pbjbits

[pbjbits]

chapter one: the silence between words

Anouk moved through life like someone who’d read the manual but decided to fold the pages differently. she noticed how people did things out of habit like laughing when they didn’t find it funny, or asking questions just to seem nice.. she noticed. she always noticed. but she rarely said anything.

she never liked small talks, because pretending to care always felt more exhausting than being alone. she didn’t smile at strangers unless they gave her a reason too. she didn’t ask questions she didn’t care about.

conversations bored her when they didn’t go anywhere. she wasn’t the type to nod along while secretly wishing she was somewhere else. she simply didn’t show up in the first place.

she liked places that let her breathe; quiet cafés, small pretty alleys, and the kind of air that only comes after rain. she collected moments like they were data points. every look, every pause, every word not said, filed away for later, for writing, for remembering.

and then there were the people.

love, to her, wasn’t something romanticized. it was a calculation, a slow burn, a test of endurance. she didn’t fall easily, and when she did, she never admitted it. not even to herself.

but lately… things have started to shift. she’s been thinking about the almosts, the ones she let go, the ones she never let in, and all the versions of herself she became just to be understood.

because the truth is:

Anouk is tired of pretending she’s fine just because she’s quiet.

and maybe, just maybe, she’s ready to be heard.

[pbjbits]

bloodshed—cont. by risangdaru, 2023. spotted at Can’s Gallery.

[pbjbits]

who is Anouk?

she won’t tell you outright. she’d rather let you figure it out, if you’re patient enough.

Anouk is the kind of girl who sees more than she says. the kind who stays quiet in loud rooms, not because she’s shy, but because she’s scanning. reading the room. noting the way people move, speak, breathe.

she’s strategic, composed, brutally honest in her mind but selectively spoken. sometimes she’ll tell you exactly what’s on her mind, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. other times, she’ll keep it to herself, just offering a polite smile and saying nothing at all.

Anouk loves plans. not because she’s obsessed with control, but because the world feels less overwhelming when it’s mapped out.

she’s drawn to people who feel like fiction, those with depth, contradictions, and edges. and she knows what she wants. in love, in work, in friendship. she’s not cold, just filtered. not rude, just not performative.

she’s lived through mismatched friendships and almost-relationships that never quite fit, and now she’s archiving it all. not in a diary, but through a character. a soft mirror of herself. a safe distance. a clean canvas.

so here she is.

Anouk.

not entirely real, but every bit honest.

[pbjbits]

first post.

hi, i’m kinda new here. (👾)

decided to make this lil tumblr space just to… feel things more slowly.

except a messy mix of photo dumps 🌀 little things that caught my eye 🔍 songs that live in my head rent-free 🧠 and thoughts i probably should’ve kept in my notes app 📁

i don’t really know what i’m doing yet but that’s kinda the fun part 🥣

call it a soft launch for Peanut Butter & Jelly 🐜 brainwaves

anw …

it’s called PB&J ‘cause that’s kinda how my brain works.

some days i’m peanut butter 🥜: stuck, dense, overthinking everything.

other days i’m jelly 🫙: soft, all over the place, feeling too much for no reason.

put them together?

still a mess, but at least it’s a classic.