onemillionspiders

[onemillionspiders]

ALEX HIRSCH PLEASE

[onemillionspiders]

whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair

[onemillionspiders]

"I don't want to die a virgin!"

I do.

I want historians a thousand years from now to dig up my skeleton and be like 'woah, this person was how old? And was never breached? The self-restraint! The commitment to the bit!" Then they'd make me the patron saint of Virgins everywhere idk, move over Mary.

[onemillionspiders]

art by @niochemblyat

[onemillionspiders]

I've been thinking of the "Can Granny Weatherwax beat Bugs Bunny" question and this is my full take for Discworld characters:

Vimes - Cares too much, too easy to piss off. Has the innate chase instinct that makes characters run into walls with realistic tunnels painted on them. Might get to arrest Bugs Bunny but the beast will just slip out of the handcuffs to help him lock them, then walk out of the jail cell to have a union mandated coffee break.

Ridcully - Classic hunting season scenario, but has enough charisma to probably still get a few good shots off before the inevitable.

Rest of the wizards - No survivors, only Bugs.

Carrot - The intense near-magical narrative aura of well meaning innocence should make him immune, Bugs will likely be forced to be the villain of the episode.

Lord Vetinari - Flattened by a comically large anvil in the first few minutes of the episode, unclear if it was all a part of his long term strategy or not.

Moist - Has the 'lovable trickster getting away with it' energy, but nowhere near Bugs level. Already fell for the "old lady who swallowed a fly" scenario with the stamp slugs once, won't fare any better here.

Death - Definitely one of those "character is trying to avoid death" episodes, would go back and forth. Might actually get to end Bugs but his spirit will reappear in Death's domain and ruin his garden.

Nanny Ogg - The ultimate in anti-Bugs technology, a gleefully annoying old lady who doesn't give a fuck and definitely won't be the first to instigate the plot bearing conflict. This is a full sweep, he's the episode antagonist.

Granny Weatherwax - Too win-motivated to not lose. Would have to break the story to have any chance. Might do it.

Magrat - Will have sappy ideas about helping the poor animal which honestly has the 50:50 chance of either getting slapsticked or Bugs ending in a ye olde stroller&pacifier gag.

Colon&Nobby - Designed in a lab to be totaled by Bugs Bunny.

Tiffany Aching - A child that also has a large pan that is the perfect thing to hit someone over the head with and make a BOIOIOINGGG sound, so great odds.

[onemillionspiders]

The Lady of Shalott is an 1842 Arthurian poem about a lady who is cursed to remain confined within an isolated tower, weaving on her loom. She is forbidden to look out her window, and is only able to see the world through the shadows that appear in her magic mirror. One day, however, she turns away from her work. This poem was also turned into a song by Loreena McKennit.

[onemillionspiders]

i think one of the best parts about being a teenager in the early to mid 2010s was that cigarettes were definitely not cool anymore and vapes hadn’t popularized yet so my lungs made it out of my peak impressionable years relatively unscathed

[onemillionspiders]

i would be a kittypet all the way in the warrior cats universe. if i heard a bunch of guys were in the woods killing each other for survival and they think i'm the lame one for getting mediocre banquets i would be like you guys are stupidd and then when the thunderclan medicine cat comes by my fenced lot to pick yarrow i would be like what are you doing and shes like medicine so my clanmates don't die and i'm like wow you guys really have it that rough. and she keeps encountering me and one day i'm like why don't you come inside there's plenty of kibble and she averts her eyes shyly and is like ...no that would be against starclan and i'd go To have a little kibble? and she's like You know what i mean. and i do. 5 moons later she is getting adopted by my people and visions of her ancestors still haunt her and she is from time to time like Did I do the right thing...? how could i be so selfish...? and i'm like my toy mouse squeaks

[onemillionspiders]

Mother and child training longsword in Chile, at the Centro Esgrima Histórica

[onemillionspiders]

[onemillionspiders]

Finally got this thing mounted! I’m so happy with how it looks! 🍊🍊🍊

[onemillionspiders]

on their clit like morse code

[onemillionspiders]

New medieval peasant cultural exchange post. Medieval peasant shows you the real night sky and you light on fire and explode.

[onemillionspiders]

losing it bc Saga went to get us lunch and tried to type “you got sprite, boss” and sent this instead. you got a spore. Bitch

[onemillionspiders]

happy lottery day girlies!

[onemillionspiders]

I fucking hate it here