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[pagepainter]

✧ Why I romanticize the ordinary?✨

Some thoughts I’ve been carrying quietly for a while.

Because the quiet things are the ones that never leave.

Like the warmth of morning coffee between my palms,

the way it steadies me before the world asks anything of me.

Or the softness that blooms after a long-overdue call with someone

who still feels like home—even through the distance.

The people who knew you before the chaos,

who see through the grown-up version of you,

straight to the soul of who you’ve always been.

I romanticize the ordinary

because it’s in those quiet, unnoticed moments

that life shows me just how much I’ve lived.

The ache of homesickness

when the house gets too quiet—

siblings gone, rooms empty, drawers untouched.

The sound of laughter that once echoed through every hallway

replaced by a silence that almost hums with memory.

You stand in their doorways and remember all the noise,

now swallowed whole by time.

And then—airports.

Where tears and time meet.

Where you see someone you love after years apart,

and suddenly every waiting moment was worth it.

That first wave. That hug. That feeling

of being stitched back together by their presence alone.

I romanticize the ordinary

because sometimes the most beautiful parts of life

are the ones you never saw coming.

The strangers that became your home.

The people you passed a hundred times in your hometown,

not knowing they would one day hold your whole heart.

It’s wild, isn’t it?

How God works in quiet, miraculous ways—

how you’re given exactly what you didn’t know you were praying for.

And then the pain?

The tears, the heartbreak, the sleepless nights—

they start to feel… softer.

They don’t hold the same weight anymore.

Because now you know:

they were just part of the path to here.

Even the years that felt “lost” weren’t really lost.

You didn’t move forward like everyone else said you should,

but you grew in ways no classroom could’ve taught you.

You learned about waiting, trusting, healing.

You learned that forward isn’t always linear.

And that kind of growth? It changes everything.

In your little cousins who look at you like you hung the stars.

In the strangers who became safe spaces.

In the small kindness that changed your whole day.

In the compliment from a teacher who may have forgotten you—

but whose words held your heart through the years.

In the old photos,

the faded memories,

the grief that still lingers for those who are gone,

the things you never said, and the ones you wish you hadn’t.

And still—there is light.

There is the kind of love that makes everything before it

make sense.

There is faith that something beautiful is always being written,

even in the silence.

I romanticize the ordinary

because it’s not ordinary at all.

It’s the story of who we are,

stitched together in tiny, sacred moments.

It’s not about chasing magic.

It’s about realizing—

the magic has always been here.

And here’s what those little moments feel like to me—

—soft, fleeting, but full of life.

And maybe, just maybe, these small moments were always the big ones.

[pagepainter]

"Love's evidence is in daily choices, not special occasions."

[pagepainter]

Living with Intention

2024 was hell, but it had also taught me a lot, and even this description alone is barely doing justice for what I’m going to elaborate later on. Nevertheless, above everything else, I am grateful for the people I’ve met along the way, and especially those who continuously show up and stayed, even though I don't deserve that. I’m deeply grateful for the kindness, the gentleness, the patience, and consistent presence of the people who were there for me at my highest highs, and lowest lows, even though I don’t reach out. The occasional check-ins and impromptu meet ups really helped me feel like I wasn’t alone in the dark. I don’t think I would be able to pull through this year without them. I wish I could do more for these people whom I care so much about, but I also realize that it’s usually the smallest things that mean the most. It doesn’t have to be something eventful, like going out to have a meal with them; sometimes all it takes is sitting with them, soaking in that moment of shared silence, as if to say I’m here; you’re safe here. Although nothing is spoken, it’s a language that most of us are fluent in.

Yet, silence has definitely been a double-edged sword for me this year. Spending the vast majority of my time alone when I’m at my lowest, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I discovered many parts of myself I didn’t know I had, or thought that I had overcome them. It’s through these experiences that made me sit with my feelings and get to the root of the problem, and how I can better show up for myself and especially for others. The values that I hold close to — consistency, communication, honesty, having a feeling of security, safety, trust — it’s one thing to say that these values matter most and I take them seriously, but it’s also another to show them. I’ve been shown time and time again that effort makes all the difference. Actions are indicators of intention and purpose. They hold an immense amount of weight. As damaged as I am, I had to unlearn many misconceptions and relearn the whole process with a new mindset and concept. It doesn’t just end there; applying what I’ve learned is the most important part. It’s like learning how to make a dish with a new, effective, and less taxing method, and learning how to perfect it with practice.

While the external circumstances can’t change much, I can change how I react, how I behave, and what comes out from my mouth. While it stirs a lot of conflict, I can see the improvements, no matter how small, in shaping my identity and my worth. Some days feels like war — having to pull myself away from the toxic environment and separate myself from these influences that are normalized in the culture of Singapore. It’s days like these that make me feel like I don’t belong on this small island. Admittedly, most days feel like this. My friends aren’t perfect, but I still really appreciate them for helping me through those moments, in the little ways. I’m still finding a home, but it’s just a matter of time. I think what's most important is to learn how to be comfortable with making a home within myself.

Honestly, the past couple of days had me spiralling into the darkest parts of myself and realizing and learning so much about myself. It's been so bad because I was just so lost; I didn't know who I am. Stripping everyone's expectations of me, I want to know who I really am. Although I have not figured everything out, I discover that my identity lies in the values I hold close to my heart — honesty, appreciation, empathy, communication, personal accountability and responsibility. I've learned and still am trying to perfect regulating my emotions, but I'm getting there. I know I'm progressing, and I'm glad for the small steps of improvement. I believe that the most important lesson for me is to do things with empathy and intention. It's pretty self-explanatory, but the actions are so much more than just words. It's all down to the small details that make up the big picture of unconditional love. It's time to own my identity and live it out for myself, so that the ripple effects can spread.

[pagepainter]

— A Prayer, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry 

[text ID: I’m only asking for strength for my days. Teach me the art of small steps.]

[pagepainter]

𝐈𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐈’𝐦 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭. 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞.

excerpts from a book I’ll never write

[pagepainter]

Sorry, love, for making you feel so overwhelmed.

[pagepainter]

Neckdeep/bellzy1/Ricky Montgomery/unemployed_suckers on Instagram/McCarthy Trenching/Merle Haggard

[pagepainter]

Writing Prompt #2916

"I'm not lovable. Not in the long term. I know that."

"What?"

"I'm fun for a little bit, but there's too much when you dig down. It's more than anyone else should have to handle. I'm like trash TV—you put it on for a little bit and it makes you feel better about how normal you seem but grating if it's all you watch."

[pagepainter]

Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly, from "The Complete Novels of Mary Shelly,"

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[pagepainter]

I’m sorry I’m the one you love

[pagepainter]

Jenny Zhang, from "my sweet angel on earth thank you for this life"

[pagepainter]

A Letter to Self

Dear Future Me,

As I write this letter, my mind drifts to the deepest recesses of what it means to live a life of true meaning. Right now, I stand on the edge of the unknown, with a vision in my heart and a longing for something that feels both timeless and elusive. I feel the urgency of the moment, but also the understanding that this is not just a race to accomplish, but a journey of becoming.

I do not know where I will be when you read this letter, but I know that you are the culmination of all the choices I make today. The person you have become is the result of the small, quiet moments of reflection, the moments of profound silence, and the decisions to push through even when I felt lost. I hope you have not lost touch with the essence of who you are, for the journey ahead is not just about what we achieve, but about the way we evolve at the deepest level.

Health: A Sacred Vessel for the Soul At the core of my being is the understanding that health is not just the absence of illness but a sacred vessel that supports the unfolding of my purpose. It is not simply about eating the right foods or maintaining a routine; it is about honoring the very body that houses my soul. I feel an increasing awareness that health is intertwined with spiritual vitality—that what I feed my body, mind, and spirit creates the energy from which all else flows. I have worked to care for my body as an act of reverence, to move with intention, to breathe deeply, and to eat with gratitude. Yet, I know that true health goes beyond the physical. It lies in accepting my vulnerabilities, in cultivating emotional resilience, and in nurturing the peace within.

I hope that, by the time you read this, you have transcended the common notion of health. Have you come to understand that true vitality is a sacred alignment of the physical, mental, and spiritual planes? Do you still honor your body with the same reverence that you once set as your intention? Health is a daily commitment to being whole in every aspect of yourself, and I trust that you’ve continued to care for your vessel with the wisdom that only deep reflection and experience can bring.

Creativity: The Expression of the Soul's Truth Creativity, for me, has become something far deeper than simply producing. It has become the expression of my soul's truth. Every word I write, every brushstroke I make, every idea I birth is not just a reflection of what I know, but a reflection of who I am. I’m no longer driven by the desire to merely create for recognition or external approval, but because it is through creation that I remember myself—the raw, untamed essence of my being.

I’ve come to see creativity as an act of surrender—to let go of control and allow the work to emerge from the deepest recesses of my heart. The journey of creativity has shown me that vulnerability is at its core, and it is only by being authentically exposed that I can produce something that truly resonates. I have faced the fear of judgment, the self-doubt that lingers like a shadow, but through it all, I have learned that creativity is not about perfection—it is about truth. The truth of who I am, in each moment, in each breath.

Have you, by now, been able to create freely, without the weight of self-imposed expectations? Have you allowed yourself to simply create for the sake of being rather than doing? I trust that by now, your creative spirit has transcended the confines of the mind and entered into the realm of pure expression, where the boundaries between creator and creation no longer exist. May you be forever unafraid to express what lives in the deepest places of your soul, regardless of the outcome, for in that expression lies your freedom.

Long-Term Vision: The Pursuit of Meaning Beyond Success When I look into the future, I don’t see a destination as much as I see a continuous unfolding. The world speaks of success, wealth, and status as though they are the ultimate goals of life, but I have come to realize that they are mere illusions compared to the true purpose of living. My vision is not simply to achieve, but to become. To become the person who is not just successful by external measures, but fulfilled at the deepest level. My goal is to live a life of meaning, one in which I serve not from a place of obligation, but from a place of love, generosity, and purpose.

This vision is not limited to material goals; it extends into the realm of soulful abundance—a life lived with presence, awareness, and a deep commitment to contributing something of real value to the world. I understand that I am not just here to exist but to leave a legacy—not one of grand monuments or accolades, but one of quiet impact, where the ripples of my actions touch lives in ways I may never fully see.

Have you reached a place where your vision is no longer shaped by what others expect but by the pull of your own heart? Have you found the courage to pursue a life that feels aligned with your soul’s deepest desires, regardless of how unconventional it may appear to others? I trust that you are living in harmony with your truth, and that your work, whatever it may be, is not just fulfilling but deeply connected to the greater good. In your daily actions, do you embody the very values you hold dear? I hope so. For success is not measured by what we accumulate, but by the love and light we bring into the world.

Facing the Abyss: The Inner Journey of Transformation The most profound aspect of my life’s journey is perhaps the one that is the most difficult to articulate—the internal transformation that takes place beneath the surface. This journey is not always visible to others, and sometimes, it is not even visible to me. But I know that this transformation is real. It is the shift from fear to courage, from lack to abundance, from confusion to clarity. It is the process of shedding old identities, beliefs, and limitations that no longer serve my highest self.

In these moments, when the world feels like it is crumbling or when doubt and fear grip my heart, I remember that true growth comes from surrendering—surrendering to the uncertainty of life, to the knowing that I do not have all the answers, and that I am not meant to. I have learned that trusting the process is the key to peace, and that in the darkest moments, there is always light waiting to emerge.

Have you fully surrendered to the unfolding of life, knowing that everything, even the most painful moments, is part of the grand design? Have you accepted that the challenges you’ve faced are not obstacles to overcome, but the very soil from which your wisdom and growth have sprouted? I trust that you’ve learned to let go of all that no longer serves you and embraced the unfolding of your true self, free from attachment to outcomes.

Relationships: The Sacred Dance of Connection The relationships I hold closest to my heart are the ones that remind me of who I am and why I’m here. These connections are not defined by superficial exchanges, but by the deep, sacred bond that exists between two souls. I’ve learned that love is not just an emotion, but a sacred act of vulnerability, a constant flow of giving and receiving, where both individuals are free to be their most authentic selves.

In these relationships, I have come to understand the importance of both self-love and love for others. I cannot truly love others if I do not first love and honor myself. This is a profound truth that continues to unfold. Have you, by now, mastered the art of presence—of truly being with others in moments of silence, joy, and grief? Have you let go of expectations and embraced the beauty of unconditional love? I trust that you have nurtured your relationships with the depth, care, and love they deserve.

The Unfolding Journey I cannot know exactly what the future holds. But I do know this: I am here to become. To evolve. To step into the fullest expression of my soul's purpose. This journey is not about destination, but about becoming more authentically me with every step I take. I trust that wherever you are, you are living in alignment with this deep truth.

May you look back with gratitude for the pain and the joy, for all that has shaped you into who you are today. And as you move forward, may you do so with courage, faith, and a deep, unshakable knowing that you are exactly where you need to be.

With all my love, faith, and trust in the unfolding of your journey,

Sincerely Yours

[pagepainter]

love elizabeth s.

[pagepainter]

on identity

ojibwe / noah kahan / richard siken / unknown / unknown / oamisoa / cameron awkward-rich

[pagepainter]

An Utter Failure

I’m sorry. It's pretty pathetic. For all the things I told myself that I would be, in the best way possible, turned out to be just the opposite. The only thing I have been consistent in doing is being a let down to everyone around me. A bad influence as the eldest daughter to a sister, the black sheep in the family, a person who poorly defended — sometimes even never for some cases — those I cared about.

My worst nightmares came true after all. I ended up being the person I said I never would. In the end, everyone around me either got scarred, or hurt, or betrayed, or disappointed, or distant, or a combination of everything. One by one, they furrowed their eyebrows, the corners of their mouths curved downwards, the look in their eyes full of anger and disappointment, their fists clenched, shoulders tensed, guard up, treating me with distrust.

But this is my punishment, for being a failure to the people around me.

Failing to be a respectful, considerate person.

Failing to be a supportive friend.

Failing to be a good role model.

Failing to be a responsible person.

Failing to be consistent in my word-choice when I text and speak.

Failing to be communicative.

Failing to prioritize safety and security consistently.

Failing to develop and maintain trust.

Failing to be who I said I would be.

Failing to do what I said I would.

Failing to learn my lessons.

Failing to right my wrongs and maintain that.

Because of all this, I’m back at square one. Again.

Why do I keep doing this to myself and to others? When will I ever learn?

Actions have consequences.

Words spoken have consequences.

Behaviors shown have consequences.

My thoughts have consequences, because it’s the thought that manifests the action, the words, intentions, and behaviors.

The guilt runs thick in my blood, and the body bears the pain, a reminder that there’s no pain without punishment.

[pagepainter]

it's so hard when you keep trying to improve yourself, yet you always find yourself sobbing in your room because of something you cannot understand. you feel like you're doing alright, but you also feel you're not and you frequently question yourself "am i really getting better?"