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Jasper multi-tasking! https://www.instagram.com/p/By7y9brATVx/?igshid=167vsr0u11ote

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" I’m a Bad Mom"

Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re a bad mom?

I know I did, and it didn’t feel good.

Sometimes I yelled at my kids (and I was sure I was the only one). The sounds that came out of my mouth were dubbed my “scary, witchy voice” by my kids (they joke about it now).

Sometimes convenience trumped nutrition when it came to food. And my floors were always knee-deep in toys.

I’ve been stumped so many times over the years by my kids’ screaming fights – I tried refereeing or taking sides or ignoring or yelling in exasperation or … nothing ever worked.

In one of my finer moments, when my 3-year-old daughter refused to get dressed, I literally ripped her nightgown off of her body in anger and desperation. (Why didn't I just take her to the grocery store in her pajamas?)

I’ve plunked my kids in front of the TV more times than I can count.

Have you been there?

We think that everyone else has it together better than us. We can’t envision other moms f*ing up like we do.

If we’re stay-at-home moms we feel guilty because we’re not “working.” If we’re working moms, we feel guilty for not being with our children more.

We think we didn’t breastfeed long enough. Or for too long.

We worry we’re neglecting older kids (or the dog) when we have a new baby.

We’re horrified that we sometimes want to shake or smack our kids, even though we never do. Just being angry at them makes us feel bad about ourselves.

Help! What to do?

Do we need to get better as moms so we don’t feel so guilty all of the time? Do we need to do a better job of keeping our houses tidy and clean? Never yell at our children or put them in front of screens? Get our kids to eat vegetables instead of chicken nuggets?

Or do we need to learn to accept ourselves RIGHT NOW, with our messy house and screaming kids and convenience food, rather than waiting until some time in the future when we never get angry, or exhausted, or desperate?

If we wait until then to feel good about ourselves, we’re going to be waiting for a long time.

Eventually kids grow up, and they can turn out to be pretty wonderful even with a “bad mom.” Take it from me, mine are teens and they’re great people. And they think I’m a pretty amazing mom (even though they still remember my scary, witchy voice and the torn nightgown).

How can you change your thinking? What positive messages can you give yourself so you feel better about your role as a mother?

Kathy Hardy Engleman, PhD

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Are you a SAHM interested in mom-to-mom support along your mothering journey? Join my blog, Heartstrings, to find out more. Brought to you by pepperscribe.

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Kathy & Jasper https://www.instagram.com/p/BwPO-SqAaMs/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=rr20e5alssq7