paranoid-in-neverland

[paranoid-in-neverland]

Y sí :/

[paranoid-in-neverland]

I really dont think they know jst how badly i want to die

[paranoid-in-neverland]

I hate my body.

[paranoid-in-neverland]

If i unalive myself now, i wont have to do those family pictures.

[paranoid-in-neverland]

clothes are my memories…

[paranoid-in-neverland]

i live in a loveless home.

[paranoid-in-neverland]

[paranoid-in-neverland]

[paranoid-in-neverland]

maybe in another universe, my feelings are validated

[paranoid-in-neverland]

I'm suffocating and no one is noticing.

[paranoid-in-neverland]

It was hard to watch that video. The video of my aunt who had left this earth far too soon. But I needed to see it. I had to remember why I fought so hard all these years against my own suicidal thoughts. I don’t want to leave my nieces with the same pain I was left with.

I know it’s selfish of me to even say “the pain I was left with”. Making it about me. I know she must’ve been in so much pain and loneliness to do what she did. But it still hurts. It hurts so bad. It hurts wondering if there was anything I could have done. It pains me thinking how alone she must have felt. I know, because I’ve felt that loneliness. To the point where I say “they’ll be fine. they’ll move on and get over it”. But I know they won’t. All these years later and I haven’t been able to move on myself. I still cry thinking about her. I still miss her and will always miss her.

I just wish I could’ve told her one more time that I loved her. I wish I could’ve given her one more hug. Maybe then she would still be around to take me skydiving or for a ride on the back of her black motorcycle…

[paranoid-in-neverland]

[paranoid-in-neverland]

Being a suicidal empath is so hard. Like “please I dont want to be here anymore!” buy also like “but what abt the ones i leave behind?”

[paranoid-in-neverland]

HE LOVES ME

he loved me…

[paranoid-in-neverland]

am I that unfuckable?

060724

[paranoid-in-neverland]

he makes me feel so unwanted

060724

[paranoid-in-neverland]

I think the only thing keeping me alive at this point is the thought of being buried as a fat ass and everyone seeing my double chin.

cant even kms. yet.