owls-and-horses

[owls-and-horses]

[owls-and-horses]

Superman desperately scanning the street during a fight to find the most morally acceptable car to throw at his opponent, knowing that not everybody has insurance, and loss of transportation can ruin a life -

A wave of incredible relief washes over him as he spots the hard geometric lines and silver paintless sheen of a Cybertruck.

[owls-and-horses]

I'm at a :.|:; for words.

[owls-and-horses]

When Nightwing tells Justice League members that Batman makes him laugh, obviously, everyone knows that he's joking, because that's Batman. How the hell does That make anybody laugh?

But then really weird things start to happen. Like suddenly, Batman starts making little quips that toe the line between sarcasm and puns. He begins to humor the stupid ideas that other heroes come up with purely for comedic purposes. He even admits things like "Jesus, I'm getting so old, if I hurt my back much more, spin class is going to be an issue."

And the thing is, Batman only does these things when Nightwing is around, and it literally always earns a laugh from the younger hero. Sometimes they high-five after Nightwing recovers from a fit of giggles. At this point, nobody knows that they're father and son, so this type of behavior is just really freaking people out.

[owls-and-horses]

You have fundamentally misunderstood Bruce's character, If you do not 100% know what Bruce would say in any of these instances.

Any iteration of....

"B can we skip patrol cause I....."

"Dad can we...."

"Bruce I was thinking instead of...."

"Baba I want to....."

Bruce Wayne is throwing off his bat-suit running to the car, fishing his wallet out because his children don't want to fight crime today. This is the best day of his fucking life.

The thing I feel like is forgotten Bruce does not want any of these children to be vigilantes.

This fact is very much forgotten.

If all of them decided tomorrow to never get a fucking job, never go to college live completely off Bruce's money, but also never be a vigilante again. Bruce Wayne is throwing a parade that has not been seen since Alexander The Great lost his boyfriend.

Bruce would have a house filled with like 30 year old children who eat his food and refuse to never work a day in their lives and he would absolutely love it because they are not risking themselves.

He would skip patrol no questions asked.

In fanfictions I always see a moment of them like trying to convince Bruce to take a night off or they need a break or whatever.

Bruce, who is not absolutely butchered by a writer is actively burning down the Batcave because dick said he's just not feeling this vigilante thing anymore.

Bruce Wayne will never skip patrol or being Batman by his own decision or for his own benefit.

Throw one of his kids in it and he is just Bruce Wayne. 

[owls-and-horses]

"Bruce never reveals his secret identity to mind readers or the Lasso of Truth because he truly believes he's Batman and Bruce Wayne is just the mask-" WRONG. Bruce Wayne is so fucking good at lying, both at the mental and physical level, that he allows himself to truly believe whatever he's saying in that fraction of a moment and THAT'S why no one can ever force him to reveal his identity.

Bruce has been lying for SO long that he can drill down to the tiny ways his body needs to breathe, move, etc and the way his mind feels when it's telling the truth. And then he tells himself, just for a moment, that whatever he's lying about is the truth. That he doesn't just need to believe it, but that he does.

Of course when someone asks him, in that moment, who he is -- the answer is "I'm Batman." Because in that moment, that is the only answer. It's the truth.

[owls-and-horses]

batfamily slice of life fic but it's actually just 15k of Bruce Wayne getting pissed off whenever his kids bring home bat-themed items because he keeps those brands separate, okay? bat symbols and bat clothing and bat gadgets stay downstairs. upstairs in the Manor where they occasionally host other people who don't know he's Batman is not the place to be subtly (read: overtly) arranging bat statues, bat clothing items, random bat stuffed animals, bat pet toys, bat jewelry, bat paintings, bat ANYTHING. because you know what happens when someone's brain processes the same thing over and over again in the background? that same little brain starts making connections. maybe not conscious ones, but connections nontheless. which means that every single time you sneak bat items into the Manor, you're making it just that much more likely that your visitor walks away thinking about Bruce Wayne in the same thought as bats. there's no reason to be making an omelet upstairs during visiting hours wearing a Batman t-shirt and holding a replica batarang. where did you even get a replica batarang? we have real ones downstairs. do you know how risky it is having two types of batarangs and not remebering until it's too late? you--

[owls-and-horses]

SUPERMAN/CLARK KENT & BATMAN/BRUCE WAYNE in INFINITE CRISIS (2005)

[owls-and-horses]

the dumbest thing a Gotham goon can say isn’t “you want some more??” to an injured and retreating Batman. it’s actually “next time I’ll get that little bird with you too!”

Batman will come back running on two broken legs just to kindly separate you from all of your adult teeth, your fingernails, and your ability to piss in a straight line because what the fuck did you just say

[owls-and-horses]

Big fan of the Batkids hating on all of Bruce's love interests. It's not that they don't want their dad to be happy, it's just, THAT'S THEIR DAD. As soon as it became apparent that THE JOKER and CATWOMAN had a crush on Bruce, it was over for them. No one is allowed to approach their old man for anything more than a handshake and a charity donation. It is utterly ridiculous that their pops, with all of his universal sex appeal and the entire galaxy to choose from, keeps attracting VILLAINS, CRIMINAL PSYCH WARD PATIENTS, MURDERERS, AND LAZER BEAM-EYED ALIENS.

Though to be honest, even if one of Bruce's partners was just the nice old librarian from down the street, they would still treat her like a criminal. They can't help it. Their dad's love life has scarred them forever and now nobody can have him.

[owls-and-horses]

Bruceeeeee

[owls-and-horses]

fic idea: Clark has x-ray powers but he's HORRIBLE at identifying fractures. Bruce busts his hand punching him and Clark grabs it, looks at it, and is like "Yeah, this is definitely broken."

"Which bone?"

"I don't know. One of the big ones," Clark squints. "The one near the top."

"The phalange?"

"Not like, the top top. The middle top."

"The metacarpal."

"Is that what it's called?" Clark gingerly lowers the hand in question back down to Bruce's side. "You should, uh, get that looked at."

[owls-and-horses]

yr locked in a room alone with three adult men but you feel perfectly safe. who are they

[owls-and-horses]

Family bonding activity: shedding brain cells in the face of danger, you didn’t need them anyways

[owls-and-horses]

[owls-and-horses]

Male writers writing female characters:

“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”

[owls-and-horses]

go off selina