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Our Unwritten Seoul is a story about women – young, middle aged and elderly – helping one another, finding their footing on shaky ground, and having the courage to be themselves without apology. The narrative is so rich that a lot of the storylines were elevated. Sangwol for example could've just been a grouchy old lady that Miji draws out of her shell, but instead her own background mirrored the main plot. Even the supporting characters had so much thought and care put into their stories. It never felt manipulative at all, the emotions were justly earned. We got to see elderly people treated with so much deference as they dispensed wisdom and loved their grandchildren unconditionally, never letting them feel like failures. We also got to see thoughtful and well rounded portrayals of disability and the people who have them. The writing and performances by the cast worked in tandem to breathe life into this wholly unexpected and profound drama.

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i don’t think i’m ever going to be happy. i’ve been sad all my life wanting to go away to college and then i finally do and i’m still sad. then i come home for summer and i’m still sad at home. i just can’t be content with my life.

i can be happy but at the end of the day when i think about my life its like damn, i wish i was someone else.

truly i don’t think i’ll ever be happy being me. i’ll always want to be someone else and never able to find the point and purpose of my own life.

maybe i was only put on this earth so i could kill myself

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i now have a boyfriend! YAY!!!

going to have to delete tumblr for a bit tho bc he keeps not going through my phone but he knows my password and would def be curious as to what i have on here. and since i only complain about things and subsequently spilled all our business here AND have to worry about him finding my twitter. i think we’ll cut out losses and say bye bye to tumblr for now. until we meet again 🫶

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UPDATE: we kissed 🤭

it was a little more awkward than i imagine, but i think after continually doing it we’ll obviously get better at it hehehe 😝😝

i just know it would be the best feeling in the world to kiss him. he has such nice lips tbh. like i can just imagine kissing him and smiling into the kiss and feeling the roughness of his beard on my face. the bumping of noses… likeeee just the simplest parts of kissing i know would feel so good with him.

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i weirdly got the vibe that he doesn’t like me. like idk i think it feels so forced sometimes and like he truly just acts so casual. like i genuinely cant tell sometimes. he is too nonchalant for me tbh. although he does always say “we” and invites me to do things with him talking about things he’s going to force me to do with him activity wise. and like we have mostly the same humor i think but also he has like an annoyed humor. and sometimes ill say something trying to be funny and he just wont respond so its like ok he doesn’t think i’m funny sometimes. AND i say stupid shut sometimes and like he called me bitch, which i think was playful. but he said it so like annoyed that idk i couldn’t tell. like i’m pretty sure he was just responding to my joke in his nonchalant joke kind of way but what if i truly annoyed him. but i also knew exactly how he would respond to that AND MAYBE him calling me a bitch was him just adding to that playfulness bc tbh he does cuss a lot generally.

UGH. but i wore his jacket and lowkey that was such an awkward interaction. like it was nice and he was so completely normal about it but fucking GBL forced it sooo much. AND she basically forced him to walk me to my dorm, which he did but he left me awkwardly and like idk that made it seem like he didn’t want to.

i think he knows i like him. and i really didn’t want him to bc idk if he likes me and i don’t think he does. especially not today. like GBL forced it so much i swear. i don’t want it to turn in the whole SDN thing and i’m here with an unrequited crush on him which subsequently ruins the friendship. i actually need to have a convo with GBL and LOK bc i don’t want them to ruin my chances, if any, with him. and tbh if he doesn’t end up liking me and NOTHING evolves of our friendship i truly will be ok. i can’t handle rejection but i can totally handle not knowing and moving on and i would sooo prefer to have that happen. bc i genuinely like him as a person and would love to continue to have him as a friend regardless so if my having an unrequited crush ruins that then i don’t want him to know.

genuinely idk if anything will happen with him. sometimes it feels like maybe and other times it doesn’t. so idk. all i know is that i want to remain friends with him regardless, so i don’t want him to know.

thank you and goodnight

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didn’t get to debrief it yesterday, but basically MDS was telling SCT that i was bitchy, rude, and racist. and SCT and crush confirmed that SDN has a crush on crush too. so that’s great! which i think that’s exactly why they were talking shit about me bc crush keeps bringing me around and i’m awkwardly tagging along like his new gf or something. that analogy i had made before is exactly how i’m guessing they saw me too. and tbf if i was in SDN shoes i would absolutely be jealous too. but like i TRIED to talk to them and i thought it going well enough. it’s not like i was rude and ignoring them. and any time i talked to crush more it’s bc IM HIS FRIEND. ugh pissed me off so much. might copy and paste everything i said to becca about it just bc i explained everything, although you already know my past with crush so i won’t go over that again. but yeah. highlight tho is that crush was very defensive of me and called MDS out on her shit talking immediately. so like yassss a man willing to defend me 😝😝 and when asked if he liked me he said “idk” which ISNT A NO. it’s not a yes. BUT ITS NOT A NO! so we maybe have a chance!

anyways toodaloo! we’ll see if he talks to me today after i rejected his offer to drive yesterday 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

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shit went down today… that’s all i say before i debrief it for the second to last time.

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radio silence from him all day today…

tbf i didn’t reach out to him when i totally could’ve, but if he had been busy that would’ve been soooo embarrassing. i’m also not one to reach out first at ALL especially not when we’re first getting to know each other. like i am too scared to inconvenience someone and be rejected that i will absolutely wait for someone to reach out to me instead.

oh well. we’ll see how he treats me in class tomorrow 😝😝

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when i told my irl i went walking at like 12am and had to skip over the detail that i went by myself with 3 guys, 2 of which i’ve only known for like 3 days and the other for about 2 weeks… girly would’ve scolded me i can tell you that much

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honestly i feel like SDN does like crush, and if she does well then i hope she feels threatened by me. crush keeps bringing me around the friend group and i lowkey feel like the stereotypical new gf that a guy friend introduces into his friend group for the first time and is trying to integrate her in bc he loves her. yknow what i mean? like hes always including me bc to everyone else i’m a bystander who they don’t know that well.

ofc that’s not the case, i’m just his girl friend who he is trying to get involved in with his friend group. and he keeps saying i’m the new addition to the friend group so it seems like he’s permanently trying to get me in vs this being a nice gesture for 2-3 days. which that makes me feel better. like he has to enjoy my company to some extent to keep inviting me out with them at least.

anyways that’s my current thought process.

hoping he invites me to dinner with his friends again today 🤞🤞 but we’ll see

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ok so update!

driving went well! we had good conversation and being 1 on 1 with him isn’t weird. he’s very good at talking and being social. i’m not. BUT i drove on the road for the first time !!! it was dead but still i drove from walmart back to school.

when we got back to school he invited me to the game room with his friends, so i went and i met DSN, his other friend who is an RA. he was actually really nice and very respectful i liked him a lot. and i played ping pong against him which was fun. then after we finished there, this is where i became an idiot. i’m WAY too concerned with trying to impress and get to know crush that i completely disregarded my safety. not in a CRAZY way but it easily could’ve gotten bad if they were horrible people.

so basically MDS was there with us in the game room, and when we left crush was like “hey yall wanna go for a walk downtown?” and he invited me personally asking if i wanted to join so ofc i said yes bc i’m literally just agreeing to anything he says atp. MDS went back to our dorm and i honestly should’ve gone with her. i was doing soooo good with crush and i talked and seemed funny (?) with him when driving ISH. anyways i went with 3 fucking random guys that i’ve barely known for 2 weeks downtown on a walk from 1-2:30am. like it’s fucking dead at night no one is around, we went to the fucking canal and idek know my way around here either so if anything had happened i’d been fucked. THANKFULLY crush, JTC, and DSN are fucking nice people and didn’t try to fucking rape me or anything. like it actually could’ve been so bad if they were horrible guys. but i guess now i know they’re not, so that’s good. like they easily could’ve overpowered me at any point and i wouldn’t have been able to stop any of them. but yeah. in hindsight i should’ve went back to my dorm after the game room. and I WAS SO FUCKING LAME. socializing doesn’t come easy to me so for most of the time i was just walking behind them quietly like a fucking creep. like i probably just seemed like a fucking weirdo. like gosh forbid i go with them again, i hope to be talkative and funny next time. BUT tbf i don’t know any of them that well to just hop in conversation with them. and they were talking about things that i know nothing about so it’s not like i could’ve just jumped in at any moment with something to say either.

but yeah i just got back to my dorm. it was nice observing them i will say. its funny bc they made soooo many sexual jokes but only towards themselves. like its funny bc they have enough decency to only sexualize the guys in the group and i really like that. it shows they know when and how to joke. but yeah. overall it was a pretty good night. obviously had i done this again i would’ve just gone to my dorm after the game room, but i think it was very insightful going with them. it definitely showed me their characters each individually.

AND NEW DEVELOPMENT:

crush might not be crush anymore ☹️ just because idk. i think i fucked my chances and also seen too much of him. he seems to care about me but only platonically. which that’s nice still. if anything i’ll be happy i get a trustworthy guy friend out of this, and MAYBE a bigger friend group or at least know more people here. would LOVE to get a bf but idk that crush would be that guy. we’ll see. i won’t revoke his status just yet, we’ll give it maybe 2 more weeks. see how he is towards me in class now that we’re friends and see each other so much over break. AND also see how much he still invites me to dinner and with his friends. so yeah. not going to completely disregard the way i think i feel about him. we’ll let time take over and do its thing.

NOW GOODNIGHT I AM POOPED

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crush is taking me out driving tonight at like 10pm 🤭🤭 very excited and nervous for the driving part. BUT we’ll be 1 on 1 so if we have any chemistry this is where it’ll be tested. i soooo hope we do and that he flirts with me but we’ll see. idek that much about flirting either, so like will i pick up on his flirting if he does ??? or will i think he’s flirting when he actually isn’t ?? and will i be able to flirt back successfully ???

idkkkkk, so anxious but i trust him so i’m not worried about being alone with a guy in a state i’ve only lived in for like 2 months. i know he’s nice and he has a lot of female friends so that’s a good sign.

just anxious about the driving part tbh, and seeing if we have chemistry and if he likes me 😬😬😬 hopefully it’ll be fun regardless though 😽

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ugh what if he’s dreading taking me to drive all the while i’m nervously excited for it 😭😭 worst case scenario OMG

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ok but apparently we are close enough for him to invite me with his friends 🤭🤭

literally all i want to do is hang out with him. like please text me and be like “hey you doing anything?” PLEASE i just want to talk to you again i’m BEGGING 😖

wish we were close enough where he’d invite me to dinner and or with his friends to just hang out. i SWEAR i can be funny and get along with them. pleaseeeee

and SYD loves me already! please please please invite me over so i can talk to you and see you ahhhhhh

especially when my roommate brought her bf over for the weekend and is basically shoving the fact that i’m a loner in my face! please please please

ugh the only thing i hope is that he doesn’t have a gf. like i GENUINELY feel like something could MAYBE happen between us. we’re friends and i have him for classes, it’s the perfect set up. the only thing that would mess this is if HE had a gf or a crush. then i’m fuck out of luck. so HOPING he doesn’t or i will probably tweak out and die.

he took a call the other day and got up and excused himself from the table and like it worries me that it was his gf. praying it was a sibling or his dad or something. and we were debriefing my friends brother’s situation, and he first said “if my girl got pregnant…” BUT then switched his words to “if i got a girl pregnant…” so like he said A girl not MY girl the second time. so praying that means he doesn’t have a gf ????

idk all i know is that if he has a gf i will genuinely be so crushed and probably have to kms

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ok update: i hung out with crush and his friends today!

i had been hoping to run into him and well i needed to be out of the dorm bc my roommate had her bf over and was trying to fuck him i guess. like i literally left to go brush my teeth for 5 minutes and i come back to the room and they’re passionately kissing on her bed… like girl please. i was planning on leaving and giving her the dorm to herself to do just that, but like WAIT until i’m gone PLEASE! i’m begging

anyways bc of that i was sitting in the student center trying to do my work when all of a sudden HE comes up to me and firstly scares the fuck out of me bc i wasn’t expecting to see him or for him to walk all the way up to me. but anyways he was asking what i was doing and whatnot and told me to just chatgpt what i was working on lol. then i tried to hurry up so i could go get dinner at the same time as him so we could hopefully sit and talk but by the time i was packing up he was leaving and he didn’t even acknowledge me then so very sad 😖

anyways i was still scared to head back to my dorm after dinner bc i didn’t know if roommates bf was staying again or what they were going to be doing so i just stayed in the student center, but in a different spot. anyways i was sitting there ordering a present for my niece for her bday and then crush passes by again and said “hey we’re all gonna be in the game room if you want to join” and so i said “oh ok maybe i will” and then maybe like idk 15 minutes later i was going to join but then becca called me and i talked to her for a good 20 minutes. and then i went to go join them and i was sooo nervous bc like what if he didn’t really mean it yknow ??? anyways i joined them in playing uno for a bit AND get this when i got there he gave me his chair and pulled up another seat for himself (he’s so nice). but yea we played uno and then one of his friends and her mom left so it was just him, me, this girl we’ll call MDS and this guy JTC. they’re both his friends. anyways we played this game called dirty mind and it was soooo fun! i really liked that game. anyways then the game room closed and he invited me to go with them to the girl who left with her mom SDN.

so ofc i said yes bc i had nothing better to do and was actively trying to avoid going back to the dorm. plus i had been dying to interact with him since thursday. so we all went to his dorm’s common room and waited for SDN and her mom to get back from dinner. and while there we played that balloon game where you don’t let it hit the ground. and he showed us some of his esports highlights (still adjusting to the fact esports is real and IF i dated him i couldn’t disregard or make fun of it in my head yknow) but yea he showed us that and we just chilled there until SDN and her mom got back and then we went over to her dorm’s common room.

once we got there it was me, crush, SDN, MDS, and JTC and we played cards against humanity. i forgot who won but it was between JTC and crush. and i got to know his friend group a lot which was very interesting in and of itself. and then afterwards we played truth or dare. it was all very fun. i liked his friends, they were a bit much at times, and crush and JTC like to get physical sometimes which is lowkey and ick but i’m TRYING to test out the waters of this whole crush thing seeing as this is the first time ive genuinely known the guy i’m crushing on. so yea we’re not gonna be icked out by this guy until i truly know him. but yeah it was much fun, FOUND OUT SOMETHING TOWARDS THE END BUT i’m CONFUSED.

so before i debrief my thoughts on crush let me debrief THAT. so as we were leaving, obvi its SDN’s dorm so she just went to her room, and then crush had to go put up some toilet paper so it was just me, JTC, and MDS walking back to my dorm (me and MDN are in the same dorm). so MDN starts talking to JTC, talking about some girls gc between SDN, MDS, and SCT (this other girl from my dorm who is in my bible study). and she’s like JTC do you want to see what we were talking about and he saw something he wasn’t supposed to see but the basis of this info is that JTC and SCT like each other and have maybe something going on ??? idk but the part that I CARE ABOUT is that i THINK SDN likes crush too… and if she does i’m soooo fucked.

like of fucking course some girl in his friend group is going to like him. and i thought that she did MAYBE but i wasn’t exactly too sure. and i’m still not bc JTC and MDS obviously already know about this so they weren’t saying everything aloud and they were sharing messages so like idk exactly what was going on but IF i understood correctly then SDN likes crush and he’s been playing with her feelings ?? or playing games rather ?? idk i couldn’t tell if that was about crush or JTC and SCT situation, but they kept looking back to make sure he wasn’t there so like i think it was about crush. and like idk if there is anything actually going on or SDN is like me and it’s all in her head unreciprocated yknow??? IDK

and i actually kinda really enjoyed his friends and would love to join them if i could get completely comfortable with them. and crush asked me what i usually do and when i basically told him i’m a loser he said he’ll invite me and stuff. so we’ll see about that. but like IF SDN likes crush then i don’t want to be their friends yknow? i’m bad at competing for guys, so like if she likes him and we’re friends i don’t want to interfere (i say this but am also notorious for having crushes on my friends’ crush) BUT anyways. like if i wasn’t her friend then it’d be sooo much easier to disregard her feelings. AND i wouldn’t have to feel guilty. like if we’re ever in a gc together (talking down the lines of becoming friends with them) and she starts talking about how much she likes him i can’t just sit there and encourage it bc at the end of the day i like him and want to date him yknow? i wouldnt feel good lying about wanting her to try with him and then turn back around and flirt with him. i would seem so two faced when in actuality i’m trying to get in the friend group to get with him. so that’s a bit of a dilemma if i become GOOD friends with them all.

but yeah so that’s a bit of a setback ish. especially bc i really like SDN. but then like towards the end of the night SDN and MDS were talking in baby voices and being really gushy (which i absolutely hate and it fucking cringed me out. and crush gave me a look so i think it did him too). but yea so that’ll suck bc she’s my other gateway into their group and crush.

TO DEBRIEF CRUSH: AHHHHHHHHHHH

can’t believe he approached me in the student center the first time 😝😝 like he completely didn’t have to but we’re like friends so yknowwww. AND to top that off he invited me to the game room to hang out with them!!! he loves me lowkey. AND he gave me his seat and got another for himself so likeeee. and i’m so happy i got to sit next to him. he is sooo nice like no joke. and he totally does have crude humor but that’s chill. but like it’s insane how outgoing and welcoming he is. like he truly is just a guy that will put himself out of his way to be nice and include others. and it’s soooo nice but also it makes me obvi rethink all our interactions bc now i know he’s just genuinely nice and NOT flirting or reciprocating. and it doesn’t help that i’m also naturally nice and welcoming so he doesn’t even know that i’m lowkey flirting (i’m not even i’m literally just being nice and a decent person bc i don’t actually know how to flirt). but yea and then when we were at SDN’s dorm common room i sat next to him again WHICH i wasn’t planning on bc i didn’t want it to seem like i liked him bc i kept sitting next to him vs the girls, but MDS literally told me to sit over there so like 🤷‍♀️ (it’s bc SDN’s mom was supposed to join but then she didn’t). but yea so i sat next to him while we played the games. and it was nice. but then he and JTC kept play fighting and almost hit me so i went to sit next to MDS and SDN after they accidentally made each other bleed. but yeah he still kind of went out of his way to include me (he was probably just being nice especially since HE brought me to the group and i’m HIS friend). AND when he got a dare to walk on his knees he then immediately dared me to do it with him, and then had me in close proximity to him standing with him on a pillow. ahhh but yes i really like him. he’s honestly soooo good looking, funny, and nice. and like i said he has a bit of crude humor but what can you expect from a 21 year old college guy right ??? anyways he confirmed with me and said we can practice my driving either monday or tuesday so very excited for that! kind of nervous bc i’m an anxious driver.

but hopefully having 1 on 1 time will be good and help us get closer and MAYBE he’ll realize he likes me ??? like idk i guess he could’ve offered to teach anyone to drive and i’m sure he would’ve bc that’s just the kind of guy he is. but idk we’ll see.

i just had a nice day hanging out with him and getting to know him and his friends. i so so so hope that we can become something but honestly i’m struggling with figuring out what his type is and if he would even like me.

lowkey debating on telling gabby and lola to see if they could firgure out his type, but seeing as i’m closer to him than they are it seems pointless bc id most likely be able to figure it out for myself first before they do

BUT YEAH anyways that the end . thanks 😝😝

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i just want to be loved romantically.

is that too much to ask?

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ugh would love to just be able to text him and ask him questions, but he probably doesn’t even view our friendship the same way. like we’re not even that close, but close enough for him to celebrate my birthday with me apparently 😝 but yea like if i texted him asking him about something, there is a high likelihood that he wouldn’t even respond, or would just be super dry bc he doesn’t care.

and the fact he’s probably just soooo normal about this. like he def ain’t thinking about me and it’s KILLS me bc here i am pining and trying to actively seek him out at dinner and such and he is probably just going on like normal and playing his video games. LIKE ARGH I NEED HIM TO BE AS EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN THIS AS I AM OMG AND HE ISNTTTTTT 😖😖😖😖😖