pastafagoli

[pastafagoli]

nyo gerita to me is like that one repressed christian girl in your class with terminal undiagnosed autism x the popular girl who everyone lowkey hates but has to recognize the swag of regardless. then of course germany is the first person to ever see italy for who she really is, to tell her to fuck off while everyone else kisses her ass, and she's obsessed from then on...

[pastafagoli]

i feel like ivan would tell alfred he's bustin it down sexual style and goated with the sauce and alfred would be like "HUH WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IM NOT A GOAT!!!"

[pastafagoli]

roderich is such a silly little guy. i bet he keeps his wardrobe in perfect order by color and size, and freaks out whenever gilbert sneaks in and messes with it (which happens very often). i bet he exclusively plays like 2-3 songs on piano just because he likes the consistency, meanwhile gilbert just sits there and bangs his head on the keys until roderich has enough and shoos him out. they're like an old married couple always fighting to the death <3

[pastafagoli]

i kinda wanna write a gerita fic that's like the reverse of auf wiedersehen sweetheart, like with ludwig as a german anti-fascist and feli as a mussolini dickrider. idk how exactly it would work though the only thing i could think of is setting it in spain and they're volunteering on opposite sides during the civil war 🤔🤔

[pastafagoli]

the thing about hetalia is that uggghhhh its so BAD like i get why i was into it when i was 11 but why do i still care about it why is it on my mind 24/7 I DONT GET ITTTTTT

it sucks so bad i cant even bring myself to watch it sober i have to be high or drunk or both to engage with actual canon hetalia and yet still im on here with a hetalia blog writing fic and shit WHYYYY

[pastafagoli]

i finished auf wiedersehen sweetheart auuusgdhsgdhsghfdgfdgsfjkhdaklfhsdgksdfgklsdj

im really glad feli and ludwig got a happy ending, and aughh the reunion with alfred was so fucking good. feli was such an interesting lead. i kept getting kinda frustrated with him for how he seemed to care more about ludwig than the resistance, and how afraid he was of confronting who exactly ludwig was beyond just cool handsome german guy. now that ive finished it though i get it, feli is an unreliable narrator and not an entirely perfect person, and thats what makes him interesting! he and ludwig mirror each other in that both were just pulled into the war by obligation and don't really want much in life until they meet each other. feli is a flawed character, he's a part of the resistance but in the same way ludwig is a part of the german army, they both just sorta go along with what others tell them until they meet each other. the resistance is all people who are specifically defying the fact that italy is in the axis to fight, but that doesn't mean every single member is 100% committed ideologically or willing to give their entire lives to the cause. similarly lots of people in the german army were like ludwig in that they joined just out of patriotism or whatever and looked idly by as they engaged in so many horrible atrocities. ultimately when it comes to war it doesn't matter whether you yourself are a good person, there were plenty of really horrible people who served in the armies of the allies after all. ludwig was certainly better than 99% of german soldiers who went home after the war and continued to believe they had done the right thing even after they lost. he actually said no im going to think for myself and do whats right even if it gets the gestapo on my ass, and that's definitely admirable. even at the end feli is still naive and ignorant and doesn't want to think about the war, and it feels so realistic because yeah at the heart he's not a perfect guy and doesn't like to think about stuff that makes him unhappy, and often in the story people around him suffer because of that. my favorite line in the entire fic is "war is nothing but hate. it makes men animals. but love keeps us human" because like yeah!!!! feli and ludwig are both so human, flaws and all, and they remind us all that we have to stay ourselves no matter what our country or government says. maybe that means forgetting about ideology and alliances and just loving each other even when it gets us killed. for every committed member in the army there are a hundred felis and ludwigs and that's why war is so horrible. it turns people into cogs into a machine of death even when they try to fight against it and stay human. it traumatizes even those on the winning side who take home the spoils, so we just have to follow our hearts and love each other. that's the message i got from this fic at least.

there's also plenty i could critique, like it's kind of doing the clean wehrmacht myth, though with the luftwaffe in this case. although the fic pushes the worst of the nazis onto the SS i don't think it's falling full throttle into that myth considering ludwig's big moment is him realizing he can't be in the same army as them and committing treason. the luftwaffe did plenty of war crimes though, and the idea that any one part of the army bears less responsibility for what germany did is still a form of apologia. i think the fic was just afraid to show ludwig being too evil, but i really think it could have benefited from actually showing him at war and the things he was doing, rather than just hearing secondhand how good of a pilot he was and stuff. even just like him talking to a few of his fellow pilots and hearing them describe with pride participating in the blitz or the siege of leningrad and that being part of his decision to do treason.

all that said i think calling this fic problematic or whatever is silly especially considering the author left the fandom years ago. it is after all yaoi slashfic of fucking hetalia of all things and not serious historical fiction. i would be more critical if it was the latter but i cannot deny it is fucking incredible as a romance and one of the best fics ive ever read. its certainly a much more nuanced and interesting portrayal of ww2 than hetalia itself which is just lol lmao even. sure its got problems but i think it has heart and the right overall message and thats what matters. actually i take all of it back the only flaw was that ludwig topped he should have gotten those cheeks clapped #ItaGer4Lyfe

jokes aside that was really fucking good god DAMN. god i fucking love gerita.

[pastafagoli]

at the function fujoing out autism style

[pastafagoli]

itager..... bottom germany.... ouuugh gets so hard i pass ou

[pastafagoli]

joe: oh donald, im gay and i need a big alpha

donald: mmm thats right bbgurl 😈

they reach over to kiss but just then jill biden walks in, horrified

joe: HONEY, I SWEAR IT'S NOT WAHT IT LOOKS LIKEEE 🥺

jill: *shakes head* no its okay sweetie... i always knew this day would come

she pulls out a maid outfit and gives it to donald

donald: jill? what's this!?!?! 😱

jill: the truth is i've always known my husband was a sissy and a cuck. i know you can satisfy him better than i can... 😔

she also gives donald her wedding ring and then leaves

donald: WOAH MAMA!!! 🥵💦

joe: oh gosh... gee whilikers...

donald puts him in the maid outfit and then they get omegaverse married and joe has lots of babies the end. this is the true MAGA agenda - Make America Gay Again 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[pastafagoli]

reading auf wiedersehen sweetheart rn... fuck you guys were right this is some pure distilled yaoi cocaine

[pastafagoli]

hmmm if rome is italy's grandpa then who is his dad? i guess probably savoy or piedmont, since that's where the royal family that unified italy is from. but then if south italy is his brother that doesn't make any sense, so then it would instead be some kind of personification of the lombard kingdom, or the ostrogoths, or maybe the byzantines? much to consider...

[pastafagoli]

amecan (or ig technically caname?) fic courtesy of yours truly. featuring a burning white house and the inherent sexual tension of invading your neighbor.

[pastafagoli]

everyone's always writing thinkpieces about yaoi and fujoshi culture and why it's homophobic or w/e and to me this phenomenon just comes from a lack of appreciation of things that are bad. im based and have good taste and love stuff that sucks. get well soon ig

[pastafagoli]

AGTOW - alphas going their own way

im a proud alpha rights activist. the world is biased against us. omegas are always expecting us to take care of them during heats, and don't even consider how hard it is for us... this is why we should just take care of our ruts with our fellow alphas #AGTOW

[pastafagoli]

"rpf is fine" - vladimir lenin

[pastafagoli]

switzerland probably spends most of his days sitting alone in his room gooning to tax documents

[pastafagoli]

italy is a very funny character. he was such an f slur that everyone thought he was a girl until his voice dropped. he flirts with every girl he sees but can't pull for shit, his only successful rizzing is germany the guy who's always telling him to fuck off. despite that though germany is clearly freakishly obsessed with him and is just being tsundere. germany is obviously a raging homosexual while italy is a straight man of transfeminine experience who fucks other men sometimes.