palaging-sumasaiyo

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

꯳⃘꤫⃛͡ 🩶 ᳝᳜᳝᳜ᰯུ SWORDS of GOD ˃̶͈̀ॢ 🦾🛖ᭅ

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

꯳⃘꤫⃛͡ 🩶 ᳝᳜᳝᳜ᰯུ SWORDS of GOD ˃̶͈̀ॢ 🦾🛖ᭅ

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

I really think there's just something so poetic and adorable about people chilling on surfaces that are not made for sitting. hopped on the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee, cross legged on the floor studying, smoking a cigarette sitting on the porch, lounging on the rooftop stargazing, falling apart on the steps? so on and so forth. I love love it.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

i think that all the people who argue about gender by saying "the woke left cant even define a woman" need to get hit with the "who are you" question by a buddhist monk. no, thats your name, who are you. no thats your profession, who are YOU. no you fucking idiot thats your species, who are YOUU. dumb bitch u cant even define yourself

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

thinking about having my way with you in the shower. the water is hot and steam rises around us. water runs rivulets down our bodies, leaving droplets all over your skin. cheeks flushed and lips parted, you look ethereal.

i spin you around, your back against my front, cupping your breasts and thumbing over your pretty, pretty nipples. you gasp, and i laugh—oh, look at them harden. my hands travel over the softness of your waist before resting on your hips.

you lean back, lips searching for a kiss. you needy little thing. i adore you. our mouths meet, and i take the opportunity to slide my hand over your cunt, ghosting my thumb over your clit. and i'm absolutely floored because you're so swollen and puffy already. my fingers slip through a flood of wetness and slide inside. so greedy, darling.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

having short-term memory is like. this book profoundly affected me. that show bared my soul. i don’t remember a single thing about it. but it did

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

When you're suddenly hit with the realization that you're probably just wasting people's time, you will shut down. Rethink every possible decision you've ever made that affects them, then getting hit with another realization that you can never take it back, and that you have to make sense with whatever's left with you now even if there's not a lot.

You just kinda wish for it to end.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

I hate na nadadamay ka sa ka-shitty-han ng buhay ko, ng ugali ko, ng mood ko. Pero I can't help it, I wanna be better. I've been trying for God knows how long.

It's the relapses, I'm blaming them for it.

I can't lose you. I know how unhealthy this relationship is because of me, and I hate myself for doing this to you. And I'm sorry that I need to get away because I hate myself when the first thing that comes to my mind when I think or I feel like I'm hurting you–is giving you up. I hate that the only solution I have just to stop hurting your feelings is to break up with you. I don't want to break up with you, I don't even want to think about it. And I want to get away from that thought as far as possible.

Now, I realized that all I'm trying to get away from is you. Is this even helping anyone? I don't want to hurt you anymore, kaso ba't ako ganito? Why can't I just be normal?

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

I've struggled and fought my pride. Scared that someone your type couldn't see past my flaws.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

I miss people.

I miss her so much. I miss everything about her.

I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss her face. I miss our calls, her pictures in the morning, her goodnights, her we'll be fines. Everything.

I don't know what this isolation from people does for me. This is self destruction at its best, but why does it have to be so hard? To be around people again?

I miss my mommy. I miss her stories whenever she has to stay in the table just so I won't be alone while I eat dinner solo. I miss getting out. I wish I don't have to wait for people to be gone just so I can eat my own meal without them looking at me, or asking me what's happening.

And I don't know if I will like it more if they stopped asking me, or when they actually left me alone. If they stopped knocking on my little door. Or when they stopped sending the kambal upstairs just to check up on me because according to them, they're the only ones who can actually make me get up.

I miss having plans, and caring about school. I'm afraid that I don't care anymore and I will lose everything. But I don't want to do anything about it.

I just miss, I don't know, pretending to be ok. I wish I can go back to pretending to be ok again.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

You're my courage when I worry in the dead of night.

You're my strength 'cause I'm not strong enough to win this fight.

You are greater than the battle raging in my mind.

I will fear no more.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

going Selena

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

Not turning the lights off even if they're blinding me because the darkness brings the sadness out of me and I'll cry.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

Blogging from my computer. Couldn't even fix the bed, I don't know if I don't want to or I just don't have the energy. Avoiding people that are important to me while being well aware that I am hurting them and they don't deserve it.

Haven't even uttered a word since I got home.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

guess all i'm trying to say is ayoko na. sa lahat.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

One paper cut a day. Some days–a little splinter, and it has never been pulled since. On rare days it was detachment, and some days you just want it to end. There are still days, so many days when I wanted to heal, and fight, and fix those little damages. Some days I did it, some–I did not.

It tires me, it wears me out.

And now, what we had before is just the two pieces of what was a one thing, held together with strings that forces it to be together forever.

Exhausting. Don't know how, but works still.

[palaging-sumasaiyo]

I feel like needing a lot of space. I'm hurting everyone around me as I am trying not to. I feel invisible, and hopeless, and I don't know why but I blame that night. Nothing good happened ever since, and I've been down since I left.

The things I so wanted to do, the people I so wanted to meet, and the things I've been looking forward to does not excite me anymore. Nothing excites me anymore, and I'm tired of pretending that I can hide this with watching movies and just letting people think I'm the same.

I haven't had a good night's sleep for fuck's sake.

3 weeks.

Dark. Lonely. Afraid. Tired. Angry. Irritated. Alone.

The world is spinning for everyone, they're moving with it and I feel like I'm not. And me not wanting to do anything about it scares me even more.