opaloona

[opaloona]

Mark Scout and Helena Eagan are sad, flawed, lonely people who believe they don't deserve love, but Mark S. and Helly R. are proof that love and light shine within them all the same. Mark S. is happy, he cares for people, and he's funny. He knows nothing of Mark Scout's pain. And he's found love. Likewise for Helly R. The solace they have given themselves down there on the inside will make its way to the outside. It just takes time. Mark Scout and Helena Eagan are sad, flawed, lonely people who believe they don't deserve love, but they're wrong. Given time, love has the power to transcend barriers, heal old wounds, soothe aching souls, and foster self-acceptance. Love provides solace and rewrites the self-narrative.

[opaloona]

Of course Mark S is behaving more like Mark Scout and Helena Eagan is behaving more like Helly R as time goes on and vice versa. This is exactly what you would expect to happen in a story about people getting in touch with their authentic selves and becoming who they really are. They're starting the story like this 🧍‍♀️ 🧍‍♀️ but by the end they're gonna be like this 🧍‍♀️ and that's what we call a narrative.

[opaloona]

It’s interesting how Helena covers up the bruise with makeup and buttons her collar all the way up and Helly washes it off and looks at it and unbuttons her collar

[opaloona]

Zach Cherry as Dylan George in Season 1 of SEVERANCE

[opaloona]

it's so sad that the innies think the outies have all this life and freedom that has been denied to them and meanwhile mark is a depressed alcoholic who lives only in dim lighting, helena cuts eggs in pieces so small the fork shouldn't be able to lift them to her mouth, dylan and gretchen's marriage is desintegrating, all irving has is black coffee and black paint and the black hole of vengeance that wants to swallow him whole... it's just so fucking sad they have the physical means to reach for and grasp all the happiness denied to the innies and they still can't. they're too damaged to. they've drawn a chalk circle of hell around themselves and they never step out of it. the innies' lust for life is the only thing that will help them break the cycle. we can't, we can't, i'm ready, we can't, i'm ready, i'm ready, i'm ready.

[opaloona]

[opaloona]

dom gemma sub helena

[opaloona]

knight oc

[opaloona]

I don’t think Helena really has an identity at all. Like I don’t think she’s ever been given the opportunity to form one so she doesn’t really lie in any space in terms of identity she just occupies whatever space makes her feel safe. Sometimes that’s a masculine space sometimes that’s a feminine space. Sometimes it’s be serious and emotionless and sometimes it’s be jokey and fun. If you asked Helena what does she truly want to be and what does she want from her life and who is she truly at her core? I don’t think she would have an answer. I don’t think she knows. She’s never had the opportunity to examine it.

[opaloona]

can I come over and look at you like this

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[opaloona]

Foie Graphics

[opaloona]

It hurts my feelings so much that the kittens don’t ever want to cuddle with me, even though I play with them every day. Jared has admitted that he almost never plays with them and they always want to cuddle up with him. Earlier I had been telling him how much I missed having a cat that wanted to cuddle up with me, and then in the last hour they were trying to cuddle with him. I told him I wanted them to come to me and that I couldn’t pick them up or else they’d go to him and he was like “just try it” and so I did three times. Everytime they jumped out of my arms and ran back to him.

So I left them be, even though it made me sad. Eventually they looked at me like they were interested in cuddling, and started to walk up my legs on couch like they were going to settle on my chest—only to turn and try to get into his arms.

So I said I was tired and went to bed, bc I knew I was about to cry.

I try so hard and they just don’t care about me. I just have the tough part of raising two kittens. I don’t have the love and companionship. Just the responsibility and the stress.

It makes me miss Cassie so much that it physically hurts. I miss her so much more than I did back in January before we adopted the kittens. I think about her everyday.

So much of the process of raising these kittens has been grieving my best friend.

They don’t love me like she did. It fucking stings. I don’t know when I’ll feel that again…if ever.

[opaloona]

Azuki Furuya — The Three Graces (acrylic, oil, mixed media, on board, 2024)

[opaloona]

Severance Text Posts 29/?

[opaloona]

Maybe my way of thinking about the innies vs outies isn’t how the show intended it to be interpreted but tbh I don’t think that the innies and outies are different people in any significant way.

Like people say “Helly is who Helena would’ve been if she hadn’t grown up as an Eagen” but like I don’t think that’s true. I think Helly is the way she is specifically because of who Helena is. When Helly first wakes up, her personality is immediately front and center. She does NOT act the way Mark and Irving were expecting her to, which kind of freaks them out. Helly bangs on the door, initially refuses the survey, shouts to be let out, throws a speaker directly at Mark’s head, etc. etc. Helena is the one who developed that personality throughout her life. The difference is that Helly isn’t making a conscious effort to control herself to try to live up to the role that she is supposed to fill.

If the innies truly were different people, then they would start out as completely blank slates and develop a personality from there. The innies and outies would be like twins separated at birth, similar in appearance but entirely different people with personalities formed through their different lives. But the Innies and outies demonstrably aren’t entirely different people. Their personalities are consistent. Dylan loves his wife as both an outie and an innie. Irving longs for connection with Burt as both an outie and an innie. Mark grieves Gemma as both an outie and an innie, although he doesn’t know what it is when he’s an innie. The real difference is only what specific knowledge they have available to them. The difference in knowledge between innies and outies is what shapes the differences in their behavior.

the innies aren’t the outies minus their life experiences, they’re the outies minus the conscious memory of their life experiences. But their lives in the outside world absolutely shape who they are both in innie and outie form, because they are one person. At least that’s how I view it anyway.

[opaloona]

"helly and helena have homoerotic tension," i say into the mic. the crowd boos. i begin to walk off the stage in shame as a voice in the back of the room speaks. "they're right!" it says. i turn and look for the voice. it's britt lower.