oxredox

[oxredox]

One day, you'll be looking back

And maybe wish that you were kinder

But ain't it always just the truth

Oh, that hindsight makes you softer?

I played it back a million times

And always wish that I was wiser

But it'll be coming back to bite you like a dog

You know you better run for cover

[oxredox]

If you ever check up on me, please know that when I left, I had no ill will and I wished you healing.

Now, I actually hate you now.

And you earned it, through every action and inaction.

You told me you were in your mourning period, too. That you were heartbroken, too.

You’re not mine anymore, and this is a confirmation that I am much better off without you. It’s devastating that it took less than a month after I left. Was it days? A week?

You didn’t just sleep with someone. You confirmed exactly why I left. You reminded me that you’ll always pick chaos over care, instant comfort over healing. You will burn yourself down and everyone else around you with it.

Now, even my grief for you feels wasted.

Thank you for making it easy not to miss you.

I just hate that I ever thought you were worth this much of me.

If I were you, I’d also be doing whatever I could to avoid the consequences of my own actions.

So put up your defenses. Surround yourself with walls of denial.

The same patterns will follow you into every corner of your life until you either change or collapse under the weight of them.

Hope you feel good. Hope you feel free.

[oxredox]

Our fucking landlord reached out to me to tell me you slept with someone and left the room a mess after you assured me it’d be no problem for you to clean up and finish out the lease. Fuck it hurts.

Fuck the landlord for telling me that shit. I didn’t need to hear that.

BUT FUCK YOU. I HOPE YOU FEEL DEAD INSIDE.

[oxredox]

See, honey, I saw love, You see it came to me It put its face up to my face so I could see Yeah then I saw love disfigure me Into something I am not recognizing

[oxredox]

I gave real, tender, patient, over and over again love until I ran dry and you were like 🥺 why no unconditional love? Even though you hurt me and others and never learned from it.

I don’t even blame you bc codependency and chaos were all you knew. All you craved, in fiction and in real life.

It’s not romantic. It’s tragic. It’s kept you from healing.

Like why did you stay if we were so incompatible and you were so unhappy? What were you holding onto?

I stayed bc I loved you until I couldn’t.

You could have met me halfway, but you didn’t bother even taking the first step.

Being abandoned was your self realizing prophecy and the only way I could reclaim myself.

Now, I’m left feeling stupid for loving you so hard, for wanting my pain acknowledged, and for thinking you could reflect instead of deflect.

I said you’d never make me cry again, but you have, just not directly.

I said I didn’t want your response, but, God, some acknowledgement would give me closure.

My body and mind are still trying to adjust to leaving.

I’m not out of the woods yet.

I am the woods.

Untamable, self renewing, and fucking teeming with life.

[oxredox]

[oxredox]

Live Food Lizard from Zoo Tycoon 2

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Angela Lane (British, 1974) - Luminous Echo (2024)

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Jo Rance (British, b. 1996, based Cambridgeshire, England) - Where We Can Pause, Paintings: Acrylic on Canvas

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[oxredox]

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Seashells and Plums - Suzuki Kiitsu

Japanese, 1796-1858

Ink and colour on silk , 13 11/16 x 11 7/16 in. 34.8 x 29.1 cm.

[oxredox]

OHTSU Kazuyuki（大津 一幸 Japanese, b.1935）

Elegance of Flowers 花風雅　2015 woodblock 53 x 38cm via more

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[oxredox]