onggiavu

[onggiavu]

I suppose it's that time again

Once a year I come back and I think "Wow. Yahoo really destroyed this place, and didn't think to perform CPR."

And then I start going through old posts likes and chats, and while I got most of the people I wanted to on other platforms I still wonder occasionally about the rest. If y'all are still a mutual, I hope you're doing well

[onggiavu]

I need to watch Ratatouille. I’ve never seen it before and right now, at 2:30 AM I’mma watch it, dammit.

[onggiavu]

[onggiavu]

I really be out here

returning to tumblr whenever I go through heartbreak.

[onggiavu]

Oof.

Been a while, Tumblr. Not sure if returning. Cleaned up a lot of stuff here. Not sure who most of the people I’m un-following are, with different names and pictures. 

Ho hum.

[onggiavu]

and i finally learned

not everyone you lose

is a loss.

[onggiavu]

when I was younger, I used to think true love was tumultuous and intense. but now, I feel like real love is gentle. passionate in a soft, sweet way. not fireworks and drama, but a love that’s like coming home, the breeze on a still summer day. a balm to the aches of the world.

[onggiavu]

you are not unloveable just because people have treated you poorly

[onggiavu]

hardest thing to learn during recovery is….. some of your misery is your own fault. you have to actively choose to stop wallowing in your own pain & start to recover. that means stop being self deprecating, start taking care of yourself, start eating healthy, start taking your hygiene seriously, even if it’s hard. & it is hard! but you must.

[onggiavu]

i’m the person who’s 100% down for spontaneous adventures but also 100% down to lay in bed all day. i’m on both ends of the spectrum

[onggiavu]

It’s a miracle we ever met by Hallie Bateman

[onggiavu]

remember this show where this one dude had to guess what is he smelling and he put his nose into someones asshole and went “smells like ass” and the commentator went “correct” and this dude did the funniest expression ever. wheres that gif

[onggiavu]

I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself.

Sara Quin (via wnq-anonymous)

[onggiavu]

“Never apologize for burning too brightly or collapsing into yourself every night. That is how galaxies are made.”

— Tyler Kent White (via bnmxfld)

[onggiavu]

An Ode

I wake up and everything still feels a dream. My mind flips through thoughts- scattered pages, tucked away for later, and then sorts itself tidy like a ream of paper. I curse, as my regret whispers “Do you feel any safer?”

I stare, stone-faced, at the cashier as I glance over at my vices. Ice cream. Alcohol. Smokes. The exception of Water. I curse again, as if it would give my mind any less bother. As though I could ignore any empathy, As though my mind wasn’t steadily and heavily exercising its’ right to be an enmity towards me.

I ring my mental Department of Labor and ask how long it’s occupying its chamber. “I see.” At least today. Tomorrow. And the week after. Months later.

After this break-up, I sit in my room, no longer wishing to wake up, I put down my clothes, lay up my clean pair, and I attempt to switch off my mind’s wailing. My heart stays on. Click. ... Click. Click click click click. I try, knowing the failure.  Two days after a break-up, I know. I’m my own jailer.

[onggiavu]

Waking up and feeling a pang of emotion...is...it’s like your heart being drunk. And instead of feeling heavy and stomping with your feet, you just feel each thump of a heartbeat as its’ beating reverberates throughout your body.

[onggiavu]

“i’m sorry that there was always a storm in my mind, even on the sunniest of days, im sorry”

— E.S., things i wont say to him (via la-m0rt)