pamputt07

[pamputt07]

Anxiety

I wish that i could look at you in the eye Say whatever's on my mind Without second thinking everything Unbearing the infapable fears Undressing these shameful covers I wish i could utter these words firmly But my heart races so fast It beats louder than my words That i almost forgot my insights Until it became whispers in the air I wish i could endure a million stare Although its just a two eye pair It still feels the same flares The uneasy feeling of sweat As the fire touches my skin I wish i am not like this Maybe i could be a good friend A loving daughter and sibling An intelligent girlfriend A normal human being... Could you hold me tonight? As I fight to bare a million thoughts The negativity running through my veins Something that keeps me up all night A glitch in my dreams, stitched all over me

[pamputt07]

A shot of life

Just one shot Of a happy life To make me stay Keep me alive

A shot of love Right straight thru my heart Do you love me? Like plain this way Eyes wide open But i cant see you there Where’s my once in a life time The opportunity has gone dry Were dreaming nightmare for reality Do you really hear her hopes? Leaping high up from the ground But you are not even there Why cant we seem to meet right now When wants became my necessity Because its you i really want.

A shot of chance I was holding it once Before i lost you My rightful thoughts Scrolling through the deepest nights Thinking about the unfallen stars I kept on looking before my naps Those were still on the same sky But the feelings changes on every glance No i dont want it to fall, Ill die when it falls.

Just one shot Right thru my head Keep it straight End the endless thinking Of hurtful undying wishes It will never happen anyway That’s what she says But never how she really feels.

Please. My last shot of end.

[pamputt07]

Secrets

Keep your voice low Say it as a whisper It cant be unheard once known Who are you? More than those smiles Your loudest laugh Your kindness.. More than all those you do for the show called life Undress yourself, Because some scars can only be seen when naked. Unfold your deepest thoughts Those only you can hear I know there is more thab your angel face It's not you as a whole Not even your 50% You are not just your name. There is more but you cant tell At some point you have to surrender. Because you will lose your own game If you keep it a bit longer.

[pamputt07]

I like thinking about you. In many ways. I think about you as my prince Who could save me From my man made hella reality I think about you as my father Who tells me whats right Wont let me wear short skirts I think about you as my brother, Annoyingly staring at me Just here to distract me. I think about you as my teacher, Tells me all the lessons I dont really need but somehow essential. I think about you, As a super hero. Who could get the stars, When life gets dark. I think about you most of the time. I think about you more than who you really are. And i think its unfair. Because you are just a man. Who conquers everything, Just to hold my hand. I think life's unfair, To call you boyfriend. To me you are just not a boy. Not even a friend. You are always more than anything. You are my everything.

[pamputt07]

What is love

She looked so perfect Until you get to know her When you hear her laugh Her mouth were so huge And a fly goes within and she didnt even notice because she is so busy being happy. You dont want to ruin that happiness, The first ever moment you've got No matter how disgusting it is. You stayed with her. Thinking "what is love". - completely fictional. I was just thinking for the most embarassing and disgusting moment that could happen to a girl. And this is what came up. Hahaha

[pamputt07]

When a busy street meets darkness

[pamputt07]

Life update

Hello friends, "New phone. New life." I bought a new phone! Well, not because its christmas but my iphone is no longer working. So im forced to buy a new one. I decided to go for an android phone this time. It's not that pricey and I like the specs so far except for the camera which i think is the worst. If you want a better camera dont get a samsung phone. Well, phones are not really meant to take pictures but mostly used for communication. So i think i could settle for this one. "New team. New project" I'm still working on the same company. But i think i already mentioned before that my previous project has ended. After a few months, i joined a new project wherein the client is a competitor of my previous client. Haha! But, i'll be working on a different platform this time. And i am learning so much as this client is so generous to provide trainings. My doubts were rights. I didnt get a promotion. There were many nights, even days i spent on crying. Well, maybe things gets really unfair sometimes. But we just have no choice but to move on and hope for the best next time. "New friends. New strangers" I dont really get along to strangers easily. I find it really tough to befriend with my new workmates. In the first days, i was trying to be independent by taking lunch alone and spending more me time than usual. But i just realized that you really need a friend wherever you go. So I tried to exert more efforts on learning new things about the people around me. And so far, i think i am learning so much from their stories. I find it very cool to have a glimpse of a different universe through other peoples perspective. "New year is coming" Brace yourselves with your new promises because new year is coming! I was thinking if i should write down new years resolution. Like, the things i'd like to change to my self. But I no longer have hopes in the power of new years eve. "Where to go?" My boyfriend just told me "dapat magpakasal na tayo". The moment he says that, it never leaves my mind. he hadnt made any proposals at all. And the fact that we are still young, he knew he shouldnt do it. But not that I dont want to marry him. I really like the idea of marriage specially if it will be with him. But I dont think we are ready for that. He is very matured at his age and responsible compared to me. I still hadnt organized my shits together. I mean, im still a mess. Im not ready to build a new family as there are still a lot to fix with my "family"(mother,father,siblings). Yeah, im still a mess. Years have already passed. And i feel like i just wasted most of it. Im not ready for anything!

[pamputt07]

I wonder how much love a heart can take. How many more heartaches. Betrayal. Lies. I wonder what will happen when it meets its threshold.

[pamputt07]

What's for dinner?

[pamputt07]

It's okay to stop, sit down and rest for a while. You can't just walk around looking for that "something" you can't even define. At some point you'll get tired but you shouldn't give up.

[pamputt07]

Hello tumblr world!

It's been a while. Well bumabalik lang talaga ako kapag depress ako. I think i need to change the title into something related to the word "depress". Hmm🤔 Anyway.. Today is different. So much feelings were exerted. And it is something i hate to remember someday. So i just need to let it all out as my boyfriend is already asleep. And i dont think my "friends" will listen to my drama either.. So i'll just have to deal with my personal issues alone. "White lies" I felt guilty because i pretended to be sick today to get the privilege of being absent with pay. I need the money and a time off. So thats the plan i came up with. My pamangkin is sick today. She's in the hospital. And i am super worried. I just need to see her to make sure she's fine. Well, she's not yet fine but seeing her smile and dance and her kakulitan gives me an assurance that she will be fine. "Family conflict" When i got home. The big 3s are here. I am talking about my tita, papa, and tito. The thing is that so much had happened in the past. They had a fight before. I think they are trying to reconcile and fix their relationship as siblings. But i dont know why. Their personalities just won't match. When they are having conversation, it always turns out to sigawan and sisihan moment. As in ALWAYS. They are planning to reconstruct our home. And I don't know how they get to a point where they were bringing up what had happened before. Now, all of them were emotionally hurt. And i felt trapped. Yung feeling na all you can do is look at them and frown. Im thinking, What are you guys doing?? Is it the side effects of being an adult. If so, kill me right now as i dont want to get there. Hopeless na akong magkakayos pa sila. Hopeless na akong mabubuo pa yung pamilyang ito. Magkakasama man kayo pero pakiramdam mo mas okay nang magkakalayo na lang. Atleast, walang gulo. Mas pipiliin mo pang mamiss sila. Kesa andito nga pero nagkakasakitan naman. Minsan mas okay na rin yung LDR 👌👌 So much tears will be secretly shed tonight. That's a sure thing. It breaks my heart to sleep in here. This is worse than being a homeless. "Career" I missed the career counseling today. I no longer have a project. So less chance on getting a promotion this year. I dont know what will happen to me now. I just felt lost as i still cant figure out what i really want to do with my life. I am 22. This might be that thing. Midlife crisis, I guess. I cant focus on the negative side. But today is just one of my worst day. This is definitely not my whole life. This will pass and someday I'm going to look back on what had happened today. Then ill smile. Because i already knew the reasons why i have to experience this day.

[pamputt07]

Everytime im seeing a napkin commercial, napapaisip ako n bakit ka magsusuot ng puti kung first day of period mo? Then it happened to me.. For no reason, suot ko na sya at nakalabas n ko ng bahay tsaka ko lang narealize na. SHIT! I’m wearing a white pants!! I freaked out the whole day. And i cant even do anything. Like, I don’t want to make any movements at all.. Yung feeling na, its gonna blow up anytime and everyone’s gonna see it!! Biggest mistake ever!!

[pamputt07]

Run away. Escape your old dreams,

[pamputt07]

Imperfections.

[pamputt07]

🎵🎵🎵only Binay only binay.. Sino pa ba? Only Binay 🎵🎵 Sa lahat naman ng kanta na maLSS akong eto pa talaga eh!!

[pamputt07]

Tea with chia seeds Looks disgusting Isipin mo na lang healthy yan!

[pamputt07]

Paano ko ba sasabihing mahal na kita. Yung hindi ako masasaktan Hindi mo kailangan magpanggap Mag alinlangan Matakot Magtaka Magduda Malungkot Manghinayang Sana wala kang ibang isipin, Sana wala kang maramdamang iba Biglaan mo na lang masabing "Mahal din kita"