ookogami

[ookogami]

HOLY SHIT

[ookogami]

Original artist: るいぽ 

Source: http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=manga&illust_id=60097733

[ookogami]

Original artist: ちば

Source:https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/67497328

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[ookogami]

i told u everything. i told u my problems i told u my successes, u were my light. u were the person i would run to before even my parents. so what happened? why did u decide to take advantage of that and think ill agree with everything u say. im not a child, i am a minor and way younger than u but dont treat me like a baby u need to hold hands with. i am old enough to make my own decisions and i am old enough to have my own beliefs. my life lay in ur hands, i felt like u were the only person who understood me. i really thought we got along so well. u understood my crazy hyperfixation w g*ntama, u understood it so well. u understood my love for ginhiji, u understood it better than i. so why? why did u have to ruin things with one ship? i havent watched g*ntama in three months bc of u. i hate tsukuyo and hasegawa for no reason bc of u. its starting to affect my other loves too. i love free, so damn much, but the ships. i hate characters for no reason bc of ships. everything is ruined, why does my brain work this way? why cant i ever stop thinking? why do i always have to overcomplicate things? its so FUCKING hard writing and thinking ‘i sound like [ur name]’ when my friends are talking i cant help but say ‘thats something [ur name] would say’. WHY, why, why, why? why are things like this? why do i have to suffer this way?

[ookogami]

x

[ookogami]

when i was younger maybe 3 years ago i played minecraft hide n seek mobile a WHOLE lot and i had this friend named maddie she was from texas and we were so close we were like best friend status. and i had a CRUSH on her and it was mutual but i was dumb and never confessed until after she got a boyfriend

at first she was with this guy name jake and we were friends. then they stopped being a couple and she got with this 20 y/o guy named george (we were around 11 maybe at the time) and i was so—shocked??? like this is a 20 y/o and we’re, like, children...

so anyways. i dont know if they ever broke up. i stopped playing because the ipad i used is old and destroyed.

if you played mc hide and seek mobile, live/lived in texarkana, and your name is maddie, if you ever read this, know i miss you so much. i never forgot about you and i probably never will

[ookogami]

callout post.

ive met so many great people on this website, friends, funny mutuals...

you however, are not one of them.

i’m surprised you haven’t wondered why iven’t responded to your message yet.

well, you see here, you’ve ruined my life. it’s all over now. i can’t look at things the same and it’s all. your. fault.

for christmas i was so excited to play gintama rumble on my new ps4. until realizing tsukuyo was a playable character. no big, right? wrong. i’ve always disliked tsukuyo from the start and i just simply said to myself ‘oh, well, i’ll just not play her unless the mission says i have to!’

it was easy then.

then, it came around

your fic.

now i’m a dumb 15 year old who has a lot of “hyperfixation” and so whenever i am in a fandom i’ll never shut up about it for at least several months or so. before jojo, it was all about gintama! gintama, gintama, gintama.

but now that hyperfixation has slowly declined and now it’s jojo. which i am not upset about, but i miss when gintama openings and endings would hit different and i’d read ginhiji doujins all of my spare time.

school was not easy. so...

ginhiji = my happiness

i bottled it all up and tossed my worries away everytime i looked at ginhiji. it was my love.

then you tell me, aaand i quote, “as much as i wanted hijigin be canon, but the reality is gingawa is canon.”

gingawa?

what the fuck is gingawa?

and what i wanted to say was, ‘no surely, that’s a misunderstanding, correct?’

but the only words that uttered onto the keyboard were:

“i guess.”

no, no, right? april fools?

it’s only january.

and so, i thought, and i thought, and i thought and thought and thought until...

the hasegawa prosecution arc.

the arc i’ve been stuck on for 2 months.

*sigh*

not your fault that i overcomplicate things, but your fault for saying those things to me. didn’t i tell you how much ginhiji meant to me? i did, didn’t i...?

and then you go on and on about how the gintsu part of your fic is amazing and wild and a change for once and in that same fic you...kill off my favorite character. and yes, its a fic, and i’m used to it because of jojo but...

really?

...

i haven’t enough courage to block you, or unfollow, or soft-block, or send this to you.

and i’ll never muster it.

so i wait, and wait, and wait.

until i can change.

but for the past 4 years, i’ve never changed.

i’ll always be the stupid, loud-mouthed, hyperfixated brat i am.

and that’s okay.

i’d rather be me than pretend any longer.

and this was my calling.

[ookogami]