overbearingthoughts

[overbearingthoughts]

[overbearingthoughts]

cant

they tell you to never say never, they tell you to never say cant. they tell you all of these things, and one day you randomly snap. you dont know why there are these feelings inside why now why me you cry and cry you scream you get mad you try to experess it and all it does is pull u deeper in depression all of these disagreements and perspectives and rules they drain you to the core they leave you searching and scratching more and more who am i and why am i here? why do i break down when loved ones are near? why am i so alone why surrounded by people? where have i gone? when will i be found? when will i be able to instead, fake a frown? why cant i just be nice? why cant i cry it all out? why do i fuck everything up? why cant i cover it up? why am i crying out to a computer screen, why cant i pull myself together and why do i feel like dying would be better? why cant i just crawl out of this hole. why shouldnt i say never to those who make me feel less than beter. why do i take this personal self abuse. why do i take pain as a muse, i want to be reattached with reality but the truth is i hate whats around me. i cant take it i cant take any of it. i cant keep trying to fix people when i fuck up everything. i have pushed out everyone i can and i ruin relationships and i ruin everything i involve myself in. what is the point of trying this fucking hard when it doesnt get you anywhere? whats the point if no one truly cares? why am i giving my 100% and not feeling the slightest bit of satisfaction. why am i dissapointed in my every action? why i ask again and again? why when you try to be everyones best friend are you alone in the end? you get told how to live your life, you get told working hard is the sacrifice but what about when you never feel whole? then cant you begin to think its all bull? i CANT fathom why i am feeling this way...but i cant say id be lying if i were to tell you i hope tomorrows a better day. 5/15/17

[overbearingthoughts]

PLEASE I CANT STAND THIS FEELING I SIT HERE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE WHILE IM FALLING AND FALLING< IM SCARED AND I DONT KNOW WHERE IM AT, IN A PHYSICAL SENSE IM IN MY ROOM IM IN MY BED AND DREW IS IN THE CHAIR LILLY IS BY MY SIDE BUT IS IT REAL ARE THEY REALLY THERE? OR IS IT ME? WHERE AM I? PLEASE RECONNECT ME.

[overbearingthoughts]

DEAR GOD

PLEASE GOD, EARTH, MYSELF WHATEVER IT IS PLEASE GIVE ME A PEACEFUL AWAKENING, PLEASE LET THIS PAIN END. IM TIRED OF TRYING WHEN I HAVE NOTHING LEFT. I WANT TO WAKE UP OR REACH DEATH.

[overbearingthoughts]

angry rap im sorry already but i hate it i hate this im clearly not ready i mean,

Why if you say you are weary, are you still trying? why would you be friends with people who leave us feeling like we arent surviving? how is it okay to let them back in? if youve figured it out please clue me in.... i havent been able to comprehend how they dropped of the earth like it was world war 10, I have been nothing but a good fucking friend and i wanted them to be my family until the end. for some reason im the piece of shit yet youre going back to them like yall are homies and shit??? Nah fuck this and fuck all of you im tired of draining myself to make sure everyone is cool im doin me now, imma convert My suburban to a camper of sorts then im hittin the road and im never turning back, imma get on the road and none of you will ever get my ass back, you were givin an altimatum, if youre gonna choose the ones who gave it to u im bout to up and run, i swear im fuckin...done

[overbearingthoughts]

im tired and weak and i dont know who i am anymore, but i havent given up. im fighing.

[overbearingthoughts]

have you ever felt like the darkness was your only friend weakened your mind for a moment and he started to take over you ever felt like youve lost all control, not only of your words but your thoughts emotions but still had your perspective have you ever noticed the ways we torture ourselves the way that the way you think is the biggest form of torture how if you were physically tortured it may not feel like torture if you looked at it a certain way. how in selflessness, if someone tortured you, youd feel bad for them, youd wonder what brought them to torturing you...? have you ever thought of dissasotiation and what that means to you. have you ever truly noticed

[overbearingthoughts]

please let me wake up

[overbearingthoughts]

[Verse 1: Bobby Raps] Care too much but it doesn't mean a thing I don't give a fuck just to cope with the pain I'd take a bullet for you, I'd jump in front of train But when it comes to me, I wonder would you do the same Tryna' find the words, but it's hard to explain Control how i feel, but it's hard to contain Walk all over me, when we converse You don't need no comfort, she just want to come first There's something bout' settling that's so unsettling I'd almost rather not even feel anything Are these memories even worth remembering Or am i gon be wishin' i could forget everything I woke up from a black out, thinking back how My parents didn't last, and they just backed out And how that effects how i act now Deal with that everyday, like fiends in the crack house [Verse 2: Bobby Raps] Hold it down for my turf, 'til I'm pushing up daisies and tulips I'll die for this shit, trade my life for a news clip I live out my dreams, everyday i am lucid I don't get diluted, amidst the confusion I stick to the code, see where it goes The devil he fiend for a piece of my soul And i sold it like two nicks Had me stuck for so long, now im doing what's best for the movement [Verse 3: SPOOKY BLACK] Baby got me feeling so emotionless Motionless, don't ya see me smokin' this Neck down paralyzed I can see it in your eyes You've got me running in place Glock forty-five to my face Can't remember your taste Your lips fucking laced Motionless, motionless, motionless Baby got me motionless Motionless, baby got me motionless [Verse 4: Bobby Raps] You know you got me fucked up I know you never meant to hurt none Lot of drugs on the streets nowadays But girl that pussy is the worst one Said some things i never would have said I did some things i should have never did Through the ups and the downs, and the highs and the lows, I'm just tryna' keep a level head Upping my budget, i just bought a chain i put that on my mother They hated before, but now they all love it don't know who to fuck with They see me, they plotting, they claim me like property, say they my brothers Showed your true colors, you prove i can't trust you, don't fuck with these busters [Verse 5: SPOOKY BLACK] Baby how ya feelin', what ya smokin' on The way i see you movin', must be something strong Tryna' get these thoughts out of my fucking head Don't feel like I'm alive, don't feel like i am dead Can't remember the feeling of your skin Oh this regret, where do I begin Baby let me in, I'm tryna see your fucking face again

motionless spooky black x bobby raps full song

[overbearingthoughts]

Need something in my life just cause you was missing Look baby I need you, but if you ain't genuine, I'll leave ya In a world so cold I'm surprised that my heart is still warm Time moves on as the night turns to dawn As I fly through the eye of the storm In my mind with the force of a fighter pilot Take off on a plane with a lighter Spark the fire then I'm walking on the moon like Michael Balance like the World Trade tightrope Maestro, higher than a lamp post, brighter than a light bulb Climbed up the Eiffel Tower, then I feel down the pit of despair Face first with my kicks in the air 'til I woke up and realized that it isn't really there It's all in my head

ready bobby raps n spooky black

[overbearingthoughts]

i want to create something but i dont know what

[overbearingthoughts]

RAMBLING ABOUT DOMESTICATION OF HUMANITY AND OF MYSELF

I'm honestly just so sick of pretending of be this domesticated piece of choped liver. I am so sick of sitting here inside my own head pretending like im not my bigest abuser. no one has ever or will ever be able to hurt me the way i do.

im honestly so drained.

im tired because it takes every grain of energy in my body to fight these social onstructs and fabricated ideas i have built up over time.

Everytime i go against the domestication i feel so guilty yet i know the agreement im struggling with isnt something i truly believe. its just shit that ive been taught is right. thing is the older i get the wiser i realize i truly am. the more i realize everyone who has domesticated me, taught me everything i know..well theyre just a bunch of domesticated humans themselves.

all of us go through life trying to break the cycle. we always have someone that we can do better than, be a better parent than yours, be a better child than your siblings... this is so wrong to me because we are basing our goals and shit we need to do on other peoples actions and behaviors. that means we are taking someone elses dream and tryng to not only make it our own but to do a better job in this dream. in what way is that going to help us.

we as humanity need to learn, i know personally that i have spent my whole life up intil this day planning to be a better parent than my mom when i am blessed with my family. today i realized the distruction this could cause. because when it comes to raisin my children i should not be making it about myself and i feel like thats a huge point that most people just dont seem to understand. i dont want my child to be who i want them to be. i dont want to create a dream for them, and i dont want to domesticate them. in any way. i want then to be themselves and to create their own dreams. have their own ideas of families friends religion morals right and wrong. i want them to have the choice to be whoever they want to be. and i want them to choose to be themselves because how many of us have ever been able to say that had the freedom to choose our own beliefes? not one of us. WE ARE ANIMALS WE TRAIN EACHOTHER LIKE ANIMALS AND ACT LIKE ANIMALS. There is one difference that i see between humans and every other animals and that is launguage , the power of words. that being said from here on out i will never again try to domesticate another brother or sister and i will learn to speak nothing but loving and light filled words.

[overbearingthoughts]

I am stronger than my physical I am bigger than my physical I am more than my physical.

[overbearingthoughts]

No one can hurt me the way I can

[overbearingthoughts]

You are your biggest abuser

[overbearingthoughts]

stop

[overbearingthoughts]

Terrible fucking day