paleimitators

[paleimitators]

James: All he wanted to do was get in your pants.

Sirius: So? A lot of people want to.

[paleimitators]

“All I can think about is how much alcohol I’m gonna need to consume to make this go smoothly.”

— Sirius Black

[paleimitators]

Sirius: For this Order mission, I wore the perfect disguise to make sure I was never noticed by anyone. Something so drab and uninspiring-

Remus: I feel this is going to be a dig at me.

Sirius: I wore Remus's clothes.

Remus: There it is.

[paleimitators]

Remus: You have to treat everybody's views whatever they believe with equal respect.

Sirius: What? Even idiots?

[paleimitators]

Remus: What's your blood type?

Sirius: How would I know?

Remus: How would you not?!

Sirius: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?

Remus: You don't know your own blood type, but you know who discovered them?

[paleimitators]

Sirius: What a way to start the day!

Remus: It's 5pm.

[paleimitators]

“It’s suddenly very important that I get drunk.”

— Sirius Black

[paleimitators]

James: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Sirius: [grabs and chugs the entire bottle] It’s perfume.

[paleimitators]

Sirius: I just calculated.

Sirius: I’m 100 kilos.

Sirius: And I just ate 800 grams ravioli.

Sirius: Like a whole fucking can.

Sirius: That means I’m 0.8% ravioli.

James: It’s 4am what the fuck.

[paleimitators]

Peter: Padfoot legitimately asked us "What do I wear to meet a baby? Do I wear a suit?"

Sirius: I wondered if I should wear a suit because the baby should be impressed when it first meets me, right? Right? But then you said don't wear a suit.

Remus: Well, yeah.

Sirius: Why is it so funny?

Peter: Because then you asked if you should wear something soft so the baby would like it.

Sirius: Well I have to touch the baby. I mean you can't wear spiky stuff.

Remus: Your instincts, while confused, are also so sweet.

[paleimitators]

James: Well, I warned you.

Sirius: You did.

James: But did you listen?

Sirius: No.

James: Do you ever listen?

Sirius: No.

James: Are you listening now?

Sirius: No.

[paleimitators]

James, wearing an apron and towel over his shoulder: Moony!

Sirius, also wearing an apron: Moony you're home!

Remus: What--

James, wiping down the kitchen counter: Honey, I cleaned the house for you!

Sirius, opening the oven: I made dinner, doll!

James: We missed you!

Sirius: Welcome home!

Remus: Guys, please...

Remus: This is Ikea. We're going to get kicked out.

[paleimitators]

“I’m very stressed out. I don’t think Prongs stopped to think about how this baby might affect my life.”

- Sirius Black (during Lily’s pregnancy)

[paleimitators]

Sirius: I’ll do whatever I want when I’m 80.

Lily: If you’re still alive when you’re 80 I’ll demand a medical explanation.

[paleimitators]

James: I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Lily a little bit.

Sirius: You doodled your wedding invitation.

James: No, that's our joint tombstone.

Sirius: My mistake.

[paleimitators]

Sirius: Who the fuck-

McGonagall: Language, Black.

Sirius: Whom the fuck-

McGonagall: No.

[paleimitators]

Sirius: [running around, stressed] Where is my fucking wand?

James: Padfoot, Harry’s here, say it nicer maybe.

Sirius: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my fucking wand?