otterlylostthesequel

[otterlylostthesequel]

It was a blast to work on with three talented writers. I loved every moment of it. Thank you all for working with me!! You were fantastic. <3

Fanfiction collab: both of him

@becomingabeing and @nuandia and @otterlylostthesequel and I collaborated on a FirstKhaotungJoong fic. Chapter 1 and 2 of 4 are up, and we plan to publish the rest on Sunday and Wednesday.

Here it is:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65468857

Relationship tags: First/Khaotung/Joong, Joong & Dunk

Rating: E

Warnings: None

Tags: Porn with Feelings, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Found Family, Inspired by Real Events, Happy Ending, Threesome, Dom/sub Dynamics, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Miscommunication, Eventual Throuple, Masturbation

Summary: 

Joong knows he’s too much for some. That his constant need for attention and touch can be too much for some. Even Dunk had trouble getting used to it at first. Khaotung and First are private people. He wasn’t sure how they would feel about him.

So far, they have welcomed him with open arms, every time.

It’s just this: When First and Khaotung kiss at the karaoke, they kiss each other. When they eventually go home, they go together. And Joong watches them leave.

—

After Joong posted his legendary “I love both of him” edit, four fanfiction friends decided that Joong needed to be babied, bedded, and bossed around by his two favourite phis. This is the result.

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First Line Game

Rules: List the first lines of your last 10 published fics and see if there’s a pattern.

Hehehe, swiping from @nuandia

Billie (Only Friends, SandRay, E)

(Taken from the last chapter posted) “Nick won’t be home until later tonight and I’ll be leaving around four to set up at YOLO for the night.”

2. Distracting Irritant (Original Fic/Thai RPF, Fluke P(as Jet)/Luke(as Yai), M)

Tracking down Joke had been a week-long process that Jet had hated at every turn.

3. Slain Monster (Original Fic/Thai RPF, First Kanaphan(as Saint)/Khaotung Thanawat(as Joke), M)

The office smelled metallic and sulfuric, a combination of fresh blood and gunpowder.

4. Something Different (Original Fic/Thai RPF, Fluke P(as Jet)/Luke(as Yai), T)

It was well into the morning when Jet and Yai finally reached their shared bedroom, happily cleaner than when they initially arrived at the manor.

5. Twenty-Seven Stars Maybe (Original Fic/Thai RPF, First Kanaphan(as Saint)/Khaotung Thanawat(as Joke), T)

“Is it really okay for you to be by yourself like this, Khun Boss?”

6. Succulents and Maps (Original Fic/Thai RPF, Fluke P(as Jet)/Luke(as Yai) and First Kanaphan(as Saint)/Khaotung Thanawat(as Joke), T)

The mansion in the grey dawn was unearthly quiet when the three of them stumbled into the opulent foyer as some writhing mass of legs.

7. A Trapped Rat (Original Fic/Thai RPF, Fluke P(as Jet)/Luke(as Yai) and First Kanaphan(as Saint)/Khaotung Thanawat(as Joke), T)

It had been kind of a fuck up.

8. Starshine (The Eclipse, OC(Dao)/OC(Pearl), T)

"Are you sure you want to hang on to this, Dao?”

9. I Understand Him More (The Eclipse, AyeAkk, T)

The incense made Aye sneeze and his nose burn. 

10. Bad Reason (The Eclipse, AyeAkk and Aye&OC(Dao), T)

The wedding ring glittered in the middle of the low coffee table.

That was fun and interesting. xD Anyone is free to do this. <3 I don't really have anyone to tag, per se, but if you see this and do it, feel free to @ me so I can look at yours!

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Reblogging again because I found it in my bookmarks and it made me cry all over again.

Hello :))

By the time I finally comment on the last chapter of Sunrise, Sunset I will probably have forgotten that I made a kind-of-meme, kind-of-fanart thingy, so here goes:

(i think it's just worth celebrating ;))

The way I both laughed and cried at the same time. I couldn't decide which one I wanted to do more!!

Yes!! Akk did it!! He made it past August 18th. ;o;

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Handling an addiction. Part 2.

About actual changes.

tw: mentioning of drug abuse, suicide attempt, sexual assault

In part one we discussed how Ray’s main circle is actually more damaging for him than helpful. Thank you everyone for your responses, it means a lot. Today we’ll discuss the if not positive but more hopeful approach towards Ray’s addiction and why I do believe there are (always) chances for him to get better. I want to talk about the one person who potentially has enough influence to start this journey. But firstly I’ll talk about one person who can provide Ray support towards it.

Sand. The very first thing that differs Sand from Ray’s friends is timing. Remember this scene we haven’t got yet? I have no idea what’s that about but I do find this phrase very interesting.

Ray is absolutely wrong to blame Sand for whatever is happening in his life - the thing that addicts do often, by the way (and this is understandable and I am not blaming anyone thank you) - but he’s ironically right about one thing. Sand steps in his life when Ray is at his lowest. The worst since, probably, two years ago suicide attempt. Ray replaces the cause and the effect - it’s not because of Sand his life is going down to hell, it’s a coincidence that Sand appears at this time in his life. 

But this is why it’s probably easier for Sand to recognise Ray as someone who desperately needs help. He wasn’t there while Ray was slowly going down. He appears when Ray is already here. 

The thing is, it’s actually a bit too early to discuss how Sand handles Ray’s addiction. The whole drama will start when (or if, but my bet on when) they start a relationship. And of course Sand will make mistakes - we all do in any topic but especially this one. It’s a normal human thing. But Sand has very important qualities - he has empathy, compassion and he catches quickly on both verbalize and non-verbalize information.

The start of those two was pretty rough - Sand called Ray a spoiled rich brat - and this is, well, because Ray is a spoiled rich brat - a burden and he didn’t think highly of him. He continues this approach till this moment

But after Ray says this, Sand immediately understands that something deeply wrong and traumatic is happening here. And after that he stops with rude language, he shifts on harsh, but compassionate words. He still calls out Ray on his behaviour - in the music store scene and later in hospital. But his approach is very different from their earlier communications.

The same thing is with alcohol. Sand spends a noticeable part of the show unintentionally supporting Ray’s habits. He was hired as his drinking buddy, that was their start. He probably understood since the beginning this is a bit alarming, but it was not his place to deal with it. The big shift happening after this conversation

And while it doesn’t happen immediately - they have a party right after that - this is changing Sand’s approach once again.

So for now we have only one example of Sand handling the addiction problem Ray has - that’s why I said it’s not enough. But this example speaks volumes. He is, once again, compassionate and understanding. He doesn’t judge or blame Ray for his addiction, but he doesn’t forget his mistakes. He is very careful in his wording.

Here, very important moment: Sand doesn’t say “I ban you from alcohol forever” - because he understands it won’t work. He says “You need a rest and let’s try to hold on for a bit, just until you feel better”. He gives Ray an opportunity to not drink for some time without a very scary “forever”. Just for this one. 

And this is very good thinking. Because while it works for everyone differently - some people prefer to quit once and forever, some people do it step by step - we’re talking here about a person who doesn’t want to quit yet. And temporarily limiting him is the best chance you have.

For now Sand is doing a very good job at building a support system someone with addiction needs. But this never - never - works out until Ray decides that he needs help. This never works out until Ray makes a decision to start working through it for himself.

Ray. The thing I desperately need for people to understand is: nothing will make a difference for him until he himself makes a decision that he wants to heal. Until he wants it not for Mew, or his dad, or Sand - for himself. We had a beautiful conversation about some of this with @twig-tea here - and one of the topics was about the difference between someone who knows about problem and want to heal and someone who ignores it. And for Ray this is not even about him understanding he has a problem - because I believe he does, at least on subconscious level. 

He said this to Sand

and wording speaks volumes. He knows that addiction was (part of) a reason his mother died. He also said this to Mew

and this to his dad

so he is capable of drawing a parallel. He knows he’s doing the same thing she did. He understands that his substance abuse is dangerous, he has an experience with his mom ruining her life because of that.

But he is also trapped in a very harmful pattern. A pattern where it’s way easier for him and his surroundings to ignore a problem. Both Mew and Cheum tell him to stop on several occasions and his answer is always “Yeah. I know, whatever”. For now they do it just for check, he answers just for check also. Those conversations I believe happen a lot but they never have an actual meaning. And then when Sand calling him out on his addiction Ray does the same thing he does all the time.

He brushes it off like something not really important because he is used to it. And because it is way, way easier to do. Ray is not only an addict, he is also suicidal and while I can’t make diagnoses I think he is depressed and he is so on his self-destruction journey. 

And those conversations running around about how Ray needs a wake-up call? He had a lot of them already.

As far as we know he was:

Waking up in some stranger’s place thinking he was sexually assaulted and robbed;

Attempting a suicide;

Risking his (and everyone else) life while drunk driving;

Charged for this drunk driving;

Almost arrested for drug possession and use.

And the truth is? He doesn’t care about this, because he doesn’t care about his life or wellbeing. He doesn’t need one big dramatic wake-up call. What he needs is careful and consistent conversations about his situation. What he needs is someone to tell him again and again and again that he deserves help. That he doesn’t need to be a perfect or even good person to deserve it. And maybe, maybe it will work. And only then the therapy and rehab and whatever tools exist will work. 

And two more words about the rehab thing. This is something literally everyone wants for Ray as soon as possible. No matter how people approach his character this is the one thing everyone agrees on. And while I also think that rehab is something he needs, as much as therapy, I know it won't work for him right now. 

Because to forcefully put someone in rehab is one of the worst things you can do. Rehab is not some magical place that automatically heals an addict. Rehab is a support tool - same as therapy, or AA, or whatever is right for a person (cause everybody is different and some things work for some people but don’t work for others). Again, until it’s something Ray wants and chooses for himself - rehab is almost 100% useless. The chances that Ray being put into rehab by some external forces - his dad - will relapse in the first month after getting out is very high. Rehab for him right now would be be a fucking torture. And a pointless one.

Rehab, or therapy, or Sand’s or anyone’s support - all of this is very important and needed, but those things don’t exist in a vacuum. For them to have an impact Ray has to want it for himself. And this is such an incredibly hard thing to do. This requires a lot of self work and a lot of strength. I can’t express how much I hope for him to get to this point. 

But I do understand that he's not there yet. And while I know how exhausting and frustrating it is - I want people to remember that for him it’s so much worse. He is the main victim of his disease. Have compassion. Have patience. Don’t forget that he is much more than his addiction. But don’t forget about it either. 

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Handling an addiction. Part 1.

Cause oh we need to have this conversation

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, and I won’t pretend to be. This is based on my personal experience as someone who is/was in several relationships with people who struggle from different forms of addiction. I want to clarify that I do understand all characters and while I’m going to critique them I do not blame them. The very important thing to remember is that it's a very complicated topic and there is no clear right answer to it. Let's keep in mind that any conversation about any difficult topic is always mostly one-sided and it's impossible to talk about everything once. This is about addiction and only about it, but all characters are way more then that one topic. Are we good now? Let's go.

So, let’s talk about Ray’s addiction and how people in his life are failing to handle it. 

The most important thing to remember is: addiction is a disease. By definition of most medical associations all over the world. Addiction is not a personal choice. And while it doesn’t excuse Ray’s behaviour throughout the show, it explains it. And this is a big difference. Ray as a character is much more than just his addiction, absolutely. But his addiction is a huge part of who he is and how he behaves and we need to constantly remember about it.

This conversation begins every week after every episode. Most people who seem to understand the complexity of his situation are also people who have a lot of sympathy and understanding towards him, and this is great. There are also a lot of people who feel towards him mostly annoyance and desire for him to stop without understanding why he can't - and this list starts from characters in the show. It’s, again, understandable. It’s also the worst thing you can do towards someone who struggles from addiction. 

So let’s start from Ray’s friend group and we’ll go from the least harmful to most harmful characters’ behaviour.

Boston. Yeah, shockingly, I know. But the fact is - Boston actually has the best-ish (from the worst so it’s not a high ground here) approach towards Ray’s addiction. And why? Well, cause he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t pretend to do. Boston is way far from the good support system Ray actually needs but at least he never judges Ray for his habits. He won’t help him, sure, but he won’t damage him harder (well, he is, but on a different topic).

We don’t actually know a lot about this friend group dynamic outside of their current drama and one episode happened two years ago. But we kind of can assume (cause Mew said it twice - in episodes 1 and 6) that Boston at least on some level was periodically responsible for taking Ray home. Which is really weird for me, by the way, cause both times Mew said Boston will take care of him Boston was also drinking. Not on Ray’s level, but still not in a shape to drive. But whatever. 

Don’t get me wrong, Boston is a shitty friend. He’s the one called Ray a burden in episode 1 which led to Ray rushing out.

And he intentionally targets Ray more than once towards the show about Mew, which is absolutely harmful and not helpful (can we talk about the weird obsession Boston has about Ray and Mew having sex? Like dude relax, nobody cares. Well, Top does).

He is absolutely not someone you want to have in your support system while trying to heal (not if Ray’s trying but we’ll get to that in part 2). But at least he is honest about not wanting to handle an addict. And the truth is: no one in this friends group wants to. And it’s fine, actually, more on that in a minute. But oh the level of hypocrisy the other two have.

Cheum. So, I truly don’t understand what the show is trying to tell us with this one. It’s either a clear critique on the hypocrisy people tend to have towards addicts or an attempt to show how addiction ruins not only people with it but also their surroundings. And if it’s the second one then I have a problem with how it’s shown.

There is a gold rule of cinema: show, don’t tell. We are told more than once that Cheum and Mew were actively trying to stop Ray. But what we’re actually shown is way different. The thing is, they are college kids. They drink a lot. They party a lot. And if we see this group all together they are either in university or drinking (except for the iconic pool scene). And specifically Cheum seems to get drunk pretty often. So while we’re told they tried to help Ray we’re shown only how they actually (unintentionally!!) support his behaviour or ignore it. And what should I think?

I think that they missed the point when Ray’s habits became an actual addiction. And I understand why - it’s a very easy thing to miss. I think that before his suicide attempt they did’t notice his mental struggles. I think after that they were shocked and scared and they didn’t know how to handle it so they chose to ignore it. This is a very common reaction and it’s understandable. 

The very important moment to remember is they don’t owe Ray anything. They can choose to help him and support him or not to deal with it. Handling an addiction is so hard and frustrating and exhausting for every participant. And if they choose to not get themselves into it - it’s normal. It doesn’t make them bad people, as choosing to help doesn't make somebody a better person. It’s a choice and every choice matters.

But if you make this choice - be true to it. Don’t play the “I tried to help you but you don’t want it so it’s on you” card. People with addiction didn’t choose to be that way. But people in their lives? They have an actual choice. No one will judge you if it’s not for you (at least normal people won’t). It’s honestly way better than staying only to constantly remind an addict how bad he is - he knows it already.

The thing I have to say to Cheum is - go away. It’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Don’t lie to yourself or Ray. Tell him (in very careful way) that you are tired, that you can’t handle it, that he needs help you can’t provide. Or stay, but do your research and prepare yourself to long hard work. But don’t continue to constantly drink with him to then be surprised why he can’t get better. Cheum is absolutely not responsible for Ray's actions. But she is responsible for hers. 

The one time I was almost agree with her was that scene.

Because bringing drugs was a very fucked up thing to do - Ray puts at risk not only himself but the whole group and he deserves to be called out on that. But. She continues to put all the blame on Ray - the thing she does the whole episode and it’s just frustrating as hell -  forgetting about Mew. Mew, who actually has a lot of responsibility in that situation.

Mew. Well, he does the worst thing you can imagine to do with a person like Ray. I get it, he’s hurt, I totally understand why he does what he does. I don't think he intends to hurt Ray. But.

Mew forgets a critically important thing here - can you guess which one? - right, that Ray is an addict. Mew can do all this stuff and be fine afterwards. It is always a risk that he won’t, of course, but his superiority complex tells him he’ll be fine. And I also think so - I mean, he's a young adult, he can try partying and drinking and drugs and be totally okay after.

He can turn back. Ray can’t.

Mew did help Ray in his worst moment that one time two years ago, and it is worth remembering. And after that Mew tried his best to distance himself from Ray’s struggles - again, understandable. He was trying to talk with Ray and while it was really bad - I still give him the benefit of a doubt. He is young, he’s not a specialist, he didn’t do any research and he thinks it might work.

But a moment he decides to let loose he turns to Ray for help. Because Ray will never judge him - both cause his idolisation and cause it’s not his place to judge, he does all this stuff himself. And this is absolutely terrible. I’m sorry, but it is. Mew, the same as everyone else, doesn’t owe Ray his help or time or support. But while it is not necessary for him to help Ray, it is a necessity to not actively - and this time intentionally - support him in this.

For Mew everything happening is episode 8 is a journey, a new experience. For Ray it's a fucking relapse.

He knows Ray is an addict. He just doesn’t care at the moment. But it can be so, so dangerous for Ray. Mew started this spiraling down journey, but it’s Ray who will end up at the bottom.

And for everyone who says Ray is also an active participant - he is. But he is not. He has a disease. And he gets in a situation where a person he idolises, his favourite human being, finally doesn’t judge him. Instead, Mew supports him. Mew wants to be like him. Can you imagine even a possibility where Ray in this situation says no? It’s impossible, not in the state he’s in right now.

And this is why I critisize this friend group. This is why they deserve to be criticized. Because this is a depiction of how these things work in reality too. You don't have to help him. But the least thing you can do - if you deside to stay in his life - is to have a compassion towards him and don't get him worse.

In part two I will talk about Ray’s current state and of course about the one person who kind of does the better job here - and why Sand is able to do it.

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tay & the gay otters (requested by @wjmild)

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Reblog if reading someone else’s fanfiction has helped you get through a hard day

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🍴🍴🍴

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https://fkersmeme.dreamwidth.org/

imagine the kink meme if Only Friends had aired during LJ era

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Only Friends: Ray's Feelings for Mew (Mistaking Gratitude for Love)

This is just the first of many things I want to address from this episode. Episode 4 really helped clarify to me what Ray's feelings are towards Mew and why it's extremely difficult for him to let go. The way this was narratively framed was so beautifully done.

Ray's wish to repay Mew

Ray's feelings for Mew are complex because they're partly fuelled by admiration and respect for his character, but overwhelmingly driven by gratitude. Ray attributes Mew to saving his life. For pulling him back from the brink. That's something he's never going to forget. It's also the reason he'll be eternally grateful. There's no means by which he can ever repay Mew, and therefore his form of appreciation is by offering love. Mew deserves his undying loyalty and support.

The thing is, Ray may be mistaking that immense outpouring of gratitude for love, because he's not able to differentiate the nuances. Having felt unloved for most of his life, it's unsurprising that Ray may interpret care and concern as a form of love. Mew has said things such as, "I'll never abandon you", "I'm always right by your side" but he didn't mean it as a partner, but as a friend.

Mew wants what's best for his friend. He wants Ray to find happiness in someone who is right for him. He doesn't want Ray to continue pining after him when he doesn't and can't return his feelings. He's very transparent about that. He gives Ray his full blessing to seek someone far more suitable.

But Ray has effectively trapped himself in a box because no one is ever going to compare against the person who saved your life. No one can meet that extraordinary standard. So Ray is completely unable to see anyone else as worthy in his eyes.

(!) I really appreciate that we get a deeper explanation for why Ray had to take Mew's call last episode. Because he made a promise that if Mew ever needed him, he would answer. No questions asked.

Sand teaches Ray an important lesson

The heart-to-heart in the guitar shop really highlights just why Sand is such an important influence on Ray. When Ray encourages a scolding, Sand doesn't take the bait. Because doing so is not going to teach Ray anything. Sand wants Ray to understand why his behaviour is hurtful..

Sand patiently explains that if you truly appreciate someone, you have to care about their feelings. You can't act on your own desires. Those around you do not exist to complement your every whim and will. Should you expect such a thing, you're taking them for granted and prioritising only yourself.

This lesson can be applied in direct response to how Ray treated Mew. He tried to kiss Mew without his consent. Mew is clearly not okay with this, and yet Ray still acted on what he wanted.

If you disregard someone else's feelings, (especially someone you supposedly care about), that's not true love. Love should be selfless. Love means wanting the best for someone else, regardless of your own motivations. If Ray truly cared about Mew, he wouldn't be trying to make a move on him, especially considering he now has a boyfriend.

This is also a really unfair position to put Mew in. If Ray continues to ignore Mew’s boundaries, he’ll be forced to distance himself and he doesn’t want their friendship to be the sacrifice. This is why it’s so incredibly essential that Ray listens because he risks losing Mew altogether this way.

Just because someone is willing to treat you with kindness and grace, does not mean you should exploit that. Ever. And this is one characteristic where Mew and Sand do share something in common. They are patient with Ray. They make concessions for him but when pushed, they will school him on right from wrong. A higher tolerance doesn’t mean there aren’t limits.

When one door closes, another opens

Ray begins to realise that the position he's always held for Mew in his heart is not necessarily the same that Mew has for him. And it's a difficult truth to swallow, but it's the first step to respecting the other person's wishes.

"But right now, I don't think I'm that important to him anymore." Sometimes we can be reluctant to let go of feelings for someone, because doing so means leaving behind a version of ourselves. It's a form of loss.

I think what's stopped Ray from fully accepting this sooner, is because he hasn't understood that saying goodbye to those feelings doesn't mean he's losing Mew entirely. Neither is it a betrayal of that gratitude. Regardless of what role Mew now plays in his life, that won't change that Mew did for him in the past. Mew is still willing to be his best friend if Ray is open to accepting that instead. He now seems ready to try.

Ray once again notices Sand's presence. The 'poor boy' t-shirt hanging in the bathroom, which alike Sand has somehow ended up along with him, and hasn't left since. The immediate next scene opens with Sand saying "just try". This represents the meaning Sand brings to Ray's world. 'Just try to take a chance. Just try to understand. Just try to be more open-minded. Just try to be more considerate. Just try, and people will see your sincerity'. Sand is opening up the world for Ray, to see things from a different perspective. A world of possibilities beyond just Mew.

Whilst being blindsided by his feelings for Mew, Ray hasn't allowed himself to see what's in front of him. Someone whose wandered into his life, who is worth his time and attention.

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now that you've already stepped into my life...

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I find it really telling that the ones who are actually boyfriends are the ones who have the least compatibility, while the ones with the lower status have the most.

Like, Top and Mew don’t even like each other as people. Just an idea. Top likes the IDEA of Mew. And Mew likes the IDEA of Top. But Mew keeps insisting Top be someone he’s not and then Top keeps lying about who he is and then Mew believes that lie. Their whole relationship is a performance. They are the two characters with the least personal chemistry (not sexual chemistry. But it’s also like they’re deliberately putting the breaks on that too since Mew is reading more and more Demi/aspec to me)

Then we have the one step down to the Friends with Benefits, Boston and Nick, who are a lot more compatible but also create façades to a lesser degree. Boston reminds me of a cheaper knockoff version of the Nevertheless kdrama guy. He keeps telling Nick he isn’t interested in something more while also peppering him in domestic pecks and sniff kisses while giving pet names and cuddles and words of encouragement similar to one’s spouses give. Like Boston wants the freedom of no strings attached just for HIM, but needs Nick to feel smitten and in love and devoted for his own ego. So he plays boyfriend anytime he feels Nick slipping away while never allowing the label to stick. Meanwhile, Nick is literally surveilling him. They’re more aware of each others true selves, but they also perform.

And the one with the lowest status, Ray and Sand as just ‘bed friends/one night stand’, are the ones who have the most authentic relationship out of all of them. There are almost no lies between them. And they don’t dole out affection as a way to manipulate the other into thinking they are someone or feel someway they are not. They give affection because they want to. They don’t give affection when they don’t. They’ve seen the worst sides so they don’t pretend that they don’t exist.

And I don’t know. I just think it’s neat!

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Top's Playlist Songs Meaning

Our dear director Jojo Tichakorn of the ongoing Thai queer series "Only Friends" has created Spotify playlists for characters in the show. He's started with two characters: Sand and Top. Being a choir dude and music enthusiast myself, I've decided to summarize my personal take on the meaning of each song on the playlist. I plan to do this for all the characters if Jojo keeps making more playlists. This summary is for Top's playlist, while Sand's is still in the works.

Here we goo..

Heartless - The Weeknd

In "Heartless," the singer is super honest about his life and how he feels. He calls himself "heartless" because he acts like he doesn't care about anything. He talks about how he dates different women without really caring, and how he uses drugs a lot. He knows this lifestyle isn't good, and he wants to change and be better. He mentions a person from his past (possibly ex-lover) who might help him change.

THATS WHAT I WANT - Lil Nas X

Lil Nas X sings about wanting love, but it's hard for him. The music video shows him falling in love with a guy who turns out to be married to a woman. In the end, he's alone. The song is about wanting real love and how difficult it is for him because of his situation.

Best Part - Daniel Caesar (Ft. H.E.R.)

"Best Part" is a love song where the singers are thankful for each other. They compare life to a movie and say that the best moments are the ones they spend together. They say how important the other person is to them using simple comparisons like coffee and sunshine. They end by saying it's okay to tell each other how much they love.

Boyfriends - Harry Styles

"Boyfriends" is a song where Harry Styles talks about ow partners sometimes treat each other badly in relationships. He sings about how boyfriends can take their girlfriends for granted and lose interest after a while. The song tells the story of how relationships can get messed up, and both people can't let go even if it's hurting them.

Lost - Frank Ocean

In "Lost," Frank Ocean sings about a woman who is deep into the world of selling drugs. He's worried about her and wants to help her, but he also depends on her for money (because he’s her employer). He calls her "lost" because she's stuck in this dangerous life. So conclusively, it can even be argued that part of the reason that she is “lost” is because the singer himself does not have the wherewithal to release her from this lifestyle.

Thinkin Bout You - Frank Ocean

"Thinkin Bout You" is about a person thinking a lot about someone they like. The singer feels confused because they don't know if the other person likes them back. They ask questions about the future and whether they'll be together. The song is about having strong feelings for someone even when things aren't clear in their relationship.

About You - The 1975

In "About You," the singer talks about a special time he had with someone. He really liked this person and felt a connection with them. Even though they're not together now, he still remembers them and feels like a part of him is missing. Some people also think the song might be about drugs because of the music's trippy feel.

Sleep Well - d4vd

"Sleep Well" is a song about being there for someone, even when they're asleep. The lyrics suggest that the person the singer is addressing might be afraid of sleeping, possibly because they are afraid of their dreams. The singer wants to comfort them. He admits he's not perfect but still believes he's good enough for them. The song talks about their relationship's ups and downs, focusing on their strong feelings now. The chorus repeats the idea of being there for them, even when they don't realize it.

Drunk - Ed Sheeran

"Drunk" is a sad song about someone who's struggling with a breakup. They use alcohol to forget their pain, but it doesn't really work. They miss their ex a lot and wish they could go back in time. The song talks about how they feel empty without their ex and how they're trying to cope, even though it's hard. They know alcohol won't fix everything, but it helps them deal with the pain temporarily.

White - Odd Future (Frank Ocean)

"White" is a song that makes you think about life. The lyrics talk about feeling confused and lonely, like things aren't real. The singer sees trees talking, which shows how messed up their perception is. They remember dreaming about storms and feeling lost in the dark. The chorus talks about love and how it's hard to understand. The song has sad feelings about life and how things can change.

Hold On, We’re Going Home - Drake (Ft. Majid Jordan)

"Hold On, We’re Going Home" is a sweet song about love. Drake sings about how he can't stop thinking about someone special. He wants to be close to them and promises to be with them no matter what. The song encourages them to hold on because they're going to be together. It's about staying strong and not giving up on love. The song ultimately speaks to the power of staying with someone through the tough times and persevering together.

Faithful - Drake (ft. dvsn & Pimp C)

"Faithful" overall is a song about being loyal and trusting in a relationship. The song has different parts where different people talk about their various perspective. Pimp C talk about how he's changed and doesn't want to be around fake people. Drake talks about wanting his partner to know the real him, not just the nice version. The chorus says they both want success but promise to be true to each other. Drake's verse talks about the insecurity and jealousy his partner experiences when he is with someone else. He assures her that their physical connection is strong and that he wants to fulfill the promises they make to each other through their conversations.

Provider - N.E.R.D

"Provider" is a song about a guy trying hard to take care of his loved ones. He faces money problems and does risky things like trying drugs to make money. He even takes dangerous jobs like driving trucks at night. The song expresses the importance of providing for loved ones and the sacrifices one must make to do so.

When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars

"When I Was Your Man" is a song about feeling sorry for not treating a past partner better. The singer regrets not doing more nice things when they were together, like buying gifts and going to parties. He admits he was selfish and now wishes he could change things. He hopes she's happy even though he can't make up for it now.

BadBoy - LAZYLOXY (Ft. MAIYARAP)

"BadBoy" is about someone feeling replaced by a cooler person in a relationship. The song talks about how the protagonist feels hurt and confused by this change. They used to be good-hearted but now feel rejected and unappreciated. They want to stand up for themselves and move on from the toxic relationship.

TLDR - So What the Heck is Going on With Top?

In the playlist, Top seems like he is/will be going through a lot of feelings (wow the dude has feelings!). There's heartbreak, where he's feeling really sad, and introspection, where he's thinking deeply about things. Nostalgia is also there, where he's remembering the past, and he's searching for who he really is and trying to connect with others.

My personal take: He's your regular rich college boi/kid who's lost in life and doesn't know what he actually wants. Possibly he might be dealing with drugs too based on the many songs in the playlist that talk about drugs/have some drug elements in them. And he definitely will go through some shit and heartbreak that will make him want to change himself.

What About Him & Mew?

Let me put it out here, based on the songs in the playlist: I think they're most definitely are gonna break up at some point, and the possible cause is Top fucking up (possibly his hookup with Boston got found out by Mew). And he will regret it a lot, he will regret not treating his "past lover" better.

Whether they will get back together or not is not addressed in any of the songs in the playlist (yet, Jojo might add more songs later).

Correlating this point with some specific songs: Top and his significant other (Mew) had a deep and meaningful connection at some point ("Best Part"), but the relationship went through challenges and ended with emotional turmoil ("Heartless," "Lost," "Faithful"). Top still thinks about their “significant other” and might even regret some aspects of the relationship ("Thinkin' Bout You," "When I Was Your Man").

My thoughts...

Honestly Top is my least favorite character in the series (yes, personally I like Boston more than him), but Jojo creating this kind of playlist is honestly a fantastic way of showing the audience how Top, the Top-Tier rich and seemingly perfect and extremely annoying dude, is not just a one-dimensional villain character. He is actually a multifaceted individual with his own issues trying to navigate life.

Just like what First said in his character interview; the characters in the series aren't just good or bad, they're more like regular people with different sides to them, just like people in real life.

He's still an A-Grade asshole though

Okay, that's it, thanks for reading! See you on my next post.

[otterlylostthesequel]

Hello :))

By the time I finally comment on the last chapter of Sunrise, Sunset I will probably have forgotten that I made a kind-of-meme, kind-of-fanart thingy, so here goes:

(i think it's just worth celebrating ;))

The way I both laughed and cried at the same time. I couldn't decide which one I wanted to do more!!

Yes!! Akk did it!! He made it past August 18th. ;o;