this year. "But you just said he has Issues with Jeannes!" Yeah, I did, and I think Takihime is also an example of that!

Now I'm going to say firstly I loooooooove Takihime. I do support women's wrongs, especially in the version we see that matched Neji's vision the most in the game. But before we get to why Takihime succeeded while his other Jeanne haven't until Domina, let's talk about how she relate to his Issues

Takihime is a vicious, venomous woman who leaves a mountain of corpses in her wake for the sake of her goals. She used the love of a man for the sake of those goals and in the end it kills them both.

Sound...sound a little familiar?

Like the idea of a terrifying alluring woman who "temps" a man into an affair and "steals" his talent and leaves him nothing that a certain someone imagined?

The idea that a woman could cause such destruction to a country? Or a family? Isn't there a line in Sissia in Neji's route that directly compares country to family?

...

...And also the bobs if you've seen the oneshots? Yeah he has a pattern when it comes to the bobs.

So how did Takihime work? Well there's what I stated earlier: She was created for his cute junior Chui. Made especially to make him shine. So despite placing his Issues into her, he had to take the role seriously for Chui's sake. And in the process he unintentional gave part of himself into the role. It's not a coincidence that Takihime's goal is vengeance for her father.

But then it goes back to his other Issues. He was able to handle Takihime seriously...but not for long. Because the thing that made his Takihime good was also the thing he fears: parts of his heart leaking out that he was not ready to face yet. Not to mention what Chui desired out of Takihime was a vessel, someone dedicated completely to theater and himself alone. Someone who would put their entire heart on the stage. And Neji just wasn't able to do that, refused to do that. He could neither pour his open heart onto the stage nor earnestly place his heart in another's hands. So he left Takihime behind.

And the ironic thing is the Takihime that matched his vision, that was able to complete what he couldn't, was not a vessel. He poured his heart on the stage in a way Neji couldn't yes, but also he didn't do it for Chui. He did it for himself. He became a flower. He gave his role autonomy in his selfishness, gave Takihime autonomy. Takihime didn't do what she did for the Gashadoro, nor her father. She did it for herself.

I'm just so proud of this horrible brat I'm not biased I SWEAR-

So Yeah...

I think I've stated what I wanted to say. Did it make any sense? No idea, I'm still in The Pain and this is incomplete because I haven't replayed Neji's route recently enough. But as it stands this is how I feel. Neji has Issues and I think there's good reason to believe that. If you disagree tell me why! Give me the screenshots, the essays! In fact the essays are not optional, hand them over!

Of course, at the end, some of these Issues are resolved. There's Sissia. Takihime was a woman who's hatred destroyed an old country. In his route Sissia was a woman who's love created a new country. There was death, sure, and it won't be the same. The old world shattered, and new things are scary. But still. It'll be exciting.

...

Okay now here's a bad joke I can't get out of my head since I started writing this.

Me: Hey I think Neji should engage with girls seriously. Neji: Okay! Neji: *Gets engaged to a girl* Me: NOT WHAT I MEANT!

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Incomplete Draft of Tapir and Me Talk

I feel like I'm on the verge of reaching JJ burnout so before that happens I'm going to slow down my work involving this game. So no new overanalysis this week, it'll be done when it's done! When I am finished it'll definitely be posted on a Friday, the day with the most sparkle.

Until then here's what I had so far for discussion of The Dream-Eating Tapir and Me. I didn't get around to Neji's part because that was when the gears in my brain started to get jammed. I might slowly post more pieces here as I finish them instead of making you wait, but I don't want to make any promises because I don't know what my noggins gonna be like half the time.

Until then!

"The Dream-Eating Tapir and Me"

This feels like the "Man and the Sea" of Neji's work. It's short, short, very short but also I feel like I could talk about it even more than the play he's written for both newcomers' and summer combined. It's dense with implications and has room for many, many different interpretations, which is why it was a good script for the class to practice with.

Before we get to the variations lets look at the premise.

Tapirs Eat Bad Dreams

This is what's been Haunting me the most about this story. When Neji explained the premise, Soshiro questions it. Tapirs are supposed to eat bad dreams aren't they? And Neji...moves on without answering that.

In regards to the short short very short story I feel this was a very intentionally brushed aside, because it's one of the questions meant for the actors to answer. Me's dream is the most important thing in Me's life, but it also causes his girlfriend to lose her dream and leave him. Is this dream worth it? Was it worth costing her girlfriend's dream and them being together? Did Me care for his dream more than his girlfriend? Is Me better or worse off by holding onto his dream?

In regards to the story of Jack Jeanne as a whole though...dreams are what led Kisa to Univeil in the first place. Kisa didn't just dream of going to Univeil, Univeil is her dream. The reason she's working so desperately is to make sure she can continue staying in Univeil, continue living her dream. But this story about a dream being endangered by a Tapir who usually only eats bad dreams, a dream that cost the dreams of someone else and also costed them their love...It puts Kisa's dream into question. Is what Kisa's doing worth it? Is it worth the toll it could take on her and the people around her? Is it even a good dream to have?

What is Kisa willing to lose for the sake of this dream?

Just like how the actors in "The Tapir and Me" have to contend with Me's dream, Kisa's going to have to contend with what it means to carry this dream. In fact there's a scene later in the training camp that already shows how her dream takes a toll on her.

In a much simpler story none of this would be questioned. Dreams would be an unquestionable Good and should be followed at all cost. But here the concept of dreams, set in a place whose whole thing is giving students the freedom to follow their dreams, is being questioned. To really annoy my old art teacher, I'll just say I think that's neat.

Me and Tapir, "Boku to Baku"

I don't want to go "Well in the Japanese version...!!!" in these analysis because I want to base things on just what we got in the game, but since we still hear the voice-acting in Japanese I thought I'd get away with sneaking this in here.

When Neji talks about the characters Me and Tapir you'll hear him say, "Boku" and "Baku." Boku is a 1st person pronoun, so "Me." Baku is the Japanese word for both the mythical dream-eater and the animal tapir, so "Tapir." So in Japanese Tapir and Me sound much closer together. It also sounds a lot less like a mouthful than in English.

I find it interesting that none of the characters have names. And that while the Tapir is more gender-neutral as a Jeanne, Me is specifically a Jack who's dreams are questioned. This is a boys only drama school, and if you had your ears perked you may have noticed that Kisa started using "boku" for her role as Mukai last season. So by naming the Jack Me, the boy who plays them might have to contend with themselves and their dreams as I mentioned before. Me being about me, what a twist right.

Another interesting thing is that Neji specified the Tapir is specifically a gender-neutral Jeanne...still a Jeanne to Me's Jack, but whose gender isn't as important to the role...or maybe there's a reason why Neji didn't want the character who tries to eat Me's dream to only be a girl. The gender-neutral nature of the Tapir gives the actors play them room to interpret who the Tapir is in different ways.

The Girlfriend

In this short short very short play there's only two roles, the Tapir and Me...but actually there's three characters. Me, Tapir and the Girlfriend. The Girlfriend is spoken to by Me, and mentioned by the Tapir, but is never shown, and the only words she has are in the letter she left behind. Her conversation with Me begins the play, and the letter she leaves behind ends it. It's a critical role without anyone to play it. So the actors who play the other two roles need to fill this gap somehow.

Her letter is about her dream of becoming a wife, a mother, ect...There's a couple of ways to interpret this. One is that these dreams are very "normal" compared to Me's. They're simple, mundane dreams, but that doesn't make them any less important to Me's. They're the dreams she had to set aside for Me's and losing those dreams are what caused her to leave.

Another is...they're very heteronormative dreams for a female character to have. That's why I put "normal" in quotations. It's "normal" for girls to dream about getting married and motherhood. Part of this I think is that all of the Girlfriend's dreams require Me to be involved. In order for them to work she needs Me to participate in them, to share these dreams. But so long as Me continues to pursue his own dreams, hers were always going to be on the back burner. Even if Me's dreams come true that would only mean less time to be with her. Her losing these dreams are the direct result of Me.

This makes it so everything goes back to Me. Even when it's about the Girlfriend, it's about Me. Maybe in a short short play instead of a short short very short play we'd find more to discover about the Girlfriend, why she initially loved and supported Me, and what caused her to give up her dreams. Maybe giving up her dreams meant she simply thought those dreams weren't for her. Maybe she'll find new dreams. Like going to theater school disguised as a boy or whatever else girls do nowadays I don't know.

Variation Time!

So why does the Tapir wants to eat Me's dream? Who is Tapir and who is Me? And what is the Girlfriend's place in this? The stuff I pondered above are what the actors will grapple during the play, and each person has different answers.

Incidentally the variations line up with what routes Kisa might take, and the answers the different love interests come to and how they go about their role can foreshadow things that'll happen in their route. The bones are the same in that the routes all have the same plays, but the focus and tone changes for each person in the lead. But for now let's actually dig into what versions of this short short very short story we see.

Suzu and Soshiro

If Kisa thinks she wants to be a Jeanne, Neji will read her mind and pair her with Suzu. She'll be the Tapir and Suzu will be Me. When paired one of the Quartz students will comment how Suzu and Kisa really stand out, which Soshiro notably goes quiet.

Suzu's Me is full of hope and determination. He never doubted his dreams or his ability to make them come true. In his mind dreams are unquestionably good. Suzu's a simple guy, and if this story ended with just the tapir disappearing Suzu would make this a much brighter, simpler story.

But it doesn't end there. It ends with the girlfriends letter about losing her dreams in the process of supporting his. This devastates Suzu's Me. Because for Suzu the girlfriend was the reason why Me stayed hopeful. It was her support that gave him strength. So what'll happen now when the girlfriend's gone? Will Me still have the strength to continue his dream without her? Suzu doesn't have an answer to that.

Then the pairs are shuffled, and Kisa's paired with Soshiro. Soshiro's Me is immediately different from Suzu's. He's hesitant and uncomfortable. When he's telling his girlfriend not to worry and that his dreams are near, it's not because he believes in those dreams, but because he wants to comfort his girlfriend. Suzu's Me is shown to be supported by his girlfriend, but Soshiro's Me wants to be the one who supports his girlfriend. But he can't, not when he's already given up on his dream.

That's why when Soshiro's Me finds the letter, he's not surprised. In fact...he's relieved. Maybe he dreaded this scenario, repeating it over and over in his head, that when it finally happens its not as painfully. The worst has happened, and it's over. He no longer has to cling to that terrible hope. The tapir in this version does eat a bad dream. Because in this version Me's dream became a nightmare.

His girlfriend will be happier without him, and he can finally be free to let go of his dream. Me is smiling, but there's even less hope here than in Suzu's.

Speaking of Suzu this is the first time we really see Soshiro's acting. It's subtler than Suzu's, but is also more in-depth. There's more layers to Soshiro's, and Suzu is drawn to this more complex version of me, feeling like his Me is phony in comparison. We've already started to see Soshiro's envy of Suzu and how he and Kisa are good partners, but this is the first time we see this mixture of envy and admiration isn't just one-sided.

Still, Fumi makes sure to tell Suzu there's no "right" version of Me. And Kisa doesn't show a preference for one Me over the other, instead is just fascinated by how different the same story could be. Both Suzu and Soshiro like Kisa's Tapir a lot too.

Mitsuki and Fumi

If Kisa thinks she wants to be a Jack Neji will once again read her mind and partner her with Mitsuki. She'll be Me and Mitsuki will be the Tapir. While rehearsing Mitsuki ponders what the Tapir really is, and he and Kisa come to the conclusion that it could be Me himself. That's why the Tapir knows all his fears and doubts. Mitsuki's surprised he bothered to think about his role in such a way, since usually he just waits to be directed.

Mitsuki's Tapir is sharp and to-the-point. Their words are believable because nothing they say is overstated, like they're simply stating facts. It's leaves Kisa's Me without any room to argue against the Tapir.

Then the pairs are shuffled, and Kisa gets paired with Fumi. Like with Suzu and Soshiro, the difference is immediate from Fumi's first words. Then the Tapir laughs. Kisa freezes, which happens when people act with Fumi unprepared. This Tapir isn't Me, they're something entirely different. Fumi's Tapir is haunting, cruel and beautiful, and their words wrap around Me like a vice. But when Me finally declares his dreams are everything to him, the Tapir's viciousness vanishes. Instead they look sad before departing.

This Tapir wasn't a manifestation of Me's doubts, they were a manifestation of the Girlfriend's sadness. It paints the Girlfriends letter in the end differently. Even without a role, this Tapir gave The Girlfriend a voice to express her feelings before the end. And it makes me wonder; Kisa's Me couldn't fathom what the Tapir was until the end...did he ever really know his Girlfriend?

This version has so much intrigue and emotion...and was also completely adlibbed by Fumi. Because it turns out before the shuffle his Tapir was actually the same as Mitsuki's! He changed it up on the fly to make things more interesting. Mitsuki caught onto this quickly, showing off his observation skills. Fumi's ability to recreate such an intuging Tapir also gives us another glimpse at how powerful an actor Fumi is.

Kisa thanks both of her talented upperclassman, which Fumi happily accepts while Mitsuki brushes it off thinking he didn't do much. Could Mitsuki feel a little bashful at being complimented hmmm....???

[odetoalibrary]

i immediately disregard any analysis of Alicent from a strictly modern view point. Alicent can’t be a conservative or a “woman for Trump” or a pick me because she does not exist in a world where women have the same rights and freedoms of men, she is a woman in a quasi medieval society operating within this societies constructs. “Alicent seeks male validation” oh you mean from her father who owns her? and her husband who owns her? and her son who she is forced to have and then forced to rely on because as a woman she cannot own land or wealth in her own right? no shit she does, as does Rhaenyra and Rhaenys because despite having the illusion of freedom, something Alicent doesn’t even have, both Rhaenyra and Rhaenys are beholden to the men in their lives, Rhaenyra to her father and Rhaenys to her husband.

even those who are sympathetic to Alicent still cling to this idea that if Alicent just sided with Rhaenyra then her life would be so much better but respectfully that is a crock of shit, Rhaenyra wouldn’t do anything for Alicent or help improve the standing of any other women because just like Alicent she is out for her own livelihood and the livelihoods of her children, that is the priority for both these women so why is Alicent always expected to put Rhaenyra over her family? Alicent never had the privilege of a women support other women mindset because she needs to look out for her self and because so many people refuse to look at Alicent outside of their modern lenses they think she deserves to be humiliated and punished simply for doing what women had to do for centuries. to me it proves that they never bothered to engage with her character critically or with the actual politics of the world.

[odetoalibrary]

Person with migraine aura today: Ow ow ow my head hurts and all I can see is TV static :(

Nineteenth century doctors describing migraine aura with the manic horror of a lovecraftian horror protagonist:

At first it looked just like the spot which you see after having looked at the sun or some bright object; I thought it might be an eyelash in the way, or something of that sort, but I was soon undeceived when it began to increase…

When it was in its height it seemed like a fortified town with bastions all round it, these bastions being coloured most gorgeously... All the interior of the fortification, so to speak, was boiling and rolling about in a most wonderful manner as if it was some thick liquid all alive. (Hubert Airy, 1856)

[odetoalibrary]

A spoon's only objective in life is to make soup go upwards, and it knows this. That's why when you put one under a running tap it blasts the water way high. The spoon thinks there's suddenly TONS of soup to deal with and it freaks out.

[odetoalibrary]

[odetoalibrary]

Yang Zi further expands her business universe and goes from flowers in flourished peony to ink in this one. And I will be watching.

[odetoalibrary]

it’s crazy to me that people pretend that there was no clear difference between snow at the beginning at tbosas v. the end. this is not the same boy who doomed sejanus by sending that jabberjay to the capitol. there was a clear moral decline throughout the book!