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me: *scares myself to the point where I can’t even function because of the anxiety I have created over a situation*

the situation: *works out fine*

me: oh

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squad is over we’re cults now

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Those old “Oh Chuck Norris is so strong he could beat up anyone.” memes from like 2007 are so fucking dumb. Like, I could name off at least 20 or so people that could kick his ass, for example;

Gandalf the Gray

Gandalf the White

Monty Python and the Holy Grail’s Black Night

Benito Mussolini

Blue Meanie

Cowboy Curtis

Jambi the Genie

Robocop

The Terminator

Captain Kirk

Darth Vader

Lo-Pan

Superman

Every single Power Ranger

Bill S Preston

Theodore Logan

Spock

The Rock

Doc Oc

Hulk Hogan

I can’t think of anymore but please feel free to add on

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no cops at pride just sasuke with his sword

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*comes across a slight inconvenience* me: you know what would solve this ????? death

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Describe yourself in 3 words

need to pee

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Me irl: No one can EVER know this secret Me to 8k strangers online: You guys will never believe this

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anyone else ever get that urge to delete your blog and stop talking to your friends and family and throw your phone and computer away and just disappear until ppl eventually forget you exist and you can finally be At Peace

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the moon controlling the tides sounds like something out of a fantasy novel and yet…there she is…doing That…every day…

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me: i’m going to clean my room! i’m going to take a shower! i will wake up early and take care of myself! brain: u know whats fun? rotting.

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GOD HAS FINALLY COME TO SMITE THE DEVIL

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