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Reported Bigfoot Sightings

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this is the most powerful image on the internet.. reblog to join the circle

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Aww so cue!

Source:  oligarchy

Visit my FB!

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My wife and I were cooking dinner together and when we sat down to eat she said, “You know what I like about you?” and so I obviously asked her what and she was like “With you, every night feels like Friday,” and it was so fucking cute. Why is she so nice to me.

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ok here we go pet peeve no. 45678: when girls are made fun of for behaviour that has literally been drilled into them by society. let’s go through some of these.

haha girls are all like “don’t look at me without makeup on!!!!”: maybe because we are taught from a very young age that we’re ugly without makeup. if we don’t wear it we’re asked why we look so tired, why we didn’t make an effort today, why we seem slobbish. as we grow older if we don’t wear makeup we’re seen as unprofessional and it can actually affect our careers but no yeah it definitely doesn’t make sense that we’re insecure about our naked faces whatever

man my gf always takes food from my plate so annoying lol #relatablecontent: probably because she’s fucking starving but it was instilled in her that cute girls eat like precious baby bunnies so she got a salad but all she fuCKING WANTS ARE FRIES. JUST GIVE HER THE FUCKING FRIES.

girls always go to the bathroom together haha lame and weird: mainly so we don’t get attacked asshole. also having a pee buddy is fun i pity you and your pee-buddy-less experience. when do your friends tell you how nice your hair is. oh that’s right they don’t because guys are the fucking worst

look at these drunk girls tottering around on high heels they look ridiculous: i will defend to the death women’s right to get just as completely shitfaced as men and don’t even ACT like it’s not practically fucking mandated that if a woman isn’t wearing high heels she isn’t dressed up. high heels LITERALLY GIVE ME BACK PROBLEMS but i have to wear them for work because if I don’t i’m not “””””professionally dressed”””””” give me a fucking break

WOMAN AND SHOPPING. OHOHOHO BOY.: yeah ok so we have to spend money you don’t on makeup products, skin products, hair removal products, pads and tampons, and on top of that we’re expected to change our clothes more often than you which means we need more of them, and also women’s clothing sizes are voodoo so every fitting session is a battle with your self confidence. AND we pay the gender tax. i fucking hate shopping. i do it because i have to, you buttnerd. and even if some women enjoy shopping im sure some men also enjoy shopping??? why must you gender??? activities??? why is this the world we live in????

girls on their periods are fucking psycho hahaha!!!: no we’re just in more or less constant pain so we have less patience to put up with your your bullshit. not to mention that a woman’s testosterone levels actually INCREASE on her period so GUESS WHO WE’RE MORE FUCKING LIKE, CHAD. GIVE A FUCKING GUESS.

lol girls spend forever in the bathroom lololol: all right first of all if we’re talking about say, a sporting event, and you’re complaining about all the women who are queueing to go to the bathroom, we have a COUPLE MORE STEPS INVOLVED THAN PEOPLE WHO CAN JUST WHIP IT OUT AND THEN TUCK IT AWAY. not to mention the fact that yeah we have to take a second to double check the paint smeared on our faces or the socially acceptable hairstyle we’re wearing. we’re not allowed have fucking buzzcuts chad. apparently having less than the requisite amount of dead protein on the top of our head makes us a target for verbal abuse on the street chad. how about ranting about the people who built the stadium or whatever who KNOW it takes women longer to go to the bathroom but normally lot the same amount of stalls to men and women?? AND IF WE’RE TALKING ABOUT PERSONAL MAINTENANCE yeah ok buddy and how long does it take you to shave your legs? you think I like spending SEVENTY TWO DAYS OUT OF MY LIFE accidentally cutting myself and pulling muscles in my thighs??? well. i dont. so that’s why i don’t do it mainly. but we probably spend the rest of the time slathering ourselves with anti-aging creams because everyone is falling over themselves to tells us that our sell-by date is 35 while George Clooney and RDJ will probably continue to play wry sexy playboys until their fucking hips fall off. go fuck yourself chad.

GOD. I CAN’T EVEN GO ON. ADD YOUR OWN IF YOU THINK OF MORE.

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“Don’t tell your mother, and we can all have ice cream.”

How to NOT dispose of your Christmas tree, courtesy of grandpa

So, since Y’all liked the last bit of family holiday insanity, I think you’ll enjoy a story from dad’s side of the family.  Also, it’s vaguely timely in that this is the time of year people start to do dumb shit with Christmas trees in order to avoid dump fees.

The year is still 1956, because Grandpa is a stickler for taking the tree down before New Year’s Eve, mostly because Grandpa is also the Monterey County Commissioner, and responsible for holding the New Year’s Office Party at his place.  You know, a responsible adult who has to make nuanced, careful policy decisions, the kind of guy that turns his taxes in before February.  

The kind of guy who decides he can burn his Christmas tree in the fireplace instead of taking it to the dump.

There is no good reason for grandpa to NOT take the tree there- Monterey is on the California Coast and has an average temperature of 50 degrees in December.  It will snow in hell before it snows in Monterey.  And this was the 50′s!  Dump fees didn’t exist yet!  It’s easy, free, and very unlikely to set your house on fire!

But no, Grandpa, an other wise sober and sensible man, decided instead to take this highly desiccated and moderately explosive tree and actually shove it up the chimney, before setting it alight.

Dad distinctly recalls his ears popping as the barometric pressure in the room dropped, as the conflagration drew air up into the chimney with enough force to take one of the curtains with it.  Grandpa is standing there in front of the fireplace like an idiot, presumably slightly deafened by the jet-engine-like ROAR coming from the fireplace.

Dad, having at least two working survival instincts, ran outside to see if spark were landing on the roof and if he needed to call 911. There were not sparks landing on the roof, becuase whatever flaming bits of tree were left were being blown into the stratosphere by the jet of flame erupting out of the chimney like the worlds biggest butane torch.  The ground shook, from the force of the tree combusting in such a confined fashion.  The earth was probably moved slightly out of orbit.

Fortunately, once the tree died down, it did not take the house with it, and they were all left with shattered nerves and a structurally unsound chimney.

“Well that was a hell of a thing.” Said grandpa, still standing in front of the fireplace.  He turned, slowly, looking moderately shell-shocked towards his sobbing daughters and Dad, who was too awed for any reasonable sense of panic.

“Don’t tell your mother, and we can all have ice cream.”

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hanukkah cats commission for @hanukcat!

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Baby-Doll Batman: The Animated Series

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fucking christ I am sobbing

“If the men find out we can shapeshift, they’re going to tell the church!“

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do introverts go to their own wedding?

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Saw this somewhere else and felt the need to post it cause no one else ever really tells you this stuff

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My skellington drawings have been used in anatomy books dont you know. 

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