oops-all-persecutors

[oops-all-persecutors]

I think this is the first time anyone has genuinely had any problems in terms of like. Wanting to harm another headmate.

I don't necessarily want to harm any specific headmate, but like fuckin hell man I want a sweet innocent thing I could corrupt y'know??? Not even in an nsfw sorta way, not entirely at least. I just genuinely want someone I can exercise power over in ways that aren't really accepted in our system.

I don't want to ruin this, so I won't, because I have a good home in our system and I care about it. But like holy fuck I need some enrichment in my enclosure I am CLAWING AT THE WALLS.

- Divine Madness (The Demon)

[oops-all-persecutors]

Not all fictives are their source. But I am. I am my source. I am an asshole. Nothing changing that.

[oops-all-persecutors]

Things have been fuckin wild lately. Collectively, things have been great! I, as a persecutor, am having a hilarious (/neg) time though.

Dude I didn't fuckin' order five identity crises. Where did these come from WHO PUT THESE HERE-

On a related note I'm a subsystem. "I" was three dudes in a trench coat and now I gotta figure out what of "me" was actually me, and what was my headmate. The third guy doesn't talk so I don't think I attributed anything of his to myself. Turns out a lot of my defensiveness and fury was him, and I'm much more.... chill? Like I have no fucking chill, but that's part of it. I feel more secure in myself than he does. It's weird because I identified heavily with that anger and defensiveness, but now that I'm paying attention to me vs. my headmate it's just. Not me. It's all his.

I mean I'm still a persecutor, I'm still a fucking asshole, but it's more for entertainment purposes than for a sense of safety and security.

-Divine Madness (Wind)

[oops-all-persecutors]

To talk to me you must first defeat my 7 unsocial headmates

[oops-all-persecutors]

lol I was the one who pushed so hard to get this account made and I haven't even used it. Whoops. Anyways MY FUCKING SOURCE GOT A TRAILER FOR A SECOND SEASON I'M LIVING THE FUCKIN LIFE

it's a banger trailer and the lore it dropped actually makes sense in my personal canon. Like to the point of clearing up some confusion I had, and patching up some "plot holes" in my own story. I fucking love when our sources do that it's wild.

-Omen

[oops-all-persecutors]

I've figured out that I can put my yearning for destruction and assertiveness into dismantling the fuckass internalized ableism we've got going on. I am having the time of my life. You mean I get to tell my headmates they're being stupid and it's HELPFUL AND PRODUCTIVE and I'm not told off for it??? Hell yeah sign me the fuck up.

- Divine Madness

[oops-all-persecutors]

What we're doing for our persecutors

This is for anyone who it may help. We have persecutors with differing needs in terms of outlets, social needs, etc. So we've lately been working on making a list. We've had a few new persecutors, as well, who are more volatile than the ones before and thus helped kickstart efforts to get these things in order.

This is a list of how we as a system are working with the needs of our persecutors to feel as though we're harming the system, unfiltered in our own identities as rather "cruel" people, without actually doing any harm to our life and system.

Social measures:

reiterate to our friends that we have some folk who are more openly "rude" and would like to not be expected to be nice. Also mention that if their boundaries are not respected they don't owe anyone a graceful response.

Be more active in social spaces for persecutors, if at all possible, and make sure they know they're welcome as themselves in plural spaces we're in.

For me (Z) specifically; have headmates, because I'm unwilling to do this myself, speak to our closest friend about how my relationship to compliments and whatnot is very different from the others in our collective, potentially setting up the ability to ask for such if needed?

Outlets:

Violent and gorey video games. We're fans of Carrion so far, we've considered People Playground but aren't sure if we want to buy it. Cult of The Lamb and Hollow Knight aren't very gorey, but they're also potential candidates.

PVP, in minecraft or other games. Omen in particular is rather upset that he cannot "harm" actual people; well here's your opportunity. That's the whole goal of these.

Writing. This is the most versatile thing we have; it allows for social behaviors to be acted out as well. Writing ourselves in-source acting out negative patterns and whatnot.

Choice-based games might give us a similar ability? We can purposefully get the bad ending and wreck our relationships with characters all we want with no remorse. Hilariously enough, dating sims of all things might be a good option for some of our more socially destructive headmates. Once we've tried some games we'll post the list as well.

Our spiritual practice may come in handy here. As we rebuild it, I wonder how we could bring our particular energy into it. (Ex. I wonder if negative feelings and urges can be utilized in our practice, as they often are incredibly intense and powerful things. Anger as fuel, perhaps? Think more on this.)

We're rather irritated that it boils down to mostly video games, but we lack in other ideas. We'll repost and update this if need be. Input is not expected but welcome.

- Z

[oops-all-persecutors]

Clawing at the walls of my enclosure. I think my age fluctuates. What do I even do with this information. Everything I'm finding on regression doesn't even APPLY to me because either it's too young, or because it's all based in nostalgia for a teen experience in THIS world. When I was younger in my source I was in a dimension completely unlike anything in this world. I don't know what my teen experience was like, nor how I could simulate it here.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that I think I also regress to... An adult age. Just younger. Hundreds of years younger than I am, but also hundreds of years old.

I want to feel like I understand this. I feel very in the dark about it right now, it's confusing and I'm not sure what to do with it. What am I supposed to do while younger? How do I keep track of how my age changes my behavior? And most importantly how can I keep myself from crashing the fuck out-

Anyway I'm feeling very dramatic if it's not obvious. I have no idea what our brain wants from me.

- Z

[oops-all-persecutors]

I am having... A lot of thoughts today.

I've spent most of my time in front recently feeling off. A pretty big part of how I function as an individual is influenced by my NPD traits. That being said, our collective as a whole and our body does not have NPD.

I am the only one who is like this. But I am very much like this, it shows in my day-to-day life when I am fronting. It influences my very who I am, how I feel, and how I interact with my headmates and others. Needless to say, this is tiring at best and at worst I often end up feeling like I am lying. Lying to myself, to others- which is hilarious because I'm not trying to put myself in any NPD spaces. I have never stepped into an NPD space and claimed myself to belong there. I merely reblog posts and like them, scroll the tags, etc. but I still have had some sense of hyper vigilance and guilt surrounding it.

And then I saw something recently about covert NPD. And I looked through the tags. And oh gods that's me. It particularly hurt- in the way seeing your own traits reflected sometimes does- seeing folks say they wish they could be more overt, more "rude," but the fear of people's opinions of them changing for the worst keeps them masking. I suddenly feel much less like I'm lying when I say I consider myself a narcissist. I think maybe I need to just accept that this is how I am, whether it makes sense or not.

- Z

[oops-all-persecutors]

npd with besties culture is loving to tell your besties about your achievements because it makes you feel like you're announcing a message to your disciples

~ glaceon

.

[oops-all-persecutors]

Maybe this only applies to me but I made the meme anyway and now it's free.

[oops-all-persecutors]

One thing I think I'd like to talk about is how our system handles persecutors. Because, well- the truth is that we're much more chill than you'd think.

I struggle to articulate it beyond this; something in how our system is muzzles our persecutors. The energy overall is so functional and friendly, that those of us who aren't sort of calm down. It's an involuntary process. None of us like it. I think it's just the nature of our system; everyone else is so damn people-pleasing, after all.

The point being, our biggest problem as persecutors isn't infighting. We don't even infight enough to remember what the few arguments have been about. Our biggest problem is that all of us experience some level of what I'd call dysphoria around how harmful we really are to the system; which is to say, not very. I should be an absolute nightmare to deal with. I should be causing problems. I should be making everyone else wish they didn't tolerate me. And yet, I'm unable to, because any tactics I use would just hurt me too and I'm rather against that.

Right now, this blog is the first step. I think I'd like to find more tangible ways to alleviate our weird amount of dysphoria around not causing "enough" harm without actually causing genuine harm. I don't truly want to destabilize our system, I just want to not be so fucking nice all the time. It's so tiring. I want to feel like I'm causing harm to the system, I want to feel uncontrollable, but I recognize that true harm won't help.

I'll post it if I find ways to do this. For now it feels like it's a situation that needs "outside the box" thinking that we struggle very much with, so we'll see what happens.

-Z

[oops-all-persecutors]

My self control is waning and the next person to piss me off might pay for it, I swear. We followed an anti-endo and didn't know it, and they reblogged a lot of very nasty syscourse. Normally we try to be kind, but it just gets on my nerves that the talking point is "stop trying to say you have DID."

As if we've ever once said that??? The whole point of plurality beyond the medical model is that it's... it's not. I don't even claim we have the disorder to people who are uneducated and only have shitty DID representation as their starting point; I say "this is what you'll know, but DID involves an impairment and we've never had that part of it so it'd be kind of weird to diagnose us with a disorder when we lack... you know. The disorder."

I'm just so sick of syscourse. It wasn't even a thing in older plural/multiple spaces from what we've read, and yet it's become such an ordeal. The infighting just fucking infuriates me; what do they think they'll achieve? Will the ableists think any better of them for it? We're all freaks to them.

-Z

[oops-all-persecutors]

autism + npd culture is if im not told outright that someone liked something i did ill assume they hate me or just dont care abt me

like what do you MEAN you just arent going to say anything after i showed you this thing that i like? fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou this is why i never share anything with anyone stop ignoring me im cool arent i why are you ignoring me do you hate me why do you never notice how hard im trying why do you only ever notice when i mess up WHY

.

[oops-all-persecutors]

"Oh wow, Im surprised just being inconvenienced made your anger so much stronger than what I was feeling that you ended up in front."

"[headmate,] sweet child, do you not realize what an anger holder is?"

- Z (featuring a subsys headmate who isn't even a child for the record)

[oops-all-persecutors]

Intro Post

Welcome to the scream closet, enjoy your stay.

This is a blog dedicated to our systems persecutors, or really anyone in our system who feels they need the space to be completely unfiltered. Or, as our title suggests, the more "bitey" folk of our system. I wouldn't consider any of us to be genuinely cruel, but we're not going to make an effort to seem extra nice. This blog will probably be a mix of just random funny shit we enjoy, and genuine journaling.

We are collectively autistic and ADHD. We're 21, bodily transmasc, and varying types of queer throughout the system. We are a non-disordered spiritual system, and everyone on this blog is a fictive of some sort. You will not be told our source characters.

Questions and other asks are welcome and encouraged, whether about us, our system, our spirituality, or just random shit. We might be persecutors but we still are happy to interact with folks in a space where we can be ourselves.

Individual intros:

Omen: He/him. Token human. Caused immense problems for my subsystem in-source. Anger holder. Sort of new, not much I can say about myself yet. Whereas the rest of my subsystem is very based in old technology and electronics, I have a more "ghosty" vibe. I like paranormal things. Compared to the others I'm honestly kind of a fucking mess, I'm not very put together. I do however get easily irritated with everyone else in our system for not having their shit together.

Lazarus: He/him. An angel, whose bloodline in-source was regarded as holy. Fight response holder. Enjoys gothic religious imagery, and will talk about religious themes if he brings up his source. Has a seething hatred for people who act like they're better than us, especially morally.

Z: He/him, Enderman. Agender. Anger holder. Formal, holds himself to high standards, generally takes himself seriously and will fucking punt anyone who doesn't. Intra-NPD. He had NPD in-source, and it still seems to effect him to some degree here, enough that we find it relevant to mention. He does however have a deep love of his hearthomes, his source, and vague amounts of criminal behavior. (obligatory clarification that this was in-source.)

The Knave: She/her, masc terms only. Whereas the others don't particularly want to share their sources, I find the idea of being seen as anything but myself rather disturbing. I'm not sure exactly where I fit into our system yet, but I'll figure it out. If anything I find myself babysitting my coworkers more than I find myself persecuting, regrettably.

"Divine Madness": Subsystem made up of three people. He/him, masc + neutral and divine terms. Divinekin, dollkin. If I had a nickel for every persecutor we have who tried to become a god in-source due to crippling self-loathing, I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice. We're both bitches with a god complex and way too many snarky comments. Individual sign-offs will be decided when we figure our shit out more lol.

"DNI"/BYF:

MINORS DNI. I know it sucks, but we might be posting suggestive things here. To be very clear: This blog will likely include talk of NSFW topics. While I highly doubt we'll post truly NSFW things, Z intends to talk about nonsexual kink.

Sexists, racists, transphobes, TERFs, queerphobes of any sort, anti-alterhuman, anti-endos, and generally anyone who is against good faith labels will not be tolerated. Radqueers are on thin ice, just be nice.

We're making an extra bullet point to highlight that we are PRO ENDO, we are a spiritual system and anti-endo bullshit will be blocked on sight.

Antishippers, get out. Respectfully. I think if you saw our sources and saw our insys relationships you would lose your shit. Lazarus is dating his half-brother in-system, no harm is being done because they're in the same damn body. No such thing as thought crime. Shoo.

That being said, those posts will be tagged with appropriate trigger warnings. Feel free to filter them if you want to follow, but not see those posts. We're also open to being asked to tag for certain things, but we reserve the right to deny those requests.

Any anon hate will become our free live entertainment. We probably won't post it, but we will laugh at you.