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Mission 4: Daylight Astronomy

February 4, 2018 | 9.30 am to 11.30 am.

They say you can't see stars in daylight. They are wrong. 
If you look closely with a good telescope, you can see many stars. 
Armed with a telescope, I stood opposite the Hole In the Wall Cafe in Koramangala, Bangalore…showing stars to anybody curious enough to know what I was upto. 
While most of my time was spent aimlessly looking at the sky, I also cleaned the telescope multiple times, looked back up at the sky, peered into the telescope, took bull***t notes...all while keeping a watch out for people who might be interested in my type of amateur stargazing - Daylight Astronomy.

The highlight of this mission is definitely the auto rickshaw guy who spotted the camera and looked straight into it! Cracks me up every time I think about it.

(Telescope by: @vinayax)

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Mission 3: Make India Grate Again

26 Jan 2017 | 10 am to 12 pm.

Dressed in saffron, white and green, three of us hoped to amuse people outside The Hole in the Wall Cafe, Koramangala, Bangalore by grating coconuts, cheese and carrots in full public view, while claiming to “make India grate again.” Some people laughed from far away, as usual.

Close to 9 people came to talk to us and asked us why we were doing this. 
There is a simple reason for doing this and there is an important one. 
The simple reason is that it will probably make some people laugh (it did, which makes us ecstatic).

The important one is… we’re exercising our right to freedom and the right to expression, because the Constitution that was brought into effect today allows us this freedom. 

There’s another reason why this had to be done. Today we also did our own version of Amar Akbar Anthony. I was born Hindu. Meraj is a devout Muslim who went for afternoon prayers after we parted for the day. Vanessa was born into a Hindu-Christian cocktail family that makes excellent cake for Christmas. We came together, participated in something silly, laughed a lot and even had pizza together. What was the meat on the pizza? That is none of your business. 


Hoisting the flag and singing songs about the country’s greatness is a good way to celebrate Republic Day. 


But it is not the only way. 


Happy Republic Day to you too!


All images by @vfabulist. 

[outstandingcomedian-blog]

Mission 2: Khayaali Pulav

Sunday Jan 7, 2018 |  

9.30 am to 11.30 am (Hole in the Wall) 5.30 pm to 7.30 pm (MG Road)

This morning, I set up shop on the footpath opposite the Hole in the Wall Cafe in Koramangala. I boiled fake rice, cut non-existent vegetables, wiped imaginary onion-tears, stirred make-believe pans and pretended to sell khayaali pulao.

Highlights of the mission:

1. The mainest main highlight is that I got a gig! Saveen from Punch Tantraa is doing the Bengaluru Laughter Carnival this evening at Rangoli Art Centre and I can set up shop next to the ticket counter! (The video is from the evening show)

2. The other main highlight is that a lady thought I was selling actual pulao! Lady: I don’t think you can do this here. Me: Why? Lady: Do you have permission? Me: Permission for what? Lady: For what you are doing? Me: What am I doing? Lady: Whatever. I don’t have time for this. *walks away*

A few others came to talk to me, in couples or groups of three. I shaved, goddamit. I don’t know why they still have to be scared of me!

3. One of them asked if I need an assistant! I said ‘LOL, afkos!’

4. One Swiggy delivery person asked me when my pulao will be ready. I said It is ready. He asked if it was inside my stall. I pointed to the make believe pulao in front of me. He didn’t get it. I said in whatever Kannada I know…it’s there…but it is not there.

5. I said the same thing to an elderly Kannada aunty who asked me what I am doing. I said, Pulao. It’s there…but it’s not there. She gave me this look that people usually give nutcases.

6. Another guy who looked like Wilbur Sargunaraj, very creepily stood smoking and reading everything printed on my stall. At least someone read all of it.

Design support: Chris Aind

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Mission 1: The Red Button

Sunday, December 3, 2017 | 9 am to 10 am.

The first ever mission had me standing across the street from Koramangala's Hole in the Wall Cafe, with red lipstick on my nose. People waiting for tables at the cafe or people waiting for their cabs became my hesitant audience. 

Some notes from the mission:

- I’m happy to report that 7 people pressed the red button in the span of 1 hour. Six of them were not disappointed. The seventh was a boy who didn't know who Donald Duck is. (Whose fault is that?) -     A few people slowed down their cars to smile and wave. -     A lot of them stood outside the cafe clicking pictures and pointing at their own noses, probably wondering if my nose was hygienic. - One girlfriend kept nudging her boyfriend to 'go press the button' but he would not be bothered. - Some senior citizens walked by slowly with one eyebrow up. - Some people did not react to my bad moonwalking skills. - One lady asked if I could make her dog laugh. I couldn't but the dog found my hand to be tasty. - My blackheads are now redheads.