ohdamnthatsrandom-blog

[ohdamnthatsrandom-blog]

My Lady

Hello again,

Last night I was laying in bed with my beautiful girlfriend right next to me. She was asleep and I was watching the office. 

Let me get this out of the way. I love this woman. She is amazing and although we are both young I firmly believe we will marry later on. Yes, she is the one for me. Now back to my thoughts.

It was a night like any other, I was horny, she wasn’t. She will hint that maybe later we could do something then when that time comes she is just too tired and sleep is first on her list. I get it, she isn’t in the mood and I have never pressured her because I just care too much. I can tell when she isn’t in the mood and I feel like shit when she does something for me and I know she didn’t want to. So it is better for both of us when we just do nothing. 

Sex or sexual activities are not everything. I never said they were and most of the time I just wack one out during the day that way whether we do or don’t do something at night it is ok and I don’t feel like I am pestering her before we go to bed. And maybe that is the problem or at least the reason why I need to write this out instead of ball it up. Most nights I feel like I bother her by bringing up the idea of a sexual activity. I know it is not the first thing on her mind. It rarely is. It would be awesome if she was more inclined to be sexual around me. That sounds weird, I’m saying that it would be cool if she wanted to do it more, with me obviously, but it isn’t the end of anything that she isn’t that way. Non of any of this changes how I feel about her. These are not flaws just her personality and I love her too much to allow these personal notions to get in the way of our relationship. That doesn’t mean I neglect my thought. However, when I bring things like this up, because I am comfortable communicating with my lady, she likes to think I will leave her and start crying. I just prefer to work through our things than ignore them hoping they go away. 

I feel like an ungrateful kid. Like she doesn’t give me enough. That is not the case. She is amazing and thoughtful. So caring and always wants the best for me. I lover her. I love her and want to be better for her. I don’t want to keep pushing a subject I know she doesn’t like that much and I think I am getting better. Writing it out definitely helps. It lets me see what I am thinking and adjust my own thoughts instead of letting them run my mind. 

Another thing that scares me is how aggressive I feel I am toward her. Again, don’t exaggerate what I am saying. I don’t hit her, or abuse her in anyway. I couldn’t imagine anything like that. This woman is my world, I treat her better than I treat myself. It is just that recently I have been more playful, probably because we aren’t having sex as often anymore, and active around her. The problem is that anytime I try to pick her up or give a little toss or gentle push on the bed, something for her hurts. Her head one day or her toe another. Things I’m not even touching. Part of me thinks she just doesn’t see in that sexy way she had before. The other part of me thinks that I have no outlet for aggression so I become too forceful around. I just don’t want to be pushing her away or for her to just not be interested in me anymore. There are personal things we are working through together and I think when all that clears up we will be better but I won’t know till that happens. 

Again, I love this woman. Nothing she can do to make me love her less, I just hope she feels the same. There was one more thing I wanted to touch on but it has slipped my mind. Honey, if ever you read this, I love you very much and we will work though anything, if so you choose you want to :)

Thank you for letting me vent, it is honestly good therapy. Hopefully I can bring some more light hearted content soon. We will see where my mind wonders next. 

- Willie

[ohdamnthatsrandom-blog]

My first Entry

Well hello. This officially marks my first Blog post and thanks to the movie Julie and Julia I have some excitement built up.

It is Labor Day today and I am enjoying the day off. I feel a little weird doing this but I type fast than I write so it makes more sense than a diary. Maybe that’s what this is, a diary. 

Well hello. Welcome to my public diary. I can’t wait to tell you about my crush and who is into who.

Jokes, there are jokes. I am just having fun.

I woke up today a little later than I wanted but that probably means I needed the sleep. I spent most of the day playing Lego Star War with my girlfriend(I am a straight male). It was fun, I enjoy the game and split screen has become better since the old PS2 days where the characters were basically glued together but they needed to change it with how open some levels are. There are things I like and don’t like about it but that is for another day. 

I failed to call my mom again today and for every day I miss I know I drop farther down the list of favorite children, thankfully the worst I can get still qualifies me for a medal. By the way I will probably be using an alias as well as not using other’s actual names since I don’t trust you guys yet. I like that I talk like people are listening, we will see how long that lasts. I ate pasta for dinner and have some delicious banana bread to finish it off. Then I came here and started typing my life into a post.

Have a nice night Tumblr, I’ll see you when I see you.

-That one guy Willie